I don’t remember the journey back to the castle. All I recall is trying to open my blurry eyes amidst the jolting of the carriage.

In my hazy consciousness, I dreamed.

The young child’s hair was glossy black. Golden eyes shone brilliantly in the sunlight.

The child runs around the garden. It’s midsummer, and water sprays from a familiar fountain. A rainbow forms along the stream of water.

The playing child falls. The child’s older brother helps him up. Watching this scene, the children’s mother smiles. Her beautiful silver hair sways slightly with the subtle trembling.

In the blink of an eye, the child grows into an adult. The man swings his sword. Following its direction, flames rise with a whoosh. Behind him, the man’s younger sister claps. The older brother ruffles the man’s hair vigorously, proud of him. The children’s parents are delighted watching their siblings.

In winter, the family welcomes the new year inside the mansion. The parents and three siblings looked very joyful and happy. Outside, it starts to snow. The man opens the window and reaches out his hand. The snow falls on his hand, and also on the camellia flowers blooming in the yard, covering the world in white.

As that snow melted into water and spring approached, I woke up.

The tears that had followed me from the dream trickled down my temple.

Rolling my eyes to check my surroundings, I realized I was in my bedroom. The fireplace crackled, burning wood and warming the room.

“My lady! Are you conscious?”

Macy, who had just entered the room, noticed I was awake and hurried over.

“How long has it been?”

“It’s been two full days since you returned.”

“What about Kendrick?”

“He’s fine. He’s been waiting with us for you to wake up.”

I was relieved he was safe. Although the problem was resolved in the end, he could have been harmed along with me if things had gone wrong.

“Please call him.”

Soon, Kendrick arrived. He had bandages in several places but didn’t seem to have difficulty moving.

He said,

“My lady, I’m truly glad you’re safe.”

“And you as well.”

“I’ll contact His Grace to return quickly. I must inform him that you’ve been severely injured……”

I mustered my strength to shake my head.

“No, that’s not necessary.”

Each word I uttered felt like it was tearing my throat. But I couldn’t stop.

“Send another messenger bird. Tell him…… the problem has been resolved, so he shouldn’t worry.”

“My lady!”

“Just write that.”

When I insisted strongly, Kendrick had no choice but to agree.

He left the room. Then a doctor came to check my condition, and Macy changed my wet towel.

After a round of people coming and going, I was alone again.

I thought while mentally tracing the flower pattern on the ceiling:

If I say I’m sick, will he hurry back? He didn’t do that before, but this time… Last time, I was sick at the mansion, so he was naturally by my side, but now the situation was different. Unless I deliberately changed the subject, he couldn’t return to my side.

I was afraid because I didn’t know what decision Rashid would make.

Somehow, I felt my heart would be heavy whether he came or not. I didn’t want him to waste time because of me, but I also didn’t like being left alone.

‘I really dislike too many things.’

I dislike that Natalie regrets giving birth to Rashid, and that he suffers from being abandoned by his family.

I also dislike the fact that this world is inside a novel, that I, as a reader who has read the novel, know all the fates of this world, and that I should have remained as just a symbol from the previous chapter.

And finally, the predetermined future where Rashid is destined to love Priscilla, and I must disappear from his life.

A bitter laugh escaped me without realizing it. There was one thing I longed for, erasing all these disliked feelings. There was one fact that shone alone brilliantly in this indescribable whirlpool.

Rashid.

I want to see you.

* * *

While waiting for Rashid to return from his inspection, I recuperated.

The doctor examined me every day, and Macy and Anna applied medicine to my wounded back and shoulders.

When the cold ointment touched my skin, it stung as if my flesh was being torn again, and I gritted my teeth to suppress my groans. The young maids would sniffle, pitying their lady.

Days passed, and more days passed.

As time flowed, the torn flesh began to heal bit by bit. The doctor removed the stitches and examined the sutured areas.

“There will likely be scars left even after it’s fully healed, my lady.”

The doctor bowed his head apologetically. For a wound of this severity, it would be a miracle if there were no scars. It was clear that his medical skills had been the best possible.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt, it’s fine. Will there be any other aftereffects?”

“Since the bones weren’t damaged, there shouldn’t be. Fortunately, only the flesh was injured.”

“That’s good enough. You’ve worked hard. Thank you so much.”

I expressed my gratitude sincerely. The doctor nodded his head with a slightly embarrassed face in response to my thanks.

Although I was gradually recovering, my body was still far from well. As the stinging pain subsided and the torn skin began to knit together, I started knitting. Like embroidery, this wasn’t really a hobby that suited my temperament.

But it was winter, and this was Camelli, not Granrose, and I was confined to limited movement.

Unable to go boating, host tea parties, or enjoy sledding and ice fishing, the situation allowed me very few hobbies, and knitting was one of them.

As I got into the habit and kept at it, it became somewhat enjoyable in its own way.

I brought yarn and knitted scarves little by little. The result produced by the intertwining of needles and thread made me feel quite satisfied. I also quite liked how time flowed well when I focused quietly.

Around the time I finished knitting my third scarf, the new year arrived. With the master of the castle absent and the mistress bedridden, the castle welcomed the new year quietly.

Camellia flowers bloomed in the garden according to the season. The flowers blooming red amidst the white snow-covered landscape were incredibly beautiful.

‘It’s like a flame.’

I felt like I understood why Rashid possessed the ability of fire.

After the camellia flowers bloomed, I made time to visit the garden. Macy worried that it was cold, but the doctor took my side, saying that moving around a little was actually good for me.

I walked slowly along the path densely lined with numerous camellia trees. It was quite enjoyable to watch the soft, furry winter birds perched on dry branches pecking at red berries, or to see the long icicles hanging under the pavilion.

Time flowed quietly like that, and during that time, I thought of Rashid. What would I say when he returned? As I practiced alone every day and wrote down what I would say in advance, the days continued to grow colder.

* * *

Rashid returned only in the dead of winter. He and his army left countless footprints in the snow-white world. Because of that, the snow field melted, making it seem as if spring had suddenly arrived.

I stood at the very front to welcome him, just as I had when seeing him off. My wounds had healed and the scars were hidden by clothes, so my appearance wasn’t much different from before. Behind me, all the vassals and servants of the castle stood in line, waiting for their master, just the same.

From beyond the wide-open castle gates, the procession led by him gradually approached.

As the long wait finally came to an end, I felt nervous and tense for some reason. As the distance grew closer, the sound of my heartbeat grew louder. The figure that had looked like a mere dot gradually became clearer, soon taking on the form I knew.

Rashid looked exactly the same as before he left. Despite having gone through a not-so-short journey, his face was still flawless without a single scratch, and his attire was neat. It was as if nothing in the world could ruffle him—a perfectly orderly appearance.

My gaze flowed from his face down to his shoulders and then to his chest. Between the gaps of his black uniform and red banner, the amber brooch alone stood out with its incongruous color.

Rashid, who had come within arm’s reach, dismounted from his horse.

“Alisa.”

The first thing he uttered was my name. I curtsied slightly to show respect.

“I’m glad you’ve returned safely.”

It was a standard greeting.

“We’re glad you’ve returned, Your Grace.”

“Your Grace!”

Following my words, greetings echoed from behind me like a round song.

Rashid strode over and stared down at me for a moment. I met his gaze with a formal smile.  

He slowly cupped my face. It was a careful touch.

“Your cheeks are cold.”

Perhaps from standing in the cold place for a long time, there was a faint chill on my skin. Only where his hand touched became infused with warmth, regaining life alone like a field bathed in sunlight.

Rashid raised his hand to dismiss the soldiers and servants. The staff would busily move to feed and house the soldiers. Those who had places to return to would head to where they needed to go.