3.6

As she closed her eyes, something soft brushed against her lips. Feeling her upper lip being gently sucked, she opened her eyes wide. Realizing he had kissed her, she turned her face away. Julian’s face twisted at the clear sign of rejection.

“Put me down!”

He set her down not on the floor but on the bed. Vanessa found herself trapped between his strong arms. In the tense moment, a hint of hesitation appeared in his heated gaze.

Julian found it incredibly difficult to utter the words “I’m sorry.” The words he wanted to say swirled in his mouth, but what finally came out was nonsense.

“…The promised week has passed.”

Julian cowardly brought up Vanessa’s words about spending the night together a week later.

Despite the rift between them, Julian shamelessly demanded intimacy instead of an apology, making Vanessa feel absurd and shameless. 

Didn’t my feelings matter to him?

Waves of disappointment washed over Vanessa.

Having declared his intention to participate as a champion in the trial by combat, Julian was once again asserting his rights. Well, it was always that kind of deal, so nothing had changed now.

Vanessa’s face turned cold. Her heart pounded hotly, and her breath naturally became ragged. She slowly began to unbutton her cotehardie. She tried to handle it gracefully, but her hands kept slipping.

“Do you hate me so much that it makes you shiver?”

Seeing Julian reach for her chest, Vanessa instinctively closed her eyes. Contrary to her fears, she didn’t feel her clothes being removed.

“It feels like I’m making a losing deal.”

Julian, who had buttoned her up to the end, laughed bitterly. Seeing his hurt expression made Vanessa uncomfortable. She thought perhaps he was approaching her in his own way, lacking eloquence and honesty.

She urgently grabbed Julian’s arm as he was about to leave without hesitation. Julian looked down at Vanessa’s hand and a self-deprecating smile appeared on his lips.

“You don’t have to force yourself. I will keep my promise to kill Sven, so you don’t have to come to me on purpose.”

While she was reluctant about the intimacy, it wasn’t that she had grown to dislike him. Before she could clear up the misunderstanding, Julian left the room. Although Julian had left, Vanessa somehow felt as if she had been kicked out.

Snowflakes began to flutter outside the window.

After that day, she no longer went to see Julian. He didn’t come to her either.

* * *

In the place where the firewood had burned all night, there were still faint embers. She pushed aside the ashes with a poker and placed logs in the center. After a few bellows, the bright red flames flared up again. As warmth spread through the room, the frost on the glass melted away. She put down the blanket that had been wrapped around her shoulders and habitually took out a letter from the bedside table to read.

Her sister-in-law, Anna Spitzer, wrote in the letter not to worry as she and Robin were safe, and that Miriam had become even more ill-tempered as the situation escalated to a trial by combat.

Anna ended the letter by expressing the difficulties of handling family affairs in place of the hostess, and a small note attached bore the clumsy handwriting, “Mom, I miss you. I love you.” Vanessa gazed at the short letter from her son for a long time.

Waiting for the day she would reunite with her son, she endured each monotonous and lonely day. The seemingly eternal winter was finally nearing its end.

Breathing in the morning air tinged with cold, she headed to the stables. Pumpkin, confined in the stable, recognized Vanessa’s footsteps and neighed happily.

“Madam, you’ve come.”

“Good morning.”

The stable master, accustomed to the commotion, took off his hat to greet Vanessa, and she nodded lightly in response.

The manger was piled high with well-dried hay. She grabbed a handful of oats from a cloth bag and scattered them over the hay.

“Oh dear, you should leave such chores to me. Your precious hands will get dirty.”

“It’s fine. It’s not a difficult task. Thank you for taking care of my horse all this time.”

The stable master’s mouth gaped open at the Lady’s personal acknowledgment of his hard work.

“She was so docile and gentle that it wasn’t difficult at all. There are many who know they’re of noble blood and show pride.”

“If that’s the case, I’m glad. Soon, when the weather warms up, the horses will be able to frolic in the pasture.”

“Shall I help you saddle up? The weather has warmed up quite a bit; perhaps you could go for a walk outside the castle for a change of pace….”

Vanessa silently shook her head. She didn’t want to draw attention by going outside the castle. She had confined herself within the castle walls all winter because she didn’t want to get hurt by those who saw her as a criminal. Knowing this, the stable master didn’t press her to ride.

“Someday, the day will come when I leave this place.”

Vanessa said as she stroked Pumpkin’s muzzle. Suddenly, she felt melancholic, thinking she might be letting the days slip by meaninglessly, as if they were her last.

Would anything have been different if I had reconciled with Julian?

It had been a long time since she had seen his face.

Now free to move, Julian left the castle and wandered the Earl’s domain as he used to. Since he was always involved in incidents, news of him reached Vanessa without her needing to try to find out what he was up to. She worried about Julian roaming aimlessly, but there was no way to stop him.

“I should be going now.”

“Yes, take care.”

The heaviness on her chest, like a stone pressing down, wouldn’t go away. She was tired of the suffocating confinement and seeing the same scenery every day. She climbed the castle wall and strolled along the battlements, letting the cold wind hit her face.

From the elevated position of the inner castle, she could see the entire village at a glance. Among the mustard-seed-sized people, she saw someone bound and being loaded onto a wagon. It seemed like the guards were transporting a criminal. If they were requesting a judgment from the Earl, the crime must have been serious.

As the escort procession approached, Vanessa could recognize the face of the one bound.

“What on earth have you done, Julian…?”

Her vision swayed, making her dizzy.

Fortunately, Julian hadn’t committed a serious crime like murder. He had done shameful things like ‘borrowing’ someone else’s sheep to recover money lost in gambling, using Earl Hendrick’s name to run up a tab at a tavern, and getting into fights while drunk.

She expected him to be locked up for about a day, but Earl Hendrick didn’t release Julian even after several days. She worried that if he was kept locked up for too long, Julian’s health might deteriorate again, as he hadn’t fully recovered yet. She spent the whole day contemplating whether to beg the Earl for his release, but unexpectedly, Hendrick requested a meeting first.

“It seems that most of the petitions supporting your innocence have arrived, but there’s still no reply from the Deloher family. It must be uncomfortable being confined in the castle, so why not visit Deloher to bid a final farewell to your family?”

There weren’t many people left in her hometown whom she could call family. Her eldest sister, who married early, lived in another region, and her second sister sought refuge in a convent as soon as she became an adult. She wasn’t particularly close to her father, who remarried and had a son the year her mother passed away.

However, this might be her last chance to see her father’s face, and it seemed wise to get one more petition.

“Now that Julian can ride without difficulty, you can go with him. The road to Deloher is safe, so it shouldn’t be a problem for the two of you to travel together.”

“Are you suggesting I leave alone with Julian?”

“Take some time to face him and have a calm conversation. Isn’t it time to reconcile?”

The excessive consideration made her uncomfortable. He seemed to think that she and Julian were in a romantic relationship, as when she first came here. It was puzzling why the Earl, who wasn’t one to meddle in matters of love between men and women, was making such a suggestion. Earl Hendrick also seemed uncomfortable with the situation that required such words.

“If things go well and your innocence is proven, what will you do afterward?”

“I’ll protect the Cloet estate and take care of it until my son grows up to become the head of the family.”

“Does that future not include a life with Julian?”

“Well….”

With their strained relationship showing no sign of mending, how could she imagine a future with him? Unable to answer readily, she hesitated, and Earl Hendrick let out a small sigh.