Chapter 8: So This Is the Best I Can Do

Led by the knights, Elana walked aimlessly until she was brought to a halt in front of a dimly lit hallway.

At the end of the corridor was her old bedroom.

Parts of the palace had burned, others had collapsed, but here—nothing seemed to have changed.

It looked exactly as it had in the past.

Elana stared blankly at the place where her unused bedroom waited.

‘How did he know this was my room? Ah. Of course… him…’

The situation struck her as laughable.

She had lived here all her life since birth, only to be thrown out in a single moment.

Ever since she’d been forced into the garden annex, she couldn’t even enter the main palace without being summoned by someone else.

Not that she’d ever planned to come back, but she never imagined she would return like this.

‘To think I’d end up coming here because of him.’

It was almost comical how fickle fate could be.

Elana glanced between the knights of Gladius who had brought her not to the garden annex, but to the left wing of the main palace, and her old bedroom—then let out a hollow laugh.

“Ha.”

Because she’d suddenly stopped, the two knights shot her a look, clearly annoyed, as if thinking, ‘Is she crazy?’

‘Well, I suppose it’s not so strange. They went out of their way to make it look like I was always treated well, so it’s no wonder they assume I stayed here all along.’

Suppressing the bitter smile creeping onto her lips, Elana moved forward again.

“Behave yourself. Let’s not make this any more troublesome than it needs to be for either of us.”

One of the knights opened the door with a rough, unmistakably hostile gesture and shoved her inside.

With her slender frame, Elana couldn’t resist and was practically forced into the room.

“What do you think you’re—!”

Pushed harshly, Elana turned back with a look of irritation, but the door had already closed behind her.

She was used to this kind of treatment—this wasn’t the first or second time—but as a princess, she briefly considered protesting the unfairness before letting it go.

She didn’t have the energy to waste on such things anymore.

She deliberately relaxed the nerves she’d kept on edge, closed her eyes for a moment, then looked around the bedroom she hadn’t seen in so long.

Contrary to her expectation that it would be covered in a thick layer of dust, it seemed as if the room had been cleaned regularly—it was immaculate.

“How long has it been?”

Elana took slow steps into the place thick with both joy and sorrow.

With every spot her feet touched, old memories would surface and then scatter, again and again.

She moved with a blank, almost numb expression until she reached the bedside.

Only then did she collapse onto the bed as if her legs had given out, letting out a breath she’d been holding back all this time.

“Haa.”

The tension that had kept her upright until now crumbled like a dam bursting.

She realized just how tightly she’d been wound—every moment she’d spent facing him felt like a distant blur.

As her body relaxed, a chill she hadn’t noticed before washed over her all at once.

“Ugh.”

The groan escaped before she could stop it.

Her teeth chattered, and her entire body trembled uncontrollably.

After all, she’d climbed and descended a snowy mountain, braving icy winds, and had knelt on freezing stone floors—of course her body wasn’t unscathed.

And hadn’t she also struggled desperately to not be crushed by Calliod’s coldness?

It was a miracle she’d managed to stand at all until now.

Even so, Elana tried to suppress her shivering, biting her lip, and attempted to keep her composure as if someone might still be watching.

But her already broken body simply wouldn’t obey.

All she could do was let out another empty, futile sigh.

Then suddenly, she wondered what the point of all this was.

‘What’s the use of trying so hard?’

She couldn’t find a reason to keep up the mask of indifference any longer.

There was no more need to grit her teeth so she wouldn’t lose to Robellina and Alan.

She no longer had a country left to protect.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

Along with the chill she couldn’t shake, a crushing sense of helplessness swept over her.

She’d endured countless moments when she’d wanted nothing more than to die, all just to make it to this day.

She’d always planned for her life to end here.

But now, against her will, she’d been forced to keep breathing, and the future felt utterly blank.

“What do I even live for now?”

She couldn’t find an answer, and the question itself made her feel suffocated.

Wouldn’t it be better to just freeze to death like this?

She’d done everything she was supposed to, and she didn’t want to keep scraping together the will to keep going, not for anything, not anymore.

That thought slowly filled her mind, spreading like frost.

Her body was as frozen as her mind, and she couldn’t think at all.

She’d lost her purpose, her reason for pushing forward.

Now that she’d collapsed, she had no strength left to get back up.

She didn’t even believe she could.

At that moment, something caught her eye.

There was a box under the shadowed nightstand.

Some instinct compelled her, moving even this utterly exhausted version of herself.

Maybe it was because she already knew what was inside, but she couldn’t just leave it there.

With stiff, trembling fingers, she lifted the lid.

Inside were ribbons of every color and dried flower petals.

“Ah.”

Her hollow chest filled with colors of emotion.

The things inside the box were gifts Calliod would often bring her when he came to visit as a boy.

“I never got a chance to pack these…”

Eight years ago, when they’d begun searching for evidence that she was involved in the treason, she’d been banned from her own room.

It had all happened so quickly, she hadn’t had time to take anything with her.

She’d worried someone might have thrown them away, but here they were, safe.

Elana picked up a yellow ribbon with hands damp from cold sweat.

A wave of emotion crashed over her, threatening to pull her under.

She bit down hard and pressed the feelings deep inside, trying not to let them escape.

She’d known for a long time that Calliod never truly loved her.

Most of the time, he’d only stayed by her side out of obligation, and sometimes she must have been nothing but a nuisance to him.

But he’d never treated her feelings lightly, either.

He was polite but never distant, casual yet gentle.

She’d loved him for that.

Elana knew that Calliod, who had been just as young as she was, had done the very best he could back then.

That was why she couldn’t help but love him.

Everything he gave her brought her joy.

Maybe it all felt lukewarm to Calliod, but to Elana, those memories were warm.

“I should have cherished them. I should’ve worn them back then.”

She regretted not showing him, back when she was still pure and lovely, just how much she treasured those things.

With that regret, all the warmest moments from their happiest days flashed before her eyes, and the cold in Calliod’s gaze tightened painfully around her.

Finding herself in this situation with him now was so bitterly sad.

Even if it had been duty, it didn’t mean there hadn’t been any feelings.

Thinking of the wounds he must have suffered, she felt she couldn’t face him.

She had chosen this path, but the pain in her chest was too much to bear.

Her hands trembled, her lips twitched with emotion.

A sob finally escaped her.

She’d tried not to cry, but it was useless.

Elana clutched the fine silk ribbon in her hand and broke down in tears.

“I’m… sorry. I’m so sorry that this was the best I could do.”

She poured out the words she could never bring herself to say in front of Calliod.

She didn’t even dare hope for forgiveness—the weight of her sins was far too heavy for a single apology to ever suffice.

She’d talked about love, acted as if she would give him the world, and now to cover it all with a simple “sorry” felt so cowardly that she couldn’t say it.

How could she, after claiming she would be a ruler for all her people, sacrifice an innocent person and then beg for forgiveness?

“I’m sorry I was so weak. I’m sorry that was all I could do back then.”

Each word she let out was laced with self-loathing for her own helplessness.

“It’s enough that I make excuses for myself. Please, don’t ever forgive me.”

Her words, strung between falling tears, were full of sorrow and regret.

And yet, the ribbon in her hand felt inexplicably warm.

Maybe that was why Calliod’s words from earlier stung her so deeply.

‘My name is Calliod Lorcan Gladius. The name you just called me—didn’t you personally strip it away from me long ago?’

He was right.

She had taken everything from him.

Elana pressed those words, sharp as daggers, into her heart and wiped away her tears, holding tight to all the warmth he’d once given her.

“What right do I have to cry…”

Elana forced herself to pull it together with the memories he’d left her.

‘Get a hold of yourself. You have to keep your wits about you. There’s a reason he wants you as Empress at his side—it’s not just about the people of Cliphes.’

It was as if her frozen mind had suddenly begun to thaw.

Her stalled thoughts started moving rapidly as she recalled everything she’d learned, piecing together what she knew of Gladius’s political landscape.

‘The former king couldn’t have been happy about an heir who appeared out of nowhere. Calliod’s arrival must have shaken everything up. Even a legitimate heir struggles for support—how much harder for an illegitimate son?’

Marriage alliances were a common means to gain support against opposition, but it wouldn’t be easy to ignore those already backing someone who’d essentially fallen from the sky.

‘Someone who can check both sides, who belongs nowhere and can be cast aside with no regrets once their purpose is served.’

Elana thought she could finally see why Calliod needed her.

At last, she had a sense of what she was meant to do.