#5

She didn’t know how she had fallen asleep. Diez, who had been curled up tightly and buried under the blanket, barely opened her eyes.

Though it was certain she had slept at least a little, her head throbbed with pain as if she had spent the night with her eyes open. She didn’t want to sleep more. If she did, she would surely have nightmares.

But she still couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed. She wanted to lie down a little longer. Just a little more…… No, in truth, she felt like staying buried in bed alone all day.

She didn’t want to recall what had happened last night. Was it perhaps all her fault? For trying clumsily to wake the intoxicated Duke…… Was everything caused by her?

Perhaps it was simply something that happened in the heat of alcohol.

Maybe it wasn’t as serious as I thought.

She tried to comfort herself this way, but it didn’t seem particularly effective. Diez hadn’t fully recovered from what she had to endure at the Duke’s residence for five years. The fact that she was shocked and bedridden by something others might dismiss as a simple accident was clearly due to those scars.

Soon it would be time for breakfast.

She didn’t want to be disturbed by anyone. Though she knew she wasn’t in a position to ask, she wanted to be alone, just for today.

If she were honest about it, the maids would surely find it strange. The report might even reach Jürgen. That she had refused to have breakfast.

Facing Jürgen was what she wanted to avoid most. Rather than resenting him, it was closer to not having the courage to face him at all. She was confused about how she should look at him.

As expected, Diez’s wish was not granted. As soon as someone knocked on the door, she startled and sat up.

I should tell the truth anyway.

I’ll say I want to spend time alone just for today.

Just as Diez had made up her mind and was about to open her mouth to answer, someone flung the door open before she gave permission.

She had thought the visitor would be a maid, but the one who appeared before Diez’s eyes was Jürgen. Diez froze in place, not having expected him to barge into her bedroom first thing in the morning.

She knew she should get out of bed immediately and curtsy, but her body wouldn’t move as she wished. Far from greeting him, even managing her expression in front of him was difficult.

The man who had been disheveled and heavily intoxicated had completely disappeared. Jürgen, who had returned to the image of the perfect Duke, was looking down at Diez with eyes in which no emotion could be found.

Duke Klaus looking at her with an expressionless face. And herself, frozen like a victim before him. Somehow, the relationship between them had changed to be no different from when Jürgen had just inherited the title of Duke.

“Miss Schleicher.”

“……Your Grace.”

She answered with difficulty. To greet the Duke in such a disheveled state, while sitting on the bed no less. It was an act of utmost disrespect, but fortunately, Jürgen didn’t seem to mind.

“You look tired.”

“Ah, that’s…… I don’t think I slept well.”

Hearing her stammered response, Jürgen seemed to release a silent sigh before addressing her in a lowered voice.

“Is it because of what happened last night?”

“I…….”

“You don’t need to hold your breath like that. It wasn’t your fault.”

Despite his comforting words, Diez didn’t dare raise her eyes.

“I should apologize for what was clearly my mistake.”

“……”

“I came to say I’m sorry. Such a thing will never happen again.”

“I, I know.”

Yes. As I thought, it was something that happened because of alcohol. Convinced that Jürgen too deeply regretted it and that he hadn’t changed at all, Diez tried to brighten her expression and said,

“What happened then was just…… a mistake, right?”

He didn’t answer right away.

“……Right?”

“Do you think it was a mistake?”

“Your Grace was drunk then…… People who are drunk often do things they wouldn’t normally think of doing.”

Still, Jürgen only looked at her with inscrutable eyes, not giving her the words she wanted to hear.

Why isn’t he saying anything?

Perhaps due to her growing anxiety, Diez’s words began to lengthen.

“I thought I should apologize as well. For causing trouble by seeking you out……”

“Stop.”

A voice that had suddenly turned sharp cut off Diez’s words. Surprised, Diez raised her head, and her eyes met Jürgen’s directly.

His gaze was cold as ice. His attitude was too cold for someone who had come to apologize. Jürgen hadn’t sought out Diez because he wanted to say he was sorry.

Diez could vaguely sense this fact as well.

“You don’t need to apologize. I clearly told you it wasn’t your fault.”

“But…….”

“What happened wasn’t due to a mistake.”

“What?”

“More precisely, I’ve been lying to you all this time.”

“What do you…… mean?”

“From the moment I first saw you, I’ve imagined taking you in my arms.”

As if to make everything clear, Jürgen pushed Diez back into the shocking reality once more.

“I’m saying that I too have lusted after you, who was my father’s mistress.”

A silence that was both long and short fell. In the frozen cold silence, only their gazes continuously collided.

Despite hearing such words, there was no change in Diez’s expression. As if she couldn’t immediately understand Jürgen’s words.

Though she heard each word he uttered clearly, Diez stood blankly with a confused expression, as if she had heard an unintelligible foreign language.

“But Your Grace……”

Why is he saying such things? What was happening before her eyes felt like an absurd dream. No way. That can’t be right. Jürgen had for me……

“You gave me so many things. It was you who made my miserable life somewhat better, wasn’t it?”

His gaze toward Diez, who was beginning to show small signs of distress, appeared calm at a glance, but he too was trying to compose himself. Of course, Diez wouldn’t have noticed. She shouldn’t have.

“That’s because I didn’t want to see you living like a trembling wreck.”

“You never showed any sign of it. That you had such…… such feelings toward me……”

Her face seemed to turn pale, then quickly began to flush red. Watching her breathing gradually become unstable, Jürgen’s heart began to weaken as well.

Should I stop now?

If I said it was all meaningless nonsense…… it might not be too late.

But that wouldn’t do. He needed to completely turn Diez’s heart away with this opportunity. If he acted lukewarm, no one knew what kind of ending they would all face.

He didn’t want to make Diez cry again, but rather than having her experience a greater catastrophe later, it was better to give her a mental shock now. Wouldn’t that be far better than having her regret after doing something she could never handle?

Hiding behind a cold, expressionless mask was one of the things Jürgen did best.

“You seem to feel betrayed.”

At those words, Diez, who had lowered her head for a moment, looked up at him again.

“……I find it hard to believe.”

“What?”

“Your Grace…… couldn’t be like that. You were the kindest person I’ve met here, at least that’s how you appeared to me, so how……”

Diez, who seemed to be struggling to find a way through the overwhelming situation surrounding her, continued,

“What you said earlier…… you meant that you like me as a woman?”

“……”

“Not in any other sense, but just in that way. I don’t want to misunderstand your words.”

“It seems I haven’t made myself clear enough to you.”

He put force into the end of his voice to thoroughly hide his weak true feelings.

“You must remember how my father desired you.”

Tears gradually welled up in Diez’s eyes.

“As you know, I am the heir who has strongly inherited my father’s blood.”

“Your Grace.”

“I wonder. Would you still react so lukewarmly if I revealed that I’ve been stroking my c*ck while imagining leaving scars on your body every night and wielding a whip at you?”

“……Hic.”

As if just hearing it made her nauseated, Diez covered her mouth with one hand.

“I wanted to embrace you just as my father did.”

“S-stop.”

“I wanted to taste the blood that seeped into your skin and thrust my c*ck into your private parts.”

“N-no. Stop it, please!”

“You should know that even now I’m barely holding back.”

The moment he took a step toward Diez, she backed herself against the wall.

“Whatever I do to you here, no one would dare even think of interfering.”

“No…… I hate it.”

“Do you now understand how deeply you’ve been living in ridiculous illusions?”

Completely terrified, she even pulled the blanket around herself to cover her body. As if such an act could protect her.