42. My Side

 Killian Serenade, plunged into the lake, couldn’t even struggle and was sinking straight down.

The surface bubbled up and subsided. Perhaps from the tension in her whole body, Daphne’s injured leg began to tingle.

“Legs.”

And, Daphne suddenly remembered that Killian couldn’t use his legs. She stood on the shore near where her godfather had fallen in, staring blankly into the water.

‘A person who never takes my side.’

The harsh winter wind froze Daphne’s ears and cheeks completely. They throbbed.

‘A person who’s never been any help in life. Eventually, eventually he’ll die anyway. Just die quickly and give me this territory and disappear.’

As Daphne released her held breath, white vapor burst forth and obscured her vision.

‘Even if I save you here, you’ll still……”

However, contrary to her momentary thoughts, Daphne’s body moved first. She jumped into the seriously cold water.

‘Ah, damn it!’

Daphne’s right ankle stiffened completely. Though it tingled as if cramping, she paid no attention and swam through the lake water where nothing could be seen due to darkness. Then she grabbed Killian’s scarf.

As soon as his arm was in her grasp, Daphne gathered all her remaining strength and kicked up to the surface. After pulling the limp man’s heavy body onto shore, she slapped both his cheeks.

“Killian.”

As if her heart had moved to her ankle, her injured leg flopped like a fish. Her whole body was beyond cold, without sensation. Not even breath came out.

Daphne’s golden eyes wavered aimlessly.

“Godfather.”

And her body trembled violently too. Perhaps because they had fallen in together, Daphne couldn’t feel any warmth from his cheeks, his mouth, or his neck. She became terrified.

In that moment when Daphne hesitated, in those few seconds, what if you……

“Killian!”

The space between life and death was no thicker than a sheet of paper.

People tear easily at that one sheet. Daphne, seeing the carriage charging fiercely at her, had many thoughts during that instant moment after being hit and floating.

That she would die ridiculously easily despite being born with such difficulty.

Though her whole body was numb, fear alone rose quickly from the tips of her feet to above her eyes.

“Godfather, godfather. Please… wake… up…”

A hoarse voice came from Daphne’s mouth. She wondered whether to remove the scarf that had already started freezing.

While she was making hissing sounds not knowing what to do, a hand with many calluses rose with difficulty and stroked her head.

The lake keeper who had rushed out quickly at this small commotion hurriedly called for a carriage.

Daphne and Killian returned safely to the mansion and sat side by side in front of the blazing fireplace, warming themselves while drinking tea.

It was a scent that Daphne loved. 

 * * *

 After being sick for three straight days, Killian no longer demanded things of her.

Daphne was more scared of this, so she woke up even earlier than usual to wash Killian’s face while he was still drowsy, shave him, and take care of the house.

Daphne secretly waited for his usual nagging, but Killian remained indifferent and didn’t particularly speak to her.

‘He refused to take walks.’

And that wasn’t all. Now he even refused walks. Narid and the butlers stepped in to take care of him.

Daphne finished her daily routine and agonized in her room every time, pulling at her hair. The school kids had become an afterthought.

With even less conversation than before, Daphne’s guilt doubled as days went by.

‘What if someone finds out that I almost killed my godfather?’

If she had been just a few seconds later, she would have been someone who stood by while Killian Serenade died. Since that wheelchair was practically pushed by Daphne, she could have become a murderer.

“Should I go back to Mom?”

Worried that Killian might talk about her to others, Daphne tried to treat him better.

But her godfather remained silent. Feeling like a storm might hit at an unexpected moment, Daphne spent each day increasingly on edge. 

 * * *

 Killian called for Daphne after a long while. Sitting across from him at the round table in the garden, her godfather’s face looked even more gaunt than before. Feeling like it was because of her, Daphne’s chest tightened.

“Daphne.”

“Yes.”

Killian hesitated uncharacteristically.

“At Olden Lake……”

Here it comes! she thought. Her heart pounded thump-thump-thump as if she had tachycardia.

“Please don’t say it.”

She swallowed back the words asking him not to tell anyone that she had hesitated before his life and death.

“Say what?”

“Please don’t tell anyone that I did that. You, at that time, well……”

“Daphne.”

“It was my fault. It was my fault.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tell me. What did you do wrong?”

“Well……”

Killian looked at Daphne with his fog-like grey irises, then furrowed his brow. Daphne could only move her lips under the pressure of his aura.

‘What should I say?’

That I actually wished for your death for a moment? That you didn’t die in the end anyway?

Don’t tell Romeo or my mother that I almost killed you. Don’t tell the girls at the girls’ school, or the university dean.

Or the man she would love someday.

But she couldn’t say everything. As someone educated as an upper-class noble, these were very shameful thoughts.

Above all, she felt she couldn’t bear her godfather looking at her with eyes of contempt.

“Are you saying not to tell anyone that you saved me?”

At these unexpected words, Daphne’s head snapped up.

“Even if you begged for grand praise it wouldn’t be enough. According to you, it should be ‘I did this much for you so you must do this much for me.’ Since when did you learn humility?”

Killian was looking at Daphne with wide eyes as if surprised.

Her anxious heart slowly retreated back in. Daphne kept blinking.

“Don’t you hate me?”

Confusion clouded Killian’s grey eyes.

“I don’t listen, I’m rude, I act like a thug, and in front of you……”

Daphne glanced at him once more.

“I even curse in front of my godfather.”

“Suddenly understanding your place, are you? What did you eat wrong in these few days to become mature?”

“You won’t take walks with me, right? Now, you even told me not to come, right? Wasn’t it because you hate seeing me?”

“Isn’t it because you wake me up too early and it’s tiring?”

Having rushed over as soon as she woke up with only enthusiasm, no wonder the man of large build couldn’t even open his eyes and his head was swaying.

‘I was more anxious thinking he was sick.’

As she felt all her worrying had been needless, a sense of unfairness washed over Daphne’s head like a flood.

“In winter, you sleep about two more hours, Daphne. The days have gotten shorter, haven’t they?”

“Right. The days have gotten shorter.”

Daphne felt sheepish. She would have hated it too. If while sleeping, a girl with messy hair and yellow eyes came at her with a razor.

‘It’s impressive he didn’t scream.’

“Daphne.”

Daphne was smelling the sweet and warm scent of the mugwort tea while pouring some into her godfather’s cup when she looked up at him.

“What were you thinking when I fell into the lake?”

Her calmed heart jumped.

“I wasn’t thinking anything. My body just moved on its own.”

“I see. Thank you for saving me.”

Killian smiled kindly. Daphne belatedly thought that if her godfather had been ten years younger, he would have been quite a handsome young man.

“Keep answering like that from now on.”

“What?”

“I won’t say it twice.”

He reached for the pot and filled Daphne’s cup with tea. The clearly steeped fragrance matched this place very well.

“Godfather, they say if you eat these tea leaves raw, bears become human.”

Daphne paused for a moment after saying this. It was clearly a story she remembered, but she had never heard it anywhere.

“What an interesting story.”

Killian didn’t bother asking for the source.

“Since you’ve been drinking it daily, in about 80 more days you’ll become human too, Daphne.”

“What did you say?”

Bursting into laughter at those words, Daphne laughed for several minutes.

“Even if you drink it longer than that, you won’t become human, godfather. Carnivores like tigers can’t become human because their temperament is too hasty.”

“You never run out of things to say.”

The tip of his cane came down on Daphne’s head. Though it didn’t hurt at all, Daphne lowered the ends of her eyebrows pretending it did. 

 * * *

 It was spring graduation. Ranan Calli, who had ignored all the invitations to talk before, called Daphne out behind the school grounds saying she had something to say.

Coming face to face with those girls, Daphne felt suffocated. She kept rubbing her cold hands.

“We hated how you acted like you were giving us charity.”

Janet, who was next to Ranan, opened the conversation.

‘What am I supposed to do about that?’

Daphne thought.

“You’ve never been…… a commoner like us so you don’t know. How much our pride was hurt by the things you did as if giving charity!”

Daphne couldn’t empathize with what they were saying. Her golden eyes blinked rapidly.

“I see.”

However, since Daphne had met them to talk, she kept thinking about it. But she absolutely couldn’t understand.

If I have something good, can’t I share it, and isn’t it good for the other person when we share?

That’s what Daphne thought. She had never approached them with the intention of taking advantage, she just simply wanted to be good friends.

“But do I need to know about that?”