Romeo and Rosaline - 12

With the wine bottle in hand, she anticipated her meeting with Juliet. She would greet the young lady who would be busy moving around since morning and subtly bring up the topic of the dream. Then Juliet would laugh and say it was unbelievable. Rosaline would marvel at her charming smile and bury the events of last night deep inside.

But these expectations were shattered by Juliet’s response.

“Oh, did we do that?”

Juliet returned the conversation as Rosaline brought her breakfast and brought up the topic of the dream. Rosaline stared blankly at Juliet’s cheek, which was busy with documents.

“Don’t you remember when you were fifteen? We used to go together often to drink. That’s why you only search for this particular wine…”

“Oh… right. That’s how it was. It’s been almost ten years, so I almost forgot. I just thought it tasted good since you brought it frequently.”

Juliet flipped through the files and smirked. Rosaline felt embarrassed as she had said something unnecessary to the busy young lady. She even waited, pretending to tidy up the small items on the shelf, as tears welled up in her eyes. Ah, what a useless attempt.

“Rosaline.”

Juliet called Rosaline with a perplexed expression. Feeling even more embarrassed, Rosaline pretended to wipe her eyes with her forearm like she was wiping off the dust on her face and turned around. But due to her swollen cheek and unwiped tears, Juliet’s expression wrinkled with concern.

When Rosaline faced Juliet, she felt both apologetic and relieved at the same time. Why was that? For some reason, today she didn’t want to disregard her mother or hide her wounds. She hoped Juliet would understand her condition.

Just like Romeo did.

It was a moment of surprise for Rosaline at her own thoughts. She heard the sound of Juliet tapping the desk.

“Come here, sit down.”

As Rosaline obediently sat across from her, Juliet let out a deep sigh again. Unable to meet her eyes, Rosaline focused on the desk. She noticed a sheet of paper with Kata’s symbol among the piled documents.

Did it come from the central diocese?

Why did Juliet have that…

“Rosaline, the nanny cried saying she was worried about you not too long ago.”

“…What?”

Rosaline looked up from the documents and stared at Juliet. What did she just say? Unable to immediately grasp the meaning of the young lady’s words, Rosaline blinked, but Juliet smiled warmly.

“She said she feels sorry for making you stay here without any reason when you can live better in a better place.”

Rosaline finally understood Juliet’s words, but she lost the will to retort. Mother cried for me? Sorry for making me stay here? No, her mother never cried for her, and she considered it an honor to work for the Capulets.

She needed to explain, but she couldn’t bring herself to deny her mother aloud. Even a trained dog would bark when cornered, but Rosaline’s hands trembled, and her throat tightened.

Despite her efforts to hold back, tears continued to flow as if someone was prodding her from behind her eyes. It seemed that Juliet mistakenly thought Rosaline was crying, moved by her mother’s intentions.

“It’s because of her apologetic heart. Even though she doesn’t want to scold you, she got upset and angry because she’s sad.”

Is that so?

“So, I spoke to the central diocese again. I asked them to send you to the best monastery and exert efforts so that you can become a high-ranking nun.”

“Did my mother tell you to do that?”

Unknowingly, Rosaline raised her head and asked with a surprisingly clear voice. Juliet, who didn’t expect her to get angry, accepted Rosaline’s tear-stained face as a kind of joy.

“Yes. She cried yesterday, saying she asked for it on your behalf. I also asked Father Lawrence, and he said it would be better for you to go.”

Have you been too busy lately, my lady? Have you forgotten the promise to spend our lives together? On that dawn when you held onto me, I emptied my heart for you. I may be insignificant, but I poured my soul into you.

“You know, Rosaline, I lost my mother early. My father has always been aloof. Moreover, I’m an only child. I couldn’t understand the love between parents and children or the bond between sisters until I met you and the nanny.”

“No, it’s not like that, my lady.”

As Rosaline replied in an almost inaudible voice, Juliet reached out and gently stroked Rosaline’s arm. She seemed to think it was just empty words.

“I couldn’t let my selfishness keep you from me. Looking back, I always seemed to only think of myself. I never asked about your intentions and assumed that you would like to be in the Capulet.”

Juliet smiled brightly, like a repentant child and with a face that resembled mature affection. Her eyes, like Rosaline’s, were moist. They were filled with boundless tenderness, making it impossible to harbor anger on that face.

I couldn’t breathe.

“So I’ll send you away, Rosaline.”

Where did it all go wrong? Was it wrong to lie to the lady because I thought she would worry? Was it wrong to believe that my mother secretly loved me? Was it wrong to lie to both Juliet and myself?

Everything my mother said was a lie, Juliet. Actually, I don’t want to become a nun or anything like that. I wanted to stay here with you. You know, I feel lonely as much as I love you. Even though I’m by your side, I feel like I’m alone.

But I couldn’t reveal the truth hastily. I couldn’t understand why I wanted to leave here, why I felt lonely even though I loved you, why I felt alone even though I was by your side.

Suddenly, Romeo’s voice brushed through my mind.

“You may see yourself as a faithful personal servant, but well, it seems that your master sees you as just one of many dogs.”

He saw through the truth she had hidden so poorly. Ah, how cruel.

“You call yourself a close friend or a loving sister, yet you tremble and worry over a mere cigar?”

“Rosaline.”

Amidst Romeo’s deafening voice, a clear call from the lady was heard. Juliet was looking at her full of worries. She was doubting her decision and looking for the slightest hint in the insignificant and humble servant. Juliet’s hand wrapped around Rosaline’s cheek.

“Are you okay?”

Rosaline didn’t want the lady to doubt herself and be cautious. She smiled faintly.

“Yes, Miss. I’m glad.”

She believed that if she didn’t lie, no one would love her, so she continued to use resignation as her shield and lied. Perhaps this situation was the inevitable ending of the shepherd boy who had come across it.

“I’m relieved, Rosaline.”

Juliet smiled brightly at her. Even though her breath was so stifled, and her heart ached so much, she didn’t think about running away as she did when she was young. But if she didn’t calm the raging furnace of emotions within her well-crafted patience, it felt like she would strangle herself.

Rosaline naturally thought of the place where her old friend stayed.

The place where there is a god standing alone, just like me.

* * *

On a late night, the temple was quiet on a day without a mass. The reason why the temple near the city center was not grand and magnificent was that people had been making small and large altars in their own homes to worship their respective gods.

In a place devoid of even a single candlelight, where only moonlight seeped through the corridor, Rosaline knelt down, clasped her hands together, and prayed incessantly. She remained in the same posture for hours until she sensed a presence in the darkness.

The master who broke the silence, where not even the sound of grasshoppers crying could be heard, approached her with long strides. Without turning around, Rosaline spoke without any hesitation, weakly, like she would break if she squeezed any tighter.

“Please go now, Romeo.”

In truth, today was the day she was supposed to meet Romeo again. But she didn’t have the confidence to face him fully at this moment.

“I’m begging you.”

As always, Romeo disregarded her words and approached. Rosaline didn’t raise her head and kept her eyes closed, but she could feel that he came closer and knelt down beside her. As he leaned in to observe her, his warm breath brushed against her cheek, seemingly blaming her for her stubbornness.

“Rosaline.”

His tone was gentle, yet slightly angry. Romeo exhaled a sigh of frustration, grasping her chin to turn her face towards him. But even though Rosaline didn’t open her eyes, he softly asked in a low voice, questioning her stubbornness.

“Is something wrong?”

“What happened?”

Slowly echoing his words, Rosaline opened her eyes. Her almond-shaped eyes, filled with sorrow, shed tears. Rosaline drew a melancholic smile, similar to the one she had shown in front of Juliet. It was reminiscent of a sculpture with an ambiguous target.

“You were right.”

She whispered without pulling her chin away from his grasp.

“I am a devotee who receives no response, just one among dozens of dogs, not her friend or a loving sister.”

Romeo’s expression twisted momentarily. It seemed as if he was trying to swallow the sincerity she was revealing. He appeared to be in pain and yet, there was a hint of exhilaration in him.

As Rosaline saw no reason for him to suffer from her pain, she only saw his exhilaration. Is it enjoyable for you to see me hurt as much as I ignored you? Tears streamed down her face, following the curve of her lips that turned upward.

“I lied to avoid being hated by anyone. If I truly become hated, I will be alone.”

Her whisper was as hot and desolate as a smoldering pile of ashes.

“Romeo, I resent you.”

Rosaline trembled at her own words, without a trace of falsehood. Had she ever been this honest before? Had she ever been this angry in front of someone?

Even if it meant showing him more than she should for Juliet’s sake, she couldn’t control her emotions, experiencing sweetness for the first time in her life. Leaning further into his grasp, Rosaline spoke from the closest point where their gazes could intertwine.

“If it weren’t for you, I would have just accepted everything, pretending not to know, pretending to be foolish.”

If it weren’t for Romeo, Rosaline wouldn’t have come out of the delusion that her mother’s actions were out of love. She would have been glad and obedient to Juliet’s decision.

But he saw through her lies and denied them. He didn’t let her comfortable deception go unnoticed. It was solely because of that that she became aware of the presence of anger and resentment within the familiar layers of her suppressed emotions.

“A heart that is incomplete, pitiful, and unwanted.”

“…….”

“Is this what you still want?”

With his silence, Rosaline smiled as though she had expected it, like a shabby fraud. Well, who would desire such a miserable heart like that of a pitiful person?

“It doesn’t matter.”

His response was so cold and swift that it was enough to disorient Rosaline. His hand that was holding her chin slid down her neck and gripped her shoulder. The forceful grip was as rude as grabbing someone by the neck, enveloping her entire being.

In an instant, the situation had reversed.

“Rosaline.”

Seizing the opportunity while she was bewildered, Romeo poured out his words.

“Whether your heart is incomplete or insignificant, it doesn’t matter. I want it.”