After dinner, we moved to the study to draft the agreement. With the main issue of the house resolved, there was no reason to delay any longer.

There might be some honest conversations ahead, so I asked Vanon to ensure all the staff stayed away.

As a result, the surroundings became deathly quiet, with only the crackling sound of the firewood in the fireplace filling the room. Sitting down on the sofa, I suddenly realized that we were seated in the exact same places as on that day from long ago.

“Can I touch you?”

Ah…

Of all things, why would that memory come up now? Good thing I had put extra effort into my makeup today. Lately, I hadn’t been looking my best, so I’d taken to carefully applying makeup, which would hopefully hide any blush rising to my cheeks.

I glanced at Ian, who appeared indifferent, and sighed internally. Small talk is a standard way to ease into serious discussions, but somehow, even that felt difficult with Ian. After some thought, I broke the silence.

“Want a drink? I left some in the drawer.”

“No.”

“I promise I won’t join you.”

“…Better not. It’d be troublesome if I made a mistake.”

A mistake? I’d never seen Ian drunk before. I was curious what that might be like.

“By the way, I’ve always wondered: why rum of all things?”

I was genuinely curious how the esteemed Duke came to prefer rum. Ian answered nonchalantly.

“It’s the drink that’s most commonly supplied on the battlefield.”

Ah.

“Of course, officers are issued wine, but sometimes, supplies don’t reach us smoothly. Rum is prioritized as the number one supply, so it’s always available.”

“Because it’s hard to fight battles sober?”

“That, and since water spoils easily, we used alcohol as a substitute. It also served as a painkiller and disinfectant, and in winter, it helped us endure the cold…”

He spoke matter-of-factly, but I could imagine how intense the battles must have been. I grew somber, realizing it was thanks to Ian and Cade’s swift suppression of the civil war that I could relax in the South without concern. Father had always warned that, if the war dragged on, a time would come when we’d have to choose a side.

“You must have gone through a lot.”

I didn’t offer empty words like, “Thanks to you, our territory was peaceful.” I didn’t want to sound like I was mocking him. A person’s tastes reflect their past. If I looked closely, Ian’s life didn’t seem as privileged as it appeared on the surface.

“Sometimes, it was more comfortable being there.”

“….”

“Sounds strange, doesn’t it?”

“It doesn’t.”

Ian looked a little relieved at my answer, smiling slightly. But he didn’t elaborate. He wasn’t the type to open up about himself. He might answer if I pressed, but I didn’t want to overstep. I didn’t want to pry irresponsibly and unsettle him. So, all I could say was this:

“Thank you, Ian, for speeding up the divorce proceedings.”

“….”

“I know you must be busy, so it couldn’t have been easy to handle all of this.”

Honestly, I thought I’d have to manage everything on my own. But Ian attended the divorce consultations with me, got Benjamin’s signature, went with me to get the bishop’s approval, and even arranged the house.

The house, especially, was something I had worried about. Asking for a nice, expensive home in the middle of a divorce felt awkward. Plus, requesting that it be bought in my name felt even more uncomfortable. But Ian took the initiative to find a good place and signed the contract under my name. I was truly grateful.

“It’s important. This is a big step for both of us.”

Ian said with a bright smile. I nodded, but still felt oddly uneasy. I’d expected him to look a bit downcast, if not on the verge of tears.

“So now it’s my turn to share my own requirements, right?”

“Pardon?”

“I’ve met all your requests, haven’t I? I made sure the divorce happened as quickly as possible, guaranteed your post-divorce security, and tried my best to fulfill everything you wanted. Isn’t that right?”

“…Yes, that’s right.”

Though I hadn’t explicitly demanded much, I didn’t want to risk upsetting him by saying so, so I nodded compliantly. In a quiet voice, he continued.

“Then, Liv, I want you to meet one of my requests. It’s not much.”

Was I imagining things, or did his sincere gaze carry a hint of desperation? I nodded again. His eyes, reflecting the flickering light of the fire, held mine as he spoke.

“First and foremost,”

I instinctively swallowed nervously.

“Please don’t disappear without a word again.”

“…”

“If you go on a trip, at least leave a note about where you’re going and when you’ll return.”

Was he still shaken by my disappearance? Startled by his unexpected request, I hesitated, and he added, sounding anxious.

“If you don’t want to tell me, at least inform my mother or Benjamin, but please, let someone know. That much is fair, right?”

“…”

“While you were gone, every single day and every single moment, I was worried. I kept imagining you collapsing somewhere unknown, never to wake again…”

If he kept talking, I’d start crying again. I nodded hastily.

“I promise.”

Ian looked at me in surprise. I forced myself to smile.

“It’s only natural, right?”

“…”

“I’ll write to you.”

Did he not believe me? Was it that surprising I’d actually send a letter? Ian seemed to misunderstand me somehow. I’m the type who, if treated well, would give everything. He’s even getting me a house—writing a letter is nothing in comparison.

“What’s the second condition?”

“Oh, that…”

“…”

“The second condition is… hmm.”

Why is he hesitating? Ian even touched his cheek, as if it were burning. Indeed, his face actually seemed a bit flushed. Looking down, he carefully said,

“…Meet me once a month.”

Then, as if afraid I’d object, he quickly added,

“At the bank, of course. I need to give you the checkbook, and if you’re living alone, there might be times you need help, or when I might need to reach you… or…”

“A checkbook?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re giving me a checkbook?”

Ian looked at me blankly, as if he hadn’t expected me to fixate on that. Realizing what I’d meant, he let out a small sigh and explained.

“Isn’t it more convenient that way? Since I won’t be able to act as your guarantor after the divorce, I thought it’d be better to give you a pre-signed checkbook in my name.”

Blank checks for living expenses, in a whole book? As an ordinary person, I felt like I should probably decline.

“Just deposit it in my account. My pension from the decorations should be enough to cover the account without needing a guarantor.”

“But it would be safer for you to use my checkbook rather than getting one issued in your name. If it gets lost or stolen, the bank or guards would respond much faster.”

“That’s true.”

Nobles and merchants often used checkbooks instead of cash. The biggest hassle when living alone with Mother was that no one would accept my checks. Since marrying into the Keppel family, I’d never faced that issue, thanks to their name. I imagined a thief who stole my checkbook being shocked at seeing a blank check signed with the Keppel family’s name and couldn’t help but laugh.

“And try not to touch your pension; save it in your account if you can. In case… I pass away before you, or go bankrupt and can’t provide for you.”

“…Is that a joke?”

“I’m serious.”

The thought of a future where Ian either died or went bankrupt was hard to imagine. Then again, anything’s possible. He nearly died once, right in front of me. I nodded calmly.

“Alright. Is there a third condition?”

Ian watched me silently for a long time, then lowered his gaze, as if unable to look at me directly. Staring at the ground, he spoke in a low voice.

“The third one… if, someday, there’s someone else, I’d like you to tell me.”

“…What?”

I repeated it because I hadn’t immediately understood. I hadn’t meant to question him, but he bit his lip and, looking uneasy, added,

“If you ever find someone you’re interested in, let me know.”

“Why?”

“I’d like to know.”

“Why?”

“Is it too much to ask?”

Ian looked slightly indignant. Oh, since I came back, this was the first time Ian had actually pressed me about something. Before, he’d seemed to hold back even if he was hurt. My suspicion that he felt the same was confirmed when he sighed and muttered,

“In any case, if I wanted to find out, I’d end up knowing, right?”

But he seemed to realize it wasn’t the best excuse and looked regretful. He rubbed his face with one hand and sighed again.

“What I mean is, even if you didn’t tell me, others might, or that guy—well, that man might tell me himself. That’s all.”

“…”

“Let’s just forget the third one.”

Watching him, I finally spoke.

“You could just put a no-remarriage clause in the agreement.”

“…”

“If you look at typical cases, most agreements have a clause prohibiting the ex-wife’s remarriage. You could do that too. Then you wouldn’t need to worry…”

Ian simply looked at me, saying nothing. He’d surely read about similar cases. Regardless of who was at fault in the divorce, prohibiting remarriage for the wife was almost standard.

Even if the husband was at fault and was ordered to pay living expenses post-divorce, if the woman remarries, her name changes, and the ruling loses effect. It’s the same as not remarrying to retain a widow’s pension.

This was something Ian could resolve with a single line in the contract: “Ian Keppel shall pay Olivia Hershey a monthly amount to her account.” That way, if I wanted the money, I’d have to forgo any remarriage plans. But Ian just smiled quietly.

“You once said that, remember?”

I looked at him, puzzled.

“You said that if there’s love, you could endure and overcome anything, remember?”

I’d never said anything so romantic. In fact, what I actually said was this:

“If I loved you, maybe I could picture a future where we endure and overcome things together, but you know by now that’s not the case.”

Those words I’d used to push Ian away lingered in my heart, proving he had left his mark there.

“So, I want you to experience love, Liv.”

“…”

“Even if it’s not with me.”

Please don’t smile at me with those pained eyes.

“I want you to live a little more, even if it’s in that way.”

I’ve done nothing wrong to you. Don’t make me feel guilty without reason.