Do It With Me Just Once - ✿ dusk blossoms ✿

But Bellington’s consideration went only that far.

Because the head of the house had lost consciousness and they weren’t mentally prepared to accept the child as a new family member, Rian still had to be neglected.

The mental illness had long since rendered the small child’s heart unusable.

“Oh my, young master. You don’t need to be frightened. Please calm down.”

So when the butler extended his wrinkled hand to comfort the crying Rian, it was inevitable that Rian would think of his grandfather’s hand.

⟨Shameful bastard, shamelessly born thing! You should die! I should die taking this thing with me!⟩

Rian, who remembered the corporal punishment that came with harsh curses and the pain that followed, trembled and crouched down.

“I did wrong. Don’t hit me.”

“Young master. Hit you? What……”

“It hurts. It hurts so much. Baron. I’m sorry. Please spare me.”

Baron. A sigh flowed from the butler’s mouth as he recalled that this was the child’s grandfather.

‘Baron Sult’s house abused the child.’

Rian’s grandfather, Baron Sult, was a knight who had achieved merit several times in monster subjugation forces, famous for wielding a greatsword as tall as a person using his overwhelming physique.

Since Rian’s birth mother had been the second young master’s wife, he had visited House Bellington several times. Everyone who saw him whispered ‘I’ve never seen such a big person in my life.’

But how brutally must that man have beaten his grandson for the child to be this frightened just by remembering?

The butler stepped back and waited for Rian to calm down. And when the sniffling subsided, he attempted conversation while maintaining distance.

“Lord Rian. Did you meet Lady Rania at the grand ducal residence?”

“Yes. I saw her just once. I didn’t talk to her on purpose, just……”

“I see. No, the young master did nothing wrong. Rather, it’s something to be proud of.”

“Why, why?”

For Rian, who opened his eyes wide with his tear-stained face, the butler continued his explanation with exaggeration.

“I heard that the Artua grand ducal house treasures Lady Rania so much that they plan to grant her an honorary position that’s only permitted to imperial family members. For such a remarkable person to propose friendship with young master Rian, isn’t that something?”

Rian didn’t understand all of the butler’s words, but pushed by the continued persuasion, he sat in front of the gifts.

‘Something strange will definitely come out.’

But what came out of the boxes were only expensive items that even surprised the butler.

“Look at this. This is also a very good pen. Better than the pen the master uses…… no, it’s as good as that pen. You can use it when studying writing from now on.”

Rian also opened his eyes wide in wonder at the gifts at first, but gradually became intimidated as only luxury items that didn’t suit him at all came out.

It couldn’t be helped since they were ‘show-off’ gifts prepared to curry favor with the grand ducal house, not originally prepared to comfort an eight-year-old child’s heart.

‘But the butler seems happy about it.’

Rian forced the corners of his mouth up and said ‘I’m happy’ every time gold-plated instruments or imported blankets came out of the boxes.

The butler felt both sorry for and proud of the child who tried to please him like this, so he pretended not to notice the clumsy acting.

“Now there’s one last one left. I set it aside separately because I thought it would be best to see it at the very end.”

The box he held out was definitely different from the others, starting with the wrapping. Did it contain something more expensive?

“It’s from Lady Rania of the grand ducal house.”

“What? Lady Rania sent this to me?”

The butler pushed a letter envelope in front of the surprised Rian. The crooked handwriting filling the letter was definitely a young child’s penmanship.

But Rian’s face turned bright red after checking the letter. Before the puzzled butler could ask first, Rian returned the letter with a face that didn’t know what to do from embarrassment.

“Butler. I can’t read this. These are letters I’ve never seen before……”

“Oh my. The young lady wrote the letter in ancient language.”

Rania’s letter was written in ancient language, which even adults found difficult to learn. There was no way Rian, who had just begun learning to read and write imperial language, could read it.

“I’ll read it for you.”

While the butler took out a magnifying glass from his pocket, Rian clenched his small fists tight. He was so nervous he felt like his body might explode.

“Dear Rian Bellington.”

Finally, the first line of the letter through the butler’s voice reached Rian.

When he recalled Rania’s bright and beautiful appearance like sunlight, it felt like she was reading the letter to him directly.

To dear Rian.

“I prepared a gift recalling our first meeting. Since I specially chose it, I believe you’ll surely like it too. What a confident person she is.”

“……”

“Oh, I’m sorry. What I said at the end wasn’t written there but my own muttering.”

“It’s okay. Please, continue. Please read from here. From here.”

Rian, who had forced smiles when looking at expensive gifts, was completely captivated by the single letter the girl had sent.

He couldn’t even wait for the butler to pause reading the letter to mutter to himself, and made a tearful face saying once wasn’t enough.

“Could you read it just one more time? Then I think I’ll be able to memorize it all. Since these are letters I don’t know yet, if I want to read it again later, I won’t be able to……”

He even pleaded for another reading, saying he would memorize the whole thing since he couldn’t read the letter.

Only after the butler promised to ‘write the letter content in imperial language tomorrow’ did Rian reach for the gift box that came with the letter.

“Wow……”

Rania’s gift was an animal doll wrapped in golden paper.

“Is this, uh, a puppy?”

“Let me take a look. Ah. It’s a deer.”

“But deer are white……”

“Since you lived much further north than here, you must have only seen white deer. Brown-furred deer like this are more common than white deer.”

The butler told Rian that the sparkling stones representing the deer’s eyes and nose, the soft fur, and even the golden paper were all expensive.

Rian examined the sparkling nose, two eyes, and soft fur in turn as the butler pointed them out. When he felt the round head, he could even touch very small antlers.

‘The deer has the same hair color as me. The eye color is similar too.’

Even though it resembled him, it wasn’t ugly at all but rather very lovable.

Unable to control his surging emotions, Rian hugged the doll tightly. Belatedly thinking the doll might get damaged, he loosened his arms, but fortunately the precious doll returned to its plump original form. Relieved, Rian smiled brightly.

It was his first bright smile since coming here, perhaps his first bright smile since he was born.

“Um, how should I convey my thanks for the gift?”

“Lady Rania said she sent it as an apology, so she won’t accept thanks in return. Instead, if you meet next time, you can tell her you were very happy.”

“Next time……”

That day, Rian couldn’t bear to touch the doll he received as a gift because it was too precious. Instead, he went to bed holding the rustling yellow wrapping paper.

Every time he moved around in the blanket, the paper rustled softly and comforted him. It sang him a lullaby instead of the whining wind sounds.

⟨Hello, Rian.⟩

So Rian could meet bright sunlight in his dreams, and the girl who called his name.

After that, Rian always dreamed of a girl warm like the sun in Bellington’s mansion where sunlight never entered.

***

Rania.

The brilliant sun of unreachable Artua. Always shining warm sunlight, the salvation that kept me alive.

I confess, I always longed for you. I wanted to reach you even if I had to crawl up an unclimbable cliff.

But I was afraid, so if I ever reached you, the happiness and relief you first taught me in childhood……

And love.

If I dared to speak my desperate and sordid yearning with my mouth, appeal with my eyes, and reveal it by reaching out my hand, it might disappear.

I was afraid your beautiful lips might open to condemn me, your jewel-like brilliant eyes might despise me, and you might turn your back on me while your sun-bright hair fluttered.

I had no choice but to endure with my mouth shut, eyes downcast, and hands clenched as if to tear my palms.

I rather wished to flee to a place where not a ray of light could be seen.

“Rania.”

If, someday.

If I become unsatisfied with your mercy and finally open my mouth to tell you. If I express it while meeting your eyes.

If I reach out my hand……

“Spread your legs. Properly.”

If I covet your red lips and try to burrow in seeking warmth.

“You started all of this. You shouldn’t have called me. When I, when young I didn’t even know what affection was, you.”

You can kill me.

Break my neck with your slender hands. Stab a blade and carve out my heart.

“You shouldn’t have made me love you.”