Chapter 2.2

The way home felt like escaping an endless maze.

Rian knew that when men and women shared a bed, a child could be conceived. Whenever Kaiden released inside her without hesitation, a faint anxiety and strange anticipation crossed her mind.

A child might be born.

He liked savoring the climax while staying deep inside her. Every night, not just at night, he would fill her with his essence before letting her go.

But thoughts of pregnancy were just a vague feeling, like looking into a fog.

Rian was barely starting her first love. The three months she spent with her beloved flew by in the blink of an eye, and the reality that such a fleeting moment could lead to a life-changing event was not something a passionate novice could grasp.

Sometimes, she thought, how wonderful and happy it would be to have a child resembling him. It was one of the fleeting thoughts that crossed her mind as she watched his traces flow between her legs after their lovemaking.

Pregnancy itself was a blessing.

Especially nobles considered even illegitimate children as valuable assets.

However, for an unmarried common woman, it could be a burden, but Ferindale wasn’t cruel enough to stone a woman who decided to have and raise a child alone. The villagers would all help to care for the child.

But already two months… Perhaps the child was conceived the first night they spent together.

How quickly, how easily a child could be conceived….

“What should I say?”

Rian wrapped her arms around her shoulders, feeling the chill seep in.

What if he suddenly changes because he’s pressured to marry due to a pregnant lover? Or what if he casually tells her to send the child to the royal capital after it grows, just like he indifferently announced his departure?

She already felt attached to the child and placed her hands on her belly.

If it’s a son, he’ll surely be taken away. Nobles protected even illegitimate children as valuable assets. Moreover, Kaiden was a capable knight in the royal capital, so the more sons to inherit his talent and connections, the better.

If Kaiden demanded the child, Rian would have no choice but to give it up. No judge would side with a common mother over a knight father.

“Rian! Where have you been in this cold? I was so worried when I found the house empty.”

Kaiden ran out to greet her as she approached her house. Her heart fluttered at the affection in his pale face, touched by the cold air.

His possessiveness, which he subtly showed her, might also extend to a child bearing his blood.

“I went to buy cold medicine… I went to the market. It’s almost the changing season.”

Should I secretly run away? Before he finds out. 

Wild fantasies swirled in her mind.

“Why didn’t you ask me to run errands? Did you go all the way there alone in the cold?”

His strong embrace melted the chill, wrapping her warmly.

Ah, I don’t want to lose this gentle embrace….

“I’m sorry. You must be cold too. Let’s go inside quickly.”

A country girl had no way to capture a royal knight. It was a foolish desire. She had never heard of a noble marrying just because they had an illegitimate child.

Yet, she didn’t want to be the one to abandon him, who stayed by her side with devoted affection.

“Look, Rian. Your hands are still frozen.”

“Stop scolding me, Sir.”

“Do you find it funny?”

…Kaiden. I’ve become happier since meeting you. I want to be with you like today for one more day. And I want to give birth to our child and cherish it. Just like now, I want to live happily with a child resembling you. Like my father raised me and became each other’s happiness.

When Rian sat on the living room sofa after organizing the groceries, Kaiden, who had tidied the bedding, took her fingers into his warm mouth and sucked them. She quickly hid her hands in her arms, defensively curling up.

“I, I want to sleep early today. I’m tired.”

As she avoided his gaze with a flushed face, he looked at her with dark eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“…What about dinner? Your belly is flat. You’ll be hungry if you sleep now. Did you eat before you went out?”

“Mm, stop…”

Rian felt relieved at his comment about her flat belly and closed her legs. He clung to her legs like a beggar pleading with a noblewoman.

“Let me hold you a little…. I’ll put you to bed early, Rian. Let me, please?”

And she still felt joy at his desire and pleading.

“…Don’t go too deep.”

Yet, the child inside her felt so precious that even the pleasure of their passionate love-making made her cautious.

It would be a very beautiful and lovely child.

Rian embraced her belly and imagined the chubby face of the child.

Even if the child had red hair like the mother, or silver hair like the father, it would be fine. However, if they inherited his amber eyes, it might be a bit dangerous. It’s not a common color, and there wasn’t a single person in Ferindale with noble golden eyes like Kaiden.

Someday, if Kaiden happened to pass through this village and unexpectedly encountered the child, he might recognize the child as his own….

Is it a wicked thought? Surely, he would be a good father. Is it right to take the father away because of my selfishness?

But no. I can’t let the child be taken away. It’s already painful to let him go; I can’t send the child away too.

Rian lay flat, trembling with anxiety like a herbivore hiding in a storm.

* * *

On a Sunday, after hearing from the elderly priest at Ferindale Church that yellow adonis flowers had bloomed by the stream, Kaiden joined the village youths who ran there quickly. The priest scolded them, asking who told them to see the flowers and why they picked them all. Each youth held a single flower in hand, turning back with drooped shoulders.

“The round petals look like Rian’s face.”

Kaiden had claimed the prettiest flower. His smile lingered on his lips. On the way to her house, he noticed plum tree branches with pink buds and thought he should bring Rian to see them.

Spring had already approached one step ahead.

It was a pity that ice fishing was no longer possible. The time to leave the beloved small village was even more regrettable.

He had to leave now.

A sigh escaped.

“…Take it, Rian.”

Kaiden hid his troubled thoughts and smiled at her.

“Isn’t it pretty? It resembles you.”

Rian silently accepted the flower and inhaled its subtle fragrance. She nodded, blushing shyly.

Her expression seemed like a forced smile, and Kaiden felt his heart tighten.

He had to leave now.

“…Please, don’t be upset and listen, Rian.”

So Kaiden straightened his shoulders, stiffened by fear, and cleared his dry throat.

He had to speak before it was too late. He needed to organize the emotions that had surged like fallen leaves in a winter whirlwind and tell her before it was too late.

“Rian.”

Even if recently she noticeably avoided him. Even if she spoke less, and on nights of love, showed reluctance to embrace him fully.

“I plan to leave next week.”

“Oh…”

The passion he had built and pushed without permission from the start. He couldn’t continue forcing their relationship into her like this.

“But…”

Even if he barely managed to push himself inside her, she still seemed to enjoy it, leaving no doubt.

She still wrapped her arms around him, sweetly moaning at his warmth, kisses, and movements.

“Won’t you come with me?”

Kaiden summoned courage, listening to his heart pounding like a drum.

“I know leaving your hometown isn’t easy. But if you come with me, I’ll appoint a caretaker for this house to look after it well. And…”

As he stole her slightly parted lips, he suppressed the violent impulse to draw consent from physical need.

“The royal capital is a livable place. It’s colder than Ferindale, but if you agree, we’ll leave in spring, so it won’t be too difficult.”

How mild and fulfilling Ferindale’s winter had been with a small woman by his side.

Her shy voice whispering ‘darling’ amidst the intense pleasure of their lovemaking had propelled Kaiden’s heart far into the future.

In that moment, he had imagined having many children with Rian and raising their children’s children, feeling his heart burst with happiness.

But what woman would easily agree to leave her hometown for a stranger?

Would she easily promise a lifetime with a man who intruded like an uninvited guest into the perfect daily life of a peaceful and beautiful village?

They say women urge marriage when they love, but Rian never showed such signs.

Instead, she only asked when he would return to the royal capital, as if their separation was naturally expected.

“If you want, we can take the goats, and if you don’t like mingling with strangers, we can bring Pin and his wife. They often say they want to live in the royal capital, so they might gladly travel with us. I’ll arrange everything you need there. Anything you want.”

Kaiden swallowed, unable to tear his gaze from Rian’s mouth, which aroused thirst just by looking.

“Are you asking me to live with you at your house?”

Finally, she moved her frozen lips.

“Are you asking me to…”

Her beautiful eyes trembled pitifully, as if shocked by his excessive request.

“No. That’s not it.”