Chapter 2.1 – The Forget-Me-Not Bloom on the Left Chest

A forget-me-not was pinned to her chest. Perhaps it was the grief she felt from the small, blue flower symbolizing true love—or maybe it was because forget-me-nots were also flowers of mourning. Everyone in the Skavisa estate wore them.

How did she end up here? She gazed endlessly at the cold tea cup before her, sighed, and slumped down. The long sofa supported her body as she aimlessly watched the expansive view.

She was the only one sitting in the luxurious and lavishly furnished drawing room, filled with elegant furniture and mint-colored walls adorned with ornate gold decorations.

‘Just a moment, just wait a little longer.’

Even after the veil was lifted, everything before her was still a blur. She tried not to assign any meaning to it, but she couldn’t easily unclasp her hands, which were tense and trembling.

The words he spoke and his actions toward her kept replaying in her mind, causing her distress. Absentmindedly, she reached out to grab his hand, but he turned away at the call of an elderly man with a bowler hat pressed to his chest, saying he had urgent business to attend to.

‘I’ll be back soon.’

As she watched Idris’s retreating figure, lost in thought, his aide, Revron, approached her. Familiar to her, he gently and discreetly guided her to the Skavisa townhouse.

For an unmarried woman to visit an unmarried man’s home was contrary to societal morals. Like a cow being led to slaughter, her maid, Julie, was restless the entire time. Knowing what Julie wanted to say, she maintained her silence.

‘Never let others see you with Lord Idris.’

The warning from Kashian echoed in her ears since she was fourteen, but the water had already been spilled.

Her brother had been furious when her father informed her that she would be playing the piano at Idris’s wedding. He disliked her for loving Idris.

No, rather than disliking her, he was more inclined to ask why she was choosing such a thorny path for herself.

‘Let go of your feelings. I’m saying this for your own good.’

They say all brothers with sisters feel that way, but Kashian was particularly severe. He constantly disparaged Idris to persuade her, asking if she knew how bad a person he was.

‘There’s no way that guy will ever love you, so don’t even hope for it. Someone who is good to everyone isn’t suitable for a lifetime of love.’

Unable to understand how someone could be deemed bad for having no faults, she didn’t listen to Kashian’s words at all.

Her feelings had grown despite the conflict with her brother. In the end, her love met its demise just as Kashian had predicted, but she didn’t regret it.

Even Kashian, who had anticipated such an outcome, didn’t mock her. Instead, he agreed to become her guardian in place of their father, who found it difficult to leave the estate. He was supposed to arrive the day before the wedding, so by now, he was probably near the capital. If he found out she was at the Skavisa Ducal House, he would rush in and drag her out by the wrist.

In her anxiety, she scratched the back of her hand, and Julie, who was even more at a loss, finally spoke.

“Miss, you must go back. I’m not saying this out of unnecessary concern, but I really have a bad feeling about this. If the young master finds out….”

But before Julie could finish her sentence, someone knocked on the door.

“Hillienti. It’s me. I’m coming in.”

Julie’s face turned pale as if her breath had been cut off, but she pretended not to notice, turned her head, and stood up. It was because she loved him more than she cared about Julie.

* * *

Having witnessed the turmoil in the family over the inheritance left by her great-aunt, she could vaguely guess what he had been doing.

The future lady of the Skavisa Ducal House, one of the three ducal families in the Empire, had died.

With the intended occupant of the position gone, they must have discussed his succession to the title, which would have occurred simultaneously with the engagement, as well as the complex interests entangled between the two families, such as the dowry.

These were issues that couldn’t be resolved in a day. Moreover, it was a conversation she couldn’t intrude upon. The silence that ensued from his lack of words was chilly, and she pressed her short fingernails into her fingertips.

“I’m sorry.”

She blinked slowly at the inexplicable words. Although her eyelids couldn’t have stirred the air, the candlelight flickered up and down. The warm light from the lamp, lit as the sun set, cast a glow on his cheek.

Despite having to live on after experiencing such a tragic event, he seemed precarious, like a person standing on a cliff looking down. Even though he spoke and moved normally.

“I didn’t think it was appropriate to leave you there. Thank you for coming… and for waiting.”

“…No, it was the natural thing to do.”

His face was dry, showing no traces of tears, and his hair was the same as before. Even the faint smile he gave in response to her answer was unchanged, but the dark shadows beneath his bloodshot eyes were deep.

His disheveled hair and distorted eyes looked just like when he was fifteen, after losing his father in an unexpected accident, and her heart sank. She knew how he dealt with grief.

‘Sometimes there are people who can’t cry even after losing a loved one. That’s because their body and mind can’t accept the shock. They know that acknowledging it would break them, that they wouldn’t be able to endure it, so if you meet someone like that, just hold their hand warmly. Don’t say anything.’

Although it was quite some time ago, she remembered clearly because they had spent that time together. Kashian, who had come home for the academy’s summer vacation, had brought him along shortly after his father’s funeral, and her father had instructed her.

Her father had taught her that comfort should be given in such a manner, so at eleven years old, she had shamelessly held his hand everywhere they went.

She had tried to make him smile, who didn’t cry but wore a crying face, by emptying out treasure boxes filled with acorns, bird feathers, and beautifully colored autumn leaves collected from the back mountain.

Everyone at the Earl’s estate treated him warmly. At first, Idris only smiled as if painted on, but before that summer ended, he had regained his bright smile.

She had hoped it could be the same this time, but the silence was long. The unfamiliar and uncomfortable void indicated the distance between them. Though they sat facing each other, they could never reach each other, just like now. A gap with him that she could never close.

“I hope you’ll accept this.”

“What is it?”

She should leave, but was there no way to help him? Lost in such thoughts, Idris brought her back to reality. Breaking the silence was a small jewelry box.

“Amelie had prepared this for you. I felt I had to give it to you.”

The item in her hand felt like a bomb, but she forced her trembling hand to open the box. Inside was a necklace set with a jewel the same color as her eyes.

Her face flushed with unbearable embarrassment, and her nose and eyes stung. Not wanting to show her distorted face, she lowered her head.

“I’m sorry. I’m really… sorry.”

Tears, which hadn’t fallen in front of her, dripped down. She bit her tongue and begged, feeling utterly vile.

“Don’t say things that aren’t yours to say. The one who should be sorry… is me. The fault lies with us. With Amelie, who ordered the carriage to be driven in the rain, and with me, who couldn’t stop her….”

“……”

But his shattered voice seeped into the carpet, and she involuntarily looked up. Not wanting to see him blame himself, she hastily shook her head.

“No, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault, Idris. So don’t think badly. She wouldn’t want that either.”

“……”

Had the topic been exhausted? He didn’t answer. The silence tightened around her throat, making her want to leave the place immediately. Once again, her thoughts leaned toward running away.

Her body moved on its own. Feeling unworthy of receiving the gift, she closed the lid, placed it on the table carefully so it wouldn’t make a sound, and attempted to stand up.

“It’s strange.”

His faint murmur dropped at her feet like a sudden shower of rain.

“When you’re here, I don’t feel that way at all.”

“…What?”

“I could barely breathe, but when I saw you, it felt like I could finally catch my breath.”

His eyes, which had been avoiding hers, slowly lifted from the floor. They rose as if meeting the rising sun, making her eyes sting.

“When you’re in front of me, all of this feels like an illusion. Everything that happened… it feels as though it might not be real, like it’s all a lie. It’s as if I’m standing in the garden of roses in Rinshers.”

He smiled as he spoke. It was a false smile. His distorted expression, with lips drawn into a crooked line, resembled that of a tragic bard in a myth who had lost his lover—pitiful and sorrowful.

Her mind grew hazy. His lips, though still red, were dry and cracked as they moved slowly. The sharp sound of the rain was no longer audible. Her ears felt clogged.

“Could you stay here for just a few more days?”

As a child, she would often lose herself and her sense of time in the presence of beautiful scenery. Even though her father, Julie, and the servants of the estate would search for her late into the night, it happened frequently.

The most beautiful sight she had ever seen—the golden and crimson shimmer on the river at sunset—was now reflected in his eyes.

If she had any sense of decency, if she were truly human, she should let him go at this point. But she couldn’t let him go. She had chased him all the way here and waited like a fool. As long as he held onto her, she couldn’t let him go.

“Please.”

He hadn’t even physically held her hand; it was merely a verbal request.

“…Alright.”

Even though she knew it was a cliff she would fall from if she took one more step forward, the sea before her was so achingly beautiful that she nodded, forgetting Kashian’s warnings. She pretended not to notice the forget-me-not pinned to his left chest.