That day marked the first time Ezekiel’s reason faltered, the first time he truly lost the battle against his own emotions. 

In the end, he faced Cynthia directly, yet all he could manage to say was something weak and meaningless—that it was dangerous for her to be out and that she should go home. The words felt hollow, petty, and pathetic.  

He hated himself for acting this way, for lacking the courage to simply offer to escort her home. He despised the cowardice that kept him from expressing even the smallest portion of what he truly felt.  

But Cynthia, faced with this vulnerable and conflicted side of him, blushed and whispered words that were far more beautiful than anything he could have imagined.  

“Still, according to what that book’s author said, yes. I love you recklessly. Even if my love for Ezekiel is a poisoned chalice, I could drink it gladly, just that much.”  

Her voice was soft, trembling slightly, yet resolute.  

“And I’ll never regret this love.”  

Ezekiel had to grit his teeth to stop himself from reaching out, from pulling her into his arms as she spoke such dangerous words with her sweet, innocent mouth. But even gritting his teeth wasn’t enough—he had to physically run away, fleeing from the overwhelming temptation.  

Right now, he felt as if he would kneel before her and pour out every emotion he had buried deep within his heart. No matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, patience was no longer his ally.  

Patience had always been Ezekiel’s greatest strength. He had hidden, endured, and pretended not to know countless things throughout his life. He believed he could endure his feelings for Cynthia too. He thought he could suppress them, bury them, and ultimately overcome them.  

But even Ezekiel’s remarkable patience had its limits.  

One day, it all began to unravel—the day Cynthia came wearing a veil. She was radiant, more beautiful than anyone he had ever seen. He couldn’t count how many times he had to force his gaze away from her, how many times he fought the urge to look directly at her.  

Throughout the entire mass, Ezekiel struggled to maintain his composure. Every movement, every glance toward Cynthia threatened to betray him. 

He couldn’t stop his thoughts, couldn’t suppress the way his body responded to her presence. It took every ounce of effort to hide the twitching shame that plagued him.  

But what truly broke him was the blonde man standing close to Cynthia’s side. Michael Adrio.  

The second son of the Marquis Adrio family. Cynthia’s longtime childhood friend.  

And—

“Oh my, I heard Lady Cynthia had a different aura today, and she was with Lord Michael.”

“The story about those two being engaged must be true. When they were young, they used to go on dates together all the time. More than a few people saw the two sitting together in cafes every Faith Day.”

“I was worried since Lady Cynthia only followed the Pope around, but I guess she’s finding her match now that she’s older.”

“Ah, are they going to officially announce their engagement soon? That’s probably why she looked like a proper lady today, unlike usual. How cute.”

Marriage? Cynthia would leave him and marry someone else?  

Even though it was such an obvious outcome—one he had always known in the back of his mind—the thought made him feel like he might vomit. 

His chest tightened painfully, and a sickening wave of emotions surged through him. It was all because of his own contradictions, his own pathetic nature.  

He liked Cynthia, yet he had always pushed her away. He had convinced himself it was for the best, that it was the right thing to do. 

But now, just imagining her standing beside another man, smiling at someone else, made him feel as though his world was crumbling. He almost wanted to laugh bitterly at the irony of it all.  

The whispers were everywhere.  

Everyone said the same thing: that Cynthia and Michael would soon announce their engagement. That it was only a matter of time. 

After all, it made no sense for two people of their status to remain unengaged for so long. The nobles speculated that Cynthia had finally given up her impossible feelings for the Pope and was moving on to a more suitable match.  

It was natural for them to think that way. Logical, even.  

Ezekiel didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to accept that Cynthia could ever give up on him, but deep down, he knew the whispers might be true. Even he couldn’t deny that it made sense.  

That day, for the first time, Ezekiel’s resolve began to crack.  

Could he really give up Cynthia? Could he truly stand by and watch her belong to someone else? Could he endure the sight of her hand in Michael’s, her lips smiling at him, her heart no longer his to dream of?  

The questions gnawed at him, and for the first time, Ezekiel wasn’t sure if he had the strength to answer them.

* * *

“I will attend the debut ball myself.”

“But Your Holiness, I heard your schedule is packed that day.”

“Even so, it’s one of the empire’s major events, so it seems proper for me to participate directly.”

“May Goddess Lena bless you, I will serve devotedly forever.”

D*mn debut ball, he had resolved never to go. But he couldn’t stay still after hearing rumors that Cynthia’s partner was Michael. He felt like he had to see that sight with his own eyes. 

Not seeing it would make him feel suffocated to death, and seeing it would make him angry to death. Still, the latter seemed better than the former. Because at least he could see Cynthia.

And Cynthia’s appearance at the debut ball was… too beautiful. So beautiful it almost brought tears to his eyes. Even if she were an angel, he would follow her, and even if she were a demon, it wouldn’t matter. She was the most sublime vision Ezekiel had ever seen in his life.

He also wanted to gouge out the eyes of every man in the room. Even if he had to gouge out his own eyes in exchange, it wouldn’t matter. Forcing him to witness her lovely appearance being shown to others—it was the cruelest punishment in the world.

Before entering the hall, the Crown Prince, seated beside Ezekiel, snorted and mocked him.

“Didn’t you once say that keeping her at a distance was the best thing for both of you?”

“Don’t speak carelessly.”

“‘Don’t speak carelessly,’ he says. Hey, do something about your eyes.”

“Your speech is quite undignified for a Crown Prince. Even if we brought a street thug here, they would probably know better manners than this.”

“Geez, what an attitude.”

What many people didn’t know was that the Crown Prince and Ezekiel had been close since childhood. It was a relationship that started from the day the Crown Prince, bored as a child, ran away to the temple. 

Ezekiel, who accidentally discovered the Crown Prince, hid him in the wine cellar. They crouched in the wine cellar sharing many stories, and after that became friends. Perhaps that’s why the Crown Prince was the only one who knew about Ezekiel’s feelings for Cynthia.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it all, but manage your eyes well after entering the hall.”

“How can I take my eyes off Cynthia?”

“You’re really incomprehensible. If it’s that bad, just confess already.”

At those words, Ezekiel clamped his mouth shut. It was because he’d been hit in his most painful spot. He knew very well how contradictory his attitude was. Cynthia would be the one most hurt by this attitude.

Though he didn’t want to admit it, since the Crown Prince’s words were true, he tried not to look at Cynthia after entering the hall. No, saying he tried wasn’t enough. If he lost focus even a little, he felt like he’d only be staring at Cynthia, so he had to stay alert with all his might.

“Oh, it looks like Lady Cynthia is about to dance.”

“…”

“Well, dancing with your debutante partner is natural protocol.”

“You don’t need to inform me of every detail.”

“You’re not actually jealous to that extent, are you? Actually, you shouldn’t even be jealous, right? Since Lord Michael is the official partner.”

Even knowing the Crown Prince was deliberately provoking him, his gaze inevitably turned toward Cynthia at those words. Cynthia, holding hands with Michael and smiling brightly, was beautiful enough to make him want to die. Cynthia whispering something with Michael and laughing brightly was heartbreakingly lovely.

He could feel the men around looking at Cynthia. Of course they were. Cynthia, smiling so brightly her eyes sparkled and her dress hem fluttered, was so lovable. Cynthia, she likes him. 

‘No matter how much you bastards stare, it won’t do any good. …Cynthia is mine.’

“I told you three times to manage your eyes well.”

“Shut up.”

“Even when I’m being considerate in telling you, you make a fuss. Do you know what your eyes look like right now? It’s no different from announcing to the whole world that you love Lady Cynthia.”

The dancing time passed excruciatingly slowly. Cynthia held hands with Michael several times, entrusted her waist to him, and talked face to face up close. Watching that scene, he eventually made eye contact with Cynthia. 

He shouldn’t have been caught, but Cynthia was wearing a white dress. Because her dancing looked so lovely. No, just her existence alone was lovely.

There seemed to be hundreds of reasons he could use as excuses. Inevitably, Ezekiel chose to run away from Cynthia. Looking back now, it was the worst move, but at the time it was the best move.

When he told the Crown Prince he was going to rest, he could feel him snorting dismissively. After confirming his annoyed hand-waving gesture, he came down the stairs. But when he entered the corridor, he could hear Cynthia following. 

He couldn’t not know. Ezekiel knew everything about Cynthia. What expression she made when happy, what she ate when depressed, how lovely her humming was, and everything including her footsteps.

Ezekiel felt satisfaction at the sound of Cynthia’s footsteps following him. It was a very sordid emotion. Having resolved not to possess anything of Cynthia’s, he felt dirty for feeling such base satisfaction. He even slowed his pace to match Cynthia’s steps. 

The sound of her following footsteps was adorable. Walking together like this reminded him of that outing once. How far would Cynthia drive him crazy?

Thinking such thoughts, he entered his room. He closed the door but didn’t close it completely for Cynthia’s sake, leaving a small gap. He almost laughed at his contradictory behavior. At this rate, he couldn’t complain even if someone called him crazy.

But for some reason, Cynthia paced in front of the door for a long time, then seemed to give up and prepare to leave. 

‘Really? You’re abandoning me this easily? Where are you planning to go after leaving? That d*mn Michael? Or other men who are only targeting you?’

That was all Ezekiel remembered. When he came to his senses, he was already holding Cynthia in his arms. 

Cynthia in his arms was much smaller, softer, more fragrant, and harder to let go than Ezekiel had ever imagined. It was amazing how he had turned away from such feelings until now.

The multiple locks that had confined Ezekiel’s reason crumbled weakly with a single embrace. Cynthia squirming in his arms was so lovable, and he felt like he’d go crazy wanting to make her his. He no longer felt like giving up at all.

“I asked why you followed me.”

“Ah… well, um. Today is my debut ball, so the maids dressed me up prettily.”

“…”

“Am, am I pretty?”

The end of Cynthia’s words asking ‘Am I pretty?’ trembled. She was probably overly nervous. Ezekiel couldn’t even understand Cynthia’s question. How could she ask something so obvious?

“Is it not good? Or perhaps when I last visited the temple, did you like that outfit?”

“…”

“I want to know Ezekiel’s ideal type, but Ezekiel, well… you don’t meet with any ladies, and you’ve never had a single scandal, so it’s hard to know your preferences.”

“Ha.”

“Could you tell me Ezekiel’s preferences? Next time I’ll try to dress like—”

Ezekiel really couldn’t give up Cynthia. 

‘You asked about my ideal type? My preference is just you, Cynthia. My ideal type has pink hair, sparkling green eyes, and likes me—that’s you. Whatever clothes you wear, whatever makeup you put on, you yourself are my preference. What would you do if I said this? Would you run away saying I’m different from the Ezekiel you thought you knew?’

Only then did Ezekiel resolve. He couldn’t let Cynthia go like this. He didn’t want to send Cynthia to anyone else. Whether it was Michael or anyone else. First, he needed to deal with the Crown Prince. He had to make it so the Pope could officially marry.

He would probably be a bit troublesome but would eventually agree. He had always wanted to draw the temple’s power into the imperial palace. 

If he could solidify power through a marriage between the palace and temple, something like the Pope’s marriage would be fine. However, since he would marry Cynthia, it would only be possible starting from the next Pope.

“Please restrain yourself…”

“…Yes.”

“Don’t push me until I can’t endure it, and please restrain yourself.”

“Yes, Ezekiel.”

So he needed to restrain himself a bit. Until the law passed and he received confirmation of marriage, he couldn’t touch Cynthia. 

When he could take full responsibility, when she wouldn’t have to be gossip fodder for idle socialites. Then he would confess to her. Lovely Cynthia would come into his arms with sparkling eyes.

So he just had to wait until then. Both himself and Cynthia. If they waited just a little bit of time, then…