Chapter 11 – Part 8

“I was always looking at you, Beatrice.”

Heinrich laughed softly.

“I’ve made you lonely all this time, so what’s the big deal about taking in a pet like that for a little while? ”

“…….”

“He gave you what I couldn’t give you. I tied you to me out of selfishness, and I don’t think you understand that.”

Heinrich’s once cold blue eyes were fixed on Beatrice. There was a smile on his lips, a smile that seemed oddly soft, perhaps due to the sagging of age.

“Don’t cry, Beatrice. It’s not your fault. I don’t have much time left; please, let me see you smile.”

Beatrice didn’t respond. She couldn’t say anything. Her lower lip, tightly clenched, turned white.

Seeing this, Heinrich opened his mouth.

“I ascended to this position by slitting my parents’ throats, fearing that I might repeat their mistakes.”

Heinrich paused and took a deep breath.

“I was afraid that you would be left alone and lonely after I died, so I pushed you so harshly.”

At eighteen, without having undergone a coming-of-age ceremony, he decided. He would rectify his father’s mistakes. He would rebuild the empire his father had ruined. He vowed to prevent such a tragedy from happening again.

He had vowed again and again.

But he never knew when he would lose his life in the endless wars, and his beloved wife was too fragile.

‘I will not give her love. So that one day, when I was gone, she would be able to survive on her own.’

To be able to survive in this palace without him.

He pushed her away, again and again.

“If I had known I would live this long, I would have been more affectionate. I would have said, ‘I love you,’ even once.”

“…….”

“…I thought that after this war, everything would end. I thought that when I returned, I would hold your hand, and ask for forgiveness. I hoped we could take a walk together, go on a trip together…”

His voice, weakly escaping, trembled. The thin sobbing was unbelievable.

Tears welled up in his eyes, which always looked at her coldly, and he rubbed the backs of his hands together in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“I was afraid that I would be like my father, and so I hurt you all the time. I was afraid that if I told you I loved you and immediately left you in the middle of the war, your heart would break, so I treated you harshly. I didn’t realize I’d never have the chance to comfort you.”

Tears slowly trickled down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” The voice asking for forgiveness was mixed with crying.

“I loved you, Beatrice.”

“…….”

“I’ve loved you since the day you came to me, and I’ve loved you ever since.”

Beatrice stared at him, unable to speak, his voice seeming to come from so far away.

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but in the end, she closed it, not knowing what to say.

‘Why say you love me now when it’s too late? ’

‘You didn’t even hold my hand when I wanted it so badly, and now you’re saying that when I’ve given up on everything.’

What is this rising feeling of resentment?

She remembered the way he looked at her the first day their eyes met.

“After you hurt me so much, it’s unfair to say that now.”

She was silent for a long time, and then she spat out the words.

What’s the point of saying something like this twenty years ago when you’re on the verge of death?

“Now you claim to have loved me, and now you act so magnanimous. Does that erase everything that happened in the past?”

“…….”

“You could have said something nicer; you know how lonely and…… scared I am all alone in this palace.”

Those who used to be close turned their backs on her, and she had to face ridicule and enmity alone for the first time in her life.

At least someone should have cheered her on, even if it was just to offer some encouragement.

Or comforted her when she cried alone in her empty bedroom.

Beatrice could never forgive Heinrich.

How could those words cover up all the years?

Even if he had overlooked my infidelity all this time, even if he had loved her all along, what difference did it make?

She barely managed to swallow the rising tears. She didn’t want to seem shaken.

She didn’t even want to hope for a shred of forgiveness.

She just wanted to push him away, as he had done, inflicting pain in return.

Even the tears felt wrong and unworthy.

“Beatrice, please.”

A trembling hand cupped her cheek. Rough fingertips wiped the wetness from her eyes.

She must push it away. She shouldn’t take him in.

Even as she thought about it, she couldn’t bring herself to push him away.

Was it because she thought he might die soon, or was it because she still harbored a little love for him, which she thought had dried up?

“Please don’t cry. It’s all my fault…”

“…….”

“Please, just smile for me one last time. Even if it’s just for a moment, just once…”

His pleading voice reached her ears.

What had he done well to make such a request?

Who was it that left me lonely all this time, and now… … .

But whether it was her innate weakness or whether she still had some remnants of love left for the man facing death, she couldn’t help feeling sympathy.

Even condemned prisoners get to have their last words listened to. What difference would it make to grant one small wish before death?

Beatrice’s lips slowly curled upward in a vain excuse.

This wasn’t love or forgiveness, just sympathy and pity, she told herself.

But what was she to make of a man who smiled at her barely-there smile as if it were a gift?

“You look beautiful.”

Heinrich blinked hard, as if trying to take in every detail, and let the tears slip from his eyes.

“Why are you still so beautiful, even as you age…”

Heinrich touched her face for a long time.

He soothed her tears as they pooled, and when the corners of her mouth lifted, he repeated the unheard compliment over and over again.

He didn’t take his eyes off Beatrice until drowsiness overtook him, and he closed his eyes.

When Heinrich no longer opened his eyes, Beatrice called for Leonard, who was waiting.

Seeing his father’s eyes closed, Leonard stiffened and opened the door to announce the emperor’s death.

The coronation was accompanied by a funeral.

Alaina, who was supposed to be crowned princess alongside Leonard, never showed up.

Only Isaac, who had returned late, stood there with a stern face.

That night, Leonard visited Beatrice. He wanted to ask about the truth of the story he heard during the day.

Leonard, who had always pitied his lonely mother, couldn’t hide his confusion at her revelations.

“Once the new empress is settled in, I will retire to seclusion.”

Beatrice stroked her son’s head. At least, she was a sinner in his eyes.

Leonard did not nod.

“Give me a little time, Mother.”

It was a hard thing to take in right then and there, and Leonard said so and went back to his room.

He didn’t get angry or raise his voice.

A few days later, Leonard ordered the Rose Palace, which had been closed, to be reopened.

The untouched and desolate palace was renovated, and gardeners planted roses in the garden.

“After the renovations are complete, please stay at the Rose Palace, Mother.”

The affectionate son, who didn’t resemble his father, didn’t even think of punishing his guilty mother.

Beatrice was taken aback by the idea of giving her the Rose Palace, a symbol of the emperor’s fondness for her, but Leonard merely laughed as usual.

“You deserved it, mother. Since I ordered it to be decorated beautifully, you can stay there comfortably.”

“Your Majesty.. Your Mother..”

“I will pretend I did not hear what you said that day.”

“…….”

“However, since we cannot have Lady Salvatore as Empress, the new empress chosen will not be as competent in her duties as a noble. Please take care to guide her.”

If Heinrich was always expressionless, Leonard was a person who concealed his emotions behind a smile.

Beatrice couldn’t predict what thoughts were going through his mind in deciding to give her the Rose Palace instead of blaming or criticizing her.

But she couldn’t muster the courage to force out the hidden emotions, so she just nodded slowly.

It was a year after the Emperor’s death that Leonard spoke of bringing a new empress.

After struggling with the decision for a while, he unexpectedly chose an empress quite quickly.

When cautiously asked if he should choose more carefully, Leonard replied.

“Why should anyone care?”

He still smiled, but it was clear that it was fine as long as it wasn’t Alaina Salvatore. Beatrice bowed her head like a guilty person.

Not long after sending out engagement letters, Leonard held a wedding ceremony.

She was said to have personally handed the emperor an embroidered handkerchief, just as Beatrice had done when she was still a noble lady.

Tenere Evan.