“Executive Director.”

“…”

“Um, Executive Director?”

A grating voice suddenly cut through his distant thoughts. When Gyeom looked up with furrowed brows, he saw the Marketing Division employees all staring at him.

“The report is finished.”

“Ah.”

“If you’re tired, perhaps you should rest a bit…”

General Manager Kang’s voice was cautious as he made the suggestion. Gyeom’s brows furrowed even deeper.

“No. Let’s continue.”

“Yes, then shall I explain it once more?”

The perceptive General Manager Kang readily volunteered to repeat the presentation, and Gyeom nodded as though he’d been waiting for it. Not a single employee dared complain about the doubled waste of time.

The lights in the conference room went out. Gyeom’s eyes, fixed on the video materials starting over from the beginning, were hollow and empty.

‘Nothing’s getting through.’ 

Even knowing it was pointless, he blinked.

He’d been like this the whole time. Gyeom couldn’t focus on work at all these days. 

He was clearly handling a broader range of tasks than anyone else, so outwardly everything seemed to run smoothly, but that wasn’t actually the case. Even checking a single document took far longer than before.

It irritated Gyeom immensely. 

‘Even when I suffered from chronic insomnia, it wasn’t this bad.’

‘Even with frequent business trips, returns, and back-to-back relay meetings, I never lost my pace and floundered like this.’ 

His mental strength had been strong enough to control even physical fatigue. So why.

‘Don’t come anymore. Please.’

…D*mn it.

The moment the dim room brightened, Gyeom cursed inwardly. He realized that during the entire screening of the lengthy materials, he’d been trapped solely in that memory from that day again.

General Manager Kang called out, “Executive Director.” Even knowing it was a request for feedback, Gyeom couldn’t easily speak. Saying he’d call them separately later was all he could manage right now.

“The CEO of Muchang Holdings is waiting. Time is tight, so you need to move right away…”

“Cancel it.”

“Pardon? But…”

“Secretary Gu.”

“Yes, Executive Director.”

“Do I look like I’m in any state to properly negotiate a contract right now?”

Secretary Gu closed his mouth with a troubled expression. The Gyeom before his eyes was definitely not normal.

“Postpone it for a few days. I’ll somehow pull myself together by then.”

“Understood. I’ll take care of it right away.”

After postponing not only the lunch appointment with the vendor but even the executive meeting scheduled for late afternoon, Gyeom entered his spacious office. His movements were particularly rough as he unbuttoned his jacket and pulled at his tie.

He walked to the window and put a cigarette in his mouth. 

‘Even cigarettes, which I reach for whenever I feel suffocated, I’ve never chain-smoked like this before.’

He inhaled deeply enough to hollow his cheeks around the white filter and looked down at the city spread below his feet. His gaze watching the soundless scene like a silent film was numb.

He tried forcing his surprisingly dulled mind to work. 

‘The tasks I need to handle are truly piled up like a mountain.’ 

Usually, frantically moving his body and busily working through tasks made idle thoughts disappear.

Gyeom had always pulled himself together that way until now, but this time it wasn’t working. 

‘It’s maddening.’

‘What’s the problem?’ he thought. No. ‘I know what it is, but I can’t find a solution.’ It was absurd.

‘It’s just bewildering. Was I always such a weak person? How did it come to this? When did it get this bad?’

‘I don’t think I can today. I’m sorry.’

“Do Hyunseo. That’s not it.”

The name he muttered unconsciously finally twisted his expression. His hideously cracked voice didn’t sound like his own.

Gyeom inhaled deeply from his cigarette. No matter how much acrid smoke he breathed in, his tightly blocked chest showed no signs of improving. 

He roughly stubbed out the cigarette he’d been about to inhale from again and shoved both hands into his suit pants pockets. 

‘I don’t like this.’ 

Even at a moment like this, d*mn time flowed on just fine.

‘Strictly speaking, barely a week has passed.’ 

But Gyeom grew increasingly tormented and anxious. 

‘The vague unease suffocates me.’

‘Because she was too detached.’ 

It grated on him endlessly how she didn’t care whether things ended or not. The thought that he might not be able to see Hyunseo again drove him crazy.

‘Because I hate it. Because I can’t accept that. Because I want to ignore her request and everything else entirely.’

He picked up the cigarette case again. The wound on the back of his hand that he glanced at carelessly was almost completely healed. Annoyed by that too, he furrowed his brows, tossed the cigarettes back down, and sat in his chair staring into empty space.

‘Yeah, honestly, I thought I’d be fine.’ 

He’d been confident that losing one mere woman wouldn’t affect him at all, but he’d crumbled in just one day.

Staying up all night with his eyes wide open, he thought only of Hyunseo. It wasn’t simply lustful thoughts. 

‘Did I realize what kind of existence she is to me?’

‘I just… felt at ease when I was with her.’ 

Of course, his body was uncomfortable with constant erections at all times, but everything about her comforted him. When he was with her, he felt himself finally becoming whole.

‘Because she accepts everything.’ 

He couldn’t help but like her, apologizing first without even knowing what she was sorry for.

‘Not for a single moment did she push me away.’ 

Even while crying, even while trembling in fear, she accepted him completely as he roughly ravaged her.

‘Would there be another woman like that? No, would any other woman even catch my eye now?’

‘I’m already conditioned beyond conditioning.’

‘I’m at the point where I could come just from Do Hyunseo’s scent alone.’

‘I, who never carelessly gave even light feelings to anyone.’

‘She’s the first woman I’ve ever held in my life. And now it seems like it has to be her or no one.’

“This is hard. Ha, f*ck…”

Gyeom twisted his lips and closed his eyes. He pressed down with all his might on the urge to run out right now.

‘It’s not particularly difficult. I just need to go and embrace her.’

‘But I can’t do that because I might make her cry again. The thought that she’d force herself to accept me when she doesn’t want to makes my blood boil.’

He eventually came up with the most realistic compromise. ‘After work, I can’t bear it unless I at least secretly watch her house.’

‘Actually, I’ve been going there for a few days now.’ 

Even catching a glimpse of her shadow was something to be grateful for. Staring at her darkened window, dawn would break before he knew it. 

There was no need to struggle to force sleep that wouldn’t come. 

‘I’m thinking only of her every moment anyway.’

He let out a quiet, hollow laugh. 

‘I’m really wondering again when it got this bad—my heart aches anew.’

He tilted his head back with a sigh. The phantom shimmering before his closed eyes didn’t disappear for a long time.

***

“Hyunseo, nosebleed!”

“Ah…”

Hyunseo quickly covered her nose. Assistant Manager Hwang looked at her pitifully as she hurriedly turned around.

‘I don’t even know how many times this has been.’ 

Assistant Manager Hwang, who’d resolved to seriously ask about her situation today, examined the documents he’d received. It wasn’t the first time finding typos and calculation errors unlike her.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Your body must be weak. Make sure to go to the hospital.”

“I will. Thank you.”

Deputy Manager Jeong, who’d run into her at the sink, shook off her hands and left the restroom, and Hyunseo lowered her head again to wipe under her nose. Her eyes watching the gradually fading blood water trembled violently.

The tingling tip of her nose bothered her, so she deliberately squeezed her nose hard. Fortunately, after confirming the blood had stopped, she wiped away the moisture with tissue. 

‘The woman in the mirror with a face pale beyond white was unfamiliar.’

‘Collapsing after barely pulling myself together was far too easy.’ 

What she hadn’t realized was that Gyeom existed at every point in her daily life.

‘He came to mind constantly, eyes open or closed.’ 

Because she saw him even in her dreams, she tried to stay awake, but in the end, even while getting nosebleeds, she thought of him. Like it was natural.

‘I’m too tired to go on. Find somewhere nearby to stay. Anywhere is fine.’

“Haah…”

Hyunseo, clutching the sink as she crouched down, weakly lowered her head. Her exhaled breath trembled finely.

‘It’s so vivid.’ 

The sensation of those large hands firmly gripping hers so she couldn’t run away, those eyes flashing darkly toward her, the soft lips and the hot, tickling breath—all frighteningly clear.

‘I don’t know. How much longer can I hold out?’

Unlike what she’d prepared for, she couldn’t stop her feelings that only grew larger day by day. The more she told herself it couldn’t be, the more fiercely she wanted him. Both body and heart.

‘Isn’t it ridiculous? Pushing him away because I didn’t want a relationship that was only physical, yet wanting him this desperately.’

She barely stood up and took a deep breath. 

‘I can’t force my lips to curve up no matter what.’

She thought. ‘I should be grateful I’m not collapsing.’ ‘I almost want to just do that. Though I can’t.’

“Seriously, what is it? Do you have some kind of worry?”

Assistant Manager Hwang, who’d been waiting in the hallway, grabbed Hyunseo as soon as she entered the break room.

“Honestly, tell me. You’ve been staying up all night lately, haven’t you?”

“…Well.”

“You’re not eating properly either, and you look around nervously every time you leave the office. Don’t tell me it’s because of Deputy Manager Han? You don’t want to run into him?”

Half right, half wrong. Hyunseo actually avoided even the company cafeteria in case she might run into Gyeom. During commutes too, she constantly looked around and around again. 

‘I’m scared of even seeing his back.’

“Assistant Manager.”

“Yeah, Hyunseo.”

“I appreciate your concern, but it’s not because of Deputy Manager Han.”

“He’s not bothering you or anything?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Then what is it? What truly is going on?”