Chapter 4: The Trap of Original Sin (5)

As we followed Butler Brian into the mansion, the household staff, who had been watching me closely in my nun’s attire, called out my name with puzzled expressions.

“Miss Licia?”

“Why does everyone look so surprised?”

“Are you really the young lady?”

Why were they so taken aback by the appearance of the countess’s daughter, who had been absent from the mansion for half a year, dressed as a nun?

“…It feels like we’ve entered someone else’s house.”

Surveying the grandeur of the mansion felt strangely unfamiliar. I gazed up at the chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling. They seemed so close, yet were they always that high up?

“Miss!”

As I was lost in longing, someone urgently called out to me and rushed down the stairs from the second floor.

With a long mop in hand, they hurriedly approached, their breaths coming in gasps.

“Isidora.”

The mop, gripped tightly in the nursemaid’s right hand, fell limply to the floor.

“Miss, miss! Where have you been? You’ve returned now!”

Quietly, I reached out to wipe away the tears on the nursemaid’s cheeks. It seemed another wrinkle had formed in my absence, and my heart ached.

She envelops me in her embrace, holding me close as if to fill every gap. Leaning my head against her warm chest, the events that transpired until now felt like nothing more than a dream.

“Miss, your clothes are a mess from cleaning…”

“It’s okay.”

The nursemaid was the only one who followed my mother when she decided to marry the eldest son of the Marquis. From the moment I was born, she never left my side, not even when my mother’s breath ceased in her final moments.

Unfortunately, there was no will left by my mother for the nursemaid. Instead of resentment, the grieving nursemaid resolved to raise her child, healthily, without uttering a word.

“Leaving this nursemaid alone without a word…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”

“Perhaps it’s because she’s like her daughter, even in the way she leaves without saying a word.”

As time passed, Isidora’s hair turned into a full head of white hair, resembling the shoddy white muffler I knitted for her as a birthday gift years ago.

“I’m really sorry.”

I leaned against the maid’s embrace like a child. Today, I wanted to act like a child as much as I wished.

As if nothing had happened, as if I knew nothing.

“Master, please rest in the bedroom.”

Was it obvious from the anxious expression on my face? The maid kindly smiled and made way for me.

Slowly, I climbed the stairs amid the pouring gazes of the servants. With each step, my heart sank several times.

Eventually, I reached his father’s bedroom. As I opened the door and stepped inside, I couldn’t help but feel anxious about what I might find – would my father be lying in a mess on the bed?

Staring at the doorknob for a moment, I eventually raised my palm and gently knocked on the door.

“Father, it’s me. Can I come in?”

I whispered, my voice barely audible, as I leaned my head against the door. There was no response. It was that moment, just as my trembling hand reached for the doorknob.

“Licia…!”

The bedroom door swung open from inside first. Through the wide gap, I saw the face of my dearly missed father. He blinked repeatedly, as if unable to believe what he was seeing.

His left arm was in a splint, and exhaustion marked his otherwise unblemished face. Yellow bruises peeked from beneath his partially open shirt.

Suppressing my rising emotions, I forced a bright smile instead of expressing my tearful worries.

“Father, I’m back.”

His lips tightened, a look of anger or perhaps disappointment. Was he furious because I left the mansion without a word? I hoped he wouldn’t come to resent me.

“I’m sorry…”

Before I could finish my sentence, my father’s right arm wrapped around me. His warmth enveloped me, stirring emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was the comforting embrace of my father that I had missed so much.

“Well, come on in.”

His gruff voice resonated in my ears. Despite his typically stoic demeanor, there was a subtle tremor beneath his emotionally restrained tone.

“Are you okay? They said you fell off a horse.”

Did he know how much my heart ached as I read Jaylon’s letter?

“I tightened security among the servants, but someone leaked it. Was it Brian?”

As Brian’s name was mentioned, my father slowly lifted his head and spoke with a calm demeanor.

“It would have been better if you had told me first. You can hardly imagine how I felt when I heard news about my eagerly awaited father from someone else’s lips.”

“I didn’t want to worry you just as you were finding your footing in the convent. If I had replied, knowing you would come running to the estate in tears like a child, I couldn’t bring myself to deliver the news easily.”

My father’s harsh words brought tears to my eyes.

“…Next time, please tell me the news first. You understand, don’t you?”

Experiencing the loss of a loved one once is enough. Isn’t it, Father?

***

It seems she was quite exhausted from all that has happened. The child, who had been chattering excitedly, fell fast asleep as the sun began to set.

Sighing softly, Lord Sossilion’s lips curved into a faint smile as he listened to the baby-like breathing.

“Master, Miss, dinner is ready.”

“Shh…”

The lord gently lifted his index finger to his lips. Isidora’s gaze shifted to her illegitimate daughter, who lay neatly on the bed.

“It seems Miss has been very tired.”

A sad smile tugged at Isidora’s lips as she looked down at the still youthful face of Licia

“Her sleeping form is so angelic.”

In the absence of her mother, who left this world too soon, Isidora had taken care of the child as if she were her own daughter or granddaughter.

“I hope you’ll put an end to your adventures and return to the estate as soon as possible… But since you won’t even listen to my words, Master…” 

“Look at her.”

Just as Isidora had said, the Duke wished his daughter were somewhere within his reach.

She had never been one to defy him. Yet, she had left the mansion after leaving behind just one letter. Her absence had plagued the Duke with guilt for a while.

“Was it because I failed to give as much love to her as Helena, who left before her? Or was it because of my stoic and emotionally reserved nature that she felt neglected?”

She was as precious as his own life, perhaps even more so. When his wife’s life hung in the balance, didn’t they hold hands and vow to raise the child, even taking on Helena’s share?

But despite his solemn oath, the child vanished. Finding the missing Lady Licia within the confines of the empire wasn’t such a daunting task. The Duke followed the trail of the private carriage that Alicia had last boarded.

[He asked to be taken to the monastery on the outskirts of the empire. He walked there despite the road being cut off.]

It was a remote monastery where aging nuns lived together without a proper priest. The thought of his frail daughter staying there in the dilapidated facility made him tremble with fear.

The Duke wanted to rush to the monastery immediately and bring his daughter back. How many times had he woken up from sleep and run out of the mansion?

“She’s just like Helena. So full of secrets and an adventurous spirit.”

She had never been stubborn or complained. Surely, there must have been reasons she couldn’t disclose. He resolved to suppress his selfishness and trust his daughter.

After a long wait, his daughter finally sent word. She wrote that she was staying at a large monastery in front of the palace and had become an official nun after receiving baptism.

Putting aside his confused feelings, a foolish smile crept onto his face at the end of the letter, where she softly expressed her longing to see him.

“My precious daughter.”

He gently kissed his daughter’s forehead as she slept soundly.

Alicia, my precious daughter. All I can do as an inept father is to watch over you. I can only stand firm and watch to see if the path you’re on might stray.

***

“What do you mean? I can’t go back home?”

Daniel grasped Edwin’s sleeve in confusion. After all, Daniel had already submitted his leave request a month ago.

“Taking leave at a time like this? Are you planning to become a nun at a convent? Then who will attend Mass?”

“You can ask the priest! Or Father Marco is there too!”

“Should I tell someone who can barely move to stand and attend Mass all day? Oh, impressive… Or do you want me to say I prefer to attend alone?”

“No, please. I already sent a letter saying I’m going back home. And stop being so formal, it’s creepy. Just, just be casual.”

“Anyway, you can’t go back home. If I say so in my monastery, you can’t go.”

As Edwin bared his teeth as if he would devour him, Daniel finally backed down.

“Returning after a year…”

“I haven’t returned to my hometown in the past three years and six months.”

“Well… You seem to enjoy staying at the monastery, Father.”

“…In the past three years and six months, I can count the days I’ve slept properly on one hand. Does that look like enjoyment to you? Ah, now I understand. To you, monastery duties were just a frivolous pastime, weren’t they?”

As Edwin pushed Daniel to the edge, Daniel choked back tears as if he might burst into tears at any moment.

“So, what’s your answer?”

“…I don’t have to go home. You’re really too much.” 

It was a satisfactory answer. As Edwin tore Daniel’s leave request to shreds with his fingernails, despair filled Daniel’s face.

As Edwin pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, Daniel, who seemed to have lost his senses, watched him with growing pallor.

“‘Thank you for the dedication of Father Daniel to the service of the faithful… And please sign at the bottom of the leave request,'”

With a kind smile, Edwin handed Daniel his own leave request.

“Father, how can you leave me alone and go somewhere?”

“After three years and six months, I want to visit my hometown.”

Edwin forcibly grabbed Daniel’s frozen hand and pressed his signature onto his own leave request.

After smiling warmly and patting Daniel’s back as if he were a good friend, Edwin left the room. All that remained was Daniel’s torn leave request scattered on the floor.

‘Oh Lord, how can such an incompetent man wear the robes of a priest?’

Daniel’s sorrowful sob echoed through the monastery corridors. Edwin’s conscience, which he thought had long been worn away by the cries of novice priests, stirred. But for now, it was urgent to go out of the monastery and meet her.