Chapter 5: Anticipated Coming-Of-Age Ceremony (1)

I had promised to return to the duke’s house before dinner, but an unplanned encounter with Father Edwin delayed my return. 

It seemed my father had waited for me without eating, as the food on the table was cold.

“Father, you should have eaten first.”

“The cold food can be reheated. Come and sit.”

Was he angry because I was late? My father said nothing throughout the meal.

When I reheated the cold meat, it became so tough that my jaw ached as I chewed. As my father continued cutting the tough meat, he spoke in a flat tone.

“It’s nice to sit together after so long.”

These were words I never imagined coming from my taciturn father.

“I’m also very happy to be having a meal with you after such a long time.”

I smiled at him. Father, you have no idea how much I longed for this moment while confined in the palace. Do you know I had to face the stake to sit here again?

After an emotional dinner, I visited my father’s study to talk.

“You want to attend the coming-of-age ceremony…”

“Don’t worry, Father. I’m going with Jaylon.”

When I suddenly mentioned my desire to make my debut in society, despite having shown no interest before, my father’s face darkened.

“…How did you know the ceremony was moved up?”

“I heard it from Jaylon.”

“We haven’t celebrated your twentieth birthday together yet, so it would be better to go next year.”

“I had a baptism ceremony at the monastery, so it’s fine.”

“Well, you’ll be returning to that monastery in a few days anyway. I don’t see why you want to attend the coming-of-age ceremony.”

“There’s someone I want to meet.”

“Someone you want to meet? You, who never showed interest in anyone…”

Until half a year ago, I was not one to insist on anything. Despite his prolonged persuasion, I didn’t back down, casting a heavy silence over my father’s study. The brief silence was broken by his long sigh.

“…I have something to give you, so wait here for a moment.”

I had a vague idea of what my father might give me. 

“I don’t know if you’ll like it.” 

When I turned seventeen, he had given me an intricately crafted emerald necklace as a birthday present. However, for the actual coming-of-age ceremony, I had to wear a pure white dress and a blue sapphire necklace prepared by Father Revencio, relegating the emerald necklace to a drawer.

[I don’t know if you’ll like it.]

But what my father brought out was not the emerald necklace; it was a dress of a long-outdated design.

“Father, this dress…”

“…It’s old, but…”

How could I forget the dress he held in his hands? Although I had never seen it in person, it was the dress my mother wore in her portrait. After pledging eternal love to his wife and then losing her, my father had desperately tried to erase all traces of her from the house.

He burned everything that had filled her wardrobe, erasing even the scent of her.

“This is the dress Helena wore at her coming-of-age ceremony.”

My father’s mouth uttered my mother’s name, a name he had never mentioned before. It was a name I longed to hear again after such a long time.

“She approached me first, though I was too shy to speak to anyone. I couldn’t believe the most beautiful woman at the ball would talk to me; I thought I was dreaming.”

“Father…”

“When the dance began, she asked why I wasn’t asking her to dance, even though I hesitated like a fool. I was so nervous while dancing that I couldn’t make eye contact with her. She was that beautiful.”

I accepted my mother’s dress with great care.

“…Thank you so much, I’ll cherish it.”

I couldn’t take it with me to the monastery, but I wanted to keep it dearly. As I rubbed my cheek against the blue dress, I felt like I could almost smell my mother’s scent from a distant memory.

“And this is my gift.”

“May I open it?”

“Of course, go ahead.”

I opened the gift box, which was a little bigger than my palm. This time, I thought it would surely contain the emerald necklace.

“This is…”

Inside the box was a finely crafted quill and ink. It wasn’t the kind of gift most girls my age would appreciate.

“I received the letter you sent last time. But the ink was a bit smudged.”

“Father, I really like it!”

I could definitely take this writing set back to the monastery, holding it close to my heart. If it had been the emerald necklace, it would have ended up in the drawer again.

“…I really, really like it.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

I threw myself into his arms. Of all the birthday presents I had ever received, this one was my favorite.

“…Thank you so much, Father.”

Honestly, I would have been grateful for whatever he gave me. Even if it had been just a stone. I cherished the sight of his gentle smile spreading across his usually taciturn face. It had been so long since I’d seen him smile.

In a distant memory, I saw the image of my father with his head bowed, hands covering his face, as he stood before me, the chosen Saint.

[Licia, I cannot let you go. Even if I have to sell my title as duke, I will get you out of here…]

[Father, you don’t need to go that far. I’m fine.]

[I’m not fine. Licia, my only daughter… You’re all I have left.]

That day, for the first time, I saw my steadfast father’s shoulders collapse under the weight of his sorrow.

[Licia, it’s all my fault. It’s my fault for passing on Helena’s looks to you.]

I couldn’t offer any comfort to my father, who sat on the ground, sobbing as if he had lost the world.

“…You know, I really did love the emerald necklace too.”

I finally said what I couldn’t say to him that day. My father looked down at me, puzzled.

“I’ll cherish the dress, the quill, and everything else.”

But the words I couldn’t bring myself to say lingered on my lips. Father, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just a small mistake, a misunderstanding. So please, don’t be sad anymore.

***

The long-awaited day of the coming-of-age ceremony arrived. The maids, excited to have an interesting task after a long time, bustled around busily.

“Miss, are you really going to wear this dress?”

Although the dress had been well-preserved without a single faded spot, its design was long out of fashion. Recently, dresses with less lace and decoration, featuring elegant slits at the hem, were in vogue.

“Yes, I’m going to wear this one. I like it.”

However, the dress with its lace collar encircling my neck probably looked stifling to the maids.

“Other ladies will come dressed up so beautifully…”

“I don’t care about what others think.”

After all, there was a different main character for the coming-of-age ceremony. No matter how extravagant the dress, no one would pay attention to me.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do! We’ll just have to make your hair look as nice as possible.”

How long had it been since I had the maids tend to me? My unkempt golden hair was incredibly dry and tangled. I had always just roughly brushed it and hid it under a hood. Perhaps that’s why it tangled at the slightest touch and became more frizzy the more they tried to manage it.

“How did my carefully managed masterpiece turn into a ball of tangles in just six months…”

Three maids worked diligently to untangle my hair. Gradually, their efforts began to smooth out the knotted strands.

“The young lord will be your escort, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Before getting off the carriage, I had asked Jaylon to accompany me to the coming-of-age ceremony. Initially angry, Jaylon ended up grinning like a madman. While I didn’t place much significance on who would escort me, Jaylon seemed incredibly pleased, smiling non-stop.

“Then, Lord Jaylon is incredibly lucky.”

“Hmm, why?”

“Why? Because he gets to enter the ballroom holding the hand of someone as beautiful as you.”

“Well, I wonder if he thinks so too?”

The first time I stepped into high society after being chosen as a Saint, I wore a pure white dress and entered the ballroom holding Father Revencio’s hand. Though I had not yet been officially declared a Saint, as one, I couldn’t indiscriminately touch anyone other than the crown prince.

I couldn’t recall if I had seen Jaylon at the ballroom that day. Perhaps he hadn’t attended the ceremony at all. Since learning about my selection as a Saint, Jaylon had intentionally avoided meeting me.

“Do you not know him? I do. He’s probably seething with envy by now.”

“Marie as well.”

“Take a look in the mirror. It’s my craftsmanship, but it’s too perfect.”

At Marie’s words, I looked into the vanity mirror. My face was painted as white as the ceramic dolls I used to see frequently in the past. Now accustomed to my plain, makeup-free face, the painted look felt awkward.

“You too, my lady, stiff as a wax doll. Come on, try to smile broadly.”

As Marie suggested, I forced a smile, and suddenly memories of the past brushed through my mind.

A noble Saint always had to be perfect. The Father Sister of the central temple always demanded a gentle smile from the Saint.

How much pain was I in because of that obsession? Even after stepping down from the real Saint’s position, the pain continued. Until the moment I climbed onto the stake.

“Thank you, I like it.”