In pitch-black darkness, eyelids that had been stubbornly shut finally slid open.

No trace of sleep lingered in the eyes staring at the dark wallpaper. Her hazel eyes gleamed sharp and clear, without even a hint of fatigue, quietly cutting through the empty air. Soon, she sat up with nimble movements.

Every motion was efficient. She stuffed a pillow under the blanket to create the shape of a person, then opened the wardrobe and pulled out an outer garment to throw on.

Her hands moved with remarkable speed as she grabbed the bag she’d packed in advance.

It was the result of countless rehearsals. After thinking through this hundreds—no, thousands—of times without acting, actually doing it turned out so easy that she felt somewhat deflated. Of course, she had no luxury to indulge in such sentiments.

She couldn’t let her guard down. Not yet.

Right, not yet. Not until she completely escaped. Absolutely not.

“…”

Hyunseo, wearing a worn baseball cap with frayed edges pulled low, carefully glanced back.

The narrow room came into view at a glance. The cramped space with even the window barely squeezed in, darkness settling heavily throughout, was utterly shabby.

A low desk attached to the wall and a tilted wardrobe—that was all the furniture there was.

Hyunseo could hardly believe she’d lived in a place like this for sixteen years. She, who had once thought this place was her entire world, was now about to abandon it without mercy. Just like her mother had done once.

Honestly, regretting that she should have done this sooner was pointless.

Taking a deep breath, she carefully slid the door open and surveyed the movements in the darkness. Confirming that the intermittent snoring had grown even clearer, she stepped forward. 

It was barely five steps to the front door. When she accidentally kicked a soju bottle rolling on the floor, she froze without realizing it.

“What the h＊ll…!”

The moment the clanging sound rang out, a roar erupted. Hyunseo squeezed her eyes shut.

Had she been caught? 

She feared that rough hands would grab her by the scruff of her neck at any moment. Being thrown to the floor would be the natural next step. Imagining the savage kicks to her stomach made her body tremble.

“That b*tch… making noise… the h＊ll…”

Frozen while even forgetting to breathe, Hyunseo soon heard the snoring resume.

Hesitation was a luxury. She gritted her teeth and hurriedly shoved her feet into her shoes. Her heart pounded like it would burst out of her chest with every turn of the doorknob. She started walking, enduring the stuffiness in her ears.

Streetlights were sparse in the neighborhood where small houses were crammed together. Even so, Hyunseo kept her nerves on edge, constantly looking around to see if she might run into anyone.

From some house, a dog barked. Even that sound startled her, making her shoulders hunch. Yet her legs never stopped moving.

She had to get away. As far as possible. From that detestable man.

The area near her still-pounding heart ached dully. The vague hope that had been building kept suffocating her. The lips she’d bitten down hard to endure tasted of metallic bl＊＊d. Only then did she realize her lip had split.

‘Tell me the truth! Which b＊stard have you been seeing?’

‘I’m telling you, no one…’

‘Don’t give me that! You b*tch, do I look like a joke to you? You really want to die today?’

‘Please, Hyunseo’s father…’

For as long as she could remember, her parents fighting was simply everyday life for young Hyunseo. Though they called it fighting, the one always yelling was her father, Gangseok.

She thought it was scary, but that was all. Young Hyunseo grew numb to her fear of Gangseok, who would get angry over nothing and always end up swinging his fists. It was thanks to her mother Yunok, who blocked him with her whole body.

Even with a face covered in bruises, Yunok would smile at Hyunseo. That everything was okay, that it would all get better. In her young heart, Hyunseo believed those words and waited. But Yunok couldn’t endure any longer.

One day, shortly before Hyunseo was to start elementary school, Yunok left home. Before Hyunseo could understand her mother’s sudden absence, Gangseok slapped her across the face. The reason for that first ass＊ult was that the house was dirty.

‘Where did your mom go?’

‘I told you I don’t know.’

‘You b*tch, who told you to look at me like that? You want to die too?’

Hyunseo worked tirelessly to avoid giving him any excuse. It was after getting slapped several more times.

With her small hands, she washed dishes and wiped the room with a tightly wrung cloth.

Though her hands were clumsy, the reason she did her best with the housework was to avoid getting hit. However, Gangseok unfailingly raised his hand toward Hyunseo. Just like how Yunok hadn’t been hit for failing to do her duties in the first place.

Being home felt like h＊ll. So Hyunseo went to school as early as possible and headed home as late as she could. With no one to take his anger out on, Gangseok would drink heavily and smash things around the house.

Before long, he was drunk more often than sober. For Hyunseo, that was a good thing.

Gangseok passing out was better.

With nowhere to go after leaving the house, Hyunseo desperately endured. Just one more day, just one more year. She’d long since abandoned hope that her mother would return.

The neighbors, who all knew each other’s situations, also turned a blind eye to Gangseok’s tyrannical behavior at home. 

The reality was that when people were too busy taking care of themselves, no one bothered to look out for or help with others’ misfortunes. Growing up quickly and escaping from home—that was the best young Hyunseo could dream of.

‘Hey, why have you been coming home so late lately?’

‘…I have supplementary classes.’

‘Supplementary my as$. Quit that. What’s a girl need to study for?’

‘I won’t ask you for money. Just let me go.’

‘What did you say? Cocky b*tch. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I hit you, hasn’t it? Get over here.’

Of course, there was nominal help. Because they were so poor, the government provided some support money, but it had long since become Gangseok’s drinking money. Even without that, Hyunseo had no trouble with school life.

Thanks to her excellent grades, her middle school tuition was completely covered. Not only that, but Hyunseo worked part-time at a fast-food restaurant downtown after school, steadily saving money. It was a kind of stepping stone toward independence.

Every waking moment, she desperately wished for it. To be able to leave this place as soon as possible.

Yet she hesitated because she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Sixteen. She was still young, the world was scary, and she wondered if, as his child, she should stay by her father’s side. Foolishly.

‘Give me my money back.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. What money of yours? It’s all my money.’

‘Give it back. Give it back now!’

‘I don’t have it, you b*tch! Don’t ruin my drinking and go sit in your corner before I sell you off.’

And yesterday.

When she came home after finishing her high school placement test, what Hyunseo found was her room completely trashed.

The moment she saw the overturned wardrobe, she knew the wad of bills hidden deep inside had disappeared. What took it wasn’t a thief or anything else. Gangseok, who came in carrying a black bag full of alcohol, was utterly shameless.

The problem was that she’d kept putting off opening a bank account because it required parental permission. More disgusting than having the money she’d saved for over a year stolen was Gangseok treating it like it was natural. 

It was obvious this would continue. As long as she lived with Gangseok, no bright future existed for her.

For the first and last time, she talked back, and got slapped until her lip split. Realizing that now was truly the time to leave home, she put it into action. Cursing Gangseok, who had cornered her and gleefully stomped on her.

“Where are you going?”

“One ticket to Seoul, please. Quickly.”

After walking for a long time through the deserted, pitch-black dawn streets, she caught a passing taxi. Hyunseo moved downtown and went to the station to buy a train ticket. There were still about thirty minutes left until the first train.

Anxious, she went down to the platform first.

Despite staying up all night, she felt no fatigue at all. Cold wind constantly scratched at her cheeks. The fact that she didn’t feel cold suggested she was quite tense.

Soon, she heard signs of people. Each time people appeared one by one to catch the train, she quickly held her breath, wondering if it might be Gangseok. She desperately hid her trembling fingertips in her jacket pockets.

A few bills she could feel. Fortunately, yesterday happened to be payday.

It wasn’t much, but she’d covered the fare, so that was enough. What came after getting there was the problem.

Now what?

What should she do from now on, how should she live…

On the departing train, Hyunseo fell into thought. She didn’t even notice her forehead pressed against the window growing cold.

She slowly closed and opened her eyes. She stared blankly at the scenery passing by outside. Dawn hadn’t fully broken yet.

She’d been faintly smelling rain for a while now, and small droplets began falling intermittently from the dark blue sky—plip, plop—gradually wetting the window.

The emotions she’d been putting off came flooding in all at once. Liberation, guilt.

There was no need to ask which was stronger. As she let out a breath of relief, she wiped her blurring eyes with the back of her hand.

She’d done enough. No, she’d endured desperately to the point where she couldn’t do any more. So no one could say anything about it.

She didn’t want to care anymore. Because he’d never been like a father in the first place. 

Whether he lived or died, she wouldn’t care. Wherever she went, it would be better than this. Whatever she did to live, she’d be happier than until now.

…Could she, though? Could she really?

Hyunseo frowned. The word “happiness” that came to mind somehow didn’t resonate.

She didn’t understand what it meant. She was confused about whether she’d ever experienced it. Even the time Hyunseo had believed was happiness must have been suffering for her mother Yunok.

Thinking that way, Hyunseo truly felt like she knew nothing at all.

The eight years Yunok endured. She’d endured exactly the same number of years. So wasn’t that enough? 

Hyunseo comforted herself. Since no one else offered comfort, she felt she had to comfort herself.

She closed her eyes tightly. The lingering anxiety in a corner of her heart disturbed her sleep several more times after that.

Rattle rattle! 

Following the rapidly racing train, her heart beat precariously.