There are no separate maids in the annex. Rachel had adamantly refused. After giving up her noble life, she had lived for seven years doing menial work in a restaurant.

For her, maids who followed her like shadows were rather uncomfortable monitors. That’s why Rachel even prepares her own meals. And unlike Nian, she does it very skillfully.

Today, having invited a guest for dinner, Rachel moved her hands busily. She grilled salmon that had been marinated briefly in olive oil, white wine, and several herbs until it was golden brown, and added a light sauce.

Just as she was finishing her preparations, her awaited guest appropriately entered the annex. Rachel smiled slightly. It was Dade.

“Impressive.”

“Isn’t it? If you tell me what you’d like to eat, I’ll make it for you.”

He smiled faintly.

“Please sit down. I’ll bring some wine.”

Rachel ran with small steps and soon brought white wine that would pair well with the salmon steak. She poured the wine and raised her glass for a toast with practiced ease. Dade took a sip of wine, put it down, and then skillfully cut the steak before looking at Rachel.

“Here.”

He switched his steak with Rachel’s, which she hadn’t yet cut. Rachel felt like she might cry at his thoughtfulness.

“You’ve become quite considerate, Your Majesty.”

“Was I ever not?”

“Well. The Your Majesty I remember……”

At the old story, Dade raised the corner of his mouth.

“As I remember, rather than being considerate, you were arrogant. Your Majesty.”

“What?”

Though Dade looked at her as if in disbelief, Rachel soon closed her mouth.

That’s how he was.

Even after learning he was the Crown Prince, he had persistently courted her despite her adamant refusals, and finally took her love completely. That was probably his way of loving.

For a moment, his actions toward the Empress came to mind.

She desperately hoped his character had changed, but unfortunately, he remained the same.

She knew him too well to not notice this, cruelly enough.

But she decided to pretend not to know. Perhaps he might return.

‘Do you love her?’

Rachel swallowed the words she couldn’t bring herself to ask with the wine.

As the meal was almost over, Rachel hesitated a bit before speaking.

“It’s getting cold as night falls.”

“Indeed.”

“Stay at the annex tonight, Your Majesty.”

“Alright.”

This time, Dade accepted Rachel’s request, which he had refused until now.

Today too, he thought of her.

That sorrowful thought still ached in his heart, but now he could bear it without showing it too much. Considering they had even been married, it seems it wasn’t meant to be.

Despite loving her so much, his foolish self couldn’t grasp that love nor let it go cleanly.

This terrible love, like a swing, would retreat when pushed hard, only to return soon after.

He decided not to try and just leave it be. As time passes, it will burn in the fire ignited by time and eventually turn to ashes, scattering without a trace. Like that herb garden he had longed for.

Letting Nian go was quite a good thing. Once, with intense feelings, he had asked her to stay by his side even as just a shell, but it was good that he hadn’t. It was terrifying to think that Nian might have experienced his current feelings.

Rather, this was better.

Though his heart ached unbearably, both Rachel and Nian would be happy because of it.

Dade smiled bitterly. What he possessed was so fleeting. Even if he had the world, he couldn’t have his one love.

For him, love was always something that ran ahead of him. Though he chased breathlessly, he could never catch up, and always regretfully watched its back.

It had been so with Rachel, and it had been so with Nian.

His clumsy love, where only his heart had raced ahead, had let Rachel go because he couldn’t protect her, and with Nian, he had wasted time resenting her without even properly confirming, wrongly blaming her.

Even though there was barely enough time just to love fully, regret, as always, was too late no matter when it came.

“Your Majesty.”

Rachel called. Dade immediately relaxed his hardened expression and answered with a smile. Fortunately, Rachel was smiling too.

“Stay at the annex tonight, Your Majesty.”

At Rachel’s words, Dade closed his eyes and then answered.

“Alright.”

‘Yes, let’s live like this.’

Though I might never see you again, we’re living under the same sky, at the same time. Let’s be satisfied with that. Though you cruelly left far away without even looking back, let’s still live like this.

Remembering you, my love, who will never be allowed to me no matter how stubborn I am, no matter how much I throw tantrums, no matter how much I cry and cling. Yes, let’s just live on like this.

‘So, my endlessly loved one, please be happy without me.’

On the bed, the two lay facing each other.

Rachel smiled somewhat awkwardly, and Dade just looked at her. The desolate moonlight outside illuminated Rachel’s white face and gave off a fragrant scent of soap. After staring for a long time, Rachel approached first.

She tilted her head and lightly kissed his lips. Though she felt afraid, fortunately, he responded to her kiss, gently wrapping and supporting her waist.

She licked his taciturn lips. After hesitating, she carefully extended her tongue a bit more, and his lips opened. Rachel sighed into the kiss at his familiar scent.

“I love you, Your Majesty.”

Feeling his body heat, Rachel confessed in a moist voice.

“……”

Though his love without an answer was sorrowful, Rachel forced a smile. As he caressed her with skillful hands, he suddenly stopped and abruptly got up.

“……?”

Though Rachel sat up against the bed, pulling the blanket to cover herself in confusion, Dade just turned away.

“I’m sorry.”

It was a sudden apology, but Rachel seemed to understand what he was sorry for. Looking at Dade’s unkind back, Rachel lowered her head.

She had loved him when he was dazzlingly radiant back then. But seeing that she still found him lovable even after that light had gone out, it seems the radiance wasn’t the light, but him.

She hadn’t wanted a relationship limited to gentle kisses, but in the end, it seemed that was all he could allow. Leaving Rachel quietly shedding tears behind, Dade left the annex.

‘Damn it.’

He too had thought about reuniting with Rachel.

He had certainly thought he would be extremely happy meeting her whom he had missed, but when he heard the words that Nian had never said, he simply couldn’t embrace her. His body wouldn’t allow him to embrace her without love, only out of a sense of apology.

‘Ah, Rachel. What went wrong?’

What did we do wrong that we all fell into hell?

Why did we end up so cruelly misaligned when we only loved?

He suddenly felt resentful toward Nian for leaving him alone in this hell.

The calm lake appears incredibly clear, but the mud-like longing beneath the lake inevitably rises at the slightest ripple, clouding his heart.

Even in the moment of holding another woman, he remembers her who used to blush. The way she would blush and then exhale sweet breaths. Her cute br*asts were incredibly soft and responded with a twitch at his slightest gesture.

Dade finally sat down, clutching his head.

The longing he couldn’t shake off constantly tormented him, taking different forms. Longing sometimes became resentment, sometimes regret, and sometimes hope.

He resented her for leaving alone, regretted the time they had spent together, and desperately hoped to see her again.

‘How can I live like this?’

The emotions he had been suppressing and hiding were mercilessly revealed in the desolate moonlight. Tears of regret soon flowed, but there was nothing he could do.

She was no longer by his side.

Meanwhile, the Empress Dowager, unable to fall asleep late at night, sat in the study looking out the window. Though several months had passed since the Empress was deposed, a new empress had not been appointed.

It seemed her child would rather live with deprivation than replace her.

She sighed.

The wisdom that comes with age had made her understand the true feelings of the two without having to say anything. She felt extremely troubled, thinking that her hasty choice had separated them.

Sincerity that wasn’t properly conveyed created misunderstandings, and deepened misunderstandings were trying to sever their connection.

But since things had already come to this, she had tried to ignore it. Thinking that if their love was so clumsy that they couldn’t even convey their sincerity, then it would be their lot if it ended like this.

However, after seeing her child’s eyes as he stood blankly not long ago, she couldn’t sleep. His light blue eyes, like the sky, resembling the late Emperor, were incredibly cloudy as if about to rain, and it was heartbreaking.

Her endlessly foolish child seemed not to know yet that pity cannot become love.

‘Oh, you foolish boy.’

The Empress Dowager, who had been lightly clicking her tongue, finally called someone.

Though Nian might be hurt again because of her child’s foolish love, her burning maternal love prioritized her child’s pain.

Nian, I must find her.

* * *