Chapter 6: Brief Moment of Rest (2)

“Finally catching my breath…”

“Father Edwin mentioned he’s visiting the central temple this afternoon, so let’s hold on until then.”

I hadn’t slept a wink properly since morning, trying to comfort crying children.

“I should have known, I should have said I was sick and stayed home for a couple more days.”

“Sarahh, you endured it though. Tomorrow should be better.”

I smiled as I took off my nun’s habit and faced Sarahh while doing the laundry. Despite feeling sore all over, a giggle escaped me.

“Licia, why do fun and happy times always fly by so quickly?”

Sarahh playfully stomped on the blanket as if pouting.

Indeed, as she said, happy times seem to pass by too quickly.

I recalled the memories of the six months spent with the six nuns at the Opherial, now a place I could never return to forever.

I pictured the winter in the old church, with softly piled snow outside and the nuns gathered around the warmly glowing fireplace.

“Still, the happy memories are something I can cherish forever.”

“…Forever? Then, will Licia remember me forever too?”

Sarahh’s words made my eyes narrow involuntarily.

“Of course.”

It was such a cherished and happy time. The everyday life at the church was so precious that I was afraid I might forget even a moment of it, so I diligently wrote in my diary every night.

It was days that would never come back again, and days I wanted to cherish forever in my memories.

***

“Indeed, you’ve had a hard time since early morning”

He was filled with disbelief, struggling to suppress a nervous laugh.

After a couple of deep breaths, he managed to speak again, restraining his anger.

“Father, I’d like to know what exactly happened here.”

“What do you mean?”

It was all because of someone that Archelio Monastery had been in turmoil since morning.

“I’m sure you can’t help but notice. Today, the central temple seems quieter than usual.”

“A sacred temple dedicated to the Gods naturally…” 

Edwin’s brow furrowed slightly. Maintaining a calm demeanor in front of the elderly man who was slowly getting on his nerves wasn’t easy.

“Oh, is that so? Thanks to your kindness, Father, Archelio Monastery has become bustling with activity,”

Edwin noticed the subtle discomfort beneath Father Revencio’s soft voice. Revencio clicked his tongue in response.

“No room for boredom, huh? That’s good news. Is today the day your rugged brow will finally smooth out? How about smiling a bit, like me—kind and ecstatic.”

Edwin, unable to bear Revencio’s annoying habit of tapping his nails against his brow, raised his hackles like a beast.

“Don’t you know? Archelio Monastery lacks facilities to accommodate orphans.”

“That’s unfortunate, but we have no choice.”

“The children are staying in the library because there’s nowhere else for them to go. We’re also running critically low on food and funds, so they can’t have proper meals.”

“Ah, it’s a funding issue. Understood. I’ll make sure to allocate more next time.”

There was no other choice; they couldn’t leave the children on the streets.

“Please don’t be too angry. We had unavoidable circumstances.”

“…Unavoidable circumstances?”

“Yes, we are announcing the chosen Saintess tomorrow morning. We couldn’t send someone unprepared to the imperial palace, even if she is a Saintess in name. She needs at least some basic education, don’t you think?”

“Are you telling me you cast out 42 children just to educate one Saintess?”

“Just to educate, you say? You still have a long way to go.”

Father Revencio lightly patted Edwin’s shoulder with his wrinkled hand. Then he dug his nails in, roughly twisting Edwin’s shoulder with surprising strength for an old man.

Was he trying to use force to make the insolent young priest submit? Even as his shoulder felt like it might shatter, Edwin showed no signs of pain.

“Father Revencio, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, I will gladly listen.”

“What exactly is a Saintess?”

In the murky eyes peeking through the yellowish sclera, a flicker of excitement danced.

“May I ask you one thing in return? What does God mean to you?”

The pain of his shoulder muscles twisting made Edwin clench his teeth.

“This is what I think. God has no form, and does not directly influence human lives. In a way, it is nothing more than an illusion. The fruits of faith? Aren’t they all just coincidences?”

An illusion? Did these words truly come from a priest who serves God? Edwin’s eyes narrowed sharply.

“Otherwise, how could God so indifferently grant power to a select few while leaving the majority to starve and suffer?”

“……”

“But humans are endlessly weak. They desperately seek something to rely on—an extraordinary being beyond human capability, one who can judge the sins of both royalty and commoners fairly.”

The wrinkled cheeks, filled with madness, began to tremble. Father Revencio took cautious steps towards the statue of the Saint.

“A vessel to willingly suffer and bear pain on behalf of their foolish and incompetent selves…”

As Father Revencio gazed at the statue, a devilish smile spread across his lips. He licked them hungrily, like a starving beast, and gently caressed the statue’s cheek.

“That is God… and the Saint.”

Once again hiding his madness, he donned the guise of a kindly old man and looked at Edwin.

“I hope that answers your question.”

***

As soon as Edwin returned to the monastery, he stripped off his pure white cassock, which had been stiflingly covering his bare skin.

Standing half-n*ked in front of the mirror, he traced the pale skin that had not seen sunlight with his eyes.

“That old man, he’s just brute strength.”

Sure enough, a bluish bruise stretched across his shoulder, and a reddish-purple mark was left where Father Revencio’s nails had dug in.

“Father Edwin, there’s a parishioner waiting for confession.”

His unsettling thoughts were interrupted by a voice beyond the wooden door. Edwin hurriedly put his cassock back on.

Before stepping out, Edwin checked several times to ensure the bruise wasn’t visible through his austere cassock. As he opened the door and stepped outside, Sister Susanna, an elderly nun, greeted him with a kind smile.

He should have spoken gruffly as usual, but his hand instinctively went to his aching shoulder. Alarmed by Edwin’s soft groan, Sister Susanna asked him,

“Father, are you unwell?”

“I’m fine. How many parishioners are waiting for confession today?”

“Just one, as usual.”

Ah, it must be her. Edwin pictured Sister Alicia, kneeling with her hands clasped in fervent prayer in the cramped confessional.

Unable to contain his rising frustration, Edwin uttered her name.

“Ali…!”

“Father, I am not worthy of forgiveness.”

He was startled by the deep voice that interrupted him.

“I have wounded the hearts of two women, and such a sinner like me deserves to fall into the fires of hell.”

Only then did Edwin grasp the situation. The parishioner eagerly awaiting confession was not Sister Alicia. A subtle sense of disappointment washed over him.

“Parishioner, I need to hear more of your story.”

The man, kneeling and sobbing with guilt, confessed his sins to Edwin. His story was straightforward. Though he had a family, he had been unfaithful, and his wife had caught him with another woman.

“After coming to my senses, I apologized to my wife and sincerely repented. Can someone like me still be forgiven?”

Edwin thought that infidelity could never be justified, regardless of the circumstances. If the man had wronged his wife, he should ask her for forgiveness. Edwin couldn’t understand why the man had come to the monastery to seek God’s forgiveness. Was he now afraid of the afterlife?

“According to the teachings of the scripture, there are no unforgivable sins at the feet of God.”

The scripture states that one should not seek forgiveness at the grave of another. There are no unforgivable sins at the feet of God. Many sinners come to the monastery seeking God’s forgiveness after committing serious sins, using this short passage from the scripture as their justification. It seemed terribly contradictory—committing sins against others and seeking forgiveness from God.

“Are you saying that I, too, can be forgiven?”

“However, the scripture’s passage is merely a metaphor. Only God knows the true answer.”

“What kind of cold-hearted response is that? The scripture is the word of God, written down. If God says He will forgive, why are you contradicting that, Father?”

“According to the teachings of scripture, God greatly resented the disciple who committed adultery and commanded him to repent by drinking ashes.”

He had the audacity to come to the monastery with a thick face, yet lacked the courage to repent with ashes. Within the cramped space, a gloomy silence lingered.

“You came all the way to the monastery, claiming to have apologized to your wife, but it seems forgiveness was not granted.”

There was no response. Wasting precious time on a meaningless confession, Edwin sighed wearily and spoke.

“We will conclude today’s ceremony here.”

Edwin abruptly stood up from his seat. A sorrowful wailing sound from behind made him chuckle bitterly.

“Father, I hear crying from inside.”

“Just leave it be. They will stop crying and leave on their own.”

Edwin muttered with a sullen face. Was he lacking as a priest? He felt he lacked the broad-mindedness to forgive the sins of his congregation.

‘Let it be as it will.’

With his long legs and wide strides, Edwin walked through the monastery corridor. His nervous gaze swept around until it halted at one spot.

“Sister Alicia”

As Edwin quietly called out her name, Alicia looked up at him with wide-eyed surprise, clutching a bundle of cloth much larger than her small frame.

“…Let’s have a talk for a moment.”

Edwin said as he took the bundle from Alicia’s arms.