Chapter 14: Confessions and Lies(3)

At Father Edwin’s words, Jaylon’s face softened a little. Father Edwin’s back, heading alone to the monastery, gradually grew distant. His figure, which soon became a small dot, disappeared from view in the blink of an eye.

“Don’t worry about the priest. Can’t you just focus on me right now?”

“…I understand, so let’s go now.”

With every two steps I took, Jaylon took one slow step. Although he had insisted on taking me to the monastery, his words seemed to decrease significantly. After walking in silence for a while, he finally spoke.

“Licia, how long do you plan to stay at the monastery?”

“Well…”

I couldn’t decide where to go after finishing my plans. Until recently, I had thought of returning to the Ophelia Monastery to help the elderly nuns. That was before I heard Father Edwin’s true feelings.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“…Does that mean there’s still a chance for me?” 

Jaylon’s words made me stop in my tracks.

“What kind of answer are you hoping for, Jaylon?”

The hand I was holding was pulled closer. Jaylon’s lips gently rested on the back of my hand.

“I’ve kept my long hair all this time for you, and deciding to become a knight was all for you… everything has been for you.”

Just listening to Jaylon’s voice made me feel guilty, as if I was giving him false hope.

“The House of Sossilion might be more fitting for you than my family. Still… if you come to me, I’ll make sure you live without any regrets.”

Jaylon smiled painfully. Unable to meet his gaze, I looked away.

“Jaylon, we’ve grown up together since we were young, so maybe you’re mistaken.”

“…Mistaken?”

“Yes, you might be confusing familiarity with affection.”

Jaylon’s eyes twisted in sadness. His face looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Jaylon, I really like you. When I’m with you, I forget all my bad memories and only feel at ease.”

“…Then, you should stay by my side.”

“Even if I live my whole life as a nun, I won’t leave your side. You are my eternal friend and family.”

Tears that had precariously gathered at the corners of Jaylon’s eyes began to fall. With his face smeared with tears, Jaylon repeatedly kissed the back of my hand and whimpered like a child.

“…Licia, don’t say that. I’ll just wait a bit longer. I’ll keep waiting.”

Now that I looked closer, he still seemed like a child despite his large size. I reached out and gently wiped the tears from Jaylon’s cheeks.

“Don’t cry. When I get my leave in the fall, I’ll visit the Count’s house first. We can eat the blueberry pie Delia made and chat until sunset.”

“…First?”

“Yes, I’ll come to see you first.”

His reddened eyes, rubbed so much that they were irritated, were pitiable. Even though we had arrived near the monastery, Jaylon and I continued our lighthearted conversation for a while. Before long, the sadness that had lingered in Jaylon’s eyes had completely vanished.

“Jaylon, can I ask you one thing?”

I almost forgot entirely as I was about to return to the monastery. I had left out the most important question.

“Sure, what is it?”

“Did you attend the Grand Ball?”

At my question, Jaylon tilted his head in confusion.

“I didn’t go since you didn’t reply. Why do you ask?”

“…Oh, it’s nothing. Just curious.”

If it wasn’t Jaylon, then who was the man I encountered that day? No matter how much I pondered, the only thing that grew stronger was the pain tightening at my temples.

“I’ll go in now. Thank you for seeing me off.”

“No need to thank me, it’s only natural. I’ll write you another letter.”

I watched quietly as Jaylon turned and walked away, then entered the monastery.

“Father?”

My heart sank at the sight of Edwin Father standing idly at the monastery entrance.

“…You’re late.”

He left with only those words. Had he been waiting for me all this time? By the time I hesitated, he had already returned to his room.

“Father…”

I had told you myself. Jaylon was like family to me. In truth, I had known about Jaylon’s feelings for a very long time.

Even though I knew the truth, I had lied to Edwin. I had deceived both of them with a single set of lips. I felt the weight of the guilt on my back become a little heavier. 

* * *

The loud bang in the room startled me awake. It was still a dark dawn before the break of day.

According to the nuns, there are said to be rats swarming the monastery, and it seems that was true. How big could the rats be to cause such a commotion in the still of the dawn?

I pulled the blanket up and tried to go back to sleep, but Jaylon’s tearful face kept me awake.

“Maybe I’ll get some fresh air…”

I blinked while lying down, then got up. Wrapping myself in a thin blanket over my pajamas, I went out into the hallway.

In the distance, someone was standing by the second-floor railing. I wondered if there were others who, like me, couldn’t easily fall asleep at this hour. My heart raced with the thought that it might be Edwin Father.

As I got closer, I realized the figure was much smaller than Edwin Father. A nun, perhaps? I quickened my steps with a raised smile.

“Alicia?”

The figure leaning against the railing turned their head. As soon as they spoke my name, a chill ran down my spine.

“…Lord Lucio.”

I tried to step back, but it was already too late. Lucio took a step closer.

“Out for a secret rendezvous at this hour? In such an unguarded state.”

His cold gaze swept over me from top to bottom. A sense of unpleasant repulsion made my skin crawl. I adjusted my pajamas with trembling hands.

“Sure, let’s leave the fresh air for another time. For now, I’ll just go back to my room and lie still on the bed.”

“…I’m just joking. Were you upset?”

“Oh, no. I’m just going to go back and get some sleep.”

Even standing together in the same space made me feel uneasy.

“…Aren’t you out for some fresh air? You just came out. Surely you’re not avoiding me because you’re uncomfortable, are you?”

Had he seen through my thoughts? Not wanting to engage in a pointless argument, I concocted a plausible excuse.

“I just came out to check because I heard a loud noise in my room.”

“…A noise?”

Lucio’s crescent-shaped smile dried up instantly.

“Yes…”

Looking at Lucio’s delicate features and chilly gaze, I was reminded of the porcelain dolls I played with as a child. His eyes seemed like unfeeling doll eyes.

As my terrified reflection was captured in the clear glass, Lucio broke the eerie silence and spoke.

“In fact, I came out for the same reason. I wanted to check because I heard a noise.”

Lies. He was just standing there, leaning against the railing.

“…Did you find out where the sound came from?”

When I asked tentatively, he looked at me with vague eyes.

“No. It seems like nothing serious. It was probably just a bird or a rat.”

“…Alright. I’m tired, so I’ll go back to my room now.”

Gripping my pounding heart, I returned to my room. I worried that Lucio might follow me, causing my chest to tighten.

Unable to lie down comfortably, I ended up sitting by the door. Wrapped in a blanket, I waited until dawn broke.

Through the thin curtain, the morning sun began to rise. I changed clothes and stood in front of the mirror. My eyes were hollow from lack of sleep, making me look like a sick person.

As I was untangling my hair with a wooden comb, a sharp scream echoed from outside the door. Grabbing the headscarf I hadn’t put on, I hurriedly ran outside.

“Are you alright, Sister?”

A nun was sitting at the bottom of the stairs on the first floor. As I helped her to her feet, she managed to speak through trembling lips.

“…Father Daniel has collapsed. We need to inform everyone quickly.”

She pointed with her index finger towards the library. Through the partially open door, short brown hair was visible.

“Father Daniel, wake up!”

I placed my fingers under Father Daniel’s nose. Fortunately, his faint breathing continued, but no matter how much I shook him, he remained unconscious.

“…What is all this commotion at such an early hour?”

Edwin priest descended the stairs, yawning widely. His gaze swept over Father Daniel lying on the library floor. His drowsy eyes suddenly sharpened.

“Daniel! Wake up!”

Turning Father Daniel over, his left arm, which had been hidden under him, was revealed. I found myself spreading my palm and pressing it against my lips in shock. His arm, which should have been intact, was abnormally swollen.

“We need to get him to the infirmary immediately.”

Edwin priest reached out to lift Father Daniel. It wasn’t long before Edwin’s face turned ashen. He helplessly looked down at his right hand.

“…Oh, God.”

His right hand, affected by the aftermath of an epidemic, was not functioning properly. Despite his best efforts, his face reddened and his hand barely trembled. He could barely grasp a pen.

He could not lift Father Daniel. How many people could lift the solidly built Father Daniel? The only remaining priest, Father Marco, was an elderly man who struggled to walk alone.

Soon, priests from the monastery gathered around the entrance of the library. Edwin’s lips, which had remained silent, now spoke up.

“I’m currently suffering from the aftereffects of the epidemic…”

He was about to reveal something he didn’t want others to know, a fact he had been trying to hide for fear it might affect the upcoming Mass.

I grabbed Edwin’s wrist, looking into his troubled golden eyes and shaking my head.

“If we’re not careful, Father Daniel’s spine might be damaged during the transfer to the carriage. It would be better to make a stretcher and carry him that way.”

“This time, I’ll take care of you.” I nodded with firm resolve.

Recalling the methods I had learned while volunteering at the Jared Infirmary, I quickly made a stretcher using sticks and cloth. Though hastily assembled, it seemed sturdy enough.

“Since the monastery is in disarray, Edwin priest, please stay here. I know the location of the infirmary, so I’ll go there. I need someone to help me move Father Daniel.”

“I’ll go.”

As soon as the words ended, a man among the nuns quietly raised his hand. It was the seminarian, Peter.

He was a man of few words and disliked standing out. Though I wasn’t sure, I sometimes thought he might be a great-grandson of Father Revencio.

“…I’ll leave it to you.”

He carefully moved Father Daniel’s body onto the stretcher. Clenching his teeth, he exerted force on the stretcher handles to lift it.

Though his arms trembled from the effort, Peter supported the stretcher firmly from behind, allowing it to be moved.

“I’ll be back.”

In the moment before leaving the monastery, I exchanged glances with Edwin. He nodded with a steady gaze.

“It might be faster to take the shortcut through the shopping district.”

It was the path I had walked alone, crying after sending Sarah, who had been struck by the carriage, into Victor’s arms. I had blamed myself for my incompetence and suffered greatly. Even now, just recalling that day made it hard to breathe.