Chapter 28 – Feeling Like Falling in Love

After the audience with the Empress concluded, I followed Eloise and Raphael under the pretense of visiting Benjamin. Both of them were here as advisors to the Imperial Wizard Corps. I checked to see Jane trailing behind us from a distance and whispered quietly.

“I actually wanted to ask you something, Ellie.”

Ensuring Raphael wasn’t paying attention, I moved closer to Eloise and whispered.

“About the awakening.”

“…I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. You’ll need to get Benjamin’s permission first.”

I was so taken aback that I couldn’t speak. Why do I need Benjamin’s permission for my issue? Just then, Raphael, who had been ignoring us, chuckled and said.

“He’ll never allow it. Shall I help you?”

“Your Highness?”

“I helped my younger siblings with their awakenings, including Sara.”

Sara was Eloise’s first name. So in Laran, they use first names among close acquaintances and middle names in formal settings? Responding to Raphael’s amiable demeanor, I forced a smile and replied.

“Thank you, but…”

Raphael was kind but somehow made me uncomfortable. I trusted Eloise more, having had some interaction with her, but needing Benjamin’s permission seemed absurd. Why does he get to decide? Raphael, perhaps sensing my unease, suddenly extended his hand.

“Shall I assist you?”

“What? No, it’s fine…”

“Then how about I carry you?”

Startled by the sudden sensation of being lifted, I clung to his shoulder. Raphael laughed as if enjoying himself. He had picked me up without waiting for my answer!

“Put me down.”

“It’s quite a walk to the Imperial Wizard Corps building. We can’t use magic freely in the palace, and I want to help you this way.”

“There are many eyes in the palace. Put me down immediately.”

I looked at Eloise, seeking help. She sighed and said.

“You don’t look well. Just pretend to faint and let him carry you. Or should I carry you?”

I really felt like fainting. Giving up, I relaxed, and Raphael said with a smile.

“Oh, are you feeling excited? Your magic is leaking a lot.”

“What are you talking about…”

“Normally, unawakened wizards are indistinguishable from ordinary people, but your magic is either overflowing or you naturally have a lot. Every time your heart races, your magic surges. It’s enough to make my heart race…”

What was he saying…? So he knew I was shocked by their relationship earlier? Did he lift me suddenly to startle me? As if reading my mind, Raphael spoke kindly.

“Don’t worry. Once you awaken, you’ll be able to control your magic. And it might be better to release some of the overwhelming magic in your heart now.”

His words made my head hurt.

“But Ellie told me to stay as calm as possible.”

“I did. Honestly, we’ve never seen a case like yours, so we don’t know what’s best. Just know that Raphael and I have different opinions.”

“Can someone explain it simply?”

“Our views on how to live long as an unawakened wizard differ.”

“But Sara and I agree on this: Olivia, you should awaken as soon as possible if you want to live long.”

I looked around, trying to recall if there was a secluded garden nearby, and pointed in that direction. My heart pounded like a child doing something naughty.

“Please take me there.”

“….”

“There’s no one there. Let’s talk.”

As expected, there was no one there. This garden was designed more for security than aesthetics, close to the Royal Knights’ quarters, with a gazebo for people to rest from their work, but no one would be out in this heat. I led them to the table inside the gazebo.

“Now, please explain in detail. What is awakening?”

Raphael and Eloise looked momentarily stunned.

“I don’t know anything about magic. What is awakening, how do I awaken, and why do I need to?”

Raphael and Eloise exchanged glances. Eloise shrugged and said.

“This is the reality of the Empire.”

Sighing, Raphael began to explain.

“Wizards usually awaken between the ages of seven and fifteen when they’re most emotional. When a wizard desperately wishes for something, their innate magic bursts out and takes the form of that desire, which is called awakening.

From then on, they can control the flow of magic in and out of their bodies, becoming a true wizard. Olivia, you said you intentionally used magic freely even in an unawakened state, right? That’s not a common talent. You probably haven’t awakened because you haven’t had a strong enough desire to draw out your innate magic.”

It felt like I was starting to understand.

“So, if I awaken and can control my magic, will I be able to calm the raging magic within me?”

“Exactly. You can just release the magic. But you’re already twenty-five, right? It’s rare for someone to awaken after the optimal period, which is usually when you’re younger and more likely to desire something intensely. That’s what Benjamin is worried about. If you fail, it’s one thing, but if you end up going berserk again, it could be disastrous.”

I looked at Eloise with a strange feeling. The night I was paralyzed with sleep paralysis, Eloise had argued with Benjamin about this issue. But now, she was defending Benjamin in front of me. Though I found it surprising, I dismissed it due to the more pressing matters at hand.

“So, how do I make a wish?”

“You simply make a pure wish. Just like when you believed the magic would grant what you wanted when you used it.”

“I was awake that night… when Ellie and Benjamin were fighting, the topic of self-harm came up.”

“Oh, that.”

Eloise looked troubled and remained silent. Raphael laughed and continued to explain.

“That’s a tradition of the Laran royal family. There’s a legend that Regina’s bloodline is that of a goddess, so holy wizards have always ascended to the throne.

When the royal children turn seven, Regina presents them with a dagger blessed by her, and they all try to awaken as holy wizards by inflicting a wound with that dagger.

It’s quite effective. After all, there’s no one who doesn’t feel desperate in the face of their own pain. Even I, with no talent, awakened as a holy wizard. Though now I’ve found my true talent and become the Lord of Water…”

“If that’s the best method, I’d like to try it. Can’t you help me right now?”

As I spoke urgently, Eloise sighed and said.

“You should calm down first, Liv. You seem too… agitated right now.”

“I’m in a hurry. I don’t know when I’ll have another chance to come out.”

It was my first outing with difficulty. Even that was possible only because of the Empress’s invitation and the condition of coming with Ian. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to come out. Even now, if I take too long, Ian might come looking for me. I’d rather die than live like this any longer.

“As I said earlier, we’re not permitted to use magic in the palace. So even if we wanted to help right now, we can’t.”

Disappointment overwhelmed me, and tears welled up. Would there be another chance to meet Eloise outside the palace before the delegation finishes their advisory work and leaves?

“Liv, try to take deep breaths. Your magic is… too much.”

“Yes, unintentionally, you’re being very… tempting. Ugh.”

Eloise elbowed Raphael in the side. Ignoring his gasps, she hurriedly explained.

“Your magic is causing this. Magic makes the heart beat faster, and when the heart beats, magic flows. It can make you feel slightly intoxicated. So when wizards meet someone with strong magic, their hearts race, and they feel like they’re falling in love… Anyway, try to calm down. If you continue like this, every wizard in the palace will come running.”

“And stop crying. Visually, it’s… too much.”

Raphael received another elbow. His cheekiness helped me regain my composure quickly. He pulled something out from his belongings and spoke.

“Then let me lend you this. It’s the dagger blessed by Regina I mentioned. It will help you control your magic.

And this is something I made, similar to holy water. One drop will heal most wounds, so use it sparingly. If a small wound isn’t enough, try up to your thigh. Stab the inside of your thigh in a seated position. That way, even if you pass out and can’t treat it immediately, the damage will be minimal.”

“And take this too. If you feel like you’re about to collapse during the awakening attempt, break this gem.”

Eloise placed a pendant necklace with a small gem from around her neck on the table.

“Benjamin will come to help if you break it. Keep it a secret that I gave it to you, and only break it in an emergency.”

I gathered all the items and placed them in my handbag. Jane, sitting at the garden entrance, wouldn’t have seen it.

“Thank you so much. For saving my life and for helping me today.”

“It’s Raphael who’s helping, not me.”

“Still, thank you both. I don’t know how I can repay this kindness…”

“Just return the dagger, Olivia. And consider coming to Laran if you succeed in awakening.”

I simply smiled. There was no need to go to Laran when I had the pension from my medal. But if I failed to divorce, I might have to consider fleeing to Laran.

I parted ways with them and, with Jane’s support, headed to the outer palace where Ian was waiting. Ian was still waiting where we had separated. Leaning against the wall, deep in thought, many people glanced at him as they passed by.

“Why didn’t you go inside?”

“Liv, you’re back? I’m fine.”

Ian smiled as if he was happy I was worried about him. Sometimes, his expression made me inexplicably angry.

“I’m saying this because others feel uncomfortable, not you.”