Following Iren’s suggestion, the three of them headed to a small garden tucked away in a corner of the castle.

There were several gardens within the ducal palace, both big and small. Among them, the largest were the garden near the entrance and the rear garden behind the castle.

But due to the harsh climate and soil of Sirencia, they were not easy to maintain. Besides, neither Lahart nor Iren had much interest in gardening, so the gardens were only managed to the extent of weeding.

Thanks to this, such small gardens were used by the servants as spaces to gather for a change of mood and chatter. Even so, this place was not frequented much due to its unfavorable location. It was perfect for staying out of sight.

“Wowwww! Flowers. Full of flowers! Look here. It smells nice too, Auntie!”

“You have to look ahead when you run! And can’t you be quiet?”

Despite Jane’s scolding, Lenny just laughed merrily. Petals fluttered around Lenny as he spun around like a pinwheel.

“Is it okay? To let her play so loudly…”

“Even if she knows, the head maid can’t really do much. The duke is also away from the castle.”

“Still… I feel so sorry and grateful that you’re taking such care of us, Madam.”

Jane bowed her head deeply. Iren gripped her steaming teacup, as if embracing it. But the warmth that passed through her hands was not enough to fill the hollow and cold void in her heart.

It wasn’t about raising a child. It was just playing with her for a few hours.

It seemed absurd that even mundane tasks for others required permission for her.

A deep sense of powerlessness dragged Iren down.

“Jane, it seems to you too that I am a duchess so pathetic that I can’t even take care of one child.”

“Madam! Why would you say such a thing!”

Jane abruptly stood up and knelt down, crushing the grass, and her white apron was stained with green.

“I swear, I have never once thought that while serving you… You are the most wonderful and kindest noble I know, Madam. I am so happy… to be serving you, to have you as my master.”

Jane was on the verge of tears. Her voice seemed to fail her mid-sentence. Seeing Jane like this also pained Iren.

She knew. She knew why Jane was so restless. She was worried about getting caught by Lahart because of her.

That made it all the more miserable. Even though the gap between her and Lahart was as vast as heaven and earth, marriage was still marriage. She became the Duchess of Cardius and lived as the duchess for five years.

And yet… And yet the fact that she had to be wary even to look after Jane, who cared for her like her own sister, was too sad and miserable. The realization that she was permitted nothing in this castle was painfully striking.

She resented and felt wronged by Lahart for making her feel this way.

That’s why Iren had been stubborn about taking care of Lenny. It was a timid rebellion against Lahart, who never shared a warm gaze or kind words.

“…I know. Forget what I just said. I was just taking my spite out on you. I’m sorry, Jane. Please get up.”

“No, I will take Lenny to the head maid right away to get permission. If she doesn’t allow it, I will find a way. That’s the right thing to do.”

Jane wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and stood up. Just then, Lenny, who had run off into the distance, returned to them.

Lenny didn’t even glance at Jane but immediately stretched out her hand to Iren. In her charming little hand, he held a yellow flower.

“Pretty flower. Pretty sister. Two pretties make everything prettier!”

“Lenny, is your aunt not pretty then?”

“Auntie is… um, sorry. Not as pretty as sister.”

The child was cruelly honest. This time, Jane did give Lenny a flick on her forehead. Lenny bit back, not to be outdone, and bit Jane’s hand. The commotion that ensued made Iren burst into laughter.

Iren carefully accepted the flower from Lenny. Then she stopped Jane from taking Lenny away.

Lenny played in the flower garden for a while longer before falling asleep in Iren’s arms. Iren patted the child’s back. It felt awkward since she had never done it before but she didn’t want to put the child down.

“Why is she acting like this today of all days… I’m sorry, Madam. She’s usually not shy but not to this extent. She must really like you. Just like she’s your own niece.”

“Stop apologizing. It’s like a nail in my ear. Seeing a child play happily makes me happy too.”

“Oh my, well he’s just a wild colt in my eyes. But I didn’t know Madam liked children.”

Instead of answering, Iren quietly smiled and gently stroked Lenny’s head. The child was small and soft. And she had a sweet and fragrant scent.

Iren felt a warmth she wanted to hold onto forever, a lovely warmth she didn’t want to lose, and it almost brought tears to her eyes.

* * *

A new addition had been made to Iren’s office, which had been bleak without even a single painting on the walls.

A single yellow flower placed in a vase.

It had been preserved in a specially formulated solution and, despite the days that passed, it hadn’t wilted and it remained vibrant.

Iren was lost in thought, gazing at the flower.

Lenny. A cute child with inexhaustible energy. She asked Jane if she could see her again because their short meeting left her longing, but Jane panicked, saying it was absolutely not possible.

Jane also said that she didn’t know how to repay this kindness and breach of etiquette after hearing that the Madam had looked after her.

Iren thought it was an overreaction, but on the other hand, considering the rumors circulating in Sirencia, it seemed understandable.

After that, all Iren did was occasionally ask Jane how she was doing.

Iren looked down at her hands. She could still vividly feel Lenny’s touch from when she fell asleep in her arms.

The first child she ever held was so very small, warm, and soft. Recalling the touch stirred an indescribable emotion within her.

“I didn’t know Madam liked children.”

It was a fact even she she didn’t know. All her energy had been poured into creating an antidote that she hadn’t had the time to think of anything else.

Iren had been like a horse with blinders. She could only the antidote in her race forward.

But now, the end of what seemed like an endless, distant journey began to come into view.

As expected, the irelaide flower was the final key ingredient. She completed the antidote formula after taking in more than ten experiments on her own body. Since the ointment showed definite effectiveness, there was no doubt about the efficacy of the antidote.

All that was left was to administer it to Lahart, and her mission would be complete.

She felt both joy and emptiness.

It was astonishing and utterly surprising how 5 years, no, 10 years of time could be condensed into a single bottle of medicine. Was it because she had suddenly lost her purpose? She felt like a lost child wandering without direction.

She’d been feeling this way quite often lately. Iren sighed lightly and flicked the flower with her fingertip.

Once Lahart drinks the antidote, he’ll get completely better. Then what will become of me?

She had never thought about it. Perhaps due to her lack of imagination or anything else, she couldn’t picture what her future would hold beyond that point.

No, that’s not it. It’s not that I lack imagination; it’s because my world consisted only of Lahart. Because I have lived only for Lahart.

“Could you be with child…”

Jane’s trailing voice suddenly came out of nowhere. Iren unconsciously placed her hand on her stomach.

What if I were to have a child with Lahart? The blood of the ducal family of Cardius is strong, so the child would resemble Lahart more than me. A child with silver hair and blue-grey eyes would be born.

A certain scene came to mind. It was herself, holding a baby that resembled Lahart. The baby fumbled with its tiny hands, gripping her dress tightly. And when their eyes met, the baby smiled brightly, innocently. The lovely baby’s eyes were fixed solely on her.

Her heart ached for that affectionate gaze, craving it, and returning it in equal measure.

No one ever looked at me like that. No one had ever needed me like that.

She felt envious. She wanted to be loved without worries, to love freely like that woman.

She wanted to live not just for Lahart, who did not love her, but for herself as well. Especially if that someone was her own child.

‘To envy myself in my imagination……’

Iren shook her head. An impossible fantasy was nothing but delusion. Delusions only left a bitter aftertaste.

She moved the vase to the corner of the desk and went back to reviewing the documents she finished looking over.