Chapter 15 – I’m Nothing

“What should I do?”

“It’s alright, My Lady. Just stay still.”

I wanted to cling to Jane and beg her not to leave, but before I could gather my thoughts, there was a knock at the door. Unable to respond, I just stared at the door. Jane cautiously approached and opened it. Ian entered the room, and Jane quickly shut the door and left.

Leaving the two of us alone.

“…”

Ian, who had come to talk, remained silent for a while. I couldn’t bring myself to stand up, nor did I remember to offer him a seat. I just stared at him. Finally, he spoke, looking at my wet hair.

“Your hair is wet.”

Awkwardly, I grabbed the towel Jane had left.

“Yes, I was in the middle of drying it.”

As I gathered my wet hair to dry it, Ian suddenly looked away. I slowly lowered my arms, suddenly remembering the nightgown I was wearing. It was modest if I stayed still, but it turned see-through with the slightest movement. Ian, still avoiding my gaze, started to speak.

“I’m sorry for coming so late. It’s important. I meant to talk about this at the hotel that day, but you left angrily before I could.”

The hotel… Does he mean when he brought Isabella? I felt my pounding heart calm slightly.

“You probably thought I was using Isabella, but… that’s not it.”

What on earth is he trying to say? My heart, which had been calming, felt like it was freezing. If he wasn’t using Isabella, does that mean he truly cared for her? I wanted to look into Ian’s eyes, but he still wasn’t looking at me.

“Isabella is…”

Before Ian could finish, a commotion erupted outside. Someone seemed to be shouting in the lobby, and then a knock was followed by John’s voice, Ian’s valet.

“Your Grace, someone from the palace is here. They’ve ordered you to come immediately. And the Empress… the Empress has collapsed…”

Ian sighed heavily.

“I’ll talk to you when I return. Don’t leave the house today.”

With that, Ian left the room, sounding all business. I was left alone. I sat there in a daze until I noticed Jane hovering hesitantly at the door. Forcing a smile, I called out.

“Jane, dry my hair.”

“Yes, My Lady…”

Jane quietly dried my hair. Drops of water fell onto my shoulders. The cold drops were definitely from my hair, but the warm ones? Today had been so exhausting that all I wanted was to lie down.

As my body felt heavy like a soaked sponge, I couldn’t fall asleep. I felt uneasy. After tossing and turning for a while, I noticed the bluish light seeping through the closed curtains and got out of bed.

Dawn was breaking.

I approached the window, hearing the sound of hooves. Gently parting the curtains, I saw Ian arriving at the mansion with the family’s knights. He dismounted and handed his cloak to the waiting John. I gasped as Ian turned around, covered in blood. Instinctively, I flung open the window and shouted.

“Ian!”

He looked up at me. In the dawn light, his blue eyes gleamed with a purplish hue. The eyes everyone said were ominous.

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

Then whose blood is that? My heart began to race wildly. I closed my eyes tightly, memories of my father’s death flooding back. He had died out of my sight, beyond my reach. I recalled identifying his body and collapsed, clutching the window sill. Ian’s voice reached me.

“I’m coming up now. Wait for me.”

Moments later, Ian entered my room, still covered in blood. I had managed to stand by the time he arrived. Holding my trembling hands together to calm myself, I spoke.

“If you’re hurt, let me treat you. Take off those clothes.”

“It’s not my blood.”

“…What happened?”

Ian rubbed his temples, looking tired.

“There was an attack at the palace. Weren’t you asleep?”

How could I sleep? I felt strangely calm because of his serene demeanor. When I looked at him expectantly, he reluctantly explained.

“There was a wizard among the attackers… I had to stab him in the heart before he could use magic. My clothes got a bit messy. I’m not hurt.”

Oh, I see. I desperately recalled Ian Keppel’s specs in my head.

He’s strong. He uses sword aura and is a supporting male lead in a romance fantasy, practically invincible. He won’t die. But why was there an attack on the palace even though the original story had ended?

“Why did wizards attack the palace?”

“They probably want a new era.”

Ian spoke as if it was nothing unusual. I suddenly remembered that he had spent more time wielding a sword and fighting in wars than sitting at a desk. Born in the southern region of Husring, far from the capital, I had never felt the reality of the Empire being at war. Even during the civil war that put Cade on the throne, I had been sent away to the countryside.

Honestly, over the past three years since the original story ended, the empire has been so peaceful that I let my guard down completely.

In the original story, the wizards persecuted by the empire did attack Cade, seriously injuring him, but I always thought that was just a plot device to elicit the heroine’s sympathy. I never experienced any real danger in front of me. The thick smell of blood from Ian reminded me that this was reality.

“It’s good that you weren’t asleep. I’ll tell you now what I wanted to say yesterday.”

I dumbly looked up. Ian continued, looking exhausted.

“Isabella is actually a wizard. She’s helping us root out the subversive forces threatening the royal family. By pretending to be her patron and taking her to social gatherings, Isabella identifies potential wizards through physical contact.”

“……”

“We found evidence that someone cursed the Empress. It’s likely someone from the upper class with access to the royal palace, but we don’t know who yet. So we still need Isabella.”

I nodded, feeling bewildered. Ian looked at me doubtfully.

“Are you alright? This means I’ll still have to attend social events with Isabella as my partner.”

“I understand.”

I nodded again. I was exhausted from staying up all night. Despite having fought all night, why did it feel like I was more tired than Ian? I managed to move my trembling legs to the sofa and sat down.

“I understand, but… do you want to sit down while we talk?”

“It might get dirty.”

Ian perched on the armrest of the sofa across from me, looking down. I tried to calm my confused thoughts. Though the shock of thinking Ian was injured had subsided, the feeling of unease hadn’t left. Cade, like the original protagonist, was strong and skilled with sword energy, but he nearly died at the hands of wizards. There’s no guarantee Ian won’t be next.

“Do you really have to do this?”

“……”

“Ian, you have a lot to do as the prime minister. Do you really have to take on such dangerous missions too? There are many knights…”

Ian didn’t respond. I grew anxious, picking at the skin around my nails.

“Is it because of the Empress?”

Ah, that wasn’t what I meant to say. The smell of blood made me feel like vomiting. I covered my mouth with my hand.

“It’s because of the Emperor’s orders.”

Ian sighed mid-sentence. Was he annoyed? It was just a question. I was curious, and legally, we are still married. Ian frowned as he continued.

“I’m not doing it because I want to.”

“…Did the Emperor specifically choose you as Isabella’s partner?”

“Yes.”

What is that madman thinking? Cade acts like a simple madman, but every action is meticulously planned. Maybe Cade thinks Ian still has feelings for Celia and wants to keep Isabella close. Isabella is beautiful enough to make anyone fall for her at first sight. As I remained silent, lost in thought, Ian sighed again.

“Cade trusts no one but me right now. If I back out, he’ll surely suspect me too…”

Ian rubbed his temples out of habit. He must want to end this conversation quickly. Running around with Isabella must have been tiring, even for a workaholic like him. I understood his feelings, but…

“But it’s dangerous. Why do you have to take on everything? Every time something happens at the palace, why does Ian have to be the one they call? I don’t understand…”

“Olivia. To counter magic, you need to be able to use sword energy, and very few people in the empire can do that. I’m the closest one to Cade in that regard, both in skill and proximity.”

“There must be someone else who can help. It doesn’t have to be you…”

Yes, Benjamin said he was a wizard too, so maybe he could help. I’ll find Benjamin once the day breaks.

“I have the most responsibility.”

I stared at Ian blankly.

“If I step back and arouse suspicion, too many people will be in danger. You know this too, Olivia.”

But what about me?

We don’t have children, so if Ian dies, I’ll be kicked out by the Keppel family’s distant relatives. What about my mother then? What about Ian’s mother, who only has him? I swallowed my emotions with difficulty.

I knew my position too well to get angry at his words. The lives of the Keppel estate’s residents, the retainers, and numerous employees… How could I ask him to value me more when so many lives were on the line? I’m nothing to him.

“And just to be clear, Isabella and I have no feelings for each other.”

I laughed bitterly in disbelief.

“Ian, I’m not jealous.”

I don’t care what you do with Isabella. I’ve told you, I know I don’t have the right to be jealous…

“I’m worried. I’m afraid you’ll die.”

When I think about how hard I worked to gain recognition from the people related to the Keppel family, I feel so frustrated I could go crazy. How much I struggled to be acknowledged as the lady of the house without my husband’s love or children.

He had no idea how much I floundered behind the scenes to gain their respect and stand tall. I was just starting to get a little recognition, but if Ian dies, all that effort will be for nothing.

“It’s not that dangerous. Even though they’re wizards, they’re all just small fry. I haven’t even gotten hurt…”

Was it because he was worried about me? Ian, uncharacteristically, got up from his seat and approached me. He reached out his hand as if to comfort me. I slapped his hand away, got up from the sofa, and stepped back from him.

“The smell of blood is too disgusting. Ian. You should go and wash up.”

I turned my back on Ian. As soon as I turned around, meaningless tears fell from my eyes. I wished he would leave quickly. I held my breath, trying not to let him hear me cry. I heard his footsteps receding and soon the door closed. Only then did I exhale and slump to the ground.

I’m scared. What will I do if Ian dies? What if, for Celia or for Cade, he rushes into danger and dies just like that?

What if, just like when my father passed away, he leaves without giving me a chance to do anything? I crawled up onto the bed and pulled the covers over my head. The thought of being pushed to the bottom with no one to rely on if Ian dies terrifies me. And I feel so miserable. Because I’m nothing. So insignificant.