Chapter 32 – Go kill whoever you want.

Though Ian can’t stand seeing me go out alone, it’s not like I’m being held captive, is it? Is it? Actually, I’ve been so cautious that I haven’t even thought about going out, so I don’t know. But I denied it for now.

“Not at all. Where did you hear such a thing?”

Eloise sighed at my words and said, 

“People are talking about it everywhere, as if it’s a given. There are so many witnesses who saw the Duke of Keppel try to kill Raphael at the palace. Rumors are spreading that Raphael fell in love with you at first sight and dueled with the Duke. Since you haven’t left the mansion or received any guests, people are saying the Duke, driven mad by jealousy, has locked you up in the mansion.”

Crazy? My heart dropped, and I asked in a trembling voice, 

“…Did Ian really try to kill Prince Raphael?”

“The day after we met, the Duke suddenly showed up and threw a sword at him.”

…Oh my God, he really is crazy. How do I fix this? I need to do what I can right now. I stood up and bowed.

“…I’m truly sorry for my husband’s rudeness. I’ll formally apologize to Prince Raphael next time.”

“You don’t need to. It’s the Duke who should apologize, not you.”

Please just accept my apology. Getting Ian to apologize is almost impossible. I sat back down with a distressed look.

“Anyway, I’m glad to hear you’re not being imprisoned. But just in case, I came to tell you this. Keep that gift I gave you that day close. The original owner wanted me to tell you to use it if you ever find yourself in a situation you can’t bear.”

The only thing Eloise gave me was that necklace. The one that, if broken, would summon Benjamin to help me.

“You asked me to keep it a secret… Does the original owner know? Did I cause trouble for you?”

I wanted to ask if she liked Benjamin, but it wasn’t my place to pry, so I held back. Eloise smiled bitterly and answered, 

“It was a good thing I gave it to you that day.”

Eloise said no more and stood up to leave.

“Are you leaving already? Please stay for a meal.”

“No need. I didn’t want to trouble you without prior notice. I’ve said what I needed to, so I’ll be going. Don’t see me out.”

After Eloise left, I clung to my mother-in-law and demanded, 

“Mother, did you know about these strange rumors?”

Judging by the rare look of discomfort on her usually indifferent face as she gazed off into the distance, she definitely knew.

“Why didn’t you tell me? The honor of the Keppel family is being tarnished, and you were just going to leave it alone?”

“…Liv, I didn’t want to burden you with it.”

“Mother, I’m not going to collapse over something like this. If someone had told me these rumors were circulating, I wouldn’t have refused visitors just because I was tired.”

My mother-in-law quietly lowered her gaze. Even her sullen expression was just like Ian’s. Why does it feel like I’m scolding her? I’m the daughter-in-law here. I sighed and gently said,

“You promised to be on my side. I’d appreciate it if you could tell me even the little things from now on.”

“…Alright. I’m sorry. I just wanted to spare you from it if you could go on without knowing. Liv, rumors are inherently uncontrollable. Ignoring them is the best approach. If you show that you’re unaffected, people will soon forget. Please, don’t let it get to you.”

“Mother…”

After a brief hesitation, my mother-in-law added in a soft voice, 

“And please, don’t trust the Crown Princess too much. She might be the most dangerous person for you.”

I sighed. Was she thinking that because Eloise liked Benjamin, she would dislike me, whom Benjamin cares for? The memory of constantly being on guard against Celia’s close aides resurfaced, leaving me with a bitter feeling. I knew she was only worried about me. I couldn’t say anything more, so I just nodded. And I waited for Ian to return.

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my anger.

“They say you attacked Prince Raphael in front of everyone.”

“Oh, that.”

I felt a surge of anger at Ian’s nonchalant reaction, but I held it back once again.

“Because of you, Prince Raphael and I are now plagued by rumors.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s entirely my fault.”

Ian sneered without the slightest hint of apology. Normally, his cold demeanor would have made me hesitate, but I was too angry to care this time.

“Ian, are you saying it’s my fault that you did something so reckless?”

“That’s not what I mean. I’m saying that the rumor about Raphael falling for you isn’t my fault. They say you were clinging to him that day. If that hadn’t happened, people would have seen it as a political issue rather than a lovers’ quarrel.”

“So, you’re saying it’s my fault? I didn’t ask to be held! He forced me to—!”

…Oh no, I made a mistake. Ian’s eyes suddenly grew cold.

“Forced you?”

It’s the middle of summer, but I suddenly felt a chill. Oh no, what do I do?

“I really should have killed him back then.”

Oh no, this is bad. In a panic, I grabbed Ian’s arm just as he was about to leave the room.

“W-Where are you going?”

“…”

“Don’t go, Ian.”

Is he about to go kill Raphael? 

I couldn’t even ask, afraid he might say yes. Ian looked down at me with an expression that said he was curious to hear what I’d say next. This feels familiar. Oh, right. It’s the same look he had when he asked me to explain why we had to forgive Walter. And now, just like then, the only thing I could say was:

“I-I don’t want this to get any worse.”

I felt like crying. Why am I suffering like this when I haven’t done anything wrong? It’s so unfair.

“It wasn’t forced, Ian. I misspoke. That day, I was so exhausted that Prince Raphael gave me the choice of either being carried by him or Ellie, and I just chose to be carried…”

“You should have taken me instead.”

“That’s why I didn’t even see Benjamin and just came straight back. It was really just for a moment.”

The more I thought about it, the more unfair it felt, and finally, I couldn’t hold back my tears. Grabbing onto Ian’s arm, I couldn’t even wipe them away, so I quickly bowed my head. Ian hesitated and then asked:

“Liv, are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.”

Why is my voice trembling like this? How embarrassing.

“Liv. Look at me for a second.”

“…”

“Liv…”

Even though I cry a lot, at least in front of Ian, I didn’t want to cry. It felt like losing. But why have I been unable to hold back tears these past few months when I’ve managed for the last three years?

“Alright. Liv, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one at fault…”

I wanted to nitpick and ask what exactly he did wrong to make him feel guilty, but I was too busy trying to hide my tear-streaked face. When Ian tried to lower his head to see my face, I pushed him away and covered my face with both hands.

“Liv, please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

I don’t want to cry either. I’m trying my hardest to hold it in, so I wish he’d stop talking to me. I held my breath, afraid that if I spoke, sobs would come out.

“Liv. Let’s sit down first. Are you alright? Can you try taking a deep breath?”

But it was of no use. My tears began to flow like a broken dam, and in a half-defeated state, I let Ian lead me to the bed to sit down. He took out a sedative he kept in the nightstand drawer as a backup. Seeing the medicine made me feel even more miserable, so I collapsed onto the pillow, burying my face in it.

“…Just go.”

“Liv.”

“Go and kill whoever you want. I won’t care anymore.”

“Liv, I’m sorry. I lost my temper that day… I didn’t think about what kind of rumors might spread.”

You’ve always been like this. I’m so sick of being the only one who worries about what others think. If you were going to live as if you were the only person in the world, you shouldn’t have married me.

“It’s fine. You never care about rumors anyway.”

At first, I thought he married me to avoid the scrutiny of others. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized he didn’t care at all about what others thought. The only opinions that mattered to him were those of the people close to him—specifically, the Emperor Cade and his mother. If those two hadn’t wanted it, Ian probably wouldn’t have married me.

“…I’ll start caring now.”

“There’s no need. Everyone will think, just like you, that this all happened because I behaved improperly. My reputation can’t get any worse now.”

“That’s not it. When did I ever say that? I never thought you were at fault. I really don’t believe that…”

“You said so just now.”

“I didn’t say that…”

Ian stammered in denial, but when I finally broke down and started crying, he stopped trying to explain and began to beg.

“Liv, I was really wrong. I must have lost my mind earlier. You did nothing wrong, and I’m just a terrible person. Please don’t cry. I’ll find a way to fix this, somehow…”

Honestly, I was so drained that I didn’t even have any more tears left. Sniffling, I sat up. Ian, kneeling by the bed, looked up at me, completely at a loss.

“Really?”

“…What?”

“How will you fix it?”

Ian looked troubled. It was clear he hadn’t thought it through and had just said that to calm me down. Seizing the opportunity, I spoke up.

“Then tomorrow, you’re going to come with me and apologize to Prince Raphael.”

Ian looked like he was facing the end of the world, but in the end, he nodded.