I woke up from a dream, feeling unusually shaken. I immediately shook Ian awake beside me.

“Ian.”

Without giving him a moment to fully wake up, I asked, “Ian, do you remember the first time we met before we got married?”

“What?”

“We met once at the capital mansion before our wedding.”

“…Yes, we did.”

Ian answered while rubbing his eyes. His sleepy, slightly confused expression was unexpectedly adorable, but there were more important things to discuss.

“Did you like me back then?”

“…What?”

“No, not like — did you feel any fondness for me?”

Ian paused and then answered, “Yes.”

I was completely taken aback.

“…Why? Why?”

Was it true? Why? How could this be true?

“Why are you suddenly asking this?” he asked.

“Why did you feel fondness for me when we first met?”

Ian frowned slightly, rubbed his eyes again, and hesitated before responding.

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say…”

Oh, wow. Hearing Ian say he was embarrassed? This was something worth living to see. I was determined to witness all sides of him and firmly prodded him for an answer.

“Answer quickly. Right now. I have to hear it before I fall back asleep.”

Ian covered his face with one hand and lowered his head.

“Well, at that time… I was grateful that you liked me…”

…What?

“Of course, I know it wasn’t a deep feeling. But back then, you kept… looking at me, didn’t you? When we met at the party…”

Gasp. I covered my mouth with both hands. He knew? He knew I’d been secretly looking at him? It felt like my secret shame of ten years had just been exposed. Ian scratched his cheek and continued.

“At that time, Cade and I were on the verge of being purged, so each day felt grim and tense. Every gaze directed at me felt cold and ruthless. But yours was different.”

I remember. It was a time when no one could have predicted that Cade would one day become emperor.

“Cade urged me to go talk to you first… but I didn’t want to drag you into my situation. I just hoped you’d meet someone good and live happily…”

Back then, even my friends who knew about my secret glances at Ian had begged me to stop, warning that getting involved with the Keppel family was dangerous. I denied it to them but still secretly followed Ian with my eyes. Because…

“Well… whenever I saw you, I’d end up dreaming that night.”

The truth is, Ian was always my favorite character. Although I was amazed to see him in real life, it never turned into a romantic interest. It was more like… the feeling you get when you see a celebrity. I would secretly cheer him on, feel sorry for him, and admire him from afar…

“A dream?”

Seeing Ian’s puzzled face, I hesitated briefly. But I didn’t deliberate for long. I’d always felt an impulse to tell someone about this one day.

“Since I was young, I’ve often had dreams where I was reading a book.”

Ian quietly listened to my story.

“In the dream, I looked like I did in my previous life… I can remember roughly how I lived back then. My past life was a hard one. Reading novels was my only hobby because it didn’t cost any money. But…”

I trailed off, sneaking a glance at Ian’s reaction. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem shocked at all. Wouldn’t most people be startled if someone told them they remembered a past life? Did he not believe me? Doubting myself, I continued.

“Every time I had that dream, I’d be reading a novel in the form of my past self, and the story… it was connected to reality. More specifically, it was about future events.”

“Were you reading some kind of prophecy book?”

“To be honest, I thought I’d entered the world of the novel I read in my previous life.”

This time, Ian seemed a bit surprised. I gave him a sheepish smile and explained.

“From before my debut in society, I knew about you through that novel in my dreams. I already knew who would become emperor and who would become empress, but you were always the one I was most curious about.”

I wanted to see him in person, too. I counted down the days until my debut… And finally, on the day I debuted, I saw Ian’s face for the first time, and that night, I had a dream again.

Before that, I’d only had dreams once or twice a year, but after seeing Ian’s face, I began to dream every single time I saw him. I even went out of my way to find out about every party Ian would attend, just to see him again.

Perhaps it was because that was when I started fangirling over Ian. Every night I saw him, I prayed before bed.

“Goddess, please let me dream about Ian.”

Although it was the book that appeared in my dreams, not his face, my prayers seemed to work anyway. I don’t think there was ever a time in my life when I was so passionate. It’s a little embarrassing.

“That’s embarrassing,” Ian said.

Huh? I blinked wide-eyed, wondering if he’d read my mind. Ian covered his face with one hand and muttered.

“You weren’t looking at me because you liked me but just so you could dream.”

“Oh, well…”

“So it was all just a misunderstanding.”

I held onto his hand as he ran it over his face, looking him straight in the eyes.

“I love you, Ian.”

“….”

“Back then, I didn’t love you as a man, but I did love you as a person.”

Ian stared at me, dumbfounded. I planted a soft kiss on his lips and nestled into his arms. Ian reflexively wrapped his arms around me, and I chuckled at the sound of his slightly rapid heartbeat.

“I told you I wanted to see you. Honestly, I think I was already prepared to fall in love back then.”

There was still more I wanted to say, but sleep was already washing over me.

It felt like I’d closed my eyes and been transported into a dream world. I sighed. Just wait until this series of awakenings is over. I immediately checked the book. Slowly, words began to form on the blank page.

Cade had acted like a madman ever since his lover disappeared. He drank himself into a stupor, neglected himself, and Ian, though tolerant for the first few months, grew increasingly irritated as this behavior dragged on for over half a year.

“Ugh, hey, let go of me!”

Ian grabbed Cade by the collar, dragged him, and threw him into the bathroom. He shoved Phillip in with him and stood guard by the bathroom door. Cade’s noble attendants, all placed there by the Empress, had long since been dismissed by Cade, but he didn’t want anyone seeing him in this state. Cade, freshly washed and seething, grumbled as he exited the bathroom.

“You bastard. So, this is how it is now that you’re a duke? How much of a joke do I have to be…”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Look at yourself. Even a beggar would laugh.”

Cade looked at his own reflection in a bathrobe, confused. He’d cleaned up, hadn’t he? Just as this thought crossed his mind, a shirt flew at his face. As he slipped it on, Ian looked at him with a contemptuous expression.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You said it yourself, that until I found a purpose in life, you’d be my reason for living. Lately, I’m starting to doubt that promise.”

The young Cade who once swore to change the world, the one who convinced Ian there’d be a reason for him to live in that changed world, was no more. Cade, looking hollow-eyed, let out a dry laugh.

“Why, is your depression acting up again?”

Ian barely resisted the urge to hit him again and, with difficulty, chose his words carefully.

“You’re going to throw away all your ideals, your purpose, and your dreams, all for a single woman?”

“Just a single woman? My entire future disappeared with her.”

“I can’t understand you.”

His mother, his father, Cade—he couldn’t understand any of them. It was exhausting.

“Don’t look at me like that. Someday, you’ll meet a woman you want to share your whole future with.”

“I’d rather you cursed me.”

Cade laughed like he’d heard a great joke.

In any case, Ian succeeded in dragging Cade to the New Year’s Ball. The Empress gave the New Year’s greeting in place of the fallen Emperor, and she danced with the grand duke who was set to become regent soon. From the looks of their cheerful interaction, it was clear they were confident Cade would soon be ousted.

Knowing this was a time to stay quiet, Ian sat with Cade in a remote corner. No one paid attention to the young men who might soon be purged. But even amidst the disinterest, there was a gaze that kept following them.

“You know that girl?”

“No. She’s a debutante.”

“Then why does she keep looking at you? Maybe she’s interested?”

Ian looked in the direction Cade indicated and sighed. It was a young lady with an innocent, curious gaze, staring openly at them.