Chapter 48 – A Mother’s Memory

‘Ah, just now. You said…Lena….’

Lenoa’s eyes widened momentarily at Kairan’s words.

Lena. A nickname given and used solely by her parents. Even though her nanny also knew this nickname, she rarely used it, as it was a collaboration between her parents, and she felt shy about saying it. Lenoa had firmly rejected anyone else using the nickname, insisting it was a privilege reserved for family since her parents had created it.

‘Then, shouldn’t you also refrain from calling me Lenoa? After all, that name was also given to me by my parents.’

When Lenoa teased with a smile, her nanny finally laughed along and whispered, ‘Princess Lena.’ She praised her cleverness, showering her with compliments as if they were another nickname.

‘To me, my nanny was also family.’

Though not related by blood, Lenoa considered her nanny as family. While her parents were busy with their duties, the nanny cared for her like a daughter, acting as both a mother and an aunt. Lenoa had no real aunts, and her mother and nanny were close friends. Surely, her parents must have thought the same.

However, the nanny drew a line at being considered Lenoa’s ‘parent’ or ‘family.’ Despite being like family, the nanny deliberately denied it.

One day, when baby Lenoa was spending time alone with her nanny, she became so overwhelmed with happiness that she called her nanny, ‘Mom.’ The nanny’s wide smile faltered, and she quickly whispered into Lenoa’s ear.

‘Princess, your mother is in the conference room.’

The soft smile the nanny had just moments ago was gone. Lenoa’s face stiffened as well. Although the nanny only reacted this way on that one occasion, even as a child, Lenoa vividly remembered how strange it felt.

This wasn’t the first time Kairan had called her Lena either. When he returned from a trip, he had embraced her and murmured her nickname softly, ‘I missed you, Lena.’

But she had been too distracted by the hug to dwell on the nickname. 

Was Kairan now trying to imprint the nickname in my memory again?

Now was the time to bring it up.

“How did you know my nickname? Lena, I mean.”

Lenoa asked hesitantly. If Kairan had noticed her secret, it seemed he must have his own mysterious reasons.

Kairan answered after a slight pause. Unlike the playful tone he used earlier, his voice was calm.

“……The late Queen Dowager told me.”

“What? My mother?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

She had assumed he learned it through palace gossip, but her mother? Lenoa’s mouth fell open in shock.

Since her parents were the ones who created the nickname, if Kairan’s words were true, it meant her mother had told him directly.

However, her mother had sided with her father in advising her to keep her distance from Kairan. In fact, Lenoa had never seen her mother and Kairan together during her lifetime.

Though time had passed, and Kairan seemed to have improved his relationship with both her mother and father to some extent, it didn’t seem likely that her mother would reveal such a personal thing as her nickname. Her parents had told the nanny about the nickname, but not so she could use it.

So, she still couldn’t believe it. She needed to ask more questions.

“When? Where?”

“It was two years ago, during the winter. Her Majesty suddenly invited me to have tea with her alone in the reception room.”

Two years ago, in the winter… Lenoa’s throat tightened. That was when her mother had been gravely ill. She passed away that same winter.

At the time, her mother had refused to meet with the many nobles who came to visit her. While part of this was due to her pride as a queen who didn’t want to show weakness, the reality was that she had very little time left.

The Queen Dowager had little interaction even with her daughter or husband. Though her illness wasn’t contagious, she feared that her emotional suffering might affect them, especially her family.

Kairan had also shown concern for the Queen Dowager’s condition, but Lenoa had thought it was no different from the sympathy shown by other nobles who failed to visit her.

But now, Kairan claimed to have met her mother during that time? Lenoa asked again.

“What did you talk about?”

“…….”

Kairan hesitated, as if it were a secret. It was clear now—there was a hidden reason behind how he knew her nickname.

But that wasn’t what mattered most. Lenoa frowned and pressed him.

“Quickly, tell me! Why are you hesitating?”

“I-I apologize. It’s just…….”

“Didn’t you call me Lena because you could share this story?”

Kairan seemed flustered. But there was no going back. He had called her by the nickname twice already—there was no escape.

What had happened between her mother and Kairan before her passing? With so few memories of her mother’s final days, Lenoa needed to know. Kairan held the key to a piece of her mother’s legacy.

Please, tell me, Kairan!

“She asked me to take care of her beloved daughter, Lenoa, more than my own life. She said you were the warmest and strongest daughter anyone could ask for…….”

Kairan finished speaking and bowed his head. It was a small but heartfelt gesture of condolence.

“Ah…….”

Lenoa couldn’t hold back her tears. Her mother’s request, entrusted to Kairan for her sake. Words that could only have been spoken to him. The tangled threads of her memory unraveled gently.

“Mother…….”

Calling out for her mother, Lenoa sobbed. Kairan quietly watched her. Seeing her overwhelmed with sorrow and gratitude for her mother’s memory, he felt both pity and envy.

‘If only I had seen my own mother, even once…….’

Kairan bit his lip and shed tears as well. What would it have been like if his mother, whose name and face he didn’t even know, were alive? Or if he had even one memory of her? Perhaps those memories could have been a source of hope.

Even if his mother had been cruel to him, it wouldn’t have mattered. Whether the memories were good or bad, they would have been enough. But now, Kairan’s mother was no more than a stranger to him.

However, Kairan did have a mother—not by blood, but by heart. The late Queen Dowager, Ivy Moon Celesta.

As Lenoa’s mother, Queen Ivy had deeply loved and worried about her daughter. Even Kairan knew how the Queen had agonized over her daughter when Lenoa became the heir.

Yet, the Queen never opposed or obstructed her daughter. This was undoubtedly because she trusted her. It was not just simple trust. The Queen had seen the potential in her daughter to become a strong and compassionate ruler.

But even the most capable person has limits. The Queen didn’t just trust her daughter; she also believed in Kairan, the man who loved her daughter.

The Queen had long realized Kairan’s feelings for Lenoa. To avoid discord with her husband, the King, she kept this fact to herself, observing Kairan closely to discern his true intentions.

Did he desire the ‘Princess,’ or did he desire ‘Lenoa’? Or perhaps both? It took less than a month for the Queen to confirm that Kairan wanted only Lenoa.

From then on, the Queen favored Kairan after her daughter. Even when the King disapproved of him, she defended Kairan, calling him a decent man. She greeted him warmly whenever they crossed paths, and she even instructed the royal chef to prepare an extra portion of snacks meant for Lenoa and sent them to Kairan’s residence.

And the Queen didn’t see Kairan as merely a man with a pure heart for her daughter.

‘If my son had been born, he could have been your friend. But still…’

That day when she called him to the reception room, the Queen spoke to Kairan affectionately, as though meeting someone she had longed to see before her final moments.

‘You are like a son to me, Kairan. You can think of me as your mother.’

Mother. Both children called out this cherished name, inwardly and outwardly.

Kairan, wiping his tears, gently held Lenoa’s shoulders and helped her stand.

“Please don’t cry, Lady Lena.”

“Sniff……”

Once she had calmed down somewhat, Lenoa pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her tears. Then, through the fabric, she caught sight of Kairan’s tear-streaked eyes.

“D-Did you cry too?”

“Ah, just a little.”

“Do you want to wipe them? Or would that be unsanitary…….”

Lenoa hesitated as she held out her tear-stained handkerchief. Taking the handkerchief from her frozen hand, Kairan wiped his eyes clean without hesitation.

“Thank you for lending it to me.”

‘Honestly.’

Lenoa let out a faint laugh, feeling slightly exasperated.

“Thank you for sharing your memories of my mother. It was sad, but also comforting.”

“…….”

“I’m not the only one who received my mother’s warmth, it seems.”

With a faint smile, Lenoa reached out and held Kairan’s hand. Her sudden, heartfelt gesture caught him by surprise.

“Let’s get along well, as those who shared her warmth.”

“Yes, I will do so.”

“Oh, and……”

Lenoa lowered her head slightly, a sheepish smile playing on her lips.

“Sorry about earlier, when I got angry. I was just so impatient……”

She was apologizing for pressuring him to quickly share her mother’s last words. Kairan smiled broadly and tightened his grip on her hand in reassurance.

“Then, may I ask for one favor?”

“What is it?”

“To sing me a lullaby or read me a book.”

“Oh.”

Now that she thought about it, how had they gone from talking about lullabies to this point? Lenoa headed to her room, intending to fetch a book and wash her face.