CHAPTER 32

“Josh was from Savannah, Georgia, which is an hour’s drive from Hilton Head Island, so that’s about as close as you can get to a hometown friend in this vast land of the United States. Perhaps that’s why we had a lot in common, and our conversations flowed well. Ironically, after leaving the annoying island, the slow Southern accent felt strangely familiar and friendly.”

“So, what was your relationship with Joshua Chen?”

Taejun, surprised by the abrupt and rough tone of his own voice, cleared his throat.

“We had our ups and downs, but we started out as friends, and we’re still friends.”

“Does that friend have anything to do with your complex, Minhee?”

“Well… he hit the nail on the head.”

Josh was a handsome young man with fair skin, a straight nose, and large eyes with prominent double eyelids. At first, Minhee admired his well-defined features like an actor, and her heart fluttered for a month. However, it seemed that Josh didn’t have any feelings for Minhee beyond friendship.

“We were always together from the beginning of the semester, so people naturally assumed we were dating, and no matter how much I denied it, they didn’t believe me. It was also true that I didn’t feel like I was missing much by not having a boyfriend because I was with him every day.”

For someone who seemed to know so much and had never been in a relationship, Minhee was vaguely aware that she was missing something, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Friendship between opposite sexes…”

As Taejun muttered to himself, he swallowed the question, ‘Is it possible?’ as if he was questioning himself. Just because he hadn’t had that experience didn’t mean others couldn’t.

But, he just couldn’t understand. He found it even more difficult to comprehend since he had been circling around her like a h*rny dog for only a few weeks.

“It was possible with him. We even became roommates.”

“……roommates?”

“Actually, Josh was my best friend, only he was a guy. Since we were always together, being roommates didn’t really change anything, except that we slept in the same house, and our friends would call us an ‘old married couple’.”

“So, you’re saying that you moved in together and nothing happened, and you stayed friends. Wasn’t there anything between you two—”

Minhee interrupted his words and suddenly blurted out.

“We dated for about six months in our junior year.”

“……How did you end up dating him?”

“I was teased by people around. Josh took care of me so well that others naturally assumed he was my boyfriend. I heard people wondering why the two of us weren’t dating every day until my ears were worn out.

Minhee nudged his chest with her elbow, lifting her upper body abruptly. Taejun gasped at the sudden attack. Minhee engrossed in her story, seemed unaware that she was sitting on the lap of an adult man.

“During all that, there were rumors about Josh and me being ‘friends with benefits.’ I got so angry that while drinking with Josh, we decided it would be better to just date. It felt less unfair that way.”

“Ha….”

Taejun let out a short sigh of amusement and pulled the squirming Minhee back into his embrace. She leaned against him again as if her head was heavy.

“I know it sounds childish and silly. At that time, it seemed like there was nothing wrong. We were already friends, and our personalities and preferences matched. I thought it would be fortunate to become lovers with my best friend whom I cherish and love.”

“Didn’t it occur to you that if you broke up, it might be difficult to remain friends again?”

“I have thought of that. That’s why if it doesn’t work as a romantic relationship, we promised each other to go back to being friends.”

Taejun smiled bitterly inwardly.

‘Old friends become lovers.’

It sounded like a kid’s joke, but somehow it suited a girl like Minhee. Fresh, innocent, and the tingling feeling of a budding romance. A relationship that a guy with a dark heart like his could never have with a girl like her.

“You kissed and had s*x, so how can you go back to being friends?”

Taejun’s words came out unfiltered and grumpy as he spoke them, swept away by the unidentifiable emotions he was feeling.

“Umm… … . Because we couldn’t do it?”

“You dated for ……6 months, and you didn’t?”

Minhee let out a deep sigh.

“It’s not that we didn’t, but we couldn’t. We tried… but it just didn’t happen.”

Even after they started dating, there was little change in Minhee and Josh’s relationship. The main difference was the possibility of more intense physical contact now that they were officially a couple. But since neither of them had any experience in that department, they were often limited to light peck kisses and didn’t progress for a while.

The campus was an animal kingdom of h*rny twenty-somethings, both male and female. When friends gathered and chatted, the topic naturally shifted to matters of romance. When they did, they would discuss their colorful s*x lives, from the techniques of their one-night stands to the size of their boyfriends’ penises, with some of the information reaching p*rnographic levels.

Minhee mostly listened, occasionally responding with a vague smile when someone prodded her about her relationship with Josh, poking her side. After a few of such experiences, she began to think that since they had been dating for quite a while, maybe it was time to progress a bit further.

“Sigh. I never thought I’d say this, but……. About six months into our relationship, we set Valentine’s Day as our D-Day, and we tried, but it failed.”

“……How did it fail?”

Taejun’s probing question made Minhee squirm, burying her hot face in the crook of his cool shoulder.

“…couldn’t do it…”

“What?”

“Josh, he…couldn’t maintain his arousal until the end.”

“Oh. Was there a problem with his s*xual performance?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Then why… Oh.”

Taejun suddenly realized the source of Minhee’s ramblings in the study. 

‘Damn Joshua Chen.’

“That night, Josh came out of the closet, and said he didn’t think he was straight.”

“Then why the hell did that basta-Joshua Chen-agree to go out with you when you could have just been friends.”

“He didn’t have experiences of liking someone of the same s*x, so he was unsure. He thought he could be with me since he really liked me. But when we actually started dating and…attempted s*xual intimacy, he realized he didn’t feel any s*xual attraction to the opposite gender.”

Minhee chuckled self-deprecatingly, shaking her head.

“At first I thought Josh was making up some ridiculous excuse because his ego was bruised, and I was mortally embarrassed by the whole situation, but after hearing him say that, it felt like I had been hit by a truck that suddenly crashed into my bed.”

Minhee bit her lips for a while, then sniffled a bit. Taejun began awkwardly patting Minhee again. It felt like the right thing to do, even though he had never comforted someone like this before. It was a bit awkward, but it didn’t feel bad.

“After trying with me, I felt that I wasn’t a s*xual attraction towards the opposite s*x. It felt like that they’d rather be gay than be with me. I even blamed myself, wondering if it was because of my youthful appearance that this happened.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that.”

“Josh said it wasn’t my fault either, that it was totally his problem. That he couldn’t lie to me or himself anymore.”

Minhee let out a long sigh.

“He cried a lot. He said he was so sorry it had to happen like this……. Looking back, Josh’s gaze towards me was affectionate and warm, but somehow, it was plain and calm. I thought a man in love wouldn’t look at his girlfriend with that kind of gaze. To be honest, I felt the same way. I loved Josh as a friend, but I had never felt my heart fluttering while looking at him as a man.”

Minhee couldn’t help but hug the teary-eyed, painfully apologetic Josh; he was the sweet, thoughtful friend she’d hung out with every day throughout college before he was her boyfriend.

“It’s not his fault that he was born that way. Unfortunately, I became the trigger for him to realize it, and that’s just bad luck. Besides, it was the first time in his life that he came out to someone, it must have taken a lot of courage to come to that conclusion. Even though I was hurt, I couldn’t blame my closest friend. I was there for too important a turning point in his life, so I couldn’t help but comfort him.”

Taejun was a little surprised to hear Minhee’s story. Most people wouldn’t be so quick to embrace someone who had hurt them. Especially not in the harsh environment he grew up in. Like a hedgehog, he was busy spiking his spines and hurting others to avoid being hurt himself.

He found it fascinating that the small, delicate girl sitting comfortably in his arms showed such depth and warmth. She might have been traumatized by all the hurt she’d taken in, but she showed no sign of resenting the person who’d caused it.

“So, you and Joshua Chen are back to being friends?”

“Yep. Luckily, our friendship survived. Josh decided not to come out to the rest of his friends until after college, but in our senior year, as he started dating a guy, it eventually became known. The campus may seem vast, but it’s surprisingly small.”

Silence lingered in the room for a moment. Truthfully, Taejun had never imagined hearing such a story from Minhee.