10. Confession

Good heavens. In Nicholas Reinhart’s hands were the two items I least wanted to be discovered.

It felt like being struck by lightning. Trying to think of an excuse, thoughts flickered through my mind only to scatter into whiteness.

“Rarien Claude.”

His face showed no particular expression as he called my name.

“Confess.”

He suddenly ordered a confession. His tone was as chilling as if cold water had been poured over me.

Ordering a confession means I’ve committed a sin, and I should rightfully admit it and seek forgiveness.

It wasn’t strange to confess wrongdoings before a clergyman. Nicholas Reinhart, whom I expected to be angry or scolding, was thoroughly punishing me in a manner befitting a High Priest.

“……”

Rarien’s lips moved slightly.

It seemed I should explain or at least make an excuse.

What sin have I committed?

Rarien pondered deeply about what she should confess.

The sin of bringing such blasphemous items into the sacred temple?

Or the sin of entering the temple with the impure intention of wanting to reach Nicholas Reinhart rather than God?

Yes, that would be wrong. But knowing a mistake and repenting are different matters. Rarien asked herself.

Rarien Claude. If you could go back, would you not make that choice?

…No.

The answer was clear. Even if she went back hundreds of times, she would make the same choice.

Of course, she could lie with plausible words for a moment’s evasion. After all, Rarien habitually said sorry and thank you as he had mentioned. Considering the listener’s perspective, it wouldn’t be difficult even now.

But words that are mere shells are bound to be exposed eventually. She couldn’t make her first confession to Nicholas Reinhart in such a way.

She was certain he wouldn’t want that either. He disliked people who were insincere with apologies.

“…I don’t know what to say.”

In her most shameful moment, Rarien decided to be honest instead.

“No, I can’t. I can’t confess with words that aren’t sincere.”

His gaze, which had been quiet, showed a slight crack, perhaps at the unexpected response.

“Then I’ll ask. If you can’t confess on your own, let’s substitute it with you answering my questions.”

After a brief silence, Nicholas spoke first. Rarien nodded quietly.

“Who is Benjamin?”

He asked rather directly.

Why is he suddenly asking about Benjamin? Come to think of it, he was going on about Benjamin earlier too.

Rarien, flustered, moved her light green eyes back and forth.

“Who is this Benjamin that you love?”

“What? When did I ever…”

“You said it the first time you kissed me.”

The first kiss must refer to the masquerade ball.

That day when she shouted any name to ward off the women swarming towards Nicholas.

“I love you, Benjamin!”

…Ah, that’s what he means.

It was a name she called without any particular meaning. It seems he had been holding onto it.

How should I explain? It was too embarrassing to say it was the protagonist of an erotic novel she enjoyed reading.

“First, is this Benjamin the same Benjamin that appears here?”

Oh no. He’s already seen the contents.

Nicholas shook <A Night at the Immoral Temple> as if to confirm. She wanted to deny it, but no other excuse came to mind.

There was no point in trying to cover it up and deny it anyway, he wouldn’t believe it. It seemed better to simply admit that she was a pervert.

“Yes, that’s right. But there was a good reason for that…”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

He cut off her words with a stiff face. And then he made an astonishing claim.

“So your heart belongs to Benjamin. In the end, you just used my c*ck.”

She did like Benjamin, but not to the extent of prioritizing a book character over a real person so pathologically.

But Nicholas seemed to have seriously misunderstood something.

“No, that’s not it. I just thought Your Excellency seemed troubled about your identity being discovered… I said it meaninglessly to divert attention.”

Rarien pleaded earnestly.

“The only one I like is Your Excellency. Really.”

“…Alright. Let’s say that’s true.”

Nicholas’s face softened for a moment before hardening again.

“Was my lovemaking so terrible? Enough to make you create this glass c*ck instead of me?”

He shook the model p*nis as if in disbelief. The color drained further from Rarien’s face.

“What a peculiar f*tish. You say you like me. Why use a fake c*ck when you have a real one?”

“I haven’t used it yet. It’s just… just in case, as a backup…”

As Rarien waved her hands in denial, Nicholas brought Big Nicholas to his nose and sniffed.

“You have used it. It smells sweet.”

“……”

“Who do you think you’re fooling?”

I had cleaned it thoroughly and even disinfected it after using. How did he know?

Truly, he had the nose of a beast.

Having been caught red-handed, she had nothing left to say even if she had ten mouths.

“Honestly, I’m disappointed by the size too. Is my c*ck really this small?”

Nicholas suddenly pointed out the size of Big Nicki.

“This is already big for me. Rather, Your Excellency’s p*nis is too big, so I made it a bit smaller for easier use.”

“It gets bigger because of you. To say you’re reducing it entirely. It’s absurd.”

Of course, that was impossible. Nicholas protested as if wronged.

“If you got ar*used because of Benjamin and f*cked me, at least take responsibility until the end.”

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Anyway, since you answered honestly, I’ll make a confession too.”

Before she could even apologize, Nicholas suddenly said he would confess.

“For a month, because of you, how much I… f*ck…”

Nicholas swore and rubbed his face dry even as he spoke, feeling self-loathing.

Perhaps realizing he had gotten too excited for a moment. He took a long breath, trying to regain his composure.

“I m*sturbated thinking about you several times a day. I came here because I felt like I might become a wreck. Even this morning, I did it in the bathtub because your sleeping face turned me on.”

Nicholas shook Big Nicholas as if wronged.

“While you were getting wet over ‘Benjamin’ and cozying up with ‘this Nicki’. I couldn’t even imagine substituting with anything else because there’s nothing more erotic than you.”

“……”

Nicholas m*sturbated while lusting after me?

I thought it was just a passing breeze, but he firmly drove the point home. With Rarien frozen stiff before him, Nicholas continued his confession.

“Shall I make one more while I’m at it? I deliberately tormented you.”

“…Pardon?”

“Whether the documents were in chronological or alphabetical order. Whether there were carrots in the sandwich or not. I actually didn’t care at all.”

As Nicholas kept spouting incomprehensible words, Rarien looked at him in bewilderment.

“The thesis was all an excuse too. I mean the sermon preparation. I don’t find it difficult to captivate people with plausible words without making a big deal. No, nothing in life has been difficult for me. Most things were boring to the point of tedium.”

“……”

“But who are you to make me fumble like this?”

Her words were blocked by his incisive questioning. Nicholas was glaring at her warily, as if facing an unfamiliar challenge for the first time.

“I want to ask the opposite. What’s the reason?”

After hesitating for a moment, Rarien spoke with difficulty.

“Why did Your Excellency torment me to such an extent?”

“Because I wanted to make you cry.”

Make me cry? Did he want to take revenge or something?

Rarien furrowed her brow, feeling more confused the more she listened.

“I did it because your crying face is cute and arousing. I wanted to see it.”

“H-How… could you…”

“I know. It’s a foolish thing to do. But is that all?”

Nicholas admitted it readily and added.

“I even bought chocolates because I heard women go crazy for them. Standing in line for such a trivial thing. I don’t even eat sweets usually. Why are you so sweet that I keep thinking about you?”

“……”

“I’m not sure myself. I wanted to make you cry, then I wanted to torment you, then I wanted to feed you something. Seeing you sleep while gasping for air made me want to hold you so badly I thought I’d go mad. Back and forth… I don’t know why I’m like this.”

Nicholas muttered incomprehensibly and sighed once more.

“Feeling like I wasn’t in my right mind, I even went to see a high priest. I asked if I was possessed by a demon and needed an exorcism, but he said it was lovesickness.”

“……”

“I, Nicholas Reinhart, have fallen lovesick because of you, Rarien Claude.”

Lovesickness? Nicholas Reinhart likes me…?

“…There’s no way that could suddenly happen.”

Unable to believe what she heard, Rarien immediately denied it.

“What?”

“Your Excellency couldn’t possibly like someone like me. Isn’t it just because I was your first s*xual partner… that you’re momentarily confused?”

“Haa….”

Nicholas sighed with a gloomy face. His expression suggested he didn’t know where to begin correcting her.

But lovesickness? From Rarien’s perspective, it was simply an unfamiliar story. Rarien Claude had never been a special existence to anyone in her life.

The middle child between an older brother and younger siblings. Even at home, Rarien was always secondary compared to her other siblings.

You should give in this much because you’re the younger one. You should do this much because you’re the older sister. You should endure this much because you’re the older sister. You should help this much because you’re the daughter.