3.8

What started as sympathy gradually grew into affection. In the hellish battlefield where life and death hung by a thread, the mere presence of a beautiful woman was a comfort. Though they couldn’t communicate, Julian genuinely cared for and liked her.

“But it wasn’t enough to erase the hatred of a woman who lost her husband. She seduced Julian into corruption and even attempted to kill him in his sleep. Julian barely survived and killed the woman with his own hands, but he was injured so severely that he couldn’t participate in the battle. And on that very day….”

The emotions from that time resurfaced, and Hendrick’s face was marked with simmering anger. His fierce demeanor made Vanessa flinch. She could vaguely guess why Hendrick was so furious.

In the battle where they suffered heavy losses due to a pagan ambush, Sir Michael lost his two grown sons, and the former Earl Arenshen was killed. Hendrick lost his father that day.

The former Earl Arenshen left the following will to Julian:

[Julian, no matter what anyone says, you are my proud son. Live bravely and honorably as a member of the Arenshen family. And protect your brother Hendrick from our enemies in my stead.]

Julian learned who his father was for the first time that day. Yet, he could only watch helplessly as his father passed away without fulfilling any duty as a son.

If he had driven Jamila away as his father advised, if he hadn’t foolishly fallen for that woman, if he hadn’t been injured and could have participated in the battle properly, he might have been able to guard his father and save him from death. The extreme guilt and regret weighed on Julian like a boulder, and his pent-up resentment exploded at Sven, the root of all the trouble.

“With the already tense atmosphere due to the defeat on the front lines, the internal strife was no small matter. Julian’s attack on Sven was clearly wrong, but the fact that Sven had sent the pagan woman with the intent to kill Julian complicated things. I quietly covered up the incident by giving Earl Plar a large compensation, but even now, thinking about it gives me a headache.”

Hendrick said, holding his head as if suffering from a headache.

“My father told me to guide Julian, who was lacking, onto the right path, but I couldn’t forgive him. Although it wasn’t Julian’s fault that my father died, I needed someone to blame in my immature state at the time. I wanted to hold someone accountable for not protecting my father. So, contrary to my father’s will, I expelled Julian from the Arenshen family. Julian wandered for a long time after that.”

To have killed the woman he loved with his own hands, to feel responsible for his father’s death, and to be expelled from his family by his resentful half-brother—Julian lost everything overnight because of Sven. Knowing the truth, Vanessa felt suffocated with pity for Julian’s plight.

“In the War of Succession, when I met Julian again as a rebel, he was nothing short of a bloodthirsty fiend who had given up on being human. At the Battle of Dautruppel, I barely managed to capture Julian, and I had the authority to decide his fate. I offered to accept him if he surrendered, but Julian didn’t even pretend to listen. He acted as if he welcomed death, saying he’d rather die than live like this.”

Vanessa, too, had once thought life was futile. After her mother passed away, her father remarried a young woman to bear him a son, using the daughters’ dowries to fund the marriage. Because of this, her second sister, who lost her dowry, had to enter a convent as soon as she became an adult.

Before Vanessa came of age, several decent marriage proposals came, but her stepmother, unwilling to spend money on the third daughter, planned to send Vanessa to a convent once she came of age. Her father, preoccupied with his new heir, was indifferent to the future of his third daughter.

In the midst of this, Viscount Michael Cloet offered to cover all the expenses and wanted the young and charming Vanessa to bear him healthy and strong sons. After much deliberation, Vanessa chose the lesser evil.

When she married in exchange for freedom, she thought her world had ended. But as she continued living, she found happiness in raising a child and felt grateful to be alive.

Good days were bound to come if one lived long enough. It wasn’t always painful and sad. Vanessa hoped Julian, like her, could face a turning point in life and enjoy the joys of living.

“Even though we met as enemies again, I didn’t want to kill him. I felt partly responsible for Julian being driven to the edge. So I kept him alive until the war ended and released him when there was no longer a reason to fight him. And in accordance with my father’s will, I decided to accept Julian back.”

Hendrick finished his long story, emptying the remaining wine. Vanessa also carefully poured the sharp liquid down her throat, ensuring the wine in her glass didn’t spill. The alcohol seemed to tingle and resonate as it traveled down her esophagus.

She hoped the alcohol would ease the dull, aching pain in her chest. If she had heard this story from Julian’s lips, she might have burst into tears. Vanessa sniffled slightly as she swallowed the last sip of wine.

“Julian, who didn’t beg for his life from me, knelt before me asking for help for you.”

Vanessa was so surprised that she choked lightly. Julian had put aside his pride and knelt before Earl Hendrick for her. It was thanks to Julian that Hendrick, who had initially rejected her plea, later changed his mind.

“The reason I kept Julian as a mercenary was that I still couldn’t fully trust him. No matter how much I appealed to blood ties or asserted my authority as an Earl, I couldn’t truly reform Julian into a true knight. I believe you can guide Julian onto the right path.”

Vanessa had never thought about a future with Julian. She was too busy solving the immediate problems in front of her to consider what life would be like once everything was resolved.

If they won the trial by combat and her innocence was proven, and she lived with her son on the Cloet estate, Julian would live as a knight of the Arenshen family.

What would happen to her relationship with Julian once the contract ended? If she didn’t end up with him, someone else might take that place. The thought of Julian loving another woman besides her made her feel like she was burning inside.

At the same time, she felt anxious that Julian’s feelings might not be the same as before. Perhaps Julian was keeping his promise without expecting anything in return because he didn’t want to miss the chance to avenge Sven.

Moreover, it was hard to believe that a man with such strong desires hadn’t been with another woman since leaving the Earl’s castle. 

What if he had already lost interest in me? 

Vanessa worried that Julian might regret his decision to act as her champion in the trial by combat.

“To be honest, Julian is only angry with me…. I’m not even sure if he still wants me.”

“Don’t worry. If you just smile at him once, he’ll act as if nothing happened.”

Despite Hendrick’s firm response, Vanessa’s doubts didn’t easily subside.

She had said she would think about the proposal until she returned from Deloher, so there was still time. Vanessa secretly waited for the day she would travel with Julian, her heart fluttering.

* * *

“Get up, you lazy bum! The sun is high in the sky, and you’re still lying around.”

Someone nudged Julian’s waist with a foot as he lay on his side. Dim light seeped through the small iron-barred window in the wall. Julian squinted up at the guard who woke him. The guard, who had faithfully delivered three meals a day, was empty-handed this morning for some reason.

“What is it? Where’s my breakfast?”

“Do you think this is an inn? Earl Hendrick has summoned you! Get ready quickly!”

The guard stomped the floor instead of kicking Julian. Julian reluctantly got up, staggering.

He wondered how long they planned to keep him locked up, but it seemed they had finally made a decision. He felt indifferent about it now.

He was exhausted from waiting for Vanessa, who hadn’t come to visit him. 

Had she chosen another knight to act as her champion in the trial by combat instead of me, the troublemaker? Had Earl Hendrick offered to help her, losing interest in a scoundrel like me? Otherwise, how could she not show her face even once?

It was clear that Vanessa was rejecting him, yet his desire for her only grew stronger. Frustrated and troubled by the unresolved situation, he had left the castle for a while. Although he got caught up in a small incident, he hadn’t committed a serious crime, so he hoped to avoid being exiled. With a glimmer of hope, he washed up and prepared himself.

He followed the servant’s guidance, opened the heavy door, and entered the great hall. In front of the wall adorned with colorful tapestries stood a chair intricately carved in relief. Earl Hendrick sat in the chair, flanked by his retainers, arrogantly gazing at Julian. Vanessa, standing demurely next to Earl Hendrick as if she were the hostess, was closest to him.

His joy at seeing her face after so long was short-lived, as he felt a pang of jealousy watching them stand side by side. There didn’t seem to be anything between them, but Vanessa seemed more suited to be with a clean-cut nobleman than a filthy mercenary, which soured his mood.

“Ahem.”

At Earl Hendrick’s clearing of his throat, one of the retainers threw a sack at Julian. With a clatter, the sack’s mouth opened, revealing glimmering armor and a longsword. 

Were they planning to drive me out by giving me travel supplies so I could leave immediately?

“I won’t say much since you know your sins well. If you sincerely repent and ask for forgiveness, I won’t hold you accountable. If you refuse to kneel before me and swear allegiance, leave the domain immediately.”

It was a choice with no real options. Julian approached the Earl and knelt on one knee.

“I acknowledge my sins and ask for forgiveness. If you give me another chance, I will ensure that my disloyalty never tarnishes your honor again.”

“Very well, be mindful of your behavior in the future. This is truly your last chance.”

Earl Hendrick rose from his seat and stood before Julian. Julian extended his clasped hands toward the Earl as if in prayer. The Earl clasped Julian’s hands with both of his.

“In recognition of your faithful service to the Arenshen family, I appoint you as my knight. I also grant you the lands and pastures of the Plavant region, along with the right to collect dues from the serfs on that land. From today, your name is Julian Plavant.”

Julian couldn’t believe his ears. The Plavant region was one of Earl Hendrick’s fine territories. It was an overly generous gift to give to a retainer who had returned after causing trouble. The Earl placed a silver medal around Julian’s neck as he sat dumbfounded.

The weight of the shining silver medal was heavy. The simple knighting ceremony was less moving than expected. The reason the Earl suddenly knighted Julian was that, in the trial by combat, Julian, with his low status, couldn’t fight Sven, a knight.

Julian Plavant. If he died in the trial by combat, his family line would end with him. Thinking it was a hollow title, Julian sneered.

“Now that you are a knight, I give you your first order. Julian Plavant, you are to escort Lady Vanessa Cloet safely to Deloher. Time is of the essence, so leave immediately!”

At Earl Hendrick’s command, Julian’s eyes met Vanessa’s. Her calm, serene green eyes gave no hint of what she was thinking.