<Jeremy Rills’ Statement>

Mon.

Recently, my concentration has been particularly poor, so I’ve decided to write a diary to organize my thoughts. I’ll try it for about a week, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll try another method.

Today, we held the madam’s funeral.

We planned to wait until the royal family members arrived in the spring to hold the ceremony, but the weather suddenly warmed up, so we had no choice. A winter warm enough to cause the body to decompose—truly a lamentable situation for a native of the North.

The ceremony, which started around 6 AM, ended around 4 PM.
All the procedures were carried out solemnly and quietly, with utmost cleanliness. There was no commotion, and (by my standards) nothing was lacking. Even the attire of the external visitors who came to pay their respects was neat and proper according to etiquette.

The final moments of the one who lived her whole life as the flower of Tyche could not be modest. Under that belief, the North united and worked hard, even amidst the misfortune of half of Bremlin Castle being executed.

So, please be generous, madam.

As the mistress of the North departed, quite a number of people gathered. After giving them time to leave their farewells, a small group gathered in the garden for the final procedure.

The madam was buried next to the baby. She was as elegant in death as she was in life.

In some sense, it was fortunate that the weather was warm, as the ground was not frozen. Otherwise, it would have been a hard task to dig the soil.

I was honored to attend the final procedure. As for my impression of attending, well, it was a bit strange. There was no one wailing loudly, nor anyone even shedding tears.

Perhaps the sense of loss, despair, and guilt had consumed all the sadness. Some who felt unworthy of crying could only tremble with their hands.

I, along with a few others, was just dazed.

The death of the madam was so unreal that it didn’t feel real. After all, wasn’t it just a year ago that she came to the North? I vividly remember greeting her for the first time, and now she’s gone.

It’s a warm yet truly harsh season.

Since this is my private diary, I think I should write more honestly about the situation and my feelings. To organize my thoughts, it would be better to be honest.

I witnessed it. I was the first witness.

Right after the madam fell, I saw His Highness personally embracing her shattered body.

Everything was smashed, to the point where you couldn’t even call bones bones, yet he embraced her without hesitation. It was a gruesome sight that required courage just to watch. Even so.

I think I screamed at that moment. No, I did scream. I definitely screamed. But neither my shrill voice nor the commotion of those who came at my scream could wake His Highness.

His Highness was just trembling, holding the madam. No sound reached his ears. It was as if his soul shattered the moment the madam’s body broke.

Is this an exaggeration?

Anyway, it was a rather bizarre sight.

Naturally, His Highness was covered in blood. He was stained with dark red blood, holding the madam endlessly. Just holding her. As if doing so would miraculously bring her back to life. His embrace was so desperate that it gave me chills just watching.

His Highness stayed in that state until late at night. Until I carefully called him.

If I hadn’t dared to call him, he might have stayed there like a statue until the next day.

We tried to take the madam away. We had to collect the body somehow.

But at the moment we tried to take her, His Highness glared at us as if he would cut us down alive, so we failed. If he had been holding a sword, our necks would have been separated from our bodies instantly.

His Highness personally took care of collecting her. Putting her in the coffin, preparing her body. Until this morning when the ceremony was held, he didn’t leave the coffin for a moment, so we even worried that he might refuse the funeral. Fortunately, that didn’t happen.

His Highness personally took a shovel and buried the madam.

We could only watch as his hands trembled. Just like when His Highness became a statue holding his broken lady.

His Highness did not cry.

But as an observer, I would add that it would have been better if he had cried. Because he wore an expression as if he had received a divine punishment, a face filled with such unbearable and raw pain.

Everything I’ve recorded in this diary is not exaggerated at all. I’ve tried to write ‘as it is’ as much as possible. Even if there are some metaphors.

In fact, it is regrettable that His Highness seems to be shaken too severely. Of course, losing his only wife must be sorrowful and despairing. Not only his wife but also his newborn child. But for the great Erentis to collapse as if his very roots had been torn out seems a bit too much.

One thing I will clearly state.

I truly regret the madam’s death. But the aftermath is even more regrettable.

Because His Highness cannot make rational decisions at all. For example, the issue with the epitaph.

If someone finds this writing in the distant future, I want them to know.

Currently, according to His Highness’s wishes, the epitaph reads ‘Lady Laurel, Hyacinth Vivienne Christina Hener,’ but she is not Lady Laurel; she is the Duchess of Trisel.

Her official name is ‘Hyacinth Hener Erentis.’ Where the emblem of the Laurel Dukedom is drawn, the emblem of the Trisel Dukedom should be drawn! According to the original principle!

I have calmed down my emotions and returned.

It is a sad night. It was a sad day. But the departed can never return, so from now on, it is up to those who remain.

The North will suffer from this loss for about two years. It might normalize next year if we’re quick. His Highness will probably need more time to overcome it, but I still believe the power of time will solve it.

Time always wins. Loss, sorrow, guilt.

His Highness, I, and the North will all overcome it.

I just heard the sound of Bremlin’s main gate closing. It seems it is already 11 PM. The day passes so quickly. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how I lived through it.

May the madam rest in peace.

Tue.

Today, I almost faced death. Literally, not figuratively.

I did something incredibly foolish. I stood in front of the enraged Duke.

Since most of the maids in Bremlin were executed, we had to bring in workers from other villages. When they were brought in, I repeatedly warned them, ‘Do not speak carelessly,’ and ‘If you speak recklessly here, you could lose your life.’ But the young ones’ minds conveniently ignored it.

What a convenient mind, damn it.

I’m not blaming them. When doing hard chores, isn’t it natural to gather in groups and chat? What would kids aged fifteen to seventeen know? Even if they were intimidated at first, they would start chattering when they met peers of similar age.

So, it’s not entirely incomprehensible that the maids dared to gossip about the madam. It is an interesting topic, after all.

What would the lower people think? The stories of the people in the upper ranks are just gossip to them, so they chatter away excitedly. As far as I can remember, one kid said,

『”I heard the madam threw herself into the well.”』

And then,

『”No, she fell from the window ledge.”
“Was it an accident?”
“No, she threw herself.”
“Gasp. Why? She’s a noble person.”
“She must have been sad because of her child’s death.”』

The conversation went like that. I also remember someone saying that a lady in the neighboring village lost her mind and died after her baby died, how sad it was, and where all the people here had gone.

The misfortune of the maids was that His Highness happened to be passing by. I found His Highness frozen in the hallway.

He looked pale and stiff, like a frozen corpse. At the same time, he looked like he might have gone in and shed blood if he had a sword in his hand. Or maybe not. Looking back, it seems there was no murderous intent. I can’t be sure.

Anyway, I jumped in front of him.

Desperately shaking my head with my arms crossed, His Highness looked at me with glassy gray eyes.

They were the eyes of a dead person. The kind of ghostly eyes filled with intense grief. The kind of distant feeling only those left behind can feel, which made me choke.

Ah, now I understand. If he had a sword in his hand then, he would have stabbed himself, not the maids. Writing this, it seems like a correct guess. It’s really a relief that he was unarmed.

Embarrassingly, at that moment, an unreasonable emotion swept over me. I resented the deceased madam. I was a bit angry.

His Highness usually controls his emotions well. He never lost his composure or acted rashly. He was always rational and generous. To think that such a person was ruined like this.

Who would have known? That His Highness would be this broken. Maybe even the madam didn’t expect this. As a servant, it’s not right to speak about the master’s relationship, but they were never affectionate.

Anyway, when I blocked him, fortunately, he focused on me instead of the maids. After staring at me for a while, he turned away, and I instinctively followed.

『”That’s not how she died.”』

After a short silence, His Highness quietly muttered.

『”I killed her.”』

No, that’s definitely not true!

The madam took her own life. She threw herself from up there. Of course, His Highness has some moral responsibility for why she did it.

His Highness deeply misunderstood the madam. That misunderstanding must have deeply hurt her. But His Highness didn’t kill her!

I don’t know why the madam took her own life! Honestly, the madam was too extreme

When His Highness tried to return to the room where the maids were, I blocked him and asked why.

『”Shouldn’t they know the truth before they gossip?”』

I don’t remember exactly, but he answered something like that. So I asked again.

Did he intend to explain to the maids that he misunderstood the madam and that she took her own life out of frustration? Was he going to explain everything in detail?

His Highness was silent, and as we all know, silence means yes.

So I directly said I wanted to dissuade him.

His murderous intent felt like it was cutting my lifeline, but even so, I did my best to stop him. I have no regrets about my actions.

The reason I desperately tried to stop him is as follows:

Rumors spread quickly.
But they don’t spread ‘accurately.’

The truth that His Highness doubted the madam’s fidelity would change completely after passing through just two villages. For example, it would turn into the madam ‘really’ being unfaithful.

That’s more interesting. Who would care about correcting the facts later? It seems a bit noisy outside, but maybe it’s just my imagination.

His Highness accepted my direct words. Instead of returning to the maids, he silently stayed there. By the time His Highness moved again, the maids had scattered.

It was a more exhausting day than I thought.

I came back after having a drink. The strong liquor that can beat Bremlin’s winter cold tasted sweeter today, probably because of the situation. It was strong, sweet, and hot.

Thinking deeply, I think I vaguely understand why His Highness was so despairing. I was short-sighted.

The madam was innocent and purely a victim. The wrong was done by the people of Bremlin Castle.

But such truth will not be in the rumors that will spread.

I have no regrets about stopping His Highness.

Someone just knocked.

The butler is dead. His last act was hiring the maids who spoke carelessly today.

Secrets are increasing. Since the madam’s death, the weather has been warm, and no snow has fallen. There is no snow to bury the secrets.

What should I do?