Chapter 4 (Part 2)

As these suffocating doubts began to fill her, Levin suddenly spoke, looking down at her.  

“I thought I was going to lose you. This is already the third time. What should I do, Cordelia? I’m getting more and more scared.”  

He seemed to be referring to three incidents: the first, when she lost their child and remained unconscious for a long time; the second, when she recklessly went out into the storm; and the third, today—or rather, ten days ago.  

With that pitiful confession, Levin let his tears fall again and said,  

“Don’t get hurt. Please don’t be in pain. Every time you’re hurt… it feels like I’m being torn apart and dying inside.”  

Ah, how could such pure affection hide such a shadow?  

In the end, she couldn’t bring herself to ask anything in the face of those tears. And she resolved not to ask.  

“Do you love me a lot?”  

It was a question she asked, fully prepared to be scolded.  

How could she joke around like this in such a serious situation? She thought he would get angry or annoyed. But his reaction was completely unexpected.  

Perhaps because she was a patient, he climbed onto the bed and wrapped her tightly in his arms. Resting his face against her shoulder, he repeatedly answered, 

“Yes.”  

This foolishly kind person… What could someone like me possibly mean to someone so beautiful and perfect as him?  

From that day on, she already knew that the roots of their relationship were beginning to shake. But she tried to ignore it. She couldn’t allow her heaven to crumble because of just one secret.  

She thought that as long as she didn’t speak that cursed name, Levin, aloud again, she could make it work. She believed that as long as the catalyst that kept stirring up her buried past was gone, everything would be fine.  

For a moment, they shared a deep kiss, comforting each other’s anxieties.  

“Darling, I have a request.”

“What is it?”  

“I want to call you by a nickname.”  

“Suddenly? Why?”  

“…No reason. I just want to call you something closer, more personal. ‘Darling’ is nice, but sometimes it feels too much like we’re a middle-aged couple. I want to create a new nickname I can use whenever I feel like it.”  

She insisted strongly, even though there wasn’t a particular reason. Then she asked him what name was special to him. Since anything other than ‘Levin’ would do, she thought that even if he suggested a boring, old-fashioned name, she would still call him by it.  

That’s when he mentioned, almost offhandedly, 

“I do have a baptismal name. Nathaniel.”  

“Wow…! That’s amazing. It sounds like an angel’s name. But it feels a bit too sacred to use casually.”  

“You can call me anything. Even if you call me ‘fool’ or ‘idiot,’ I’ll be happy as long as it’s you saying it.”  

“Pfft. What kind of nonsense is that…?”  

Resting her cheek against his chest, she spoke softly, savoring the moment. Levin rubbed his chin against her head in response, his gestures still filled with extreme care and tenderness.  

“Oh, speaking of which, should I tell you my baptismal name too? Mine is…”  

“I already know. It’s Alice.”  

“What? Is there anything you don’t know about me?”  

She laughed softly and hugged him tightly.  

At the same time, she tightened her hold even more, trying to hide the fear creeping into her heart.  

He knows everything about me, but I know nothing about him. I don’t even know if he’s truly my husband.  

“…I want to take a bath.” 

“Alright? Then I’ll prepare the bathwater right now—”  

“Don’t. Let’s bathe together. I know you’ve already washed, but please, just once more. Okay?”  

She clung to him as she spoke, deliberately unbuttoning his shirt slowly. The meaning behind her actions was clear—she wanted to be with him.  

But since she had been lying in bed for ten days, she didn’t want to accept him in her current unclean state. So she wrapped her request in subtlety and spoke softly.  

“Do you not want to bathe with me?”  

“Ugh… Do you really not know? Of course, I want to. But what if we overdo it and—”  

“It won’t be too much. I’m fine now.”  

“Even so…”  

“Now that I think about it, you deserve a scolding.”  

“Me? All of a sudden?”  

“Yes. You made me wait for days without saying a word.”  

“Ah… I’m really sorry about that. At the time, I had work to—”  

“Do you know how long I waited before going out? Of course, I’m really sorry for startling you by rushing down the stairs and tripping. But if you think about it, it’s all because you didn’t come back. Why do you make me worry like that? Do you know how scared I was? Still, I was being good, waiting inside the house, and I was just about to leave.”

“I see. I’m truly sorry. I was so close to catching the guy I mentioned before. I was so focused that I didn’t even realize how much time had passed…”

“I don’t care. Anyway, part of the reason I got hurt is your fault. So, until my anger subsides, you have to do as I say. Got it?”

She spoke firmly, cutting off his excuses. It was an unfair accusation, but being the kind person he was, he looked flustered and unsure. Watching him, she suddenly loosened the drawstring of his pants and reached inside to grab him.

“Uh… What are you…?”

“Releasing my anger. Just stay still…”

Even with just a touch, the soft flesh quickly hardened as if by magic, growing in size. She hesitated, wondering if it would even fit—it seemed too large. Despite her concerns, she busily moved her hand, stimulating him. Soon, the veins on the now firm column became pronounced, and a clear liquid began to seep from its tip. It was at that moment, as Levin let out a shallow gasp, that she turned around, bent her waist, and took him into her mouth.

“Ah… Cordelia, no. This is… improper…”

She had barely taken in the tip, yet her mouth already felt uncomfortably full. She diligently licked the area where the liquid was emerging, repeating the motion while using her hand to stroke the part she couldn’t fit. As she continued, Levin began to let out soft groans, his voice trembling as if he were in pain.

“Ah…! Hah…!”

Worried he might actually be hurting, she looked up to see his face scrunched up. Beads of sweat dripped from his brow, and the veins on his neck stood out, evidence of his heightened emotions. She stared at him, entranced.

Then, the part she was holding in her mouth twitched. Startled, her eyes widened. Before she could react, Levin placed a hand on the back of her head and trembled slightly, releasing a hot liquid into her mouth. The sharp scent of his essence filled her senses as the thick substance overflowed, dripping past her lips.

“Hah… Cordelia, spit it out. Please? This is too much…”

Levin, clearly embarrassed by the unintended outcome, quickly helped her to her feet. He sat her on his lap and began wiping her mouth. However, her chin and chest were already a mess, stained with the white fluid.

Deliberately swallowing what remained in her mouth, she said, 

“I’m not done punishing you yet.”

She looked at him with half-lidded eyes, and Levin’s body visibly flinched. The column beneath her shifted, brushing against her skin once more.

Levin closed his eyes tightly, his voice filled with exasperation. 

“Fine, you win. Let’s clean you up first. You did say you wanted to wash, right?”

“Alright!”

“Goodness… I can’t handle this…”

He didn’t seem to realize that when she said she wanted to bathe, it was her way of saying she wanted to accept him fully. Instead, he appeared to be trying to distract her attention. At times like this, he truly seemed so innocent.  

Pretending to give in, she nodded and allowed herself to be carried in his arms to the bathroom.