This is driving me insane. Ethan muttered the most vulgar curses he knew. They were directed at himself. As he tormented his hair, almost tearing it out, he finally admitted it at dawn.

It may not have been affection, but it was lust.

At that time, he must have been excited by Hyacinth.

Even at their first meeting in the lost past. When the sunlight turned Hyacinth’s hair golden for a moment. He thought she was really beautiful. That impression cooled the moment it turned red again.

Fair skin. Fragrant scent. Sparkling eyes. Graceful figure. The pure smile she used to show him.

Whenever Hyacinth Hener’s red hair didn’t look red, didn’t he honestly stare at her blankly? Even when he was trying to show her ‘proof’ that he wasn’t excited, he focused more on her red hair than the soft hand touching him.

Why was that?

Even if he didn’t know it then, his subconscious knew. That if he didn’t focus on that red color, he would cross the line.

“You piece of trash…”

Fool. Idiot. A being lower than a worm. A beast who killed both his wife and child because he couldn’t admit that simple fact.

“Ha…”

Now that he admitted it, he realized how hopelessly stupid he was.

Ethan lay on the floor and thought.

‘As long as you’re alive, you can make it.’

The words the woman had proudly left behind. The confidence that wounds could always be overcome if one was alive.

…No.

Ethan smiled bitterly.

No, Hyacinth. There are wounds that never heal.

Look at yourself. Look at me. Look at our completely ruined lives.

The you that I ruined never recovered. Even if you hadn’t thrown yourself, you would have lived your whole life hating me, learning the emotion of hatred, with a twisted soul.

And look at me.

A sinner who, unable to just ruin himself, ended up ruining you and the child as well. Even if time were turned back, the past wouldn’t change. I lived broken and, unable to properly manage even one wound, I butchered you.

The morning sunlight pierced through the veil of the blue dawn. Looking at the scene that seemed almost sacred, Ethan came to a conclusion.

In truth, Ethan Erentis was the greatest misfortune for Hyacinth Hener. So if he were gone, Lady Laurel would live in a beautiful, rosy world. Her life would have no winters, no shadows.

Is there any reason to remind the currently happy her of those memories?

None. Absolutely none. There was no reason for her to bear such deep, unhealable wounds again. For judgment? Because the sinner must be punished?

That’s true, but Hyacinth…

You live without shadows in the spring breeze. I’ll take care of it, whether I bash my head in or break my neck, I’ll die cleanly.

One death gave Hyacinth a new life.

A second death would allow him to fully atone to Hyacinth.

The distance between Tyche and Bremlin is far and rough enough. Whether he died by being gored by a boar in the forest or by slipping and falling down a mountain, there were countless ways to die.

“Is it finally time…”

Ethan quietly reflected on his life within a sigh.

When ‘that woman’ threw him down the stairs from the second floor. When she pushed him into the river. When the wounds from the whip didn’t heal. When she poisoned him. When she mocked him to follow his father with a dagger. When she locked him in the winter storage.

Even when she grabbed his hair and dragged him, if his neck had just snapped a little, he could have died. If he had died then, he wouldn’t have become Hyacinth’s misfortune. It was such a pity.

Well… there’s no need for pity now.

Ethan Erentis stood up with a light heart.

It was fortunate that he hadn’t gotten deeply entangled with Hyacinth here. Even if the news of the Duke of Trisel’s death reached her, she would be surprised and mourn, but she wouldn’t be truly saddened.

Suddenly, the world seemed beautiful. For the first time, he felt some motivation, a moment worth living.

I’ll follow you. Ethan adjusted his clothes and promised the woman who must have become a ghost. If she had become a ghost out of resentment towards him, may she now find solace. Then that poor woman could go to heaven, and he to the depths of hell, leaving this world side by side.

Ethan quickly left the bedroom and grabbed a servant. The boy greeted him politely, asking if he had a good night and noting that he seemed in a good mood.

“I’d like to meet the flower of Tyche.”

“Ah. Lady Laurel was also looking for Your Highness. She asked to be informed as soon as you woke up.”

“Where should I go?”

Why was she looking for him? His heart sank.

Not knowing how the servant interpreted his urgency, the boy smiled gently and told him to go down to the first floor.

Ethan abandoned all decorum and rushed towards the stairs. Hyacinth found him uncomfortable. He knew that better than anyone. For her to put aside her feelings and call for him, it must be something serious…

But the moment he reached the first floor, Ethan Erentis froze with a pale face. He couldn’t help it. Not even the last moment before freezing to death in the middle of a snowfield was as cold as this.

He stared blankly at the scene before him, eyes wide open. The blood in his veins all froze.

This can’t be. This shouldn’t be happening. Please.

He had just felt something akin to happiness for the first time, but in just a moment, hell had arrived.

“Ethan.”

Two red-haired women stood there.

One was Hyacinth Hener. The other…

Only now did he realize why the miracle had sent him back five years. Yes. In focusing on the endlessly sorry woman, I forgot about you. At this point, you must have still been alive.

To send him back to a moment of suffering, it was certainly a punishment for him.

A nightmare approached. Ethan just laughed.

The red-haired woman walking towards him now was Bridget Erentis. A distant relative of the royal family and his father’s second wife.

His stepmother, his shackle, a wound that would never heal.

“Are you crazy?”

“……”

“I told you to stay in the north, so why are you here—!”

The woman raised her hand. The violent slap across his cheek.

All of Tyche, except for him, was shocked, but the two Erentises remained calm.

Ethan laughed again.

From hope to despair in an instant… That’s my life.

The woman’s anger seemed to intensify as she raised her other hand. Ethan, tired and weary of it all, stood still. He noticed that this time, the woman’s hand was adorned with a ring.

A ring? Ah, that’s Hyacinth’s.

If I pull out that finger and give it to her… I can’t. It’s a ring that only the Duchess of Trisel can wear. Giving it to the current Hyacinth would undoubtedly cause all sorts of rumors. So what should I do? While he pondered, staring blankly at her ring finger, he missed the sequence of events that followed.

Hyacinth, who had run over like the wind, pushed him in the chest. At the same time, she grabbed the wrist aimed at his cheek and avoided the slap.

The crazy situation of the Duchess trying to assault the Duke in a ‘public place,’ no, already having done so, the only one who could intervene was a noble who knew it was their duty.

Hyacinth, who had intervened just in time, spread her arms wide.

In a ridiculous pose as if protecting the man behind her.

Meanwhile, Ethan, who had been pushed back awkwardly, widened his eyes as he realized the situation. He couldn’t believe the back view in his sight.

No.

He sighed like a groan. No.

It shouldn’t be you protecting me. Why you? Why does it have to be you? Why is the only person who stood up for me the one I ruined…

Unable to find words, he was dazed as a clear voice echoed in his ears.

“You’ve lost your dignity, Duchess.”

“I’m just disciplining my child. It’s none of your concern, lady.”

“This is Tyche, and with Their Majesties and Their Highnesses absent, I’m in charge of Tyche. I have a duty to treat all guests of Tyche with respect.”

“……”

“Duchess, if you show such behavior in front of me again, I will consider it an insult. For your information, I don’t find tattling shameful at all. I have no problem kneeling and weeping in the King’s Chamber.”

It was a threat that she would run straight to the king if she did more here. Bridget Erentis’s cold brown eyes pierced Hyacinth’s face. The knife-like gaze awakened Ethan, who had been frozen.

How dare you…

With his teeth grinding, Ethan pulled Hyacinth behind him. Their resentful gazes clashed fiercely.

His resentment was stronger than hers, so Ethan maintained a mocking smile.

“So. How did you end up here, Ethan Erentis?”

A question not worth answering.

Suppressing the urge to smash her head, Ethan turned his body. Whether she got angrier at his dismissal or not, it was her problem.

“I will escort my stepmother away for a moment, lady. I ask for your understanding.”

“More importantly, are you alright, Duke? This is such tyranny…”

“It’s none of your concern, lady.”

A look of disbelief and annoyance appeared on her pretty face. What are you saying after I helped you?

When Ethan was about to turn away to avoid the overwhelming emotions,

“Make sure to treat your cheek.”

A clicking tongue. A short sigh followed by a few more words from Hyacinth.

Ethan trembled for a moment.

It was miserable. He felt utterly shabby and pathetic. Even for someone familiar with despair and resignation, these condensed emotions were a first.