Chapter 13: The Martyrdom of the Priest(6)

The pure white cassock he had been wearing was now stained with the marks of his arduous journey.

She searched the villa for clothes that Edwin could wear. There were no choices if it came to men’s clothing. She picked out the cleanest-looking outfit from her father’s wardrobe and handed it to him.

“I’m sorry I can’t provide new clothes.”

He took the clothes without a word.

“Do they fit you?”

Leaning against the closed door, she waited for him to change. Seeing Edwin in everyday clothes was a rare opportunity. The time spent waiting was filled with a mix of excitement and anxiety.

“…Alicia.”

He was calling her in a soft voice.

“Is there a problem?”

I slightly opened the door and peeked my face in.

“…Could you lend me a hand?”

His long fingers were awkwardly poking out between the buttons of his shirt. It seemed he couldn’t fasten them by himself.

“I’ll help you.”

His right hand was suffering from the aftereffects of Andrea’s fire. Unfortunately, he couldn’t exert any strength in it. He struggled even to hold a spoon, so he had to eat with his left hand.

“…I’m sorry for showing you such an ugly sight.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

I silently fastened the buttons of his shirt. My tense fingertips brushed over his shirt. I tried hard not to let my gaze wander through the open spaces of his shirt.

“If you rest well without overexerting yourself, your hand will be better soon.”

Looking at his trembling right hand made my heart ache. I felt guilty that perhaps I arrived too late and that his condition worsened because of it. I worried that he might be suffering from severe aftereffects because of my delay.

“…Father Daniel will be conducting the mass alone, so I need to return to the monastery on time.”

“You’re saying you’ll go back to the monastery with that body. With hands that can’t even hold a spoon or a pen properly.”

“You’re still pushing yourself too hard. With that hand, even preparing for mass will be a struggle.”

At my words, Father Edwin looked down at his right hand, which could no longer function, with a despondent expression.

I only hoped he wouldn’t overexert himself, but did I inadvertently hurt him?

“It will all be okay.”

I carefully took his right hand away. Gently stroking the trembling back of his hand, I said,

“The villa’s garden has been quite nicely tended. It would be good to enjoy some flower viewing and tea time.”

I tried to shift the topic, but he continued to glare at his right hand with frustration.

“Oh, if there’s any food you’d like to have for dinner, I’ll make it for you.”

I forced a smile, trying to lift the corners of my mouth. It was extremely painful to put on a cheery voice in front of him, who was suffering.

“I have no idea what I’ll be able to do with this hand in the future. If my condition doesn’t improve, I’ll have to live relying on others for the rest of my life.”

Edwin, if you have to live relying on others for the rest of your life, I’ll gladly be your hands and feet.

I struggled to suppress the swelling emotions that felt ready to burst. The answer he needed was different.

“…Tomorrow, I’ll go back to the Archelio Monastery.”

The focus returned to his faded golden eyes. Edwin, at the end of my gaze, stands before me. And at the end of the longing gaze you chase, there was the monastery.

Yes, if that’s the path you want…

“The people at the monastery are eagerly waiting for your safe return… Let’s do that.”

His eyes began to light up with vitality at the mention of returning to the monastery.

Looking at his softened gaze stirred a mix of joy and bitterness within me, evoking a complex emotion.

I decided to add a condition.

“…But, until tomorrow comes, how about we do the things we haven’t done?”

His cheeks quickly flushed as he stared blankly at my words.

“Let’s explore the garden together, play chess, and chat.”

I wanted to leave behind memories with him in the time that would never return.

“…Alright.”

He gave a lukewarm response, seemingly deep in thought. I could only awkwardly smile at his bashful gesture of scratching his head.

***

I fervently wished that the morning sun would not rise, but the sunlight streaming through the curtains was vivid. It seemed that my merciless deity had no intention of granting last night’s prayer.

After finishing the busy preparations, I headed to the guest room where Edwin was staying.

“Father, are you awake? I’ve come to help you with your clothes.”

There was no sign of movement from beyond the door. Perhaps he was still asleep. I hoped that the symptoms of the illness hadn’t resurfaced. Feeling anxious, I turned the doorknob.

“…I’m sorry.”

I immediately offered an apology. Beyond the open door, Edwin’s flushed face was clearly visible.

He was looking at me in his undergarments, with only the lower part of his clothing barely on, while his unwell hand struggled with dressing.

“I’ll close the door.”

As I hurriedly reached for the doorknob, he murmured softly with his face downturned.

“…I couldn’t put it on by myself.”

His gaze was fixed on the pure white undergarment, freshly laundered. The moment I saw the thirty buttons running across the garment, I was at a loss for words.

“Today, you’ll have to help me again.”

He muttered with a flushed face. I cautiously narrowed my steps and approached him.

Under the pure white garment was pale skin, smooth waist curves with no excess flesh. I quickly draped the garment over his shoulders, feeling as though merely gazing at his body was a sin.

With trembling fingertips, I began fastening the buttons from the top. Under the intermittently gleaming sunlight, our breaths intertwined closely. I wished this moment would never end.

“…Is it done?”

Swallowing, I could hear the sound of his saliva moving down his throat within the closely pressed distance.

“Yes, indeed, Father, you look well in the garment.”

Looking up at him, his appearance was that of an unwavering clergyman, without a single dishevelment.

We boarded the carriage and returned to where we were supposed to be. As the duke’s villa receded in the distance, it felt as if it had been a dream of the night.

I looked at Father Edwin, who was sitting with his arms crossed. Noticing my gaze, his golden eyes turned toward me.

“Is there something you want to say?”

His blunt response made me smile. When I left him alone in the forest, I thought I might never hear his voice again.

I was deeply afraid that the last memory I had of him might be of him dying, weakly leaning against a tree trunk.

“…That day, while you were alone in the forest, what were you thinking?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions.”

A faint smile appeared on his lips.

“I had no regrets, even if I were to die. I was only worried about the people left behind.”

To be concerned about others even as he approached the brink of death. Suddenly, I recalled the final scene of a play I had seen in a third-rate theater.

“I was thinking about Father Daniel left alone. I was also worried about the members of the monastery living on a tight budget.”

“…I suppose you didn’t think of me.”

I complained, which was unlike me.

“Don’t even mention it. I was so worried about you…”

He stopped mid-sentence and pressed his lips together as if he were angry. I was very curious about what he was going to say next.

“How worried were you, and what comes next?”

“…It’s fine. I’m just glad I came back alive.”

He closed the conversation with that lackluster reply. In the heavy silence, I didn’t know what to say, and I must have made futile attempts to speak several times. In the end, I didn’t manage to say anything before the carriage stopped.

“Let’s go, Father.”

His gaze, taking in the view of the Archelio Monastery before him, seemed incredibly wistful.

“…It’s a pity.”

A pity? It happened in the blink of an eye. His left hand grasped mine firmly. Startled by the warmth of his touch, I looked up at him, but by then his hand had already slipped away.

After a brief moment of being dazed, I followed him into the monastery.

Taking a deep breath of the familiar monastery air, it finally felt like returning home.

The busy footsteps of the clergy came to a halt.

“…Father?”

When a nun called out to Father Edwin, Father Daniel, who had been hurriedly passing through the monastery corridor, raised his head.

Father Daniel’s eyes, fixed in place, were now filled with a childlike distortion.

“You’re back, Father.”

Father Daniel spoke with a face as if he were about to cry at any moment. Choked up, he eventually lowered his head.

Soon, people began to gather around Father Edwin—clergy, nuns, and even the refugees and orphans sheltered by the monastery. Seeing him surrounded by the crowd, I took a step back.

“…Finally, you’ve returned to where you belong.”

Why does it feel so bittersweet?

“Alicia!”

Before I could even come to my senses, I was enveloped in a tight embrace. Without regard for front or back, the nuns held me close.

“Where have you been without a word? We thought you were following Father Edwin. Do you know how worried we were! How much…”

The nun, who had eventually burst into tears, hugged me tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re back. Really, it’s such a relief.”

It wasn’t just Father Edwin. I realized, belatedly, that I also had a place to return to.

The warmth of the embrace, as if it might crumble, made my eyes well up. Today, I felt like I wanted to cry out like a child.

“Alicia!”

From among the nuns, a slender hand suddenly emerged. Contrary to its appearance, it pulled my wrist with a firm grip.

“…Lucio?”

“Is it really you, Alicia?”

His boyish, clear face was tinged with sadness.

“Now that you’re back safely, don’t worry anymore.”

“I was very worried.”

Lucio opened his arms toward me. Was he asking me to hug him?

“Yes, yes. I missed you too.”

Suddenly, Edwin’s left arm reached out and embraced Lucio’s body.

Lucio’s gaze was icy as he was held by Edwin. He soon lightly pushed Edwin away.

“I’m relieved to see you’re still healthy despite the worries.”

At Lucio’s words, Edwin hid his right hand behind his back.

The monastery appeared as lively as ever upon Edwin’s return. Edwin, who had been so subdued at the villa, now stood with his shoulders squared as if nothing had happened.

‘…I’m glad you’re back where you belong.’

Watching Edwin joke around with Father Daniel as usual, a smile appeared on my lips.

“Alicia, may I have a word with you for a moment?”

I turned to see Lucio standing there. Since it had been a long time, a brief chat seemed reasonable.

“Yes, that’s fine.”

If we were to talk, the quiet fountain area would have been suitable, but Lucio led me to the interior of the library.

“…I missed you, Alicia.”

It was very sudden. In the dimly lit library, Lucio embraced me.

“I heard you went after Father Edwin without a word. I almost lost hope.”

Lucio’s voice, probing into my ear, made my skin crawl. Pushing against Lucio’s chest, he straightened his clothes and watched me.

“It’s fortunate you returned alive. Alicia’s bravery deserves respect, but it was obviously reckless.”

In the darkness, his violet eyes glinted ominously.

“…If you were choosing a partner, it seems you have no discerning eye. Father Edwin won’t last long. You’d be better suited to a man who is more reliable and powerful.”

I couldn’t understand what he was talking about.

“For example, a man like me.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. I should be going now.”

As I tried to escape, Lucio tightly gripped my wrist. The strength coming from his slender frame was unbelievable. No matter how much I struggled, it was useless.

“…Why are you doing this to me?”

Lucio’s eyes, consumed by a certain thrill, reminded me of something. They resembled Victor’s eyes when he promised to make me the empress of the Empire.

“Alicia, when you say it like that, it makes me seem like I’ve said something wrong. I was merely giving advice.”

“Let go of me. If you don’t let go now, I’ll inform Father Edwin and the nuns.”

“…Please don’t be so harsh with me. Since the daughter of the duke’s family has entered the monastery, surely you have your own objectives, don’t you?”