Chapter 9: When You Come To Love The Fragile Thing In Your Embrace (Part 9)

Only after hearing her voice cracked did Bieren lift his head. He stared at her in disbelief, then whipped his leg as if it was familiar. The hallucinations were intensifying, and the voice sounded all too real. Startled by the cracking sound, Lizbeth pressed her palm against Bieren’s cheek. He chuckled, feeling the warmth of her hand wrapping his cheek.

“Ah, I must have finally gone mad.”

He had known he was mad for a long time, but today he had no choice but to admit it. Lizbeth looked up at Bieren slowly. Despite not being able to move any part of her body as she wished, she wanted to call out to him and touch him. She felt like she knew how long he had spent in lonely times.

“Am I… too… too late?”

Even in what she considered the brink of life, Lizbeth wanted to be by his side. And as if someone had granted her wish, she could see the face of her beloved again Though shadows of death seemed to linger on his face, waiting for her, she was willing to see him again. Bieren realized the warmth in Lizbeth’s touch, caressing his cheek as he asked if it was too late. It wasn’t the warmth of her unconsciousness but the warmth of life, pulsating with strength. Lizbeth had truly awakened.

“No. You… are not… too late.”

Bieren shook his head, still not quite believing the sight before him. He couldn’t even make a sound out loud, as the vision of Lizbeth’s awakening seemed too surreal. He lowered his voice to a whisper; afraid it might hurt her ears after such a long sleep. Carefully overlapping her hand reaching out to him, he buried his cheek in it.

“I was too late. My apology was too late, and my confession was too late.”

Bieren spat out the long overdue apologies. He considered himself a harmful connection to her. When the maid with fiery red hair, fluttering in the wind, and sparkling emerald eyes ripped through his peaceful life like gentle waves, he considered her immensely harmful. But his jet-black hair resembled the body of a dark serpent, and his golden gaze was akin to that of a predator aiming for prey. He had persecuted and confined her. He was indeed the most harmful connection in her life.

“You have the right not to forgive me for the rest of your life. I am obligated to live in hope of your forgiveness for the rest of my life.”

Bieren did not dare ask for the maid’s forgiveness. Nor did he dare hope for her sincerity, which he had so heartlessly trampled upon. Nor did he wish for her emerald eyes, looking at her with affection. He put aside all his desire. As long as she stayed alive, even if Lizbeth left this mansion with their child, he would spend the rest of his life begging for forgiveness from her. 

“I-I don’t… I don’t wish for that…”

Lizbeth forced out her voice with parched lips. It wasn’t the downfall of the man she loved that she wanted. No matter how much he had tormented her, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him. Her love for him was such. She loved Bieren enough not to need forgiveness for what he had done to her.

“Then tell me what you want.”

Bieren finally asked Lizbeth what she wanted. He no longer felt afraid of whatever words might come out of the maid’s mouth. Now that she had awakened once again, he had nothing more to wish for. He could give her everything. Even if it meant granting her freedom for the rest of her life. But before and now, there was only one thing Lizbeth wanted to hear. 

“Do you love me?”

“…I love you.”

Bieren’s confession of love was as slow as an exhale of breath. The man’s golden eyes moistened, and a tear traced a path down his cheek. His frail maid still wanted love. This fact comforted Bieren, made him remorseful, and filled him with joy. The man who had once scoffed at her romantic affection in her eyes couldn’t hold back tears in front of her innocence now.

“I know I don’t even have the right to speak of love, yet I love you and I’m sorry.”

Bieren added, as if squeezing the words out with difficulty. He knew how insulting his actions had been to Lizbeth, who was experiencing love for the first time. He had behaved as if he didn’t trust her, but in reality, it was he who didn’t trust himself. He hadn’t realized that he was pouring violent affection onto her, blaming himself for falling in love with a woman he considered unreliable because he walked the same path as his father. He hadn’t truly seen Lizbeth for who she was. He had overlapped her with others and doubted her. Shamefully, all those moments were love to him. While they were horrific moments for Lizbeth, they were love to him.

“…But I am not good enough to be by your side, my Lord.”

Lizbeth had to utter a sad rejection in front of the man confessing his love. She had always longed for this moment, but she gave a different answer than what she had imagined in her dreams. She now understood the weight of being by Bieren’s side. While she was away from him, Lizbeth became aware of her place. In the almshouse, she was just one of the countless commoners, not one of those who were tended to by a maid at Bieren’s behest. If she happened to speak to a noble, she would serve them with averted eyes. They could never be on equal footing; they were passengers in a carriage but Lizbeth was the one pulling it.

“It doesn’t make sense to say you’re not enough. I’m the one who’s not enough for you.”

“I’m just a commoner so I can’t be a Duke’s wife, and my child will become an illegitimate child… Perhaps I won’t even get to see my child.”

Lizbeth was no longer the young maid lost in dreams of love. She faced the reality that came to her after having a child. She realized how difficult it would be to raise a child alone, to be treated as a widow, but she didn’t consider handing the child over as the Duke’s illegitimate child. Just as she didn’t want to abandon her child like her parents had abandoned her to an orphanage. Lizbeth wanted to give her child nothing but unconditional love. 

“I don’t want that. I’m sorry. So please, let me and the child go…” 

“I would give up my position to be by your side.”

Bieren could let go of anything. He promised to grant Lizbeth’s freedom if she wanted it, but if she rejected him because of his position, he could abandon his t*tle. Seeing her shake her head, he pleaded again.

“But if you’re okay with it, if you accept me, I want to beg you to be my wife.”

“…I am not worthy of the position.”

“You are not unworthy. Your presence is too much for me. I would give up all, but I cannot give you up.”

Lizbeth felt like she was seeing an illusion as she watched the man plead with her. He looked so desperate, saying he wanted to give up everything to be by her side. The man who had trampled her and treated her as insignificant was now begging as if he couldn’t live without her. While she was unconscious, he was broken, as if the breath had been stolen from him, and with that broken face, he was pleading with Lizbeth.

“There was never a moment when it wasn’t you. Even when I got angry seeing you jealous of another maiden, there was only you.” 

Lizbeth could dispel the misunderstanding that he had vented his desires by treating her rudely instead of the noble lady. There was no other woman for Bieren. It was always only Lizbeth, as he confessed his past regrets, blaming himself.

“You were my first. I dared to test your unwavering affection and compare you to my parents. And ultimately, my recklessness made me lose you.”

“…Duke.” 

“I want to live raising the child together. Please allow me to make the rest of your life happy.”

Lizbeth reached out to the man crying softly. She wiped away the tears flowing down his cheek. She knew deep down that Bieren was not a kind man, but she had fallen in love with him, and now she wanted to hold him in her arms, to imagine a different future with him. But she was ashamed of herself for being so small in comparison, so she stammered. 

“If I-I have nothing to offer you, may I still remain by your side, Your Grace?” 

The man, upon hearing Lizbeth’s words, smiled through his tears. If he couldn’t be forgiven forever, he would have regretted his life and withered away. Yet she forgave even his most cruel mistakes, which made him reflect even more and filled his life with hope.

“Your mere existence is a gift to me.”

Bieren said, his voice filled with joy. He expressed his affection by kissing Lizbeth’s hand. If she wanted status, he would give it to her; if she wanted a jewel-encrusted mine, he would give it to her. He promised to give Lizbeth everything she wanted for the rest of her life. But what Lizbeth wanted was not any of those things. 

“I want to see my child. Is the child unharmed?”

When Lizbeth asked for the child, Bieren immediately asked someone to bring the child. When Lizbeth received the child wrapped in a blanket, she was overwhelmed with indescribable emotions. The child, with Bieren’s black hair and emerald eyes like hers, looked at her. This child was the product of their love. The child in her arms was warm and tender. It was lamentable to think that she almost left the world without experiencing such happiness. She couldn’t be happier that she was able to give this child a loving home with Bieren as the father. Lizbeth smiled tearfully at him. 

“He looks just like me and Your Lordship, and he’s so beautiful.”

As Lizbeth smiled, the frozen garden in Bieren’s heart began to thaw. In its place, leaves sprouted and greenery grew with surprising speed. Lizbeth’s smile seemed to plant flowers in his heart.

“I want to beg you to call me Bieren intimately.” 

Bieren cautiously made his request, remembering how she had called his name when she was near death. Thinking it might be the first and last time she called his name, he felt he might never hear his name again. Lizbeth, too, seemed to recall that moment, as she stiffened her face before slowly parting her lips. 

“…Bieren.”

Lizbeth blushed as if his name were a love confession. It felt as if Bieren had regained the youthful season he had once ruined. The land he had loved had returned.