Chapter 20

“Did you sleep well?”

Marie was startled to find Kalik’s face right in front of her as soon as she opened her eyes. Close enough that a slight movement would brush their lips. No wonder her face felt warm. It was because his breath continuously settled on her face.

She blinked her not fully opened eyes and moved back. Though her mind was a mess, she was sure she needed to distance herself from him.

Kalik looked down with his usual gentle gaze. When Marie tried to hide her face by holding her hair, he grasped her cheek to stop her. Then whispered good morning and kissed her deeply.

Marie followed his tongue, which didn’t enter but lingered between their lips, and then suddenly realized this wasn’t the time for this and lifted her head.

She remembered the saying that the first time is scary, but the second time is no problem.

Even so, Kalik, still kissing her, hugged her and patted her back. As if telling her to sleep more or reassuring her with some unknown comfort.

The view outside the window over his shoulder was still a heavy blue. The reason she woke so early was probably because it was the first time she slept with someone, and that person was this man.

Marie suggested as she gently pushed him away.

“Shall we get up?”

The truth was, she wanted to.

She wanted to do something about this unbearably awkward position. Though it was a drop in the bucket compared to what they did at night, it was just as embarrassing.

Just as being hit lightly doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Kalik sat up as if he would get up. But he didn’t fully rise as she asked. He closed the open window and drew the curtains, darkening the room again.

“Let’s stay together a little longer.”

Marie, overwhelmed by some unknown spirit, nodded obediently. After all, she thought it was heartless to end it so abruptly after being so passionately entwined.

And since she hadn’t yet addressed the real issue, she had to stay close to create an opportunity somehow.

“Kalik. You know…”

Marie grabbed Kalik’s hand as they lay facing each other. He was patting her arm as if to lull her to sleep.

“Last night… do you remember I said I had something to say?”

Kalik silently watched her. Encouraged, Marie moved a little closer to him. With a sincere heart, she felt whatever happens, happens.

“You said it was okay, but somehow I….”

“Marie. Let me go first.”

But Kalik interrupted. He hugged the approaching Marie tightly and buried his face in her hair.

“I have a business trip. It might take a while.”

“When? You didn’t mention anything like that.”

“…It came up suddenly. So yesterday.”

“It can’t be helped… When do you leave?”

“Today.”

“Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll return as soon as possible.”

“Don’t overdo it. Then….”

Then now. Marie took a deep breath again. Though a bit deflated, her heart felt lighter. In a situation where she didn’t know what would happen after confessing, being apart was the wisest choice.

They could have enough time to think, and if not, she could conclude with a ‘notification.’

“Listen before you go. It won’t take long.”

Kalik’s expression became strange. Marie, embraced by him, drew out her words as she felt like she was stabbing a knife into his back in this dreamlike situation.

“When you first woke….”

“What time is it now?”

“Huh? Oh, the clock is…”

She fumbled to find the clock at the sudden question. Kalik quickly checked the pocket watch he had placed on the nightstand against the light and got off the bed.

“It’s already six. I must prepare.”

“Oh… this early?”

“It’s a long trip.”

“I’ll help.”

“Thank you.”

Marie decided it wasn’t the right time after being interrupted twice. Somehow, she felt both comfortable and uncomfortable. If she were to speak, she should dress properly and create the right atmosphere to convey even a bit of sincerity.

Saying it in this bare state after their relations would only leave the fact that she lied. In that sense, it might be fortunate he was busy. Honestly, she was parched and struggling to speak.

Marie followed him off the bed but nearly collapsed from weak legs, saved by Kalik’s help. He carried her, wrapped in the blanket, to the bathroom.

All the way, a tingling stimulus transmitted from Marie’s thigh. It felt dry and aching. It was because they had done it so intensely to the point of numbness. It was her first time, yet he didn’t stop at inserting such a large thing but thrust several times.

She was surprised once at her preference for something quite violent and rough and surprised again that Kalik satisfied it. Whether his demeanor during relations was his true self or he was accommodating her, the bloodstains on the sheets were definite evidence of his rough handling.

Kalik sat her on the sofa and checked the water temperature first. The water in the tub had cooled overnight. Though he could call a servant to heat it, seeing Marie cover her face with her hair suggested it was better to handle it quietly.

He placed Marie’s foot on his thigh and pulled up the blanket. The white skin dotted with bruises looked like injuries. Though he couldn’t blame anyone for the marks he made, Marie, who was not disgusted but indifferent, seemed angelic.

“I-I’ll do it.”

“Stay still.”

Kalik, trying not to touch the skin, wrapped a wet towel around his hand and began wiping away the dried traces from the night. The damp towel slid up from the toes, caressing the inner thighs and deeper areas.

“I thought of calling a servant, but you seemed not to want that.”

“Yes… don’t call them….”

Though she knew it was their job, some tasks were better handled personally. Marie half-covered her face with her hands, peeking at Kalik cleaning her body.

Especially, she didn’t want Natalie to see her like this. She had boldly declared she’d confess, yet spent the night passionately making love with this man.

In hindsight, it was good she didn’t confess. She would have surely tried to escape or said nonsense like “then, goodbye!” to avoid the situation. If she had confessed, she wouldn’t have been able to run with these legs.

Her body was covered with the man’s marks, red and blotchy. 

Did he really try to eat me?

She wondered skeptically.

She endured Kalik’s hand wiping her inside, tightly closing her eyes. She had enough patience to hold back a moan.

So.

She pretended not to notice the bulge in his pants, as if it would burst.

She had that much patience.

The send-off was as usual. Kalik, with his luggage packed, leisurely finished breakfast, making Marie, who was confused by his simultaneous urgency and calmness, hesitate and miss the opportunity to be alone with him.

Natalie, seeing Marie with Kalik, wrinkled her nose as if she expected it. If it seemed like she chuckled, it wasn’t just Marie’s imagination.

Marie, embarrassed for a different reason, hid behind Kalik. Kalik, interpreting it as a plea not to go, showered her face with kisses, saying he’d be back soon. At that point, Marie lost the will to resist and stepped forward boldly. It was to declare that this situation was due to Kalik, not her carelessness.

While Lily, showing her usual strength, loaded the carriage, Dawson and Kalik conducted a final check.

Dawson, who had a separate house, assumed the luggage carriage was a gift from Albrecht Odillia and was surprised to hear it was for a business trip.

“What? A business trip?”

He tilted his head as if hearing it for the first time and reluctantly replied, “I see.” Though he didn’t see Kalik’s expression, Dawson’s reaction suggested some signal had passed between them.

Dawson’s expression was odd. Borrowing Natalie’s words, it was the face of someone unsure if they had received the money they lent.

Marie, curious about the details, hovered nearby but left briefly to help Lily with the luggage she had set aside.

Taking advantage of this, the two men moved to a distant corner and whispered closely. Dawson’s eyes widened in surprise, and Kalik frowned.

Watching from outside the annex, Marie felt a warmth in her heart. Though she had seen this scene many times, it strangely moved her and made her happy. Perhaps she hadn’t known because she had been far away until now.

Now, thanks to being close both in heart and body, she could feel this unfounded goodwill and peace very well.

Though thinking of the lie made her feel like a heavy stone was weighing on her chest.

Kalik, looking awkward, cleared his throat and took Marie’s hand.

“I’ll be back.”

For a moment, she thought, 

‘There’s nothing today…’

Soon, he gave her a serious kiss as usual and mounted his horse. Lily, watching the situation warmly, swallowed at Natalie’s grim face.

Marie, watching Kalik’s receding figure for a long time.

Eventually, Lily went to work, leaving only Natalie quietly waiting for her.

“Miss.”

“…Yes?”

Marie answered with a slight turn of her head. By then, she wasn’t particularly watching Kalik. His figure had already disappeared. Her gaze was directed at simple emptiness. The background beyond.

She was reflecting deeply and conflicted about what she had been doing from last night until now.

And Natalie, seeing Marie’s expression, understood the content of her conflict.

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

Finally, Marie looked at Natalie.

“It’s okay to say it’s love. No one will blame you.”

Her father’s face briefly appeared and disappeared. There was much to consider, but she knew from experience that this wasn’t a feeling to be resolved by reasoning.

“Is that so?”

Marie moved her lips absentmindedly, in a whisper-like small voice.

“I guess so. I think I love that man.”

But once she said it out loud, she realized how light the words were. The unbearable shame made her want to take them back and cover her mouth.