Chapter 10 : Requiem Mass (2)

I clasped her trembling hands tightly. Just as Abigail seemed about to speak, the sound of servants’ voices echoed from outside the door.

“Saintess!”

The moment she heard them calling for her, Abigail’s face filled with anxiety.

“Oh, dear. They must be looking for me. I need to go.”

I had hoped this abandoned storeroom would allow us to talk freely, but it seemed we’d have to find another place.

“Abigail, listen to me carefully. I’ll give you another note during the next Ritual Mass. We’ll meet then, and I’ll tell you about the plan.”

I grasped her trembling shoulders and whispered urgently. In the musty storeroom, her eyes, unfocused and full of fear, wavered dangerously.

“Abigail, look at me. You must attend the next Ritual Mass. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes, I understand. But I really must go now.”

Abigail hurriedly fled from the storeroom, leaving behind nothing but the heavy, dusty silence that clung to the air like a lingering shadow.

When I returned to the Emperor’s chamber, the cleanup was nearly complete, and everyone was preparing to leave. Among the nearly thirty priests, a particularly bright head of silver hair caught my attention.

There was so much I wanted to say to him, but there were too many eyes watching. Especially the priests from the Central Temple, who always observed everything with sharp, discerning gazes.

It was only after I safely returned to the Archelio Monastery that I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. Someone seemed to be practicing the organ, as the soft music echoed through the monastery’s halls.

Drawn by the sound, I found myself stepping into the chapel. Sister Susanna’s wrinkled fingers came to a halt on the organ keys as I entered.

“Sister, I would like to make a confession.”

She didn’t question me; she simply offered a kind smile and whispered for me to wait a moment.

Inside the chapel, I gently pushed open the creaking wooden door and knelt in the narrow, one-pyeong confessional, waiting for Father Edwin.

Soon, I heard the sound of someone entering on the other side. I clutched my skirt tightly, waiting for him to speak.

“Under the peace of God, confess the sins you have committed.”

It was the voice of Father Edwin, the one I had been longing to hear, like discovering an oasis in a barren desert.

When I hesitated to speak, weary of waiting, he was the first to ask.

“…So, did you speak with the Saintess?”

“Yes, Father. But before we could say much, the servants came looking for her, so we barely exchanged pleasantries.”

“I see. We’ll need to find another place where we can avoid the servants’ eyes.”

The image of Abigail, her gaunt face tearfully expressing her desire not to become the Crown Princess, lingered in my mind like a mist.

“She said she doesn’t want to be the Crown Princess.”

“…And what did you say in response?”

Father Edwin’s quiet question came through the small window in the confessional. My lips, which had been ready to speak, pressed together tightly. After a long hesitation, I finally forced out the words.

“…I told her I’d show her a way not to become the Crown Princess.”

Ah, my throat burned as if I had swallowed fire. I was anxious, fearing he might interrupt or rebuke me.

“I suggested making a deal with the Emperor, using his recovery as leverage.”

Would he chastise me for exploiting Abigail’s desperate desire for freedom? I glanced up at the window, covered by a white curtain, through the strands of my long hair.

“…You did well.”

Instead of scorn, his response was a simple, blunt compliment. The unexpected praise almost made me cry, but I forced a smile over the emotions I was struggling to contain.

“Father, please have mercy on me and forgive the sins I have committed.”

“In the name of God, I lead you to peace and grant you absolution.”

I knew better than anyone that I would never truly be forgiven by God. But just for this moment, I wanted to believe that I had found salvation in Edwin’s breath. It was a pitiful delusion.

After finishing my confession, I slowly walked out of the chapel. The sky above the monastery had already begun to darken.

As I stood there, gazing up at the sky, Father Edwin, who had followed me out a step behind, stopped just in front of me.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. This is not a priest speaking, but just a man.”

His large hand rested on my crooked headscarf. Under the enchanting glow of the sunset, his usually stern eyes softened with a hint of sadness.

It was only for a fleeting moment. He straightened my headscarf and then quietly walked away down the monastery corridor.

Ah, my legs weakened beneath me. I had to stand there for a while, watching his steadfast figure until it disappeared from view.

* * *

I awoke in a daze, savoring the stillness of the early dawn as the sound of crickets filled the air.

“Licia, why don’t you sleep a bit longer?”

Startled by the gentle voice, I quickly lifted my head. My tightly closed eyelids lifted, and I found myself gazing into kind, red eyes.

“…Victor?”

“What’s this? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. That’s a bit hurtful.”

How long had it been since I last looked upon his smiling face?

“Why… why are you here…?”

It didn’t feel real, as if I were dreaming.

“Why? Does it feel unreal because you haven’t seen me in two weeks?”

“…Is it really you?”

I reached out and touched his cheek. This wasn’t a dream. The sensation under my fingertips was so vivid.

“…It’s strange. It feels like I’ve been apart from you for such a long time.”

“Two weeks can feel long when you’re waiting. So, did you start to hate me because you waited too long?”

Only two weeks? How could it be that short when seeing his face so close filled my heart with such warmth?

“…My head feels foggy. It’s like I’ve just woken up from a long dream.”

I lightly patted the bedding, trying to recall the faint remnants of the dream. I think I saw Victor in that dream.

He was at a distance, unreachable, standing alongside a woman with golden hair and blue eyes, much like my own…

“Since it’s been a while since we last saw each other, let’s not talk about dreams anymore.”

His languid whisper seemed to erase the dark thoughts that had been clouding my mind.

“Come on, lie down here.”

As I looked at him offering his arm as a pillow, warmth crept up to my face.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not a child; I don’t need a pillow like that…”

“Who says only kids can do it? Resting your head on the Emperor’s arm—how often do you get that chance?”

Reluctantly, I laid my head on his arm, feeling a bit anxious about whether it might be too heavy for him.

“…Victor, do you think there will ever come a day when we betray each other?”

“Betrayal? Are you planning to hide some beans under the meat without telling me?”

Victor’s least favorite food was beans. He didn’t seem like someone who would be picky, but it was amusing to discover this unexpected quirk.

“…I might just pretend I didn’t notice a single bean hidden there.”

Even those little quirks of his, I found myself loving deeply.

“…But what if one day, you end up betraying me, Victor?”

“Why would I ever betray my saintess? That’s just impossible.”

Impossible, he said… Somehow, that made me want to laugh bitterly. I gazed intently at those red eyes, reminiscent of autumn leaves, and then spoke.

“Then let’s do this. If you ever betray me, I’ll take everything you have. Your throne, your cherished wealth, even the people you love…”

The playful smile on his lips gradually hardened, turning cold.

“Why are you suddenly being so scary?”

“I won’t stop at the emperor’s throne; I’ll strip you of the title of crown prince, and I’ll destroy you so completely that you won’t even have the dignity of a royal left.”

I whispered these curses so close that I could feel his breath. As I watched his face contort in response, a boiling sense of disgust welled up inside me.

“…So never appear in my dreams again.”

In that moment of realization, the warm bedding that had been wrapped around me vanished, and I found myself standing on the edge of a steep cliff, with only Victor and me there.

“I’ll fall first, so you just stay there and watch. Because soon enough, you’ll fall too.”

The depths of the cliff were so vast and terrifying… Soon, you’ll feel it too.

“…Licia!”

I hurled myself off the edge, but my descent was abruptly halted as if my feet were caught in something. Victor was holding onto me with all his might, refusing to let go.

“I’ve got you! Licia, what are you saying? Look at me, clearly. Wake up from this dream!”

He told me to wake up from the dream. I looked up at his face, straining to hold onto me. It was the face of someone terrified of losing something precious.

“Licia, are you sure what you’re seeing is really me? Climb back up and look at my face closely. The real me has always been here. Right by your side.”

“Victor…”

I smiled brightly at him. For a moment, relief flickered across Victor’s face. That was when I mercilessly bit into the hand holding me.

Then, I was engulfed by the sensation of endless falling. I watched his face grow distant. My vision blurred with tears, and I couldn’t see what expression he had in those final moments.