Chapter 5

Olivia’s tears did not stop even as night fell. She could not define the meaning of her crying.  

All the countless noble lessons she had learned felt utterly useless.  

In just a few months, she had become so broken, reduced to a fool. Everything she had learned seemed meaningless.  

The night grew deeper, and moonlight streamed in.  

Olivia’s eyes blinked slowly. At that moment, a letter began to appear in her hand. She couldn’t even think of screaming.  

Perhaps she was filled with joy.  

Because now, she could be certain that she was truly mad.  

How could a letter suddenly appear in her hand? Olivia struggled to sit up and opened the letter.  

「To My Beloved Olivia,  

Winter has begun here.  

It is snowing heavily, the way you liked it.  

Ah, the long-standing grudge with Frenchia has come to an end.  

The King of Silvest personally granted my request. He agreed to hand over those who made you suffer.  

After punishing them, I will come to you.  

Truly, truly. It won’t be long now.  

Recently, I haven’t had the chance to confess my sins. I should say more, but perhaps it’s time to stop. I’ll do it when we meet in person. Letters will become sparse from now on. I’ll be really busy.  

Will you understand?  

Liv, can’t you appear in my dreams just once?  

You truly haven’t appeared even once. Can I assume that none of the sins I confessed were wrong?  

Ha, ha. I shouldn’t be so arrogant.  

But for some reason, I want to be today.  

Isn’t today’s letter particularly incoherent?  

That’s right, I drank after a long time. I feel dizzy. I’ll stop here.  

At the beginning, not the end, of December 1820.」  

Even though she now knew the Unknown Gentleman’s name, Olivia couldn’t easily bring herself to say it aloud.  

The reflection in the window looked like a ghost. Her golden hair was utterly disheveled, and her green eyes were dull and sunken.  

“I’m no different from a madwoman.”  

She couldn’t even hide her self-mockery.  

Staggering out of bed, Olivia went to her desk and sat down. Then, she pulled out some stationery.  

Her fountain pen touched the paper and lifted off repeatedly. For the first time, she began writing a proper letter to the owner of these letters.  

Her tears blurred her vision. She lost count of how many pages of stationery became a mess.  

She couldn’t even remember what she wrote or what she was thinking as she wrote.  

The first page was filled with resentment over his death, the second with anger about why such things had happened to her.  

The pile of stationery grew, and at the end, Olivia realized the irrational emotions she had been harboring.  

She wished he was alive.  

Even if she were to be condemned as a heretic or accused of being a witch, it didn’t matter. She desperately hoped that this situation was a mistake by God, a fated inevitability.  

“I don’t know where this letter comes from, but I hope you’re alive in that world.”  

Disconnected, incoherent thoughts flowed.  

Large teardrops fell from Olivia’s eyes.  

Even after crying for so long, it seemed she still had tears left to shed, sadness left to pour out.  

“Freddy, please.”  

Clutching the letter, Olivia pleaded.  

Just in time, the morning sun began to rise. Along with the sunlight streaming through the large window, the letter in her hand disappeared silently.  

“…You’re not even trying to hide it anymore.”  

She blankly stared at her now-empty hand. When she turned her gaze, she saw her desk in chaos. Dozens of sheets of stationery were smeared with black ink.  

Looking at the spreading ink, Olivia clenched her hands tightly.  

“Please, let this letter reach you.”  

It was not a prayer to the God she had believed in all her life.  

Anyone who could deliver this letter to Freddy—anyone would do.  

Olivia did not stop praying until the sun had fully risen.  

***

Time passed slowly for Olivia.  

As Freddy had warned, no letters came, and as a result, her days continued peacefully yet tediously.  

One morning, as always, she woke up and felt something different. The stiff texture in her hand made Olivia’s eyes widen. After months of silence, a letter had arrived.  

Feeling both joy and anxiety, she hurriedly opened the letter.  

Despite it being winter, a heavy floral scent that shouldn’t have been there brushed past her nose. Then, a metallic scent mixed in. Without time to question it, Olivia quickly began reading the letter.  

「To My Beloved Olivia,  

It’s been too long, hasn’t it?  

Have you been well? I think I’ve been doing okay.  

I’ve found a successor to inherit the Hester estate, and I’ve met your brother.  

(omitted)  

The introduction is too long, isn’t it?  

I’m feeling nervous because I’m about to confess my final sin. Still, Liv, you’ll stay with me until the end of my atonement, won’t you?  

Liv, do you remember the day you took a bullet for me to save my life?  

If you do, I want to ask.  

Why on earth did you save me?  

I still don’t understand. You lost so much and cried so many tears because of me.  

No matter how many hundreds or thousands of times I think about it, I can’t figure out why you acted that way.  

I still vividly remember it.  

The moment you ran toward me, the deafening gunshot, the metallic scent that stung my nose.  

Did you know?  

I liked your petite height.  

But when I think of that moment, I can’t help but feel a little resentful.  

Who would have thought the bullet aimed at my heart would pierce your head instead?  

Even now, even now, I don’t understand.  

Olivia, Liv.  

…This is the end of my atonement.  

You are no longer by my side, and you cannot point out my sins. I asked you to visit me in my dreams and tell me, but you never came, did you?  

Does this mean you’re now allowing me to come to you?  

I want to believe that.  

If there’s still anything left for me to apologize for, I’ll do it when I meet you in person.」  

Olivia’s hands trembled violently.  

Though it didn’t hinder her reading, she realized what the red stain at the edges of the letter was.  

She also identified the source of the nauseating smell.  

「I wanted to say this directly, but I’m saying it through a letter instead.  

Liv, I love you so much.  

Freddy, who couldn’t wait for the end of spring in 1821.」  

Her lips moved silently several times.  

The only certainty was that Freddy was dead.  

Perhaps it was an ending she had known from the beginning. He had longed for ‘Liv’ and wanted to be by her side.  

Olivia’s hands lost their strength.  

In both her world and his, Freddy had died.  

As she felt her entire body drain of blood, she finally identified the emotion she had been unable to define until now.  

“I really was insane.”  

Yes, that must be it.  

Otherwise, how could she harbor such feelings for a man she had only known through letters?  

***

At some point, Olivia began spending more time in a daze.  

Her family, used to her occasional eccentricities, didn’t think much of it. As always, they dismissed it as one of her whims.  

But River was different.  

“Via, what’s wrong with you?”  

At his pointed question, she widened her eyes and burst into laughter.  

“What do you mean?”  

River narrowed his eyes at her response. Though he couldn’t pinpoint it, a vague unease grew within him. He recalled the incident that had shaken the Marquis’ household not long ago.  

The time when Olivia fainted upon hearing the news of a man she had never met dying.  

That was why he made the suggestion.  

“Why don’t you take a trip to Silvest?”  

“Suddenly?”  

“You haven’t gone out in a while. I thought traveling to another country might be better for you than worrying about people’s stares.”  

“Of all places, Silvest.”  

At Olivia’s murmuring, River asked again.  

“What did you say?”  

“Nothing, sounds good.”  

When she agreed, River ran off, saying he’d make the arrangements immediately. Even after he left, Olivia stood by the window, staring outside for a long time.  

The day to depart for Silvest came sooner than expected.  

“Via, Silvest is colder than here, so always take care of your health.”  

A soft scarf was wrapped around Olivia’s neck.  

She smiled faintly and replied.  

“Spring is about to begin.”  

“Even so, it’s miserable to fall ill away from home.”  

She met her mother’s worried gaze.  

After hesitating a few times, Olivia nodded and reassured her.  

“Of course. I’ll take good care of myself. Mother, Father, you both take care too. And you, Brother.”  

After bidding farewell to her family, Olivia got into the carriage.  

As the carriage began to move, she leaned back and let out a short sigh. Traveling alone for the first time, she was visibly nervous.  

“Milady, the Marquis made thorough preparations for your journey.”  

“Did he?”  

“Silvest has well-maintained roads, so it will be easier to travel than in Frenchia.”  

At his words, Olivia nodded.  

She turned her gaze to the window. The glass was fogged.  

When she wiped the window with her finger, a trace was left where her hand had passed. The cold sensation didn’t feel so bad.  

Freddy. Freddy. Freddy.  

The name filled the window. Water dripped from the letters, smudging them until they became unrecognizable.  

Displeased by the sight, Olivia wiped the window with her palm, erasing the name completely.  

Once it disappeared from view, she felt a sense of relief.  

Her lips curved softly in satisfaction.  

“Silvest still seems far from spring. It looks like it might snow soon.”  

“It’s fine. I’ll see all of Silvest’s spring before returning to Frenchia.”  

The sound of the coachman’s whistle and the rattling carriage felt oddly comforting.  

At that moment, a loud crash shook the carriage violently.  

A piercing ringing in her ears disoriented her. Her head seemed to have hit something hard. She couldn’t open her eyes fully, and something sticky was running down her face.  

“Ah.”  

Olivia couldn’t quite grasp the situation.  

She barely managed to recognize that the carriage she had been riding was now far ahead.  

Her body grew colder and colder. Even as her fingers stiffened, Olivia thought to herself.  

The snow is falling so beautifully.  

A loud explosion followed, and Olivia let her body go limp.  

Ironically, the last thing that came to her mind wasn’t her family but Freddy.