Chapter 9 (Part 4)

“…What do you mean?”  

“Please don’t think it’s strange—just listen. I think I woke up briefly during that time. I’m not sure if it was a dream, but I’m certain someone was speaking to you. It sounded like a woman’s voice, and while I couldn’t make out everything she said, I remember her shouting, ‘Nathaniel!’ Was that true?”  

Nathaniel paused, his expression thoughtful, before nodding in confirmation.  

“I’m pretty sure the voice I heard outside the fence today was hers. It was distinct enough for me to remember it” 

Cordelia added.  

“…I see. I think I understand what’s going on now” 

Nathaniel murmured gravely, his tone matching the weight of the atmosphere. It was as Cordelia expected—the mood had grown heavy again. She leaned against his shoulder, feigning frustration to distract herself from overthinking.  

“Really? I don’t understand anything at all… Can we leave this to the great detective and let me stop worrying about it?”  

At her words, Nathaniel let out a short laugh. He gently stroked her hair, then rested his chin on the top of her head.  

“Sure. Leave everything to me.”  

His resolute answer was reassuring. Cordelia quickly promised, 

“From now on, I won’t go outside no matter who calls for me.”  

Though her words were meant to ease Nathaniel’s worries, they were also driven by her own fear.  

After hesitating for a moment, Cordelia nervously opened her mouth.  

“Darling, this might sound cowardly, but… can I say it?”  

“Of course. What is it?”  

“It feels strange. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but…”  

“What feels strange? Tell me more.”  

“You might not believe me, but when I heard that woman’s voice, I felt the same kind of rejection I feel when I think of that red-haired man.”  

Nathaniel’s grip on her shoulder tightened instantly.  

“Can you explain in more detail?”  

After some deliberation, Cordelia decided to share a dream she had experienced after nearly dying from being strangled.  

“Well… This might be painful for you to hear, but I think some of my old memories came back when I slept deeply this time.”  

As she spoke, Cordelia clutched at Nathaniel’s sleeve. She didn’t want to share this, but it seemed like the only way to clarify the situation. With a heavy heart, she continued.  

“But don’t misunderstand. Like I said before, I consider those memories to be just the past. Besides, you told me you dealt with the person who hurt me completely.”  

“…Yes, I did.”  

“Anyway, I’m not trying to talk about that person right now.”  

“Then what is it?”  

“I don’t know exactly when this happened, and the details are so absurd that it might really have been a dream. But since it was mixed with my old memories, I thought I should tell you. I think I had a strange experience back then.”  

Even as she spoke, Cordelia doubted Nathaniel would believe her. After all, who would accept such vague and surreal words? Especially since what followed was even more bizarre.  

“I remember shouting, ‘I can’t end it like this!’ as I pushed people aside and ran somewhere. Then suddenly, I was hit from behind by something. Was it a forest path? I think I hid somewhere, trying not to be found. Eventually, I collapsed. But then, someone wearing a white cloak came to me and handed me a glass bottle filled with yellow liquid. They said that drinking it would completely end my pain. At that moment…”  

“What did you just say?” 

Nathaniel interrupted sharply.  

“Huh? What’s wrong?”  

“What did you just say? Repeat it.”  

Suddenly, Nathaniel, who had been holding her quietly, spoke urgently and shifted his position. He knelt before her, looking up at her as he pressed her for answers.  

“Which part?”  

“The part about running away… After you ran and got hit. From that point onward. Tell me everything you remember, as detailed as possible.” 

For some reason, Nathaniel’s face had turned pale. Alarmed, Cordelia quickly raised her hands to cup his face, but he grabbed her hands firmly and lowered them, holding them tightly in his grasp.  

His hands seemed to tremble slightly. Cordelia couldn’t tell whether it was from shock or anger. He seemed both upset and furious, as though her words had deeply unsettled him.  

Cordelia began to recount her memories, piecing them together as best as she could.  

“I don’t remember much in detail. It’s all so hazy and surreal that I sometimes think it was just a dream. Honestly, I don’t like crowded places, but back then, I was surrounded by people. I think I was trying to escape from them. I felt like I shouldn’t be there, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of injustice. So, I shouted, ‘I can’t end it like this!’ and veered off on my own, running down a side path. Then, I was hit by something on my back… I don’t know what it was exactly, but maybe it felt like an arrow? It was a sharp, piercing pain that seemed to go through me from behind. But there was no blood and no wound, so I don’t think it was an arrow. Afterward, I started struggling to breathe, and my body felt paralyzed. That’s when someone appeared in front of me. They gave me a potion or something like that. But I didn’t drink all of it—I only drank half before collapsing…” 

“…”  

“Why does your face look like that? You’re so pale right now…”  

Nathaniel let out a faint sound, unable to respond properly. Cordelia stopped mid-sentence, swallowing nervously. While she had been explaining, she had only been looking at his hands tightly holding hers. She hadn’t noticed his expression until now.  

When she finally raised her head, his face looked as though he was on the verge of fainting.  

If Cordelia had known he would be this distressed, she wouldn’t have said anything.  

“Oh no… I’m sorry. It must have been shocking to hear such sudden words. I didn’t mean to make you worry again…”  

Cordelia quickly stopped herself from continuing and pulled her hands free from his grasp. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to comfort him.  

But Nathaniel suddenly embraced her tightly with his strong arms, holding her so firmly that it felt difficult to breathe.  

“Cordelia, listen to me carefully from now on.”  

“Alright… What is it?”  

“I’ll resolve this as quickly as I can. But until then, please don’t leave the house. Even if the bird knocks on the door, don’t open it. Pretend you don’t know. Whatever happens, don’t open the door. Especially, never go outside the fence. Do you understand?”  

His voice carried a desperate plea.  

Cordelia wanted to ask him what was going on, if he could explain the situation. At the very least, she wanted to know if what she had described earlier wasn’t just a dream.  

But the peace they had now was something they had barely managed to achieve. She didn’t want to risk shattering it.  

“Will you explain everything to me someday?”  

Instead of demanding answers, Cordelia asked softly, while gently stroking his back with her hand.  

Nathaniel buried his face in the space between her neck and shoulder and answered. 

“Yes.”  

But his response was filled with hesitation, as though he wanted to delay that day as much as possible. 

What exactly had happened to me? What kind of story was behind it that made him so determined to shield me from the past? Could it be something even worse than the ordeal with the red-haired Levin?  

Cordelia wondered about it, but at the same time, she felt it didn’t matter. She also felt guilty.  

“Nathaniel, I’m sorry.”  

“…What for?”  

“In the end, it’s all because of me, isn’t it? Because I lost my memories, you’re carrying everything alone right now.”  

“No, I…”  

“It would’ve been better if that hadn’t happened.”  

Her sudden apology seemed to make Nathaniel tense, as though he thought she was about to accuse him of something.  

But Cordelia truly felt nothing but remorse and sorrow. She leaned her face against his hair, letting its soft texture brush against her cheek.  

The sensation was comforting, and she gently stroked his hair, expressing her affection.  

“No, Cordelia.”  

Nathaniel shook his head. His high nose brushed against her neck, and then he kissed her there, his lips warm and tender.  

“Don’t ever think that way. Really, don’t. It’s not true. I’m not struggling.”  

“That’s a lie…”  

“From the beginning… If you hadn’t lost your memories… You wouldn’t have even acknowledged me…”  

This was the first time Nathaniel had spoken so openly about his feelings regarding her lost memories.  

Cordelia paused, reflecting on their current situation.  

Thinking about it, Nathaniel was right. Everything had started because she mistakenly thought of him as her husband. And he hadn’t denied it, which had led them to become entangled with one another.  

But even so, what did it matter? Nathaniel had only tried to save her from misery, from the red-haired Levin. He had wanted to become her new sanctuary.  

Because of him, Cordelia had found true happiness and escaped the hell that had nearly driven her to death.