Chapter 7:The Guide of Long Darkness (1)

“Father Edwin, is something wrong?”
His mouth was set in a grim line as he took the laundry basket from me. Then, Father Edwin spoke curtly.
“Nothing happened.”
For someone claiming nothing happened, he seemed quite upset.
“I heard the children are being sent to another monastery.”
“We tried to send them back to the central temple, but they’ve already removed the space where the children used to stay.”
“…”
“They knocked down the walls of the children’s rooms and brought in new furniture. It seems they plan to keep Abigail Miller at the central temple under the pretense of Saintess training.”
I lowered my eyelids at Father Edwin’s mention of Saintess training, memories I tried so hard to forget now resurfacing.
‘From today, this will be the room where the Saintess resides.’
The space was absurdly vast for one person. White-painted walls adorned with pristine furniture. Every knickknack and frame was white. Lying on the pure white bed, staring at the ceiling, made my head swim with nausea.

‘To set an example as a Saintess, we will educate you thoroughly.’
The ideal they shouted until their voices were hoarse turned out to be nothing but a hollow facade.
‘You must smile brighter and more pitifully.’

In front of the imperial people, how should one smile? And how should one wave one’s hand?

‘You are a Saintess! A Saintess! Can’t you understand that it’s not about a vulgar laugh but about a sacrificial smile?’

A pitiful smile should be offered, but without furrowing the brow. It shouldn’t appear too contrived either.

‘The Saintess is a symbol of the Central Temple and the representative of the divine. Please, do not make a mockery of God’s choice.’

I couldn’t tell if it truly was God’s choice or Father Revencio’s own preference. They continued to indoctrinate me relentlessly. It didn’t take long to mold me into a compliant Saintess doll. Tailored to Father Revencio’s taste, the Saintess would soon be sent off like a commodity to the palace.

After barely dancing a waltz once with a man who would become my husband, I was destined to become the Empress of the Empire. Everything was meticulously planned under Father Revencio’s control.

“Indeed. It has come to that already.”

Abigail’s face, drowned in loneliness and anguish, flashed before me. I pushed her off the cliff with my own hands, comforting myself that she could endure it, even though I couldn’t bear to come back alive.

“What are your plans for the future?”

“To change the destined future, I must freely move through the palace as a clergyman. It’s the only way I can directly contact Abigail and offer help.”

His golden eyes flicker with doubt.

“How?”

I looked at him with conviction in my eyes. The only way to change the future that was meant to be. I dug through the fragments of my memories and recalled.

“As a cleric, I know how to get into the imperial palace.”

No matter how hard I tried to forget, I couldn’t, thanks to the memories of the miserable abuse that lingered in my body. The days of my distant past were as vivid as if they were yesterday. It allowed me to see through the uncertainty of the future.

“Let’s hear how it’s done.”

“The Emperor’s health is slowly deteriorating, and he will demand a prayer mass from the palace to the central shrine.”

“Prayer Mass…….”

Despite twice-weekly visits to the palace for prayer mass, the emperor’s condition worsened and he eventually died. This was one of the reasons why Victor was crowned emperor sooner than expected.

“The priests at the central shrine are not enough, so they will probably try to recruit from the monasteries.”

There are three priests at the Archelio Monastery. One of them, Father Marco, is an elderly man with limited mobility. The possibilities were endless if Father Marco could attend the prayer mass in his place.

“Father, please grant me a lectorate so I can help at Mass.”

The lectorate allowed a person to read from the Bible during Mass. It was usually given to seminarians and aspiring priests, but it had also been given to nuns during liturgies in the past.

“If I could be granted the title of lector, I could travel to the Imperial Palace in Father Marco’s place to assist at the prayer masses, which will inevitably be attended by a Saint, so contact with her should be relatively easy.”

I will breathe life into the hollow shell of a Saint. I will borrow her hands and mouth to divine the events to come.

“So, Father. Will you help me?”

I took Father Edwin’s trembling hand in mine, knowing that he was a man vulnerable to heartfelt requests.

Father Edwin gently pulled his hand away from mine and opened his mouth.

“I’ll have to find a way, and…….”

Was there something more he wanted to say? After a long pause, he looked down at his palm and spoke.

“As a priest, it’s a felony to touch a woman’s body, and I don’t want to incriminate myself, so I ask that you refrain from any unnecessary contact.”

You’re acting all high and mighty for just holding his hand for a favor.

“Okay, I’ll be careful in the future.”

He turns away, his eyelids drooping languidly. As he walked away, I caught a glimpse of Father Edwin’s sideways reflection, his face flushed with heat, staring down at his palms.

***

Edwin, sleeping on his stomach at his desk, wakes up with a sharp shudder in his pelvis. He stared down at his throbbing lower half. A circular stain smeared across his spotlessly white Sudanese.

“I’m going to die.”

It was the first time he’d ever daydreamed. Lately, Edwin’s body had been as sensitive as a boy’s just beginning to develop secondary s*xual characteristics. At the slightest stimulus, without even trying, a fever rose in his lower body.

“Ha.”

A sigh escaped his lips as a wave of self-doubt washed over him. If only he’d gone into heat like an animal, so he could take solace in the fact that he was possessed by the devil. There was only one thing Edwin’s body craved fiercely.

“You must be seriously ill to be dreaming…….”

In his dream, Edwin was walking down a peaceful monastery hallway. A familiar figure loomed over the silent corridor, unmoving.

[‘Sister Alicia’

Standing at the end of the hallway, she slowly turned her head. As their gazes locked, the corners of her mouth tilted upward.

Edwin stared at her rapturous smile, mesmerized, and without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her slender waist.

‘If you need my help, I’ll help you, but in return…….’

He buried his face in the nape of her neck and made savage demands. Panting roughly like a raging beast, Edwin nibbled her earlobe, the wetness on the tip of his tongue sending a shiver of excitement through her.

‘Father Edwin…….’

Reaching up, he lifted the skirt of her habit and stroked the dense flesh of her exposed mound. Just a few more crawls and I’ll be able to take the forbidden fruit of my dreams.

‘As a priest, you said it was a felony to touch a woman’s body’

His fingertips stopped moving at the sound of her voice. Edwin buried his nose in her hair and took a deep breath, a reality he’d forgotten in the blindness of his desire.

‘I guess it doesn’t matter anymore’

Then he slithered like a snake, burrowing into the skirt of her nun’s habit. He stared at the plain white underwear. It was far from slutty, but it’s unadorned neatness stirred Edwin’s defenses.

He could feel the forbidden flesh beneath the thin strips of fabric, and as he breathed in deeply, savoring the lingering sense of depravity, he stuck out his tongue.

He could feel the secret curve in her transparent underwear. He loved the way her body vibrated as he rubbed his tongue over the protruding mound.

‘Sister Alicia’

In the dream she was looking down at Edwin with reddened eyes, without saying no.

‘I want to commit a sin with you’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’

‘I mean I want to f*ck you, right now’

He wanted to thrust his raging c*ck inside her damp c*nt, to rock his hips hungrily until they wore each other out.

‘Father, do you want me?’

Instead of answering, Edwin pulled down his Sudanese pants.

Released from the bursting pressure, the clear prec*m at the tip of his gl*ns dripped down the monastery hallway.

‘See with your own eyes, it is only because of you that my body, vowed to eternal chastity, has become so lustfully wet’

Edwin looked up at her, spreading his legs like an obedient beast. His untamed c*ck throbbed, spurting its fluids.

The moment her long fingers gently stroked his throbbing shaft, Edwin awoke from his dream.

“That’s not me, it’s just a dream.”

He consoled himself  that the nightmare was a result of a recent fatigue. If he doesn’t, he feels like hanging himself from the overwhelming sense of self-doubt.

***

“…Abigail.”

“Don’t come in! Don’t ever…….”

Abigail shouted at the door in a cracked voice. She’d been sitting in front of her vanity mirror all day, skipping meals and wiping away tears.

Her eyes were red and swollen. Golden threads of hair tangled in an unruly mess. She stare at her reflection in the mirror.

“Why me…….”

There was only one question in her head. Why should it be her out of all the women in the world?

‘I was so disappointed, this was my first chance to stand in front of so many people, and I blew it’

On the day of her baptism, Father Revencio must have put a man on her, because everyone knew that she didn’t talk to people and stayed on the terrace until the party was over.

‘Sounds like she needs an education. We’ll have to move up our plans’

‘What do you mean, education?’

‘I’ll send a carriage within a week, and you can come at your leisure’

From that day forward, Abigail spent every night in tears, waiting for the carriage from the Central Shrine, which could come at any moment. At the end of her vacant gaze was a bottle of perfume.

“If only I had that…….”

On the day she was taken to the Central Temple, she was on her way to pick up the perfume she had commissioned from the perfume workshop. If she hadn’t gone outside that day, nothing would have happened.

‘I love the faint scent of lilies’

She couldn’t wait to get back to the mansion and give her mother a gift of perfume. She walked excitedly through the shops and back to the carriage.

‘You don’t have to buy them, go ahead and eat them, they’re the first strawberries I picked this year’

Abigail stared down at the tiny strawberry she held out in front of her for a moment, then looked up at the smile of the imposing fruit vendor.

The owner’s face showed signs of hardship. In that moment, a pang of compassion stirred deep within Abigail’s heart.

A lesser noble would have slapped the vendor’s bare hands away as dirty, but she didn’t want to be the kind of noble who discriminated between nobles and commoners.

It was an unfamiliar act of solicitation, but she took a bite out of the strawberry, hoping that her outstretched hand would be safe. The sweet, juicy flavor wafted into her mouth.

[Miss, what did you eat?]

She realized that something was wrong with the sudden chill in his voice, and by the time she stumbled back, it was too late.

‘You encouraged me to try it first’

At that moment, the face of the kindly master turned ghastly. Abigail felt it instinctively. She knew instinctively that she shouldn’t be involved anymore.

‘I see, I’ll go back to the carriage and get my purse, and I’ll pay you for the strawberries, right?’

‘Miss, do you think I’m getting upset over the price of one strawberry? If you stole, you should be punished’

‘I didn’t steal……!’

Before she could finish her sentence, her mouth was shut. She stretched out her hand toward the surrounding shopkeepers. Tears welled up in her eyes as they turned away, pretending not to see her. By the time she realized, she was sprawled on the floor of the central shrine.

“…I didn’t steal.”

She shouldn’t have gone looking for perfume that day, She shouldn’t have passed that storefront, She shouldn’t have picked those strawberries. She shouldn’t have sent the maid on the cake errand, and she should have told the coachman to wait closer to the house. …….

Abigail gripped the perfume bottle with both hands, her fingertips trembling. Raising it above her head, she slammed it harshly down on the dressing table.

It shattered with a sharp crack, the shattered bottle tore through her delicate palm. The sweet scent of lilies mingled with the faint odor of blood.

“Abigail!”

A sharp burst of sound brought her mother, Countess Miller, hurrying into the room. Abigail ducked beneath the dressing table, her bloody hands clasped in small hands.

The Countess’s eyes narrowed as she caught a whiff of the overwhelmingly sweet scent that wafted into the room. After a moment, the countess began to search for Abigail.

“Abigail, my dear!”

It wasn’t long before the Countess spotted her. Her hands trembled with embarrassment as she gently cupped her cheek.

“My baby, my baby, more precious than life, how could…….”

She wrapped her arms around her daughter’s face, which looked as if it was broken, and continued to shed hot tears on behalf of her daughter, who was too exhausted to shed her own.

“I’m sorry, if I had known you would suffer so much for looking so much like me…….”

The crystal-blonde hair and clear blue eyes she had prided herself on since childhood had been reduced to shackles in an instant.

“It must be my fault for giving birth to you. Abigail, my child, you have done nothing wrong.”

“…Mother.”

Abigail’s vacant eyes searched the Countess’s tear-stained face. Blood continued to trickle from her torn palm.

“Tourniquet, tourniquet, we need to tourniquet, now…….”

Clear droplets of water trickle from the corners of the countess’s eyes over the crimson veins. Abigail’s lips lifted in resignation.

“…Mother, you know everything, don’t you? You’ve been telling me everything I don’t know since I was a little girl.”

‘No one has ever explained to me what happens when I become a Saint, what I’m supposed to do, what I’m supposed to do. Please answer me, Mother.’

In the darkness, Abigail drifted from place to place, unable to see an answer. If anyone knew the answer, she desperately wanted to ask for help.