The next day, Cade unexpectedly came to find me.

“I heard from Arthur yesterday…”

Cade bowed his head deeply, his expression uncharacteristically serious.

“Thank you for persuading the prince, Duchess.”

A chill ran down my spine, and I rubbed my arms.

“Why are you being so formal all of a sudden? Just act as you normally would.”

“I refrained from formality all this time as a way to express familiarity…”

“And to other nobles?”

“That’s different with them.”

But he always seemed the same. I couldn’t hide my surprise. Cade hesitated, looking a bit embarrassed.

“I feel nothing but gratitude and regret toward you.”

He glanced at me nervously and then spoke.

“May I sit down?”

I was too taken aback to respond. Cade, looking a bit deflated, asked again.

“Should I kneel instead?”

“Please, sit.”

As soon as Cade sat across from me, Celia, sensing the moment, served tea herself. I let out a sigh as I sat across from the couple. Celia flinched, then nudged Cade in the side.

“I really am sorry, to you. But…”

“An apology is unnecessary. All I ask now is that you allow me a divorce.”

“…”

“Were you hoping to persuade me?”

Cade lowered his head, his face heavy. Watching the two, looking like wrongdoers, I felt something strange. These were the most noble people in the empire, the protagonists of a novel I had once admired, yet they just looked like ordinary people.

“I thought Her Majesty the Empress understood my feelings. Was I mistaken?”

Celia jumped in, startled.

“Of course I understand, Olivia. I do understand, but…”

“…”

“This person… well, Your Majesty, please, say something.”

The tablecloth trembled as if Celia had kicked Cade under the table.

“I’m on Ian’s side.”

Cade hurriedly spoke, seeming like he had blurted out the first thing that came to mind, which likely wasn’t what he had intended. Closing his eyes tightly, Cade continued.

“Which means, I can’t allow the divorce. He seems eager to grant you whatever you want, but it’s clear he’d regret it later—how could I, as a friend, let that happen?”

“Is that really the only reason?”

“Well, no, it’s not just that. The public and the nobles would both raise an outcry if I allowed it. If I did, I’d not only be condemned, but Ian would be cast as the villain instantly. Can’t you endure a little longer? You’ve become too famous, you know. Didn’t you anticipate this reaction after captivating the whole empire?”

I gave a small, bitter smile.

“If I were to die, it would all be forgotten.”

Seeing Cade turn to stone, I continued calmly.

“If Your Majesty were to grant me a grand funeral, people would speak of your boundless grace. But it won’t be long anyway. I know my body.”

My heart is like a broken vessel, leaking magic without being replenished. Once the magic sustaining my life is fully depleted, I will die. Eloise’s spell merely sealed the cracks, but each time the vessel sustains damage, I inch closer to death.

I collapse more frequently, and I regain consciousness more quickly each time. The quicker my energy stabilizes after each fainting spell suggests that I’m running low on magic altogether.

I read every available book on magic, and they all led to the same conclusion: if I don’t awaken, I’ll die. But I have no grand wish. In a world where I can’t even get a divorce as I wish, what else could I desire?

“After the divorce, I’ll reveal it was I who requested it. If I am no longer the Duchess, I’ll be free to pursue other things. The more people wonder about me, the easier it will be to explain. If that’s still not enough, I’ll leave a will. Or perhaps Your Majesty could hire someone to transcribe my memoirs?”

“Can’t you simply pass away as the Duchess?”

“Cade!”

Celia cried out in a near-scream, but Cade ignored her, reproaching me.

“If that’s the case, why didn’t you accept the marriage contract from the start? When Ian offered to divorce in three years, you should’ve agreed then. When he brought up divorce time and again, you rejected it, and now, why?”

“Because I couldn’t trust him.”

I responded coldly.

“I couldn’t trust his promise to provide for me after the divorce. Throughout history, women who divorced met tragic ends.

People’s minds can change overnight, and how could I put faith in a secret contract with no legal standing? Even if it were notarized, someone as powerful as Your Majesty could easily dismiss it, just as you annulled our divorce as if it never happened. Ian, wielding such authority, could erase all promises with a whim.”

That’s the difference between me and the heroines of novels. The heroines trust their partner and willingly enter marriage contracts from the outset, but I was too skeptical to trust Ian. I believed that marriage, as an institution and tradition, would protect me more than his promises. And I thought I was right. This world doesn’t allow even someone as powerful as Ian to get divorced without a compelling reason.

Cade looked at me as if he were seeing something foreign, as if he hadn’t expected me to say such things. I understood. He must be wondering how Ian came to love a woman as calculating and distrustful as I am. Honestly, I wondered about it, too.

“So then, why now…”

Swallowing a sigh, I stared down at my teacup and spoke quietly.

“Because now, I believe in him.”

Cade’s shoulders slumped as if all his strength had left him, and he let out a long sigh.

“Even so, I can’t allow it.”

“Your Majesty.”

“I know Ian well. That man wants you to die in his arms.”

It was fortunate I’d taken my medicine earlier. Just thinking about Ian in such a conversation weakened me. Cade fell silent for a moment before continuing.

“Forgive me, but I am the Emperor. At such a critical time, I can’t sit by and watch such a scandal unfold. Ian is one of the few loyal people I have left. In fact, he’s my only asset. He’s already shaken because of you, and you’ve seen for yourself the dangers I face—the constant assassinations, the threats to my throne. I can’t let him fall apart, too.”

Cade was trying to persuade me, whether as Ian’s friend or as the Emperor. With a trembling voice, he continued.

“Ian boasts about you a lot. He says you understand our plans. And he even mentioned that some of the new policies we’re discussing were your ideas. Can’t you see Ian not as a husband, but as a political partner? Maybe he’s not much of a man, but he’s quite good as a friend.”

I sighed again. Cade looked anxious and uneasy, but he never stopped speaking.

“I know you’re a politician. Not just any noble lady—you have the qualifications of a true ruler. From what I’ve learned, you were the true heir of Hershey and effectively ruled Keppel. That’s not just supporting your husband; you chose that path. No one does all of that unwillingly. You did it because you wanted to.”

I was genuinely surprised. I hadn’t expected Cade to know that much.

“Let’s talk politician to politician. When you say you support Ian’s policies, isn’t that the same as saying you support me? We’re almost there. The end is in sight. This long struggle that started in the former emperor’s time is finally close to being over.”

People call Cade a tyrant, but in truth, he is close to achieving a successful centralization of power. He’s endured countless threats and has kept pushing forward.

Cade’s goal is to strip the nobles of their power so they can no longer freely draft or exploit the people, and it’s true that I support him in this. But…

“Once we complete this system, the people’s lives will stabilize, and a golden age may not be far off. I know Ian made great strides because you helped him. So, though it’s a shameless request, could you stay with him until the end?”

Suddenly, Cade rose from his seat and knelt before me.

“Your Majesty.”

“I truly feel ashamed. But forgive me for being unable to do anything else—for Ian’s sake and for the people’s.”

His cry was so desperate it seemed he might cough up blood. Silia, too, rose quietly and knelt beside him. I realized then that Cade, as long as he could lean on noble intentions, would never relent. It was always me who had to endure and surrender. I sighed and spoke.

“Please, stand up.”

“Does that mean you understand?”

“I understand that Your Majesty has no intention of permitting the divorce.”

“So, you do understand? Right?”

I stood up quietly.

“Lady Keppel?”

Cade rose awkwardly and looked at me, but without a word, I left the palace. Outside, it was raining. Though it wasn’t yet the rainy season, the drops were already thick. As I stood in front of the palace gates, I saw a familiar face I had been yearning for. It was Ian.

“You could have taken a carriage.”

“I just wanted to get here quickly…”

“Now you’re all soaked.”

As the emperor’s attendant handed Ian’s valet an umbrella and Phillip brought the palace carriage around, Ian and I stood in silence, watching the rain. The empty palace square, devoid of people, looked tranquil in the downpour.

“There is a way.”

“…”

“A way even the Emperor cannot interfere with…”

Was he talking about an annulment case, as my mother had mentioned? I laughed softly. With my face wet from the rain, it felt almost as if I were crying. He spoke softly.

“If you could just wait until spring next year, I’ll surely…”

“Ian.”

“…”

“I believe in you.”

But he looked as though he couldn’t believe that I believed in him. I smiled again. I’m someone undeserving of love, yet I wanted to tell him now that I finally trusted him.

“Let’s go home.”

Leaning against the carriage window, I thought to myself. I’ll prepare for my death. I’ll do my best, but one thing—I’ll take this feeling to the grave.

After all, they say first loves never work out. I want to be his first love that didn’t last. Rather than leave him with only despair, I’d prefer that one day, when he finds new love, raises children, and reflects on his life, he might remember me as that unkind woman, and that would be enough.