“Looking at the long term, it’s six months.”

The emotionless voice struck Ju-eon like a typhoon. His throat stung as if he’d swallowed thorns. He wanted to ask the doctor to repeat himself, hoping he’d heard wrong, but the voice had been crystal clear.

It seemed like a common plot device in movies.

That was his first thought when he heard the doctor’s words.

‘What happened next again?’

People who cry and beg to try anything, and people who get angry asking how they could say such things so casually. It usually seemed to split into these two reactions.

Ju-eon was neither. To be more precise, he didn’t understand the doctor’s words right away. Though he heard them clearly, it took some time to digest the heavy sentence.

“When you say six months…”

Ju-eon asked in a flat voice. It felt unreal, as if hearing about someone else’s situation.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

He caught a faint crack in the doctor’s otherwise expressionless face. Only then did he realize the subject the doctor had left unspoken. The doctor was talking about his life’s expiration date.

“At present… we can try treatment, but the chances are very slim.”

“…Without treatment…”

“Even with prescribed narcotic painkillers, normal daily activities will be difficult.”

“Ah.”

The sympathetic gaze made him face the cold reality like being doused with ice water. Looking down at the prickling sensation, he realized his fists were clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white. He unclenched his hands and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. The world spun. Feeling like he might throw up, he covered his mouth and lowered his head.

“It would be best if you were admitted immediately. If you came with a guardian…”

The doctor hesitated mid-sentence, perhaps mistaking his posture for crying. Ju-eon raised his head. Contrary to the doctor’s expectation, his eyes were dry.

“No.”

“It would be better to come with someone next time. You’ll need help from those around you.”

“…Yes.”

Guardian. That word snapped him back to reality. One person briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly shook the thought away. Since he had no intention of telling anyone, there was no one he could call a guardian. Ju-eon stood up from his seat. Tears were a luxury he couldn’t afford.

“It’s better for the patient to avoid stress. And since this result came from the regular checkup by the agency…”

The doctor pushed up his glasses with a troubled expression. Since this was a hospital affiliated with the agency, and he had agreed to share examination results, it was obvious.

“You mean the agency will be notified.”

The doctor looked up at Ju-eon with a troubled face. Sweat-soaked hair clung to his forehead.

“Yes.”

“I’d like to tell them myself. What’s the deadline for informing the agency?”

“In principle, it only needs to be reported within three months, but… given your condition…”

The doctor tried to persuade him, but Ju-eon bowed his head firmly.

“Then please inform them after the full three months.”

“But patient.”

The doctor’s lips moved as if wanting to say more, but Ju-eon stood up faster. Just before leaving, he asked in a weak voice.

“Can I get the prescription at the reception desk?”

“…Yes.”

Ju-eon left the hospital with his back straight. He glanced at his watch. Having taken a half-day off for the afternoon, he had no schedule until evening.

Sitting on a bench in front of the hospital, he stared blankly at the sky. He’d had many moments in life when he thought his luck was bad, but he never expected it to be this bad until the end.

“Ah. What do I do now?”

There was so much to do, but he didn’t know where to start.

Bzzzz.

Lost in thought, he hurriedly pulled out his phone when he felt it vibrate in his pocket.

There was a message from Myung-hwon.

-Running late today.

He found himself smiling wryly at the short, concise message. While he thought it was fortunate since he hadn’t planned to tell him today anyway, a corner of his heart felt disappointed.

“Sigh…”

Ju-eon shook his head, trying to shake off the disappointment. There was no reason to feel hurt over something like this when they lived together and saw each other every day anyway.

It was just that he’d heard such overwhelming news today that his heart had become weak enough to be shaken by such small things. So this was his fault. Ju-eon comforted himself as he put his phone back in his pocket.

Since they hadn’t done the imprinting, legally they were nothing more and nothing less than cohabitants. Even if Myung-hwon noticed something strange and tried to find out, he wouldn’t be able to discover anything for a while due to the hospital’s confidentiality period.

He didn’t want to tell anyone about the news that was still stuck in his throat, undigested.

**

We were together even before our abilities manifested. There wasn’t any special reason we became close. We just happened to go to the same middle school and high school.

‘Same class again.’

‘How tiresome.’

We kept getting assigned to the same class by chance.

Though he said it was tiresome, I can still clearly see Myung-hwon’s face as his eyes curved into crescents. His hair gleaming in the sunlight through the window, the curtains swaying in the breeze through the window gap, the noisy sounds of others. And amidst all that, Yeo Myung-hwon looking solely at me.

Around the time we became close enough that casual conversation felt natural.

‘Aren’t you tired of it?’

I like it though.

I suddenly realized I liked you. When Yeo Myung-hwon smiled brightly, directed only at me.

That day is still vivid. The boy who was awkward with emotions realized love for the first time then. Though young and unripe, what sprouted between us was love.

We believed it would last until the fruit ripened sweetly, and true to that belief, we became long-time lovers.

Rrrrr-

The phone ring snapped Ju-eon back from the past. Looking at the phone screen, he saw the name Kang Yun-jae.

For a moment, he realized he had hoped it was Myung-hwon, and smiled slightly while lowering his gaze, finding it amusing. His tongue tasted bitter. Only after the phone rang for a while did Ju-eon come to his senses and hurriedly answer.

“Hello?”

-Didn’t you say you were going to the hospital today?

“Yeah.”

-Myung-hwon took a call. Did you go alone?

“Call?”

Usually, espers and guides move together in groups of at least two.

-You didn’t know?

“No.”

-Must have been an urgent one then.

Usually, Ju-eon was the guide who worked with Myung-hwon. Though recently he had worked with other guides a few times, today it particularly bothered him.

‘Couldn’t he have said something?’

He could have mentioned it when he messaged about being late, why did I have to hear about you from someone else?

Ju-eon furrowed his brow. Other guides would have lower absorption rates, so they’d definitely need to take medication too. Medication was far less effective than guides. If he had called, he would have gone with him.

-You could have called me at least.

“…Why make such a fuss? I can go alone.”

It was as if his thoughts came out of someone else’s mouth. Ju-eon smiled bitterly. What he just said sounded like something Myung-hwon would have said if he had asked him.

-Still.

“But I need to go now. …I have an appointment.”

-Oh. Okay. See you tomorrow then.

He quickly hung up before Kang Yun-jae could ask about the results, afraid he might cry before he could even dodge the question.

He remembered Myung-hwon smiling at him wearing a white shirt under the blue sky.

Ju-eon stood up from his seat. He remembered having a silly conversation with Myung-hwon while lounging on the bed, asking what he would do if he died soon.

‘Don’t even joke about that.’

Myung-hwon had hugged him tightly and buried his face in his neck. Myung-hwon, who became so sad even at a hypothetical question.

‘It’s just a hypothetical question with ‘what if’ attached.’

You, who spoke with an unwavering voice when we were much younger than now.

‘Then I’ll take responsibility for you.’

What words will you say when you find out?

**

While espers are ranked according to their range of ability, guides are ranked by the size of their vessel that contains rather than their range of expression.

Think of esper abilities as various substances. Just as you can’t hold water in paper, guides are assigned matching espers according to the nature of their vessel. A high-ranking guide means they have a sturdy vessel.

Although there are far more guides than espers, there are fewer high-ranking guides than espers. Not only that, but like filling each other’s empty spaces, Ju-eon and Myung-hwon’s compatibility was so good that even though Ju-eon was an A-class guide, he could be Myung-hwon’s guide.

That’s how we thought we would last forever. Even though our forever wouldn’t even reach 100 years.

He stared blankly at the TV. Glancing at the time, it was past midnight. He checked his phone but there were no messages. Usually, he would have contacted him when he was this late.

Come to think of it.

“When did we start contacting each other only for business…”

Before, even when we weren’t together, we contacted each other constantly so I knew what you were doing and where you were without having to ask.

We must still be fine, I’m just being oversensitive because of the illness. People can’t always stay the same. It’s natural for the temperature of affection to cool a bit. It can’t always burn as hot as it did at first.

–

T/N: FIRST CHAPTER AND WE’RE ALREADY DROWNING IN ANGST AAAHHH (btw sorry it took so long to post it!)