Chapter 4 – Merry Stern (Part 3)

The round table wasn’t large. With a candelabrum holding three candles, an empty wine bottle, two wine glasses, and dessert plates, there was hardly any empty space. Therefore, the man and woman sitting across from each other could see each other’s expressions in detail. Contemplating lips. Intriguing eyes. Hesitant eyelashes.

“When did you start writing?”

Bryant lightly changed the subject. Evelyn willingly responded.

“I think it was around when I was fifteen. They were terrible first drafts, though.”

“Did you write those kinds of novels back then?”

“By ‘those kinds of novels,’ do you mean novels where people are killed?”

He chuckled when she asked back. Evelyn answered while touching her wine glass.

“No, not back then. When I was younger, I wrote prettier stories.”

“Certainly, that would suit you more. Compared to novels where people are killed.”

“Because I’m a woman?”

“To be honest, as someone who has met many novelists, you don’t seem like someone who could depict madness so vividly.”

She did not reply immediately. She quietly looked down at the wine in the round, transparent glass.

“Have you ever imagined killing someone?”

He asked in an extremely calm tone.

“Hasn’t everyone imagined such a thing?”

She asked back, her eyes lowered.

There was no answer. But Evelyn knew he was looking at her, observing her with calm eyes. So she continued speaking while keeping her gaze on the wine glass.

“Everyone harbors a monster in some corner of their heart.”

Dark red wine. Bright red. Is my heart, pounding heavily right now, this color too?

“…I am no different.”

As she spoke, Evelyn lifted her lowered eyes. She locked eyes with the man who had been looking at her. Shadows from the candlelight deepened the contours of his face. His pupils were dilated, making his eyes appear almost black.

“I’m curious.”

Bryant said, staring at her with those eyes.

“What kind of monster is inside you?”

For a moment, the conversation paused. The man and woman sitting across from each other only looked into each other’s eyes. Just then, the string quartet’s performance ended, and the music in the hall ceased. The people filling the hall continued to laugh and chatter joyously. Evelyn heard none of it.

*

…When I recall that day, I can only describe it as strange. Everything was perfect, like a well-staged play. The pale moonlight shone on his blond hair, catching her eye. The heat of their gazes on each other was clearly conveyed. The scent of apple blossoms that drifted in at just the right moment made her unable to bear it.

Perhaps everything was simply because the moonlight was too bright.

From <Blooming Mansion> “Chapter 4. When I Kissed the Angel”

*

The decisive reason the two got up from the dinner table was that the wine had run out. When Evelyn finished her third glass, Bryant asked if she wanted more wine, and when she declined, the atmosphere between them began to grow slightly awkward. Since they had finished their meal and drinks, there was no reason to remain seated, yet neither rose easily, causing the mood to become awkward.

The woman was the first to suggest an appropriate alternative.

“Can we visit the foredeck?”

Was it a bit sudden? 

Evelyn added to the man who was looking at her blankly.

“If it’s not too late, I’d like to go. Of course, if it’s possible.”

She already knew it was possible. The maid had said they could go there at any time of day. As expected, Bryant nodded willingly.

“Of course. Let’s go.”

And so, the two left the banquet hall. Most of the first-class passengers were still enjoying the first night of their journey. Bryant, as thoughtfully as when they entered, escorted her out of the hall.

“It feels strange.”

“What does?”

“The fact that we’re on a ship.”

As she spoke, she lifted her chin to look at the ceiling’s patterns. No matter how much she looked, it didn’t resemble a ship. It might as well have been a newly built mansion by a nouveau riche.

“It doesn’t feel real. The fact that we’re floating in the middle of the sea and heading toward our destination.”

Evelyn didn’t hide her admiration. The man walking beside her readily agreed.

“Certainly, when indoors, it feels that way.”

“Isn’t it amazing? They say the passenger capacity is over a thousand, and including the crew, it’s much more.”

“They say it’s a culmination of Trissen’s shipbuilding technology. It’s a technologically advanced country.”

“Aren’t you amazed, Mr. Clifton? That such a big and heavy ship floats on water.”

Evelyn asked while turning her head. She met the eyes of the man looking at her. There was a slight smile in his eyes, making her add with a sheepish smile.

“I know there are scientific principles like buoyancy and propulsion, but it’s still amazing. You might find it silly.”

“Not at all. Understanding a phenomenon and experiencing it are different. Reason and emotion are separate.”

It was a clear answer. Understanding and experiencing. Reason and emotion. Evelyn liked the words he chose.

“I fully understand as well.”

The long, straight corridor was empty. There were no people or obstacles. The two walking side by side soon reached the ship’s bow.

“If you go out here, it’s the deck.”

Bryant stopped walking in front of the door leading to the deck. As he gently withdrew the right arm he had offered to the woman,

“Just a moment.”

He asked for her understanding before taking off his evening coat.

Evelyn neither declined nor stopped him. She stood still, allowing the man to drape his coat over her shoulders. She let his body heat and scent envelop her. The man’s coat covered her hips and thighs, down to her calves below her knees.

“Let’s go.”

Bryant, who had put the coat on her, immediately opened the door. The outside air was not as cold as she had anticipated. There was no overpowering smell of salt, nor did a harsh wind ruffle her clothes. Contrary to her expectations, the night sea was calm and silent.

“It’s not as cold as I thought.”

“It’s still quite chilly, though. Since we’re heading south, it’ll definitely be warmer by tomorrow afternoon.”

There was no one on the dark deck. Soft lights intermittently illuminated the bow of the cruising ship. However, they weren’t enough to overshadow the particularly bright moonlight.

Evelyn tilted her head back to look at the sky. She inhaled at the sight of stars scattered like white sand. And the pure white moon. Her gaze was naturally drawn to the coin-sized moon. It wasn’t yet a full moon, but it was incredibly bright. Perhaps it appeared so because the surroundings were so dark. In profound darkness, even a very faint light stands out brightly.

Profound darkness. Dense darkness. As she quietly watched, she suddenly felt breathless.

Evelyn lowered her head to look at the sea. She stared into the darkness where no boundaries were visible. The night sea had no beginning or end, offering no sense of distance. An overwhelming feeling that it might never end. 

Is this what it would feel like to fall into the bottomless pit of hell?

However, fortunately, she knew the future. She knew that the sun would rise again tomorrow morning and that they would reach their destination before sunset the next day. Issen. A place with white castles, blue seas, and dazzling sunshine

The city where she first set foot as a writer.

When she first got her position as a governess after finishing boarding school, she was eighteen. At twenty, determined to become a writer, she moved to Issen and published three novels there over three years. She didn’t gain significant attention, but she was confident she would eventually. She was certain that one day, she would write stories read by many people.

Now, three years later, twenty-six-year-old Evelyn is returning to Issen. She has been invited to the palace as a successful writer. She will discuss her work with the Empress, who is her reader. The story of Evelyn Dale, the novelist, will have a happy ending.

A happy ending. A perfect conclusion. As she heads toward such a certain future, why does her body keep tensing and her heart stirring?

“Do you usually decide the ending in advance?”

The man’s low voice resonated. Evelyn stopped her thoughts and turned her head. As always, Bryant stood to her left, within reach. 

Decide the ending in advance? 

Hesitating at the unexpected question, he looked at her. A gaze gently looking down.

“They say there are two types of novelists. Those who decide the ending in advance and those who don’t.”

Ah, the ending of a novel. 

Facing the man’s face, she let out a slight chuckle.

“I tend to decide in advance. Although often, as I write, the story goes in unexpected directions, actually, it always does, but I still stick to the ending I initially planned.”

“In your works, the protagonist always ends up unhappy. So it was decided from the beginning.”

“Being happy isn’t the only good ending. I think it’s a good ending if it can move the reader, even if the protagonist becomes unhappy. Just because a story doesn’t end happily doesn’t mean the reader’s life becomes unhappy.”

“I see.”

Bryant nodded. Even after hearing her answer, he didn’t avert his gaze. He lingered, loosely yet persistently, on her eyes. Meeting his gaze, Evelyn thought this moment felt like a scene from a novel. A story about a man and a woman. A story with a predetermined ending. A story with a bitter ending that was clearly not a happy one.

But even such an ending could be good enough. No ending could make the reader unhappy. A novel is just a novel. It’s merely a fantasy that disappears once the book is closed.

“Have you ever seen the sunset from here?”

So Evelyn could be a bit more daring.

“Sunsets on the bow deck are said to be beautiful. If I had known, I would have gone out earlier, but I was busy organizing the cabin and didn’t think of it.”

She didn’t avoid the man’s eyes, which were fixed on her.

“Would you like to watch it together tomorrow?”

She hid a clumsy temptation within her innocent suggestion, hoping this experienced and skilled man would see through her intentions. Somehow, Evelyn felt she could be very brave tonight. So she boldly reached out her hand, not even knowing exactly what she wanted.

“Sounds good.”

Bryant answered with a smile. Light poured down on his face from above. Was it moonlight? Or a lantern? No, what did it matter what kind of light it was?

“Let’s watch it together. Tomorrow.”

The man said. Evelyn met his gaze as he looked down at her. His eyes, filled with light, became transparent. The bright gray eyes, with their small pupils, appeared very fierce. They even displayed aggression, like the eyes of a hungry beast. She was suddenly frightened by those unfamiliar eyes, but Evelyn murmured to herself once more.

A novel is just a novel. A story in a fantasy that disappears once the book is closed.