Chapter 10 : Requiem Mass (6)

“Take this and go out through the back door. If you run into anyone, just say you’re looking for a place to dispose of the candlestick,” Edwin whispered, handing me a deliberately damaged candlestick.

“Now’s the time!” he urged.

Father Revencio was preoccupied, deep in conversation with the chief physician. Gripping the broken candlestick, I quickly exited the chamber, my heart pounding as I made my way to the designated meeting spot.

Abigail was waiting for me, her hands clasped together, on the terrace leading to the guest palace.

“Abigail!”

“Alicia, come quickly.”

I grasped her hands, feeling a wave of relief and warmth.

“How have you been, Abigail?” I asked, genuinely concerned.

“Thanks to you, I’ve been well,” she replied.

I needed to ask if she had delivered the message from the note to the Emperor, but I found it hard to voice the question.

“Don’t worry,” she said, as if reading my thoughts.

“I spoke to His Majesty directly.”

As if she had read my thoughts, she added,

“Since yesterday, I’ve been giving the Emperor a diluted version of the herbs you mentioned, like a tea.”

“…That’s a relief. Did His Majesty accept it without suspicion?”

I asked, anxiety evident in my voice.

She offered a faint, bitter smile.

“Ironically, he believes it’s a miracle I discovered through divine power.”

Her words left me with a sinking feeling.

“…And His Majesty wishes for me to become the Crown Princess. So, I’ve promised that when Victor ascends the throne, I will fulfill the prophecy and become Empress.”

Her quiet confession made my heart stop. Was negotiating with the Emperor never an option to begin with?

“But,” she continued, her voice growing weaker,

“I told him that as long as he lives, I want to fully dedicate myself to my duties as a Saintess. I’ve bought some time, but it feels like I’m living on borrowed time, unsure when it will run out.”

Abigail lowered her head, the weight of her words pulling her down.

“…Still, I’ve tried to change the fate that was laid out for me, so I have no regrets now. And I owe it all to you, Alicia.”

It was the same for me in the past. I, too, had tried desperately to alter the course of my predetermined fate, only to find that even the smallest changes were beyond my grasp.

Abigail’s bitter smile overlapped with the image of the false Saintess who once wandered the palace.

“…I’ve met the Crown Prince a few times, but his words and gaze are unsettling. I can’t help but wonder if he truly has what it takes to be a great emperor,” she said, her unease palpable.

“Abigail…”

I whispered her name, but as soon as it left my lips, a burning guilt surged through me, consuming my body.

“Are you okay, Alicia? You don’t look well. Maybe it’s best if we head back for today,”

Suddenly, the face of the First Prince flashed in my mind—his hollow laugh after reading the Emperor’s will during my time as the Saintess. The memory stoked the flames of pain that had never truly left me.

“According to the central temple’s interpretation, you are to become Empress, not simply the Crown Princess,” I managed to say.

“But with the Emperor’s age and declining health, it only makes sense to be the consort of the rightful heir, the Crown Prince…” she replied hesitantly.

“Before the Emperor suddenly named the Third Prince as Crown Prince, the First Prince was the most likely successor,” I said, my voice strained with the effort.

Every inch of me felt like it was still burning, as if my soul had never left the flames of the stake.

“Alicia, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Are you suggesting that I should help make the First Prince the next emperor instead of the Crown Prince?” Abigail asked, confusion and fear creeping into her voice.

“You have to,” I insisted.

“Victor must not become emperor!”

Engulfed by the searing guilt, I grabbed her wrist, my voice trembling as I spoke. Abigail looked at me, her face filled with fear. Why, Abigail, are you looking at me like that…?

“It sounds as if… you’re planning to use me to make the First Prince emperor,” she said, her voice quivering.

Her eyes, which had remained dry even in the most desperate situations, quickly welled up with tears.

“…I-I’m sorry,”

I stammered, retreating as I watched the tears stream down her cheeks.

“What have I done…?”

It wasn’t enough that I had already dragged her from the paradise she once knew into the depths of despair, but now I was trying to manipulate her fate for my own revenge. I was no different from Father Revencio, who sought to exploit the shell of a Saintess for his own selfish gains.

“I’m sorry, Abigail…”

With a choked apology, I fled from the terrace, leaving her standing there alone. I ran blindly through the palace corridors, my feet stumbling over themselves until I crashed to the floor. The broken candlestick clattered noisily across the hallway, echoing my despair.

“Hhkk… Hhh…”

I pushed myself up from the ground, supporting my body on all fours. My hands trembled as I crawled forward, grasping the broken candlestick.

“Are you alright?” 

A calm voice reached my ears, prompting me to look up. My dilated pupils took in the familiar face of a man—Martin Scott, Victor’s personal knight.

“You must be the nun who came for the prayer mass. But what brings you to the guest palace?” 

It seemed he didn’t recognize me from our earlier encounter in the market when I was dressed in plain clothes.

As I glanced over Martin’s shoulder, I caught a glimpse of that unmistakable red hair, like autumn leaves.

Victor…!

I bit my lip hard and took a step back. Victor’s cold gaze swept over me.

Of all times, why now… why him?

“The prayer mass is over, so why are you alone in the hallway leading to the guest palace?” he asked, his voice laced with suspicion.

“…The priest asked me to dispose of the broken candlestick,” I replied.

My hand, clutching the candlestick, was already drenched in cold sweat.

“The edge looks sharp. Let me take it. I’ll handle it for you,” Martin offered, taking the broken candlestick from me.

I bowed my head toward them as I straightened up, trying to conceal my anxiety.

“…Now that I see you more closely, you’re the nun who prayed for the one hit by the carriage to be saved.”

Victor’s arrogant gaze bore down on me. No, this can’t be happening. He finally remembered me.

I should never have crossed paths with him at the market that day. I should never have allowed any connection to form between us.

“…I’ll be leaving now.”

I hurriedly excused myself. Despite my efforts, I had become entangled with him again, caught in the inescapable web of fate.

My entire body felt like it was burning, the pain so intense that I wished for death, as if I had already been charred to ashes. But why was my body still intact, without a single mark?

***

I fled back to the monastery, but the searing heat coursing through my body showed no signs of fading.

Since my conversation with Abigail, I had been silent, and it seemed my tight-lipped demeanor was starting to worry Father Edwin. He kept sending concerned glances my way.

“…It would be best if you went in early and rested today,” he suggested.

As I hung my head in resignation, Father Edwin’s hand hovered in the air, unable to find my shoulder.

A priest should not touch a woman’s body. This was the extent of the comfort he could offer me.

“…I’m sorry.”

“You always seem to apologize to me, Father.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, yet you always seem to apologize as if you’re guilty of something.”

“…Father, you should go inside and rest too. I’ll stay out here a bit longer to get some fresh air.”

Despite my suggestion that he should go rest, he stood there for quite some time, silently keeping his place.

How much time passed? When I finally lifted my head, the pristine white robe that had been in front of me was already gone.

Alone at last, I sat down under the World Tree, the place where Sarah and I used to chat so often.

“…Why does everything I touch end up broken?”

I looked down at my hands. Was it my fate to destroy everything I held? Sister Sarah, Abigail… everyone…

As I swallowed the thick saliva that had pooled in my mouth, a burning sensation flared in my throat.

The pain was so intense that tears welled up, and I found myself stamping my feet in place, not knowing what else to do.

“…It’s so hot.”

Grasping at my throat, I looked around and noticed the fountain in the center of the monastery.

Yes, if I could just get to the fountain, maybe this unbearable heat would subside a little.

“Haa…”

I slowly submerged myself into the water, starting from the top of my head. As the smell of the water filled my nostrils and began to dull, I could feel my consciousness slipping away.

‘Just for a little while, just a short rest.’

It felt like if I just rested a bit, I could return to my duties at the monastery as if nothing had happened.

‘Yes, just a little, without being greedy…’

The peaceful sky of the monastery stretched out above the bubbling surface of the water. I couldn’t count how many stars were scattered across it.

It was a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in a long time. I was sinking into a drowsy state, as if I were a child in a cradle, ready for a long, deep sleep.