2.2

“I still remember that day vividly.”

Pavel’s face showed a mix of embarrassment and unmistakable joy as he spoke. Larisa, on the other hand, looked at him with an unreadable expression, silently staring.

Pavel, with his gaze lowered, couldn’t see what kind of face Larisa was making.

***

The unending days of training and study, with no room for anything else, had worn Pavel out. No matter how exceptional he was, he was still a young boy, and it was only natural for him to feel exhausted.

It was during a sweltering summer that Pavel, overwhelmed with fatigue, thought for the first time, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’

Sweat poured down his face like water as he gripped his wooden training sword and swung it. Suddenly, his mind went blank. He stopped mid-swing. His feet, which had been moving in practiced steps, froze. His swordsmanship instructor, noticing that the young master had abruptly stopped, called out to him with a puzzled expression.

‘Young Master, is something wrong?’

‘……’

Pavel blinked and lowered his arm. The tip of the wooden sword hit the ground with a dull thud. He felt as though all the strength had drained from his body.

He had followed orders, without purpose or will, simply because it was expected of him. Becoming the great leader of the Ainsley Ducal House was something he was told he must do, so he had done it.

But was it truly something I wanted for myself? 

For the first time, at fifteen years old, Pavel felt a surge of emotion rise within him.

What am I doing right now? Why am I doing this?

He lifted his head and blankly stared at his swordsmanship instructor. The instructor, too, looked confused. It was understandable—Pavel, who had always trained diligently without complaint, was suddenly acting strangely.

But Pavel couldn’t continue. He felt sick to his stomach.

The strength in his hand gave out, and the wooden sword rolled across the training ground.

‘Young Master?!’

‘…I can’t.’

No, I won’t.

It felt as though he had shouted those words.

Pavel turned around and bolted. He could hear his swordsmanship instructor yelling something behind him, but he ignored it. What did it matter? Truly, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Why did I have to go through all this? 

A life that allowed no moments of respite felt utterly absurd. He ran toward the rear garden. His body burned with heat, and sweat poured down relentlessly.

He didn’t want to do anything. He just wanted to let everything go.

When he reached a secluded corner of the rear garden where few people came, Pavel finally dropped to his knees, panting heavily. Even then, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the ducal estate, but he wasn’t consciously aware of that. Leaning against a large tree, he wiped the sweat from his face and neck with his sleeve.

Under the shade of the tree, the breeze gradually cooled his heated body.

He sat there for a long time. He didn’t have the energy to think about anything. No, he didn’t want to think deeply about his situation. If he did, truly…

I’m so tired… 

He closed his eyes, leaning the back of his head against the tree trunk. Strangely, sleep didn’t come. Even though he was exhausted, his restless heart wouldn’t let him rest.

He had been sitting there for quite a while.

Rustle, rustle. Light footsteps approached. They stopped right in front of him. Assuming it was a maid who had come to find him, Pavel opened his eyes.

Before him was the hem of a pale sky-blue dress swaying in the breeze. Tiny white flowers had been embroidered delicately across the fabric. He noticed the small, slender hand holding the edge of the dress. His gaze traveled upward.

A girl holding a white lace parasol stood there, looking down at him. At that moment, a summer breeze, carrying the heat of the season, passed between them.

‘Young Master, so this is where you were.’

Larisa spoke to him in a voice as sweet as the chime of silver bells. Pavel stared up at her blankly. 

Larisa? Here? Now that I thought about it, hadn’t the Marchioness of Lochrain mentioned she would be visiting today?

But why had Larisa come all the way here?

‘I’ve been looking for you for a while. You were nowhere to be found.’

‘You… were looking for me?’

Larisa smiled softly before crouching down in front of him. Then, without warning, she extended her hand toward him.

In her hand was a clean white handkerchief. Pavel took it hesitantly.

‘You must’ve had a hard time.’

‘….’

‘Use this to wipe yourself.’

At first, Pavel didn’t understand what she wanted him to wipe. He simply stared at Larisa. She tapped her cheek lightly with her finger. Pavel raised his hand to touch his own face.

When had I started crying? 

He hurriedly wiped his tears with the back of his hand, but he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Watching him, Larisa gently took the handkerchief back from his hand and began to wipe his cheeks and eyes herself.

The sudden closeness froze Pavel in place. A soft scent, perhaps of fruit, wafted toward him. It felt as though his tears were retreating just from her presence. Unaware of the effect she was having, Larisa continued to dab at his tears and spoke.

‘I’ve been watching you train and study so diligently every day. I thought to myself, ‘That must be so hard. He never takes a break. He’s always working so hard.’’

‘I’m still… lacking.’

‘The only people who think that are you and the Duke and Duchess. Anyone else would see how much effort you’ve put in and how exceptional you are.’

‘That’s…’

‘Don’t you think it’s okay to rest a little? Taking a short break won’t ruin everything, will it?’

As she smiled brightly, Larisa appeared to Pavel as the most beautiful being in the world—more beautiful than anything or anyone.

At that moment, Pavel felt a loud thump echo within his chest. At the same time, his ears, cheeks, and neck grew hot. 

This… this was…

‘Oh, you’ve stopped crying now?’

How fortunate.

Larisa thought, as she smiled softly again. 

She was so beautiful… so lovely.

That was what Pavel thought.  

The realization struck him like lightning, and his heart felt as if it would burst. 

I’ve fallen in love with her.

This feeling was irreversible. For the first time, Pavel understood what it meant for his heart to beat solely for someone else.

Larisa seemed to shine. Sparkling. Of course, people didn’t literally emit light, so it must have been a glimmer created by Pavel’s own heart. He couldn’t help but love this radiant person. That day, Pavel realized that everything within him had been offered to her.

However, he didn’t dare to act on or confess his feelings hastily. Larisa wouldn’t have the slightest idea of his emotions. Even if they had seen each other’s faces a few times, they had never shared a deep conversation. 

To suddenly declare his love for her? That wouldn’t be a pleasant experience.

Pavel thought.

So, he decided to carefully guard his feelings and keep them to himself for now. He resolved to wait until he had grown up a bit more, until he could stand tall on his own merits and approach her with confidence. He thought it wouldn’t be too late to slowly get closer to Larisa when that time came.

As time passed, Larisa made her debut in society, while Pavel became a knight of the Kingdom and eventually rose to the position of Knight Commander.

* * *

“You already dislike attending banquets. How could you possibly get close to me that way?”

“Well, that’s true, but…”

“Why don’t you like going to banquets?”

“It’s uncomfortable having so many people interested in me, and… my heart already belongs entirely to you, Larisa. Rejecting other ladies isn’t easy either…”

“Ah, I see.”

He was a man with an unexpectedly endearing side. Hearing Pavel speak softly, his cheeks tinged red, Larisa broke into a smile. So, what he was saying was that he liked her, but since other women kept approaching him, it was easier to avoid banquets altogether.

Pavel continued speaking.

“And… Larisa, you seemed perfectly happy without me.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“There are so many people who love you, aren’t there? I may not be well-versed in social circles, but I’ve heard plenty about how many admire you.”

“Oh, so because I had admirers, you thought you couldn’t dare approach me?”

“Well, if you put it like that…”

“Am I wrong?”

Pavel’s face now looked as though it might drip with redness. Larisa, with a mischievous expression, asked him teasingly.

“Do you not know how popular you are in social circles, Pavel? No, if you say you don’t know, that’s a lie. You’re aware of it, aren’t you? It’s so overwhelming that you can’t even handle the attention from the ladies.”

“Even if I were popular, ahem, that wasn’t important to me.”

“Why not? If you had come to me and asked to court me, I might have said, ‘Oh my, the Duke of Ainsley himself? Yes, of course!’ right away.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“Why not?”

Even when she asked again, Pavel remained silent. Larisa was inwardly surprised to learn that this darling of society lacked confidence in himself to such a degree.