Side Story 10

My brother passed away. His wife and my mother kept fainting from crying, and my father was out of it throughout the funeral. When my grandfather heard the news, he collapsed and was hospitalized for treatment. I was the only one in the family who managed to keep it together. That’s why I couldn’t fall apart.

Siyeon came to the funeral home. Her face was pale, and she was trembling all over. My sister-in-law tried to hold Siyeon and shake her while wailing, and the parents of my sister-in-law didn’t stop her. Just as I was about to rush over to her, Siyeon collapsed helplessly onto the cold floor. 

After barely prying my struggling sister-in-law away, I helped Siyeon up and sat her on a corridor chair. It seemed like she wasn’t herself. She sat there absentmindedly with unfocused eyes and eventually staggered out of the funeral home. I wanted to follow the staggering Siyeon, but I couldn’t go, and all I could do was watch as she got into a taxi and disappeared. That was the last time I saw her.

“Ijun. Siyeon… is dead.”

I regretted not following her that day. I regretted that I had returned to America, leaving her in Korea and that I didn’t go to see her immediately when I arrived in Korea. Now, no matter how much I regretted it, the reality that I could never go back to the past was agonizing.

Siyeon, who had been alone in the ICU, fought with death but still passed away the day after my brother’s funeral. When she had an accident, the Ichon-dong uncle was contacted, but he didn’t remember Siyeon’s news due to my brother’s death and only told me about her death after.

Siyeon had died a lonely death. What was as heartbreaking as her lonely death was the fact that there was not a single family member or relative to hold a memorial for her. So, I became her chief mourner. Only after Siyeon had passed did I truly become the closest person to her.

The funeral parlor was as desolate as her life had been. I couldn’t even tell my grandfather about this for fear of shocking him further. My parents were also still not over the loss of my brother. The same was true for the aunt and uncle in Ichon-dong. In the face of my brother’s death, Siyeon’s death didn’t mean much to them.

The first person to rush to the funeral home upon hearing the news was Siyeon’s closest friend. She came to the wake with a few part-timers and was already crying at the entrance.

“Siyeon!”

I watched helplessly as she wailed in front of Siyeon’s portrait. She continued to wail until she was exhausted and then left the funeral home with the support of others. After she left, I knelt in front of the portrait and faced her face in the photo. 

“…Choi Siyeon.”

The sob I had been choking on finally burst out, and I crumble completely. I laid my forehead on the floor and cried loudly. I felt sorry for Siyeon and missed her terribly. The thought that she might have followed my brother because she couldn’t forget him continually tormented me. I hated and resented her for leaving like this, even if she didn’t love me back. 

‘Ijun oppa.’

I had always watched her from a distance, sneaking glances. She would freeze up like ice whenever I approached, despite laughing brightly in front of others. I wished that she would smile as widely in front of me as she did in front of my brother. I had thought hundreds of times about wanting to touch even the tip of her hair.

When my brother married someone other than Siyeon, I pretended not to care, but deep down, I was thrilled. I considered it a chance given to me by the heavens. I wanted to be by her side, even if I had to wear the mask of my older brother whom she had known for a long time. I thought I could wait as long as it took for her to notice me. I had never even imagined parting in this way.

Siyeon.

The sight of her lying in the coffin with her eyes closed made it seem like she was just sleeping. With a hopeful thought, I silently called her name in my heart, but she did not open her eyes.

If she would just open her eyes for a moment and look at me, I would confess my love, and I would swear never to leave her alone again. But these futile wishes turned into terrible regrets, painfully crushing my heart.

I reached out with trembling hands and gently touched her hair. Pressing my lips to her ice-cold forehead, I swore that I would never leave her alone in the next life.

I will definitely find you and confess.

I hope that in the world where we meet again, you would like me back. Siyeon.

* * *

He had lost all resistance to life. He was just breathing in a state of helplessness. Every night, he lay in bed, hoping for the end of the world, but today, feeling consciousness slowly returning, he once again fell into despair. Once again, God did not answer his prayers.

It felt like tears and screams would pour out any moment. Ijun gritted his teeth and clenched his fists so tightly that his hands went numb. Uncontrollable tears streamed down his face, wetting the pillow. His chest heaved irregularly, forcibly containing an emotion that seemed about to explode.

“…Ijun?” 

When he heard Siyeon’s voice, a surge of sorrow and longing overwhelmed him. Since bidding farewell to Siyeon, he had occasionally heard such auditory hallucinations. This time, she referred to him as ‘Ijun’ instead of ‘Ijun-oppa’, but he didn’t notice the difference. He was now so feeble that even breathing felt burdensome.

“Why are you crying? Did you have a bad dream? Wake up.”

She shook Ijun’s arm with a distressed voice. The sensation was agonizingly realistic.

“Hurry and get up. If Si-moon sees you, he’ll make fun of his Daddy for being a crybaby.” 

“…….”

Si-moon…?

At that moment, Ijun’s mind suddenly stopped. Then, the memories of the past decade rushed through his mind. He met Siyeon, went through ups and downs, proposed to her belatedly in a white buckwheat field, and they married. They loved each other every day, and a child who resembled him was born.

Having remembered all that, Ijun took a deep breath, puffing up his chest. Suddenly, his eyes shot open, and he sat up abruptly in bed.

“Ijun, are you back to your senses now?” 

He turned to his side with a dazed face. Siyeon was looking at him, her eyebrows arched in a frown. 

“…Siyeon.” 

“What kind of dream did you have? Your face is all covered in tears.” 

“Si… yeon.”

 Ijun stared blankly as Siyeon wiped his wet cheek. 

“Okay, I give up. I’ll tell you the password for the laptop.” 

“…….” 

“But you must not tell anyone else. Got it?”

She hooked her pinky finger around his and pressed their thumbs together as if sealing the promise, smiling at him with laughter in her eyes.

“…Choi Si-yeon.”

 “Yeah, I’m Siyeon…….”

Suddenly, Ijun pulled her into a hug so tight it was almost suffocating. She wanted to ask why he was doing this, but Siyeon couldn’t say a word. The arms that held her were trembling. His breath, rough with uncontrolled emotion, poured into her ear.

“Ijun, what’s wrong?” 

“…….” 

She asked calmly, but it seemed like he couldn’t hear her. Frozen in that state, it took Ijun a while to finally speak, his voice deeply cracked. 

“I… I was going to find you and ask you to see me as a man. I asked Ichon-dong uncle for your new phone number, and I regretted not calling you right away. I was thinking of staying in Korea if you just said you liked me… but you left, Siyeon.” 

“Ijun, what are you talking about…?” 

“If you were going to leave like that, you should have followed me to America when I suggested it. How could you…” 

“…….” 

Siyeon’s eyes widened as she slowly leaned back. She couldn’t immediately grasp what she had just heard. Ijun’s words a moment ago seemed to indicate that he, like her, had experienced a moment from a past life. It didn’t make sense for him to suddenly say something like that now. 

“Ijun.” 

With a dazed expression, Siyeon looked at him. His wet eyes then dropped like a crescent moon. 

“I was going to confess at that time, but you couldn’t wait for that moment and… left.” 

Ijun smiled as he spoke, but his hand that touched her cheek was still trembling. His smiling eyes twitched slightly. 

“…That’s impossible.”

Siyeon, who was staring at him in disbelief, finally regained her senses and barely moved her lips. 

“…Do you really remember… What happened in the past life?”

 “Yeah. I remember everything, including when you came to my brother’s funeral.” 

“Even the… harsh things you said to me?” 

“I just wanted your attention.” 

Tears welled up in Siyeon’s eyes. Ijun’s gaze was sincere. He truly remembered the past events.

 “Was it very sad for you when I was gone?” 

“…I thought about dying several times while organizing your funeral.” 

“…You arranged my funeral?”

“Back then, you didn’t have any family left.” 

“……” 

Siyeon covered her face with both hands and sobbed. Tears she couldn’t hold back streamed down her cheeks. The fact that she had left without meeting him in her past life weighed heavily on her chest. Every time she thought about how Ijun might have been very sad about her death, her heart ached. Her life had ended so sadly, without being able to turn back. A life that had ended irrevocably, without closure, was only a source of sadness. 

“Siyeon.” 

Ijun hugged her to his chest, and Siyeon also embraced him. Her heart raced and her chest felt tight, as if she had been reunited with Ijun after a long separation. Finally, it felt like all the pieces of the puzzle had perfectly fit together, without any gaps.

 “…I heard that you asked for my contact information, Ijun, but couldn’t meet me and was upset. I was thankful, I liked you… I regret that I couldn’t convey my feelings then. I already had so much to apologize to you for… and to hear that you even arranged my funeral, how could I…” 

“Now you know, so you’ll have to treat me better from now on.” 

His voice sounded so tender that Siyeon playfully nuzzled her face against his chest. 

“I’ll tell you the password and won’t change it.”

“Were you planning to change it after telling me?”

“Yes.”

As Siyeon nodded, the distance between them suddenly closed. Ijun, wearing a playful expression, laughed heartily as he ran his fingers through her hair with one hand. Their happy laughter echoed beyond the bedroom.