Chapter 3: Archelio Monastery (3) 

Opening the worn wooden door within the cathedral, I entered the cramped confessional space, barely able to squeeze in and sit down. Kneeling, I adjusted the folds of my nun’s habit neatly, my heart filled with anxiety as I awaited Father Edwin. How much time had passed? No matter how long I waited, not even a strand of his silver hair was in sight.

As the twilight faded from the sky, a large full moon rose above.

Was he not coming today, after all? In the midst of the tense anticipation turning into frustration, a faint shadow of a man’s silhouette swayed beyond the thin veil covering the small window.

“Confess your sins truthfully under the grace of God.”

I could immediately recognize the owner of the voice. His usually edgy tone seemed somewhat weary today.

“I have known everything, yet I have remained silent until now, Father.”

Behind the veil, I couldn’t discern the expression Father Edwin wore.

“Under the light of the sun, those bearing blue gems on their body will become the emperor’s beacon.” 

The whispered verse, haunting Edwin’s thoughts since the early dawn, now escaped his lips.

“You!”

Edwin’s exclamation, more akin to a desperate cry, shattered the stillness that enveloped them.

“The temple errs in its interpretation of the consecration. Innocent girls are sacrificed as a result.” 

With hands clasped in supplication, Edwin’s voice strained to convey the weight of his revelation.

“The time for the Saint’s arrival has not yet come, and due to the misinterpretation of the consecration, there will be indiscriminate sacrifices. I have known this for the past six months… all of it, what lies ahead.”

The voice that had barely maintained composure now trembled with tears.

“Please, help us, Father. You must intervene.”

Once again, placing hope in fragile trust, I dared to believe that he could prevent the tragic fate awaiting innocent girls accused as witches, perhaps once is enough.

“How can I believe such words?” 

Was it dismissed as a poor jest? Edwin’s cold voice left me with a palpable discomfort.

“Ha, do you expect me to believe such fanciful tales?”

A thin finger pushed through the fragile barrier between us. In an instant, the veil was torn apart.

Beyond the palm-sized window, the visage of Edwin, fraught with nervous tension, became vividly clear.

“You are…!”

His icy demeanor, consumed by anger, softened into a slightly bewildered expression as he scrutinized my face.

“If you cannot believe, then I have nothing more to say, Father.”

There was no hint of falsehood in his words. I met Edwin’s gaze with unwavering determination.

“Ha, truly unbelievable.”

Edwin slumped into his chair, seemingly drained of strength. Was he lost in deep contemplation? He rested his head in his hands, staring at the ceiling in silence for what felt like an eternity.

In the weighty silence that followed, I silently observed his features. The sharp jawline, the stern lips, and the piercing gaze of his long, narrow eyes seemed to scrutinize the empty space relentlessly.

Finally, as if breaking the spell of his reverie, Edwin spoke.

“Well, it’s already an absurd situation, isn’t it? So, let’s entertain some nonsensical chatter for once.” 

The whispered tale that escaped my lips was a narrative buried deep in the recesses of my heart, a story of the past. It recounted the descent of the Covenant, the selection of a maiden with golden locks to become the Chosen One, and my journey as the shell of an Empress, living a life of pretense until the true Saint appeared, forcing me to relinquish my position and be branded a witch.

Would you feel pity upon learning the truth? Or would you dismiss me as a madwoman? With anxious anticipation, I gazed at Edwin’s tightly sealed lips.

“The story you tell may evoke sympathy, but honestly, my mind struggles to accept it.”

Edwin’s golden eyes remained steadfast, without a flicker of doubt. Indeed, Edwin was no prince riding a white horse from a fairy tale.

He was a clergyman dedicated to God, living solely by faith. If I were to be swayed by cheap compassion and extend a helping hand, it would be arrogance towards the divine.

As I bit down on my lip and lowered my gaze, he gently touched his chin with a trembling finger, signaling the beginning of his response.

“Recently, the temple has changed the method of disbursing funds to each monastery.”

“…Yes?”

As I questioned, he took a deep breath before exhaling forcefully.

“If you truly traveled back in time, wouldn’t you already be well-versed in the policies to be implemented by the central temple or the palace? Go ahead, tell me.”

Edwin’s golden eyes sparkled sharply. So, he’s testing the authenticity of my words.

“Our monastery is set to receive funds under the newly revised disbursement method starting this quarter. However, there’s speculation among the monasteries about the changed disbursement method. How does it appear to you, who claims to know the future?”

Disbursement method… Twisting the hem of my nun’s habit, I desperately rummage through my memories.

Certainly, if my memory serves me right, there should only be one disbursement method.

“I remember there being only one method of disbursing funds. Could it be that the newly added method involves receiving half in cash and the other half in food and necessities?”

In my words, Edwin’s expression hardened. Surely, Father Revencio must have subtly mentioned something like that.

“Was it decided to supply the monastery with crops harvested from farms operated under the central temple? Unfortunately, a drought has started this autumn, and all the crops have withered. Thus, the disbursement method will be unified back to the original one.”

As I spoke, Edwin crossed his arms and his eyes sparkled with interest, as if intrigued.

“If you wish, Father, I can lay out all the memories I possess.”

“…All of them, you say?”

Before his words could finish, I rose from my seat abruptly, stepping onto the railing of the confessional booth. Was it impudent of me? Edwin’s eyebrows twitched ever so slightly.

Stepping onto the railing, I lifted my skirts and opened the window of the confessional booth, the radiant full moon shimmering beyond the partially open window.

“I need your help, Father. If you wish, I’ll show you everything, even the flaws I desperately want to hide.”

Beneath the moonlight, after a moment of hesitation, I lifted the hem of my nun’s habit. Edwin’s stern golden eyes momentarily clouded with confusion.

“Sister Alicia! What blasphemous act are you about to commit beneath the eyes of God?”

“Please forgive me graciously. This is the best and only negotiating strategy to persuade you, Father.”

I lowered my eyelids firmly. Pulling the hem of my habit up to my chest in one swift motion, I felt a shiver run through my skin wherever Edwin’s gaze touched.

“That’s enough. I’ll leave now. Whatever you’re planning, you won’t convince me with such disgraceful methods.”

“I watched Edwin rise hurriedly, his cheeks flushed with anger or frustration.

“No, Father. You will soon help me,” I said confidently.

Moonlight cascaded onto the flawless white cowhide beneath him.

Revealing one’s vulnerability to a man was a source of shame for any woman. My trembling fingers clutched the hem of my habit like leaves quivering in the wind.

“The horseshoe-shaped mark. It’s a seal bestowed upon me by the prince I once loved more than life itself.”

Despite the rising tide of embarrassment, I clung to my confession. But there was no immediate response.

“And it stands as proof that I lived through that time, a trace of the divine breath that revived me.”

Turning to him, my heart racing, I found Edwin on the other side of the barely-opened window, his gaze vacant.

“Do you believe me now, Father Edwin?”

***

In the early dawn, a fierce surge of arousal coursed through my lower body, causing Edwin’s eyelids to flutter open. He sat slumped in his chair, blinking sleepily. Unconsciously, his hand moved between his legs.

“Not grief, but…” he murmured, pressing his hand to his forehead and sighing. It was a situation unheard of in his entire life at the monastery, something that should never have happened.

“Pathetic,” he muttered bitterly.

Edwin had entered seminary before adolescence had even arrived. After swearing chastity upon the altar, he had lived a life rigorously devoid of desire.

Was that why? For the first time in his life, the sight of a woman’s body, so innocent and enticing, proved to be an overwhelming stimulus to the inexperienced priest.

Desperately, he struggled to push the image away, but her ethereal skin and gentle curves continued to haunt him.

“Haah…”

The intense heat radiating from his thighs felt uncomfortable, as if it were about to rise defiantly, proving his revulsion.

Edwin, his fangs bared, mercilessly nibbled at the tender flesh of his lips, then grabbed the pen lying on the desk.

Without hesitation, he plunged the pen into the inner thigh.

“Ah…!”

The shock sent tremors through the muscles of his thigh. As Edwin’s rough touch roamed inside his thigh, he felt the dampness on his fingertips.

“This is maddening.”

Despite the searing pain, the rising heat was unbearable.

The swelling didn’t subside. Edwin, who had kept silent with tightly sealed lips, suddenly pulled down his pajamas.

The dimpled flesh, hidden beneath the thin fabric, twitched. Normally unblemished, as it had not been touched by human hands, it now swelled up grotesquely due to Edwin absentmindedly rubbing his thighs against the chair.

“Haah…”

As he gazed blankly at the throbbing pillar, Edwin buried his face in his palms.

“It’s just a simple physiological phenomenon, nothing to do with that nun.”

Despite his words, the pillar between his legs remained defiantly er*ect.

A clear droplet precariously clung to the tip of his gl*ns, then cascaded down in a rush. In no time, it formed a long, thread-like streak, leaving behind a round stain.

***

The nun’s baptism ceremony was moved up by a month. The reason, known only to Edwin, remained undisclosed. When asked by anyone why the baptism was expedited, he offered no further explanation, merely attributing it to a desire to finish the tedious task sooner.

Kneeling with heads bowed, we all wore our white habits. The other novices were in the same boat, having joined the convent less than a year ago.

The ceremony was presided over by Father Marco of the Archelio Monastery. He was already an old man, relying on a wooden cane to move about.

“You will live a life of celibacy and carry out your duties,” Father Marco declared, his grip tightening on the wooden cane. Veins protruded from his wrinkled hand like dark mushrooms.

“Your embrace now becomes a shelter for the weak of the empire,” he continued.

Just six months ago, I could never have imagined becoming a nun. Truly, life is full of unexpected twists and turns, akin to a novel’s plot.”

Yet, amidst the frivolous and fanciful tale-like narrative, my heartbeat with a fervor and vitality unlike any other.

“Renounce all worldly possessions and awaken anew as a child of God,” Father Marco spoke from the pulpit as he proceeded with the baptisms. Finally, it was my turn. Father Marco’s weathered hand rested upon my head.

“You are now the closest to God,” he declared, a gentle smile gracing his lips as he anointed me with holy water. As I lifted my heavily lidded eyes, a tear precariously clung to the tip of my eyelashes, poised to fall into the abyss.

‘Finally…’

The lofty aristocrat, the chosen Saint, the merciful empress, the witch leading the empire to ruin—countless words that once defined me dissipated like foam on water.

In the sunlight streaming through the stained glass, I was reborn as a nun.

Edwin, who silently observed the baptism from a corner of the cathedral, promptly left as soon as my turn was over. Watching his retreating figure, memories of our recent confession came flooding back.

[Even if what you’re saying is true, I don’t have the authority as a mere priest to intervene in matters of faith.] he replied, visibly shaken by the surreal scenario, clutching at his temples as if battling a headache.

[Unfortunately, this is beyond my purview] he added, but the fact that Edwin listened to my story was a comfort in itself. Though nothing was resolved, it eased my mind somewhat. Perhaps this interaction made me reconsider my initial impression of him as a bad person.

[However, I might be able to offer some small assistance. Of course, assuming what you’ve shared is indeed true.]

[That would be more than enough, Father Edwin.]

Never did I expect him to solve everything for me. I no longer needed a prince on a white horse in my life.

The princess abandoned by the prince had long tumbled into the abyss. Gazing down into the darkness of the cliff, the fallen princess, now turned witch, murmured softly.

[Every now and then, I wish you would listen to my confession like you did now.]

Never again would she entertain the thought of crawling back up the cliff. All she wanted was for him to hear her story.

[Please, have mercy on me and forgive my sins.]

[In the name of the Divine, I grant you peace and absolution.]

Although Father Edwin forgave me in the name of the Divine, I couldn’t believe his words. How could one human forgive the sins of another? It was beyond my comprehension.

The thought that I could be absolved of my pain and shame with just a few words made me tremble.

Yet, in that moment, I fervently sought forgiveness, thinking of the sins I would commit in the future.

Father, I knew I couldn’t prevent the misunderstanding of the ordainment, as you said. Perhaps I have been in denial all this time. 

But two maidens could not coexist under the same sky. In the cycle of fate, someone had to suffer and sacrifice eventually.

If I couldn’t prevent the misunderstanding of the ordainment, and if two maidens couldn’t coexist, then I… I decided to eliminate the true maiden.

If that were to happen, could everyone finally rest in the quiet embrace of the Divine’s will?