Chapter 5: Anticipated Coming-Of-Age Ceremony (3)

No matter how desperately I called out to her, my outstretched hand couldn’t reach even the hem of her dress.

A mere spectator could never ascend to the stage.

“…Young Miller  couldn’t make it either, surrounded by people like that.”

“Those of us like driftwood can’t even speak.”

Seeing her standing there, head bowed deeply in resignation, my heart ached. I could understand her turmoil as a Saint thrust into sudden confusion.

Yes, that day, I too stood surrounded by people, unable to utter a word and merely gritting my teeth. If Abigail was overwhelmed with fear, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of utter helplessness and resignation.

Surely, a fairytale prince would appear to rescue the despairing Saint standing alone in the center of the ballroom. The prince would extend a saving hand to the Saint in her dazzling social debut, their destined first meeting. Everything was unfolding according to Father Revencio’s script.

The ceremony proceeded flawlessly according to plan, except for one thing—Abigail was standing there instead of me, as the Saint.

“…I guess I should try saying something.”

Amidst the bustling crowd, surrounded and trembling, her pitiful state was deeply distressing. As I tried to approach Abigail, Rosemary grabbed my dress at the hem.

“If you go now, you won’t even get a chance to say a word before being pushed away.”

Her words rang true. It was impossible to break through the swarm of people like a swarm of ants. Even if I managed to get close, it was clear I wouldn’t be able to utter a single word before being swept away.

At this moment, there was only one person who could save her.

“The prince…”

Before I could finish my thought, the doors of the ballroom swung open. The prince, dressed in impeccable attire, took the hand of the princess and strode into the ballroom with a straight posture.

“It’s Prince Victor!”

His neatly styled red hair and commanding gaze were exactly as they were that day. It seemed he could approach at any moment, inviting a cheerful dance with a hearty laugh.

“…But even then, they wouldn’t pay us any attention.”

Victor felt incredibly distant as he watched from the audience seats. With the prince’s arrival, everyone else in the ballroom blurred into the background, leaving only the prince and the maiden vividly clear like a painting.

I gazed at them entranced, contemplating. If I had become the maiden as fate dictated, Abigail, would you have stood here looking at Victor with me?

“Licia, I’ve been looking for you. It’s almost dance time,” Jaylon suddenly appeared, grasping my hand. Rosemary and Lilian awkwardly smiled and stepped back a pace.

“Have you been socializing a lot?” Jaylon asked.

“Yeah, fortunately, kind people have approached me,” I replied.

I picked up a slice of vibrant raspberry cake and withdrew to the outskirts of the ballroom. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I didn’t feel like dancing either.

“Jaylon, I’m not going to dance. If you want to dance, ask the other ladies, okay?”

I simply wanted to watch the destined first encounter of the maiden and the prince, becoming just one of many spectators.

However, I had no intention of keeping Jaylon by my side. Not far away, I noticed a woman who had been glancing at Jaylon since earlier.

“I won’t dance either if you won’t.” 

Jaylon said with a pout, his lips pursed like a goldfish as he leaned against the wall beside me.

“Do you see that lady in the yellow dress? She’s been watching you all this time. Should I go talk to her?” 

Jaylon’s intrigued gaze shifted toward the woman in the yellow dress. With her thick, wavy hair, she looked adorable. As Jaylon and she locked eyes, she blushed and shyly lowered her head.

“You wouldn’t mind if I danced with another woman?”

“…Jaylon, saying that makes it seem like you might even like me. Why are you acting so strangely today, almost like a child?” 

His approach, akin to handling a fiancée, was hard to comprehend. Perhaps feeling hurt by my words, Jaylon remained silent for a while.

“…I just want to quietly observe.”

The rapid tempo of the string instruments drew people toward the center of the ballroom. The eagerly awaited dance time had arrived. The prince asked the maiden to dance, and she accepted his request without hesitation.

Abigail’s pristine white dress and Victor’s red hair were vivid even from a distance. I leisurely followed their silhouettes. All I could see was their backs, but their swaying red hair and familiar stride were unmistakable.

“…Everything remains as it was in my memories.”

I couldn’t make out the conversation they were having. Were they reciting to her the whispers that had echoed in my ears that day?

The raspberry cake, which had been absent-mindedly nibbled on, was suddenly gone. I glanced suspiciously at the culprit, only to find Jaylon, who had swallowed the cake in one bite, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Jaylon?”

“I finished the cake, so let’s go dance now.”

“What? I told you I don’t want to dance!”

Guided by Jaylon’s touch, we headed towards the center of the ballroom. I looked around bewilderedly and saw elegantly dressed noblemen confidently inviting ladies to dance.

“…I’m sorry. But I can’t just quietly observe.”

Jaylon bent his waist and requested a dance. It seemed like he wouldn’t easily give up.

“Seriously, you…”

I sighed and placed my hand on Jaylon’s shoulder. As we clasped hands and I glared at him, his shoulders twitched slightly, clearly affected.

“Licia, I couldn’t bear seeing you gaze so eagerly at other men while ignoring me.”

Amidst turbulent emotions, the dance time began.

Jaylon’s waltz skills weren’t terrible, but there was a roughness and clumsiness to his movements as he struggled to keep up with the beat.

Jaylon’s lips curled up as he tried to follow the rhythm.

“To me, the prince seems rather stiff and unappealing.”

“Jaylon, are you implying you’d be much better?”

Whispering at a breath’s distance, Jaylon’s face flushed crimson.

“Well…”

“Well, maybe you would be.”

At least you wouldn’t have thrown a lifelong companion into the fire like an executioner. In a subtle affirmation, Jaylon’s cheeks turned pink.

“But Licia, why are you so good at dancing?”

Due to Jaylon’s clumsy movements, I ended up leading him instead.

“I practiced all night because I wanted to lead gracefully…”

In my mind, I pictured Jaylon fiercely practicing waltz alone. Despite having an expensive tutor, as a young novice, his skills were just average.

However, since becoming the Prince Consort, I had grown accustomed to parties. Memories of countless waltzes with Victor dominated my mind as I rested my hands on his shoulders and matched his steps.

“Jaylon, you need more practice.”

As the song ended, Victor and Abigail passed by nearby. Her waist was pressed back, and her golden hair seemed to almost touch Victor’s back.

He stood where the edge of the dress could touch. Soon, the dress skirt touched his ankle as it passed.

But it seemed that he was still deeply absorbed in his first encounter with the Saint, and he didn’t seem interested in me.

Resentful anger filled my blue eyes as I watched Victor’s back slowly get away.

‘You don’t deserve to dance with her.’

The impulse to plunge a knife into his neck, even right now as he dances, consumes me. Doing so might momentarily satisfy the deep-seated anger welling up inside.

Shall I wither away?

‘No, you cannot peacefully pass into the afterlife as a prince.’

Needles pricked under my nails and into my eyeballs, tortured almost to death in the dungeon waters. My flesh melted from the searing iron on my back, yet I did not die; I remained alive.

Even in the agony greater than the death you inflicted upon me, my breath did not cease. I grasped onto my resilient life.

Therefore, I did not want to witness you bravely facing death with the honor of a prince around your neck.

‘Just as you did to me, I will strip away everything you hold dear!’

I will ruthlessly take away the throne you valued more than your life. When despair spreads across your face, I will raise my lips in satisfaction.

Would my soul finally find complete peace as it swings backwards on the gallows?

“Licia, Licia! Why are you thinking so deeply?”

“…Huh?”

“I’ll practice more next time.”

Jaylon scratched his head as if embarrassed. Abigail and Victor had long since disappeared. It was truly a fleeting moment. A sigh of regret lingered in my mouth.

“Was my dancing really that bad?”  

Jaylon whimpered like a puppy, scrutinizing my expression.  

“I just want to rest for a bit. I’ll get some fresh air.”  

“Shall I come with you?”  

His anxious gaze, like a puppy left behind, showed he was reluctant to let me go alone.  

“It’s fine. I’ll be back soon.”  

The destination of my steps was already decided. I quietly passed through the crowd like a ghost and climbed the stairs to the second floor.  

Everyone was too busy chatting with their new acquaintances from the debutante ball to pay any attention to me.  

Click, clack. The sharp sound of my heels echoed through the quiet hallway in front of the central staircase. I recalled what Victor had said to me near the end of the dance time on my coming-of-age day.  

‘The third terrace on the second floor, I often go there when I’m tired of insincere flattery. It might be useful to you.’

Yes, if it’s him, he would definitely be at the third terrace on the second floor. I quickened my steps towards the terrace.  

‘First, second, third…’

I stopped in front of the third terrace. My heart was pounding. After hesitating and fiddling with the terrace door handle for a moment, I finally stepped inside.  

The chilly night breeze brushed through my hair. I saw a round back of a head, leaning against the terrace railing. Before I could even call out a name, the head turned, startled by my presence.  

“You don’t need to leave. There’s enough space for both of us.”  

How long have I waited for this moment? Do you even know?  

“…Shall we talk?”  

The hem of my pure white dress fluttered. Golden threads woven from gold dust, blue eyes unable to hide their bewilderment, looked at me.  

“Are you disappointed because I’m not the one you were expecting?”  

Surely, if she had heard the same words from Victor, she would be waiting for him on the terrace without a doubt.  

I cautiously approached the terrace railing. It seemed the dance time had ended, and gentle classical music was now playing.  

“’Twilight Dance by Chepalton, it’s one of my favorite pieces.”  

As I closed the terrace door, the murmur of people gradually faded away, and only the rich sound of the orchestra’s piano remained.

“’Twilight Dance by Chepalton, his most famous piece, but do people know it was the last piece Chaplin wrote before ending his life in suicide?”  

“……”  

Just moments ago, Abigail had been startled and stepping back, but now she was listening intently to my words.  

“Maybe it’s better to listen without knowing anything.”  

As I smiled at her, Abigail lowered her head towards the railing and murmured softly.  

“…I thought it was a piece he composed after falling in love.”  

Twilight Dance, widely known as a dedication Chepalton composed for his lover after falling in love, was actually a requiem he created while writhing in agony before his death.  

“Perhaps. It could very well be a piece born from the love he experienced right before his death.”  

Without knowing the truth, the gentle piano melody seemed like a tender and wistful serenade.  

“…Tragedy when seen up close, comedy when seen from a distance?”

Did she think Twilight Dance was similar to her situation? People envied Abigail for the power she would gain from her natural beauty, but her small shoulders seemed ready to collapse at any moment.  

“…You, like me, have blonde hair and blue eyes, so you must have undergone the Holy Power verification as well.”  

I answered her question with a mere lift of my lips.  

“…I still don’t understand.”  

Seeing her desperate face left me breathless. I took a deep breath of the night air, trying to ease the suffocating feeling. Ah, it didn’t help at all.  

“What if I’m not the true Saintess? What if it’s a mistake…?”  

My eyes widened at the word “mistake” that spilled from Abigail’s lips.  

It was a question I had asked myself thousands, no, tens of thousands of times. What if I’m not the true Saintess and the temple made an error in placing me in this position?  

‘Even if every citizen of the empire denies that you are the Saintess, I will believe in you. If my faith can prove your worth, I will do so, no matter what.’  

It was Victor’s voice that silenced my countless worries.

‘Even if you’re not the Saintess and get expelled from the palace, I’ll go with you wherever you are. Let’s live together, just the two of us, in a place no one can find us. Forever.’

Hearing that stern yet tender voice, my heart felt inexplicably at ease. But Victor’s promise of being together forever soon dispersed like smoke.  

As soon as the black-haired Saintess appeared, his attitude changed. It was as if he wasn’t the person I had known. The man who had promised me eternity, kissing the back of my hand to calm my nightly fears, was no longer there.  

‘Was it because I was a fake that I ended up hurting you…’

When I lost my position as Saintess and was demoted overnight to a mere concubine, his once gentle gaze turned icy cold in an instant. Despite the harsh treatment, I didn’t want to blame Victor.  

He had been my only support in the desolate palace. I didn’t want to deny the happy memories we had shared. Looking back, it was utterly foolish of me.  

“Whether you’re real or fake doesn’t matter.”  

I took a step closer to Abigail.  

“If they worship you as a Saintess, then you become the Saintess.”

Her eyes, seen up close, were filled with tension and fear. But when I looked deeper into her soul, I felt a sense of purity and kindness that hadn’t been tainted by malice.  

“Abigail, if it’s you, you’ll do wonderfully.”  

I’m glad I came to see you. Abigail, I’ll make you the true Saintess. I’ll protect you so that despair never touches those kind eyes again, so don’t worry or blame yourself anymore.  

“…Have we met somewhere before?”  

This time, Abigail spoke first. Had I acted as if I knew her well, even though we were meeting for the first time?  

“…”  

I couldn’t easily answer her question. It was simple enough. Although we hadn’t met often, I could have just said we were cousins. There was nothing to lose by revealing that.  

“…No, we haven’t.”  

But I decided not to say anything. In a few days, I would return to the convent. Telling her we were cousins wouldn’t help her in any way right now.

“Even though the weather has warmed up, staying outside for too long can be bad for your health. I’ll head back now.”  

I turned away like a passing stranger. I recalled the past when I waited for Victor on the terrace and ended up suffering from a fever. Tonight, no matter how long I waited, Victor would not come to the terrace.  

I kept glancing back, worried about leaving Abigail alone on the terrace. She seemed to be waiting endlessly for Victor, who would never come.  

“I hope she doesn’t wait too long.”  

Leaving her there without telling her the truth weighed heavily on my mind. I hesitated briefly, but then I grabbed the hem of my dress and headed towards the back stairs of the ballroom.  

Having met her, I no longer had any reason to stay at the ball. While it might be good to socialize and build connections with others, once I returned to the convent, these relationships would scatter like a handful of sand slipping through my fingers.  

“Did you enjoy your time outside?”  

Jaylon was waiting patiently in front of the central stairs like a large dog awaiting its owner.  

“Look at your cold ears. How can someone with a weak body stand the night air?”  

Jaylon’s large hand rested on my cold, frozen ear. His warmth melted away the chill.

“Jaylon, did I ever tell you that my parents met for the first time on their coming-of-age day?”  

“Hmm, I think you might have mentioned it.”  

“I think I met my destined person on the terrace.”  

I had met the fated girl who would walk the steep path I had once trodden. She and I were two souls sharing one destiny.  

“What? A destined person?! Who is it?”  

Jaylon jumped up, getting all worked up, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter because he looked so cute.  

“You rarely laugh, but was it that good?”  

“Yes, it was a historic moment.”  

“Seriously, don’t meet that person again! Even if you run into them, pretend you don’t know them! Got it?”  

Sorry, Jaylon. I have a feeling I’ll be meeting her again soon. Because I’m going to see her again.

***

“We had many good conversations with nice people.”

“Then that’s fortunate.”

I wonder if Father was worried all day about me wandering around the ballroom because of my lack of sociability.

“Did you worry?”

To my question about whether he was worried or not, Father hesitated to answer.

“I didn’t worry…”

“But he seemed quite worried, as he tried to run out of the mansion several times. I managed to convince him to sit quietly at the study desk,” 

said Butler Brian, adjusting his glasses. Father, who is usually taciturn, worried about me trying to run out of the mansion? It was unimaginable.

“Once, during dinner, he tried to run out to the front gate, and I barely managed to stop him.”

“…That’s…”

“And he seemed so anxious that the sound of his footsteps echoed up to the first floor. He kept doing it until you came back.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the honest report.

The image of Father waiting for me and shaking his legs came to mind. 

“Brian, could you please excuse us for a private conversation with Licia?”

“If you wish, I’ll follow your orders.”

Brian turned away with a sour expression. A butler nagging and the mansion owner sweating nervously—it was a rare and amusing sight.

“You were worried, Father.”

I held Father’s hand, who found it difficult to continue speaking.

“Thank you for worrying. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t.”

Half a year ago, he couldn’t have imagined himself saying such awkward words.

“You seem to have changed a lot in the past six months.”

“…Do I look strange?”

“No, you look good.”

Father’s warm palm rested on my head. As he gently brushed my hair aside, I giggled like a child.

“You must be tired, go rest soon.”

“Father, don’t you have anything else to say?”

I spread out the hem of my blue dress towards Father and he burst into hearty laughter, a sound I hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Very well matched, indeed.”

“Do you think I resemble Mother a lot, in Father’s eyes?”

The nursemaid was moved to tears, claiming I was the spitting image of Mother, but Father seemed indifferent.

Stroking his chin, Father looked intently at my blue dress before finally speaking up.

“Well, in my eyes, you look more like a fluffy baby rabbit shedding its fur.”

All that deliberation for such a remark. I had been meticulously groomed by the maids, only to end up resembling a shedding rabbit.

“Lady, may I request a dance?”

Father bowed slightly, asking for a dance. Like a fluffy rabbit, I cautiously approached. Placing one hand on Father’s shoulder and the other lightly on his supported arm.

“Mother said you couldn’t even ask her to dance together.”

“…Consider this the result of practicing alone all this time.”

Father’s words made me chuckle softly. The inexperienced boy who lacked the courage to ask the destined woman to dance had become the father of a child who was so much like her.

“Quite skilled, I see. It seems I hired a rather good governess despite taking half a year off.”

“To be honest, I practiced social dances every day at the monastery.”

“…Really?”

“Just kidding.”

In the quiet mansion where not a single note of music played, the footsteps of the two echoed cheerfully.