Making it nothing from the beginning. Someone who never existed for her in the first place.

* * *

Kais climbed the stairs, swinging his arms.

His feet, which had felt as heavy as if they were shackled on his wedding night, now felt like they were stepping on nothing but air. His hollow shell of a body swayed weakly with each step. The words Baron Polar had left behind rang clearly in Kais’s ears as he struggled up the stairs.

‘This is not my decision, but Lariella’s.’

‘Do you truly not understand why Lariella wants this marriage invalidated?’

‘Will everything really be fine once you consummate the marriage? Then let me dare ask you. How has my sister spent her time here for over four months? What did she do throughout her days, what foods did she enjoy, what books did she frequently read? She was a child who smiled often from birth—did she smile frequently here too? The elders of our household, relatives, servants of the mansion, villagers, everyone who knew Lariella cherished and liked her—did the people here treat Lariella that way too? Was Lariella truly happy here? Have you ever once wondered about that? How can you not answer anything?’

His foot finally slipped on a step when he tried to walk forward without properly seeing ahead. Kais fell forward and then tumbled down the stairs, rolling several times. His shins, knees, and elbows were bruised and bumped against the edges of the stairs everywhere, but he didn’t even feel the pain.

Kais staggered to his feet after his ungraceful fall. Then he began climbing the stairs again, swaying, as if it was the only thing he could do now.

‘I accepted your proposal not because of the Elmano family’s high honor, nor because of the box of gold coins you sent. It was because of your sincerity in visiting the Polar territory several times personally.’

‘The Polar territory is very small, as you know. How could I, the lord, not have known about the presence of strange knights entering and leaving the territory without official business? Yet I didn’t tell Lariella about it because I thought it was something you should tell her yourself. But it seems Lariella still hasn’t heard about it. She still believes herself to be ‘a tool the Duke brought in just to avoid the courtship of troublesome nobles.’ What exactly is in your heart? Do you cherish her, or do you just want to possess her?’

‘Lariella is not some expensive ornament placed here. She’s not something you can simply move to a convenient place after paying a high price. If you worked so hard to obtain her, you should have treated her with equal value.’

‘My sister is now covered in wounds. Do you think those wounds will heal easily even if you consummate the marriage now? If you have even the slightest care for Lariella, let her go. You are not suitable for her.’

Each word Baron Polar had poured out sharply scraped Kais’s heart.

But he couldn’t confidently answer or refute his words. Because he truly knew nothing about how Lariella had been living here. Because he had been so preoccupied with his own body’s condition that refused to obey his will, he had never deeply considered how her heart might feel.

Kais painfully realized that Baron Polar’s statement about Lariella being covered in wounds was not at all false when he encountered her in the lobby.

Lariella, who had always been dignified even when standing in a splendid ballroom wearing shabby outdoor clothes, Lariella who always smiled dazzlingly like she was facing the sun, Lariella who always sparkled like she had gathered light wherever she was—she passed by him with empty eyes. Like she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything.

He followed her, holding some hope that she might look back at him just once, that he might get one more chance, but Lariella walked straight ahead, looking only forward. Without the slightest hesitation.

And only after reaching the carriage did she give him one sharp glance, but even with that, she quickly turned away as if she couldn’t stand the sight of him. Surprised by her cold demeanor, which he had never seen before, Kais felt his heart drop to the floor and couldn’t stop her from boarding the carriage. Because he felt that if he did, she would truly hate him even more.

Where had it gone wrong?

He had only wanted her so desperately that he kept her by his side.

He had only wished for her to stay by his side, that one thing alone.

After staggering to the top of the stairs, Kais stumbled down the corridor and stood in front of the duchess’s room. Then, just as he did every night, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. But Lariella’s pretty voice, which always answered from behind the door every night, was not heard.

Please. Please let it not be true that she had left. Let her be waiting for him to come, just like every night. Despite his desperate wish, the silence beyond the door seemed to mock his futile hope.

“……Answer me. ……Lariella, please……”

His chest felt empty, as if the heart he had dropped when he saw her turn away earlier still hadn’t returned to its place. Kais raised his hand and clutched his left chest. But it was not enough to block the huge hole in his heart.

“Lariella……”

Kais leaned his forehead against the door while clutching his chest. Though he hadn’t felt pain when tumbling down the stairs, now everything stung and hurt without any visible injury.

He stayed leaning against the door for a long time, his chest heaving in distress. Then with a sluggish hand, he opened the door and stumbled inside.

Everything in the room remained the same. Everything was the same, except the owner of this room was gone.

Trudging across the cool room where not a hint of warmth could be felt, Kais noticed something glittering on the dressing table. Upon closer inspection, he found Lariella’s wedding ring placed alone on the dressing table.

The ring he had placed on her finger while vowing before God to be together forever now cast a cold light like evidence of a broken vow.

Picking up the ring, Kais tried to put it on his little finger. The ring that had fit loosely on Lariella’s middle finger got stuck at the second knuckle of his little finger and wouldn’t go further.

Had Lariella’s fingers been this thin?

Newly gauging how small her hands must have been and how slender her fingers were, Kais realized he had hardly ever held those hands.

Even when they occasionally strolled in the garden together, or rarely had tea side by side in the glass greenhouse, though he thought her small hands fidgeting awkwardly with the hem of her dress were cute, he never thought to hold them. He had been too busy hiding his lewd desire throbbing beneath his jacket.

Kais quietly clenched the hand wearing Lariella’s wedding ring. Recalling the countless opportunities he had to hold those small hands like this.

He walked unsteadily toward the bed, still tightly clenching his hand.

Standing before the large four-poster bed placed on one side of the room, Kais stared at it with hollow eyes.

Had this bed always been so wide?

Looking at the empty bed, a desolate wind seemed to blow through the hole in his chest. Soon his body, devoid of any strength, collapsed heavily onto the large bed.

Kais lay on his side, facing the place where Lariella used to lie.

He had taken such a long detour to be able to lie facing her like this. Now he could touch her hair, embrace her slender body.

But now she was no longer before his eyes. She who had always been sleeping peacefully, turned toward him whenever he woke up at dawn, was no longer by his side.

And that’s when Kais finally realized. Lariella had been lying facing him every day because she had been trying to sleep while looking at his turned back every day.

His heart had sunk so deeply just from seeing her turn her face away as if she couldn’t stand the sight of him, but how much deeper must her heart have sunk while looking only at his back every night? He felt utterly pathetic for only thinking about this now.

Why hadn’t he offered a word of explanation earlier? He should have told her that it wasn’t because he disliked her. If he had, she wouldn’t have left his side with such empty eyes.

“……Lariella.”

Lying alone on the bed that held neither Lariella’s warmth nor her scent, Kais desperately called her name.

Give me one more chance, Lariella, foolish and inadequate as I am.

I seem to have become a fool who can do nothing without you now, so please.

Kais pulled Lariella’s pillow close and held it in his arms. But no matter how tightly he embraced it, it couldn’t fill the completely emptied void in his heart.

* * *

Kais opened the office window wide. But Lariella’s clear, refreshing voice was nowhere to be heard, and her dazzlingly sparkling figure was nowhere to be seen.

Lariella had truly left this place. Leaving him here alone. The more he traced her remnants, the more he confirmed this fact, and the more he clutched his empty heart.

Kais’s gaze, blankly leaning against the window, couldn’t leave the area around the rose vine where Lariella often used to crouch.

Every two or three days, Lariella would crouch there, diligently tending to something. After moving busily for a while, she would bring a watering can almost as big as her torso, give the plants plenty of water, and return with a very satisfied expression.

Since she had sent word asking him to refrain from visiting because her menstruation had started, Lariella hadn’t come out to this garden at all. At the time, he had simply assumed it was because she was uncomfortable due to her period, but now he realized she had already been preparing to leave from then on. She had already decided to leave behind the plants she had planted there, and him standing here, everything.