Chapter 9: When You Come To Love The Fragile Thing In Your Embrace (Part 5)

Lizbeth felt a familiar hand brush between her sleeping legs. When she collapsed from exhaustion, she believed the hand that wiped her body with a damp cloth was surely a servant’s. However, Bieren had come here without a single servant, and so the touch had been his. Realizing this, Lizbeth bit her tongue against the overwhelming emotions. Still, she was too fond of him. She liked the occasional kindness he couldn’t hide towards her. 

“… Lizbeth.”

Bieren was calling her name in her sleep. It pained Lizbeth to hear him call her name, as if he were calling the name of a long-lost lover. She dismissed it as an illusion, a hallucination, and drifted back into sleep.

When she woke up again, Lizbeth found the man asleep leaning on a chair beside the bed. Bieren was asleep, not even making a sound. 

“…….”

A nobleman who had probably never slept in such a shabby chair was resting as if tired from caring for a lady. For Bieren, it was the first deep sleep in months. As Lizbeth looked into his face, she realized once again how much she loved him. He looked peaceful in his sleep. Even if he oppressed her and crushed her in life, she would end up loving him. So, she had to leave. She accepted the fate that she couldn’t live with him. Lizbeth quietly picked up her shoes and left the cottage.

In the distance, she saw the carriage from the manor waiting at the entrance to the courtyard. Although she was still wearing his robe, she didn’t turn back to return it and hurried out. This time, she really had to go somewhere he couldn’t find her. She knew about the nearby farm where they burned rice husks into charcoal every night to carry to the market. Lizbeth crumpled the shoes she had brought and ran through the tall grass to the farm. Her body didn’t feel like it was running, and she quickly became covered in cold sweat. The sun was setting, and the twilight was enveloping her. 

“Lizbeth!”

Lizbeth froze at the man’s call from behind her. She felt a stream flowing between her legs, unsure if it was from fear or because of the child in her womb. She did not need to turn to know the owner of the voice. She couldn’t understand how the man who had been asleep knew she left and chased after her. And she was afraid of how he had come so fast, after all the times Lizbeth had run. She had run this distance without hearing the pounding of hooves, so he must have run this distance by foot too, as if he hadn’t even had the rational thought to get on his horse.

“I won’t chase after you, so don’t run. If you get hurt, I cant’t stand it!” 

Bieren shouted at Lizbeth, who had stopped in her tracks. His impatience grew, fearing that the tall reeds would make it impossible to find Lizbeth if she fell. As his breath grew heavier, he felt his hair stand on end, imagining the fragile Lizbeth running down this path. He wanted to ask if she despised him enough to run away with a body that seemed as worn out as an old sandal. Bieren walked slowly towards her, who stood still. Lizbeth heard the footsteps of the man and turned to see him crossing the golden field. There was no hesitation in the man’s heavy footsteps, sometimes trampling over the swaying reeds. 

“…Please, don’t come any closer.”

Lizbeth’s voice trembled with fear. Her heart fluttered with fear as the man drew nearer, like a vine swaying in the wind. It felt like with each step Bieren took, she was being sucked towards him. Instead of telling him not to come, she could have run away right then. But she couldn’t move a muscle, because deep down inside, she was screaming to see him one more time. Bieren cried out to the maid, who backed away, the body quite stiffened still.

“You still love me, don’t you?” 

He begged desperately. He arrogantly begged, right in front of the maid he had trampled and pitted. But Lizbeth didn’t see the face of the begging man. Only his words were too vivid. Her vision blurred with conflicting emotions, and eventually, tears fell as she muttered futile words.

“Even though you knew… even though you knew…” 

If he truly understood her heart, he shouldn’t have come this far to find her. A mere maid’s heart was just a suitable reason for her master to lust between her legs and do all sorts of lascivious things to her just because he had countless others who showed him almost no affection. In truth, Lizbeth’s heart leaped at the mere fact that he had come to her, a mere bedroom maid. She knew she shouldn’t, but she wanted to live as he led her. Even though she knew she shouldn’t go back.

“Even if you understand my worthless heart, I can’t go back.” 

Lizbeth finally raised her head in front of the man who had pushed her into the pit. Bieren could not be pleased by his maid’s confession; she was telling him that she could not live with him. As if he were too much of a burden, too hellish to overcome with emotion. Lizbeth began to plead, feeling as if Bieren might have known whose child was in her womb. She feels like begging for a last mercy from the man who has crushed me.

“Please let me live and raise the child. I won’t disturb the noble family by claiming it as the Duke’s child later.” 

Bieren stiffened in front of Lizbeth’s desperate pleading and tearful face. It felt like he had been struck in the head. Lizbeth wasn’t pregnant with another man’s child. Bieren now saw everything clearly. She had fled because she was pregnant with his child. All this agony was his doing. It was his punishment. She had run away with his child because he had called her a lustful maid every night, told her she shouldn’t even dream of getting pregnant, and that she was worthless.

“I won’t fall in love with anyone else and run away again. Please forgive me for running away with the child.”

Lizbeth begged for forgiveness, saying she wanted to leave with the child. Bieren looked at her desperate face and wondered if he had ever revealed his feelings even once. He secretly assumed she knew, otherwise he could not believe Lizbeth had such a strong grip on his heart. But Lizbeth knew nothing about his feelings. He had never spoken about it. Foolishly, Bieren just assumed that she must have known even though he never confessed his love to her. 

“Duke, you were my first love, then this child will be my last.”

Lizbeth appealed through tear-streaked eyes. She was a woman whispering that she would hold their child, her last love in life. Bieren, faced with the overwhelming shock of his own stupidity, remained dumbfounded. He had never once considered embracing the delicate thing before him with tenderness while exploiting her vulnerability. His belated realization of love had inadvertently driven away the most precious thing. He felt tears welling up as he followed her crying. 

“Then am I… am I unable to be a part of your life at all?”