“What exactly are you looking for?”

“…”

“A world where everyone is happy? That doesn’t exist. You know that.”

Hearing those words, Cecil suddenly wondered if that was true. Had he been searching for some paradise? An eternal place where no one gets hurt and everyone can be happy.

Paradise was truly simple. It lay carelessly scattered everywhere. Paradise was as common as love. It flowed from book to book, from one person’s mouth to another’s. Though he hadn’t intentionally sought that superficial place, Cecil had ended up with a shadow resembling that of someone chasing paradise.

While pursuing that shadow, he failed to notice his own shadow stretching long over Cyrus. It wasn’t his fault. He had only wished for everyone to avoid pain.

“I know what you’re thinking. Yes, we’re going to hurt someone. But I don’t care.”

Now Cyrus’s eyes were glistening with brimming tears. Cecil suddenly realized he often made his younger brother cry. Cyrus hung his head low.

“We’re not like humans anyway. Do we still have to blend into their lives?”

Cyrus’s cheeks were completely blurred with tears.

“I told you. We are just ourselves. We are right here, so where are you looking and what are you searching for?”

“…”

“If you can’t accept it yet, I’ll wait longer. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just stay by your side. But I can’t give up.”

“…”

“Remember this properly.”

“…”

“You’re not running away because you don’t love me, but because you’re afraid of loving me.”

“…”

“I still love you.”

“…”

“I love you, Cecil.”

Just one step behind was the place he believed to be paradise. The place where his family, his brothers, his sisters peacefully kept their positions. A place that wouldn’t break in sea winds or perish in extreme heat.

And right in front of him was the person he didn’t believe to be paradise.

Cecil stood in the position of one who must choose.

He looked at the sky where dawn was breaking. Once, he had been terrified of his own beastliness and refused to face it directly. He had hidden it in the deep cave of his beast and vowed never to look at it again. In that agonizing pain, he had sworn before the cave’s entrance never to look back, no matter what happened.

That beastliness was himself, his brother, and also the base nature of his love. His bestial quality made him desire his brother, lust after him, and commit adultery.

But at the same time, it made him truly love his partner, awakened the excitement of sharing love, and helped him realize the joy of sacrificing for a loved one.

That was the beast nature he possessed.

“Cyrus.”

“…”

Cecil called his younger brother with a trembling voice. Cyrus faced him with a humble expression, suggesting he wouldn’t mind any answer. He looked ready.

Cecil watched the distant mountain ridge turning reddish and opened his trembling lips.

“I thought loving you…”

“…”

“Would hurt you.”

“…”

“I hated seeing you hurt… And yet…”

Cecil, continuing his words, hung his head low. He didn’t want to lead him down the wrong path. He didn’t want to stain the bright future of his younger brother, who had always been clever and intelligent. And yet…

“Nevertheless…”

“…”

“I fell in love with you.”

Why doesn’t the heart always go toward the right place? Cecil had always wondered about this. If he loved him this much, why couldn’t he choose a path solely for his safety and peace? Why did he make choices that would endanger him and plunge him into the mud? Even in this situation, why?

“Hic… I’m sorry.”

Finally, Cecil collapsed and begged for forgiveness. Long, strong arms reached out and safely embraced him, still young and fragile. He heard a voice murmuring in his ear, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

He felt a beast that had been living in some cave, coiling and crawling out. It was the beast Cecil had long found horrifying, the one he had locked away and barred the door to.

Someone had willingly sought out what he considered hideous, embraced it as beautiful, and offered love. A man with sun-god-like golden hair and blue eyes.

“I love you, Cecil…”

His blood relative and brother, his lover, was there. Therefore, Cecil’s beastliness became wholly beast yet not beast.

On a deep night, a beast quietly fell asleep.

It was in a forest.

*

Light poured in, making him squint. As he tossed and turned, not wanting to get up, he felt a shadow fall across his face. Opening his eyes to identify the figure, he saw a face looking down at him with a neat smile.

“Sleepyhead.”

It was Cyrus, wearing a smile. Cecil blinked, yawned slightly, and buried his face in the blanket. Too many things had happened last night, leaving him mentally exhausted.

“Tired?”

“Yes.”

“But what have you been eating?”

Cyrus frowned, saying there were only a few fruits when he went downstairs.

“I just ate those.”

“Fruits?”

“Yes.”

“You’re in trouble.”

“I didn’t have the presence of mind to buy anything.”

“Of course not. You were busy running away.”

Cyrus snorted, gathered some clothes, and got up from the bed, saying he would go buy something.

“Come with me.”

“I don’t feel like it…”

Hearing this, Cyrus gave him a knowing look. It was a gaze whose meaning Cecil could easily guess. Cecil gently caressed Cyrus’s wrist and murmured.

“I won’t go anywhere.”

“…”

“Really. I promise.”

“…Can I trust you?”

“Yes.”

“…”

“Or should I come with you?”

“…No. Rest here.”

At that uncertain yet trusting voice, Cecil nodded and burrowed back under the blanket. It remained warm with lingering heat. He closed his eyes again while listening to the noise Cyrus was making. Drowsiness washed over him. As he rubbed his eyes and let out a sigh-like breath, he felt Cyrus sitting at his bedside, stroking his forehead.

After receiving those gentle touches for quite some time, Cecil suddenly sensed the hand leaving and opened his eyes wide.

Bright sunlight was streaming through the open window. He couldn’t tell how many hours had passed. Startled, he hurriedly put on some clothes and went downstairs, where he saw Cyrus washing the groceries he had bought.

“You’re up? You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t wake you.”

“Ah…”

Cecil let his words trail off as he sat in a chair at the table, watching Cyrus’s broad back. Perhaps because he had cried so much the night before, everything felt somewhat unreal. As he stared blankly at that figure, Cyrus came over and snapped his fingers.

“What are you doing? Spacing out.”

“Oh, just… Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think sister is very angry?”

At those words, Cyrus tilted his head and then burst into refreshing laughter. He crossed his arms and laughed heartily, making Cecil give him a strange look. He couldn’t understand why Cyrus was laughing when he himself was being serious.

“What? Is that what you were thinking about?”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Well… She’s probably very angry, right? She’ll probably refuse to speak to us for about a year.”

A whole year… Cecil sighed at the thought of such a long time, but Cyrus maintained a nonchalant attitude, seemingly unconcerned.

“Why worry so much? Sister will eventually come to accept it anyway.”

“Why? How can you be so sure?”

“Well…”

Cyrus, who had been washing fruit, dried his hands on a towel and sat across from Cecil. He rested his chin on his hand, made a thoughtful “hmm” sound, and then opened his lips.

“We’re beings who can’t mingle with humans anyway. Haven’t you ever thought about that?”

“…”

“Sister instinctively knows that too. She just doesn’t admit it. I don’t understand why you and sister are so obsessed with being like humans.”

“…”

“We were born this way. We have to accept it. What can’t be changed can’t be changed. When sister realizes that, she’ll have no choice but to accept it.”

“…”

“Think about it differently. We can’t blend in, but that means we can be free from their constraints.”

“Are you free because of that?”

“Well. Maybe?”

Cyrus smiled with an ambiguous expression. His words seemed true—he looked comfortable and unbound by anything. It was a freedom Cecil couldn’t imitate.

Perhaps what he had thought was a lack of social skills or temperament in Cyrus was actually synonymous with freedom, Cecil thought. It was just his guess. Instead, Cecil asked what he had been wondering.

“So you’ve never doubted it?”

“What?”

“Loving… me.”

To that question, Cyrus remained silent for a while. After contemplating for quite some time, he opened his lips, which had formed a slight curve.

“That wasn’t my choice.”

“…”

“You spoke to me first. You woke me up. And now you’re asking me to reject you?”

Cyrus laughed again, suggesting Cecil should say something that made sense.

“You know it too. These things are beyond our control. Of course, my personality might have contributed a little… But from the beginning, it wasn’t something I could refuse.”

“There’s no such thing.”

“Isn’t it something like fate?”

At that answer, Cecil made a strange face. He had never once believed in words like fate or destiny. He was realistic and not the type to be bound by dreams.

But Cyrus seemed different. His face, talking about fate, looked innocent and youthful for his age. Finding him somewhat cute, Cecil unconsciously held a slight smile.

Looking at that face, Cyrus asked if there was anything specific Cecil wanted to eat, then stood up. “Anything is fine,” came the reply. Cyrus had expected such an answer but wanted to ask anyway.

The two sat side by side, emptying plates filled mostly with fruit, and then sat on the sofa silently watching the sunset. It felt like a place detached from the world. In this place where no one came, the two held hands the entire time.

“Want to go outside?”

Around sunset, Cyrus suddenly asked. Cecil nodded and took his hand, stepping outside the house.

“It’s cool in the evenings now.”

“Indeed.”

The sparsely populated village showed no people even after walking for quite a while. In the distance, they could see a wheat field at dusk. Noticing it was similar to the color of Cyrus’s hair, Cecil lifted his head to compare.

“It looks like your hair color.”

“I’m prettier.”

At this shameless response, Cecil let out a soft, breathy laugh. Though not usually one for jokes, Cyrus occasionally made such remarks. Always only in front of Cecil.

“We should go back, right?”

“We should. We’ll probably be called in by the professors one by one as soon as we return.”

Cyrus pointed out this gloomy fact. When Cecil sighed in response, Cyrus playfully bumped his forehead against Cecil’s, seeming to offer comfort.

Now the twilight was receding beyond the horizon, and blue waves bringing the night were rippling.

“Brother.”

“Yes?”

“You don’t need to try so hard. I like you because you’re you…”

Cyrus suddenly said. Cecil didn’t answer, but Cyrus would embrace even that silence. Cecil now knew this well.

“Let’s go back.”

“Okay.”

Someone spoke, and someone answered. The two made their way back to the house.

These beings, neither beast nor human, loved others more than themselves and didn’t know how to love themselves. That beast nature clawed at each other and created scars.

But there was a love that licked even those scars, finding them precious. Like light flooding through fingers, an unstoppable love drove away the shadows, and the beast finally reclaimed its den.

The twilight of the ending summer stretched out long.