Chapter 39

The attitude of the priest blocking my path was polite but very firm. Holding a parasol beside me, Sarah spoke with a hint of indignation.

“Our lady is not someone whose path can be blocked lightly.”

“My Lady, we do not intend to be rude. However, the person inside is reluctant to meet anyone, so we ask for your understanding.“

“If the priest knew who our lady is…”

“Sarah.”

I lightly interrupted Sarah. Judging by the priest’s demeanor, I was unlikely to enter the temple without revealing my identity. Although I could simply turn back, I wasn’t sure when I’d have another chance to visit the temple if not today. I spoke gently to the priest.

“I only intend to go in for a brief prayer. Would that be difficult?“

“I’m sorry, but it seems it would be.“

“Can you tell me who is inside that warrants blocking the faithful?”

The priest hesitated momentarily, then decided it was acceptable to speak.

“It is His Grace, Grand Duke Julian.”

I was so shocked by this revelation that my eyes widened. Fortunately, I was wearing a veil, so my reaction was hidden. I sensed Sarah looking at me anxiously, unsure of what to do.

Could Julian’s visit to the capital be solely to visit the temple? If so, it might be best not to disturb him.

I still hadn’t decided what to say when I met Julian. The thought of stammering in front of him made me want to hide in a hole.

Yet, upon hearing that Julian was inside, my heart pounded wildly, and I had an overwhelming desire to go in.

I placed my hand over my chest. It had been so long since I felt so vividly alive.

“My Lady, I’m truly sorry, but…”

The priest began to apologize again. I waved my hand and spoke through the veil.

“I am the Grand Duchess, the wife of His Grace, Grand Duke Julian.”

The priest seemed to swallow hard in surprise. It was understandable since the Grand Duke’s visit was a significant event for them, and now his wife had appeared unannounced.

“May I enter?”

Even after my repeated requests, the priest hesitated. After all, there was no way to prove that I was indeed the Grand Duchess just by my words. Yet it was awkward for them to ask directly, “Are you really the Grand Duchess?“ I decided to help them out of the embarrassing situation.

“Check the carriage I arrived in. It bears the emblem of the House of Grand Duke Julian.“

“Yes, Your Grace.”

The priest gestured to a junior priest to verify this. While the junior priest was away, my heart continued to pound rapidly. When he returned and whispered to the senior priest, the latter showed me even greater respect.

“Your Grace, please come in.“

“Thank you.“

“May the goddess’s light shine upon you.“

“May the goddess’s light shine upon you.”

I repeated the priest’s words and turned to Sarah, who was closing the parasol.

“Sarah, wait here.“

“Yes, Your Grace. Call me if you need anything.”

I nodded and stepped inside. Contrary to the talk of the goddess’s light, the temple’s interior wasn’t exceptionally bright. It had a comfortably dim atmosphere, perfect for sleeping. As I walked further, my heels echoed in the spacious hall.

“Who’s there?”

A man stood beneath the goddess statue at the center of the temple. His voice, tinged with wariness, warned me.

“If you’ve come without the priests’ knowledge, you’d better leave now.”

My mouth was dry with nervousness, but I couldn’t stay silent anymore.

“It’s me.”

Julian raised his bowed head slightly.

It was the second time I had met him here. Only I remembered our first meeting.

“Didn’t the priests try to stop you?”

Julian asked without turning around. His voice was lower and darker than usual. It seemed he was still angry with me, and talking to him felt somewhat daunting.

“If you want, I’ll leave.”

I never imagined being such a coward, willing to flee quickly, and hated myself. The hollow sound of my heels echoed again as I instinctively stepped back.

“Laila.“

Julian’s voice seemed to grip my ankles, freezing me in place.

“If you come to pray, then do so.”

I didn’t come to pray; I came to see someone.

Instead of saying that, I walked towards him again. When I stood close to the goddess’s statue, Julian opened his eyes and bowed his head. I watched him as he prayed.

Julian didn’t seem like the type to believe in goddesses. He was the kind of man who built his own solid world and only believed in what was within it. What could a man like him pray for?

When Julian opened his eyes, I couldn’t help but ask.

“What did you pray for?”

He didn’t answer, only looked down at me. After waiting a long time, I sighed and looked away from him.

“If you don’t want to say, you don’t have to. I’m not worthy of hearing your secrets.“

“You always run away like that.“

“Yes.”

I replied with a frown. I wanted to have a more constructive conversation when I met him, but the words that came out were always insignificant.

“I’m sorry. As always, please forgive me.”

I felt my face flush with embarrassment at my brazenness. I was sincerely grateful for the veil. What would the goddess think of me? Would she regret saving such a worthless woman?

Through the veil, I couldn’t clearly see Julian’s face. As always, I could only make out his stern silhouette.

“Do you need my forgiveness because I’m the Grand Duke?“

“…Yes.”

A sigh echoed through the temple. It was Julian’s.

“I’ve always hated this life, but I thought it wasn’t so bad after meeting you.“

“I’m not that good of a person.“

“I see.“

Julian’s response was another sigh. He looked up at the statue of the goddess that reached high above. His deep sigh sank to the floor, never reaching the goddess.

“If I had been an ordinary man, would you have been an ordinary wife to me?”

I gave a bitter smile at Julian’s question.

“No. A count’s daughter would never have dared to become your wife.“

“So my tragedy has brought us together.”

Yes. We were a couple brought together by tragedy. We would never know ordinary happiness. I was another curse in your life.

Would it ease this deep sense of guilt if I could whisper these words? But I had too much to protect. To keep it, I only had to sacrifice one thing: my loyalty to Julian.

“Laila.”

Julian reached out. I tried to step back, but he gently grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. His hand lifted my veil. The light pouring onto my face stung my eyes. Why couldn’t I see Julian’s face clearly, even with the veil removed?

“If you were truly so cold-hearted, why are you crying?”

I felt around my eyes with my hands. My cheeks were soaked. How pathetic could I be?

Overwhelmed by confusion, my legs gave out. Julian hurriedly supported me. The veil fell back down, covering my face again. I was relieved. Truly relieved.

“Laila.“

“This… I mean, it means nothing…”

I wanted to make an excuse, but no words came out. I only muttered like a fool. Julian called out to me with urgency.

“Laila.”

He pulled me into his arms. Pressing my forehead against his chest, I closed my eyes tightly. Being held in his warm and firm embrace, the words I had held back finally slipped out.

“Why are you so kind to me?”

I asked in confusion, tears streaming down uncontrollably. Despite knowing how shameless it was, I couldn’t stop crying.

“It’s painful to hide things from you.”

My throat choked up, making it hard to speak. Julian held me tighter, offering his best comfort, not knowing any other way.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

His warmth made me cry even harder.

In the barely sunlit temple, I clung to Julian and wept for a long time. The first tears I shed since receiving this life soaked his clothes.

* * *

We rode back together in the carriage, our hands resting gently together in the center. I turned to Julian, lifted my veil, and wiped my tears.

“My makeup must be completely ruined.“

“Don’t meet anyone today. Just rest.“

“I will. Is your hotel nearby?“

“Yes.”

“… Let’s go back together.“

“Alright.”

Julian remained silent for a long time. He was always quiet, and I usually talked, but this time I had nothing to say. We rode in silence for a while.

Julian’s grip on my hand tightened slightly as we neared the hotel, and he called to me.

“Duchess.”

I adjusted my veil before turning to face him. I didn’t want to show him my tear-streaked, foolish face.

“When we get back, please see a doctor.”

TL NOTE: A more advanced chapter of this story is already up on the site. Visit dusk blossoms for more advanced chapters and stories.